Aging Parent Support Thread

[Wisconsin Beth]

Mar 30, 2020 14:10:53 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Mar 29, 2020 22:21:51 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

What I've read is that asset limits will not be affected. 
Everyone will receive a check that is a legal American who files taxes or receives benefits from Social Security.  

The only exception are people who owe back child support.  They won't receive anything until caught up.

Do you remember where you read that info? I've been checking the HHS website and can't find anything nor can I find anything about it via a simple Google search.

I'd love a link too.  I'm a lurker on a couple of boards where I'd share it. 

[Peace77]

Mar 31, 2020 7:48:24 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Mar 30, 2020 14:10:53 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Do you remember where you read that info? I've been checking the HHS website and can't find anything nor can I find anything about it via a simple Google search.

I'd love a link too.  I'm a lurker on a couple of boards where I'd share it. 

I posted it yesterday.  
Here it is again:
howtogeton.wordpress.com/will-disabled-people-get-stimulus-checks/

[Bonny]

Mar 30, 2020 21:58:18 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Mar 30, 2020 14:10:53 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Do you remember where you read that info? I've been checking the HHS website and can't find anything nor can I find anything about it via a simple Google search.

howtogeton.wordpress.com/will-disabled-people-get-stimulus-checks/

Thank you!

Knowing he won't be disqualified is a huge relief!

[debthaven]

Oh snapdragon I'm so so sorry for your loss. You were an amazingly kind and attentive daughter to him.

[snapdragon]

Thank you everyone. It has been hard but he was just DONE. So for his sake I am bittersweet right now. 

I can't really think about it too much or I get teary.

[TheOtherMe]

[snapdragon]

[snapdragon]

I have been meaning to put this out there but have been leery about it. 

Dad fell a few days before everything went down and when he fell his "support" AKA cordless phone was knocked / fell off the cradle and went behind the nightstand. He was on the floor for about 2 days being unable to move or phone anyone.

So please make sure that if your older parent has a phone nearby it will not end up behind a nightstand and make it unusable for calling for assistance.

[finnime]

I'm so sorry he went through that, snapdragon.

Thank you for posting the warning.

[snapdragon]

Thank you finnime. I knew when I found him that he was completely done and ready to leave. He refused me calling an ambulance and just had me phone a few buddies of his so we could get him on the bed. He never left the bed until he was gone.

[TheOtherMe]

[Bonny]

A couple of updates;


1. Dad now has a diagnosis of beginning stages of dementia. I spoke with his doctor at length. She's good and seems to really like him. The diagnosis is helpful in that it explains part of his constant complaining. Being mostly blind and deaf going to the facility gym is really the only thing he can do. But he was complaining he couldn't use it. Turns out he's using it at least 2x per day and sometimes as many as 4 or 5x because he forgets he's already been to the gym.


2. MIL has been diagnosed with beginning stages of lung cancer. Of course she had to make a point to me via DH that it wasn't due to smoking (she was a heavy smoker for about 50 years quitting about 15 years ago at age 70). No, her lung cancer was due to her childhood asthma.  Treatment appears to be radiation but has to wait about 9 months for the mini tumors to merge so that they can target a specific area.

[finnime]

Bonny, it's good to have some definitive diagnoses. You'll have a lot to deal with in time to come.

[stillmovingforward]

🤗🤗 you need a group hug.

[TheOtherMe]

Hugs Bonny

[buystoys]

More hugs Bonny.

[ners]

Hugs Bonny

[mmhmm]

Ack, Bonny. I'm really sorry. At least, now you know what's ahead. Still doesn't change the sadness of the news. 

[mollyanna58]

Bonny, did he ever legally revoke your POA or whatever authority he had given you?  

[empress of self-improvement]

I'm sorry Bonny.

[taz157]

I’m sorry Bonny.

[Bonny]

Jun 4, 2020 10:41:26 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

🤗🤗 you need a group hug.

Well we can do that while social distancing! 

[Bonny]

Jun 5, 2020 13:55:15 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Ack, Bonny . I'm really sorry. At least, now you know what's ahead. Still doesn't change the sadness of the news. 

Not really. Open to reading any good resources you might know of. Offer is open to anyone who has gone through this.

The upside is that it doesn't feel personal. Or that he's lying or trying to manipulate. He will still try to guilt trip me, he's always done that but there's real peace of mind that he's in the best spot he can be.

[Bonny]

Jun 5, 2020 15:15:04 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Bonny , did he ever legally revoke your POA or whatever authority he had given you?  

No. I tried to quit after the gf went off the rails but then he fell again, broke more bones and the doctor wouldn't release him home. I had hoped that my brother could have stepped in but Dad's never been back in his right mind. Too late to go through the estate planning process again.

It will be o.k. Since the doc won't release him back to the community without an assurance of 24 hour care I'm no longer as stressed. He's getting the best care he can.

MIL is another story. She did formally revoke POAs for both DH and me. In addition she has told DH that she has disowned him. DH visited about a month ago and couldn't find anything that showed she had in fact changed anything. She may have said that just to be mean. She's like that.

[mmhmm]

Jun 6, 2020 15:02:04 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Jun 5, 2020 13:55:15 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Ack, Bonny . I'm really sorry. At least, now you know what's ahead. Still doesn't change the sadness of the news. 

Not really. Open to reading any good resources you might know of. Offer is open to anyone who has gone through this.

The upside is that it doesn't feel personal. Or that he's lying or trying to manipulate. He will still try to guilt trip me, he's always done that but there's real peace of mind that he's in the best spot he can be.

I've heard "The 36-Hour Day" is a really good resource for those caring for patients with dementia. I haven't read it but I've heard nothing but good things. I looked it up and it's available on Amazon.

[TheOtherMe]

Bonny  Here is the link to a blog I followed through my dad's journey and still follow.

When Dementia Knocks   whendementiaknocks.com/

Go back and read through her previous writings.  It helped me understand that many of the ways dad changed were related to his dementia.

[snapdragon]

Sending hugs your way Bonny - 

(((HUGS)))

[countrygirl2]

It's a difficult road. MIL was further along then we realized, we wanted her to live in her house but she would not accept help. We suggested a live in.  She was livid, so left no alternative. If she had maybe could have still been there. Since he is just beginning you have time. 

[Works4me]

While caring for my late father, I read a great book called, "Take My Father, ... Please!" I found it on Amazon. It was helpful and I even found it lol funny at times. Plus it helped me to remember that as bad as it got, it could always be worse.

[Bonny]

Jun 9, 2020 18:06:33 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

It's a difficult road. MIL was further along then we realized, we wanted her to live in her house but she would not accept help. We suggested a live in.  She was livid, so left no alternative. If she had maybe could have still been there. Since he is just beginning you have time. 

I think it's been going on for a while. Plus in discussing the situation with his doctor Dad probably is/was on the Asperger's spectrum. He's always been a difficult personality and the dementia is making it that much worse.

GF also has at least memory issues. Her mom had dementia. I think they've been hiding it for a while until it's gotten too bad.