Aging Parent Support Thread

[lund]

My condolences as well. I'm glad that he passed peacefully.

I wish you strength in dealing with his GF (the German word Nerfensäge, nerve-saw, comes to mind....) and hope that you take good care of yourself. You have done all that he would let you do, and more than what I think reasonably could be asked of you.

[jerseygirl]

Take care and try to remember good times when you are sad about your Dad

[mollyanna58]

I am sorry for your loss, Bonny.

[raeoflyte]

Hugs Bonny.

[debthaven]

So sorry for your loss Bonny. I’m glad he went in his sleep.

Many hugs to you.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm sorry for your loss Bonnie.  Mourn as you need to.  

My Mom had hernia surgery last week.  She's hoping to come home today.  Her and Dad's 58th wedding anniversary was yesterday.  My sister brought Dad a cupcake and soup.  He's missing Mom and Mom's missing him.  Hospitals here are not allowing visitors and Dad hates phones - his hearing isn't too good.  

[Bonny]

Thanks everyone again for your kind words.

It's been a rough month. A week after my Dad passed we had to put our beloved 2 year old Burmese cat down. He went into cardiac failure. Apparently he had congenital heart problem whereby the valve bringing blood from the lungs kept closing causing his little lungs to fill with fluid.

I finally got confirmation that Dad cannot be interred at the Military cemetery and no he never got any purple hearts. But my brother won't let it go. He says he's got calls into the DoD and the Executive Branch. What a colossal waste of time. 

And MIL is off the rails. She's in pain and I get that but she's insisting people move in with her and no one can take it. This isn't going to end well.

Thanks for letting me vent. You guys are great.

[Wisconsin Beth]

we're here for you Bonnie, venting or whatever you need,

[TheOtherMe]

Vent away Bonny  and I'm sorry for everything that has happened and is happening

[taz157]

Oct 31, 2020 11:44:07 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

we're here for you Bonnie, venting or whatever you need,

Yeah that. ((((Hugs)))) Bonny

[Anne_in_VA]

Vent away Bonnie!  We’re here when you need us.

[mollyanna58]

Oct 31, 2020 11:38:15 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Thanks everyone again for your kind words.

It's been a rough month. A week after my Dad passed we had to put our beloved 2 year old Burmese cat down. He went into cardiac failure. Apparently he had congenital heart problem whereby the valve bringing blood from the lungs kept closing causing his little lungs to fill with fluid.

I finally got confirmation that Dad cannot be interred at the Military cemetery and no he never got any purple hearts. But my brother won't let it go. He says he's got calls into the DoD and the Executive Branch. What a colossal waste of time. 

And MIL is off the rails. She's in pain and I get that but she's insisting people move in with her and no one can take it. This isn't going to end well.

Thanks for letting me vent. You guys are great.

Who does your MIL want to move in with her?

[countrygirl2]

The memory care unit and whole nursing home had to close to visitors again. Someone there tested positive for the virus, they are gone but still need to take precautions, so no visitors.

[Bonny]

Oct 31, 2020 21:47:10 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Oct 31, 2020 11:38:15 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Thanks everyone again for your kind words.

It's been a rough month. A week after my Dad passed we had to put our beloved 2 year old Burmese cat down. He went into cardiac failure. Apparently he had congenital heart problem whereby the valve bringing blood from the lungs kept closing causing his little lungs to fill with fluid.

I finally got confirmation that Dad cannot be interred at the Military cemetery and no he never got any purple hearts. But my brother won't let it go. He says he's got calls into the DoD and the Executive Branch. What a colossal waste of time. 

And MIL is off the rails. She's in pain and I get that but she's insisting people move in with her and no one can take it. This isn't going to end well.

Thanks for letting me vent. You guys are great.

Who does your MIL want to move in with her?

DH. It's his job since she's his mother and she can't believe he won't do it.

We paid for his aunt's plane ticket (across country) so she could observe what's going on. She was there most of last month. She's 78 but was trained as a social worker. Apparently MIL took two swings at her. Unfortunately Aunt thinks MIL would still pass any test Adult Protective Services would give MIL. Aunt says it's a pretty low bar.

So Pond Guy has moved into her basement for two weeks before he goes on an extended trip back to his home country. Apparently he's a former Marine so can handle a violent 140lb 85 year old.



I think this is someone else's life!

[Deleted]

OMG Bonny! Am I going to be like that in five years? At least I already live here and have instructed DD/DSIL that if I get loca en la cabeza they should plop me in a home because I won't know the difference anyway.

[Bonny]

Nov 1, 2020 11:58:05 GMT -5 @missrigby said:

OMG Bonny ! Am I going to be like that in five years? At least I already live here and have instructed DD/DSIL that if I get loca en la cabeza they should plop me in a home because I won't know the difference anyway.

Whenever this crazy stuff happens I say "Please God when it's my turn let me kind to the people who want to help me". I think I wrote that earlier in this thread.

She's made at least three trips to the emergency room in the last two months.

[TheOtherMe]

Mom loved going to the emergency room in an ambulance.  She'd be complaining she was sick on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and call an ambulance about 5:30 PM on Friday.  We think she enjoyed all of the attention it got her.  

[Wisconsin Beth]

Mom's been home for a while now.  She's sounds godawful due to having a tube down her throat for 4 days.  She's got PT coming on monday but I'm not sure what they're going to be working on her with.  With me, I think PT is just for moving and strengthening everything.  

[Bonny]

Nov 1, 2020 14:59:54 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Mom loved going to the emergency room in an ambulance.  She'd be complaining she was sick on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and call an ambulance about 5:30 PM on Friday.  We think she enjoyed all of the attention it got her.  

It has crossed my mind. My MIL is truly a drama queen. However I do think she's in a lot of pain.

The problem is that she's cried Wolf so many times that she's emptied out all of our empathy reserves.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 1, 2020 15:15:36 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Mom's been home for a while now.  She's sounds godawful due to having a tube down her throat for 4 days.  She's got PT coming on monday but I'm not sure what they're going to be working on her with.  With me, I think PT is just for moving and strengthening everything.  

 PT is also there to keep an eye on you to make sure you're not developing symptoms your doctor should know about.  It's another set of eyes on you while you're home.

I discovered that when I had home health and PT coming in.  Exactly WHAT was PT going to do with me?  They couldn't do much, other than to check out how steady I was when I transferred from chair to wheelchair, to toilet, to bed.

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 1, 2020 17:00:38 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Nov 1, 2020 14:59:54 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Mom loved going to the emergency room in an ambulance.  She'd be complaining she was sick on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and call an ambulance about 5:30 PM on Friday.  We think she enjoyed all of the attention it got her.  

It has crossed my mind. My MIL is truly a drama queen. However I do think she's in a lot of pain.

The problem is that she's cried Wolf so many times that she's emptied out all of our empathy reserves.

I think my mom was in pain, too, but at the same time, she like the ambulance ride.  She did it so many times when she had been telling us, dad and her brother she was sick but would wait until evening or the weekend and have dad call an ambulance.

Of course her pain got worse as her illness got worse and by then we knew she was crying wolf.  

[busymom]

There's an old saying Bonny, that in a good nursing home the staff have bruises, and in a bad nursing home the patients have bruises.  No way would I allow any older relative, no matter how they're related to me, to move into my home if they're at the stage where they're throwing punches.  If your DH is feeling guilty, he can move into her place.  Otherwise, it's time for a nursing home.  (Yes, I'm being blunt.) 

[Deleted]

Hey, kids! I can top all of your stories. My mother would wait until a holiday, the day before a holiday or a big family event to call the ambulance, and usually either late at night or early in the morning. Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, Easter, Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, July 4 ("I'm sorry you'll have to miss the fireworks tonight"), family birthdays...

The morning before DD's wedding shower, she called me saying she was really sick and had called the ambulance and said "I'm sorry to ruin DD's shower, but the guests will understand why you have to cancel." I told her that I'd be at the hospital after the shower was over, the guests gone, the place cleaned up. That did not please her.

Two days before the wedding, she called and said she didn't "feel good" after vacuuming and changing the bed linens (both things that she'd been told to absolutely not do herself) and probably wouldn't be able to make it. I said "You'll be missed, and DD will be disappointed." The doc gave her a three-hour pass to attend the wedding. I picked her up from the hospital, delivered her back afterward.

Me? I got all ticked at DSIL for calling an ambulance when I passed out during the first heart attack. Came to before the ambulance got here. I figured I'd rather die than be hauled away in the meat wagon...until I got a look at the EMTs. OMG! Talk about all buff and studly! Lucky I didn't have another heart attack after having a gander at those dudes.

What do I win?

[busymom]

I've gotta give you credit, @missrigby .  I think I would've given someone else the "privilege" of providing transportation on the day of my daughter's wedding.  Someone else should've stepped up for you.


And yes, some of those EMTs are smoking hot!      A friend of mine, who was seriously ill, had an ambulance arrive, and she said those guys were SO cute.  It's too bad she was too busy puking to appreciate them.  

[Bonny]

Nov 1, 2020 18:50:29 GMT -5 @missrigby said:

Hey, kids! I can top all of your stories. My mother would wait until a holiday, the day before a holiday or a big family event to call the ambulance, and usually either late at night or early in the morning. Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, Easter, Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, July 4 ("I'm sorry you'll have to miss the fireworks tonight"), family birthdays...

The morning before DD's wedding shower, she called me saying she was really sick and had called the ambulance and said "I'm sorry to ruin DD's shower, but the guests will understand why you have to cancel." I told her that I'd be at the hospital after the shower was over, the guests gone, the place cleaned up. That did not please her.

Two days before the wedding, she called and said she didn't "feel good" after vacuuming and changing the bed linens (both things that she'd been told to absolutely not do herself) and probably wouldn't be able to make it. I said "You'll be missed, and DD will be disappointed." The doc gave her a three-hour pass to attend the wedding. I picked her up from the hospital, delivered her back afterward.

Me? I got all ticked at DSIL for calling an ambulance when I passed out during the first heart attack. Came to before the ambulance got here. I figured I'd rather die than be hauled away in the meat wagon...until I got a look at the EMTs. OMG! Talk about all buff and studly! Lucky I didn't have another heart attack after having a gander at those dudes.

What do I win?

Great stories!

When we visited MIL the first week of September she started with "I know your father is dying but I'm in a lot pain". 

After being informed by DH that my father passed she said "It's probably good because he had dementia". I'm pretty sure she's got dementia too but won't tell us. 

[Bonny]

Nov 1, 2020 18:30:30 GMT -5 busymom said:

There's an old saying Bonny , that in a good nursing home the staff have bruises, and in a bad nursing home the patients have bruises.  No way would I allow any older relative, no matter how they're related to me, to move into my home if they're at the stage where they're throwing punches.  If your DH is feeling guilty, he can move into her place.  Otherwise, it's time for a nursing home.  (Yes, I'm being blunt.) 

He's angry and frustrated. We have literally tried for years to get her to relocate closer to us but she's always come up with excuses. And of course has turned around and blamed us for not doing enough for her.

And I'm with you. If she threw a punch at me I would call the cops and be on the first plane home.

There's a reason everyone quits on her.

[NastyWoman]

Nov 1, 2020 18:50:29 GMT -5 @missrigby said:

Hey, kids! I can top all of your stories. My mother would wait until a holiday, the day before a holiday or a big family event to call the ambulance, and usually either late at night or early in the morning. Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, Easter, Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, July 4 ("I'm sorry you'll have to miss the fireworks tonight"), family birthdays...

The morning before DD's wedding shower, she called me saying she was really sick and had called the ambulance and said "I'm sorry to ruin DD's shower, but the guests will understand why you have to cancel." I told her that I'd be at the hospital after the shower was over, the guests gone, the place cleaned up. That did not please her.

Two days before the wedding, she called and said she didn't "feel good" after vacuuming and changing the bed linens (both things that she'd been told to absolutely not do herself) and probably wouldn't be able to make it. I said "You'll be missed, and DD will be disappointed." The doc gave her a three-hour pass to attend the wedding. I picked her up from the hospital, delivered her back afterward.

Me? I got all ticked at DSIL for calling an ambulance when I passed out during the first heart attack. Came to before the ambulance got here. I figured I'd rather die than be hauled away in the meat wagon...until I got a look at the EMTs. OMG! Talk about all buff and studly! Lucky I didn't have another heart attack after having a gander at those dudes.

What do I win?

This perhaps: www.amazon.com/2021-Wall-Calendar-Firefighters-16-Month/dp/1839229721/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&hvadid=78202901514488&hvbmt=bb&hvdev=t&hvqmt=b&keywords=hot+firefighter+calendar&qid=1604361062&sr=8-3&tag=mh0b-20

As long as you promise not to get a monthly heart attack when turning over the pages!

[Deleted]

NastyWoman but but but...one a month would mean they'd come over once a month. Ahhhh...

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 2, 2020 18:53:22 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 1, 2020 18:50:29 GMT -5 @missrigby said:

Hey, kids! I can top all of your stories. My mother would wait until a holiday, the day before a holiday or a big family event to call the ambulance, and usually either late at night or early in the morning. Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, Easter, Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, July 4 ("I'm sorry you'll have to miss the fireworks tonight"), family birthdays...

The morning before DD's wedding shower, she called me saying she was really sick and had called the ambulance and said "I'm sorry to ruin DD's shower, but the guests will understand why you have to cancel." I told her that I'd be at the hospital after the shower was over, the guests gone, the place cleaned up. That did not please her.

Two days before the wedding, she called and said she didn't "feel good" after vacuuming and changing the bed linens (both things that she'd been told to absolutely not do herself) and probably wouldn't be able to make it. I said "You'll be missed, and DD will be disappointed." The doc gave her a three-hour pass to attend the wedding. I picked her up from the hospital, delivered her back afterward.

Me? I got all ticked at DSIL for calling an ambulance when I passed out during the first heart attack. Came to before the ambulance got here. I figured I'd rather die than be hauled away in the meat wagon...until I got a look at the EMTs. OMG! Talk about all buff and studly! Lucky I didn't have another heart attack after having a gander at those dudes.

What do I win?

This perhaps: www.amazon.com/2021-Wall-Calendar-Firefighters-16-Month/dp/1839229721/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&hvadid=78202901514488&hvbmt=bb&hvdev=t&hvqmt=b&keywords=hot+firefighter+calendar&qid=1604361062&sr=8-3&tag=mh0b-20

As long as you promise not to get a monthly heart attack when turning over the pages!

No monthly heart attack but I could be tempted to pick up smokes again 

[Nazgul Girl]

   I haven't been very active for a long time.  I would like to say that I'm very sorry that your father passed away, Bonnie.   We lost my father last year and we still miss him terribly.   It's so very hard.  Take care.