Tween girls

[geenamercile]

ODD is not a morning person.  Today her and her sister came down to help clean and her sister starting pouting because I said no going outside with friends/TV ect... before she finished cleaning her side of the room.  Just looking at ODD I could see that her head was not ready for this much movement and sounds in the morning and told her to just go gather herself.  

When we have to do something in the morning I have learned it is better to talk to her about what we need to do in the evening, set a morning plan.  And talk to her the least amount as possible in the morning.  I also give us extra time in the morning, so I don't stress about running let but I can let her move at her own pace.  Even an extra 15 mins or so can help.  I will also just put her breakfast down on the table and move on, really the less talk the better.  

[thyme4change]

Jul 9, 2019 9:17:49 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

ODD is not a morning person.  Today her and her sister came down to help clean and her sister starting pouting because I said no going outside with friends/TV ect... before she finished cleaning her side of the room.  Just looking at ODD I could see that her head was not ready for this much movement and sounds in the morning and told her to just go gather herself.  

When we have to do something in the morning I have learned it is better to talk to her about what we need to do in the evening, set a morning plan.  And talk to her the least amount as possible in the morning.  I also give us extra time in the morning, so I don't stress about running let but I can let her move at her own pace.  Even an extra 15 mins or so can help.  I will also just put her breakfast down on the table and move on, really the less talk the better.  

My daughter is also not a morning person. I also allowed her an extra bit of time in the morning. Now she manages herself and I know that she would rather get up earlier than necessary, get ready and then have a few minutes where she just sits, maybe gets on her phone. It just gets her in a better place to start her day. And, on days where she sleeps late, she can still get out of the house on-time.

[geenamercile]

I like having a few mins in the morning to sit and zone with a cup a tea, read the boards and check facebook.  When ODD was getting up for school there was morning we would say nothing to each other until is was time for me to say bye, with both of us being up.  I would make tea and breakfast for us.  We would eat and drink both of us zoning and then get ready.  The real issues only occurred when YDD or DH got up early and started talking to us, or asking questions.  I kind of miss those mornings with her.  

[Wisconsin Beth]

K started school yesterday.  First day of Middle School.  She was nervous but overall it went well, I think.  She left her lunchbag in English class and then forgot to go back for it.  So I'm hoping she remembers to look for it today. 

She needs a couple more school supplies so we're going to pick them up today after school.  And then go buy her more bras.  She's good about wearing them now.  But she wears them 1 day only and then puts them in her laundry basket, in her room.  Which she empties when I remind her or when it's overflowing.  So I'm getting a lot of "Mom, do I have clean bras?" lately.  My solution is to teach her how to do wash (she's been asking) and to buy her more bras.  We'll see how it works. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oh and K made Ninja Level 1 last night.  She'll be added to the official list the gym posts and she got one of those rubber bracelet wrist things. 

Level 1 requirements are the following:

30 second dead hang

1:00 plank

24 inch box jump

Climb back and forth across an 8 foot panel using the same handholds both ways (it's set up with holes, climber grips and chains.  They call it Mt. Olympus)

Jump across 6 quad steps

Monkey bars for about 12 feet

Cross the balance beam on the 4 inch side

12 foot warped wall

They have to do the first portion first.  Then they can repeat the course part but they have to do the whole course without falling/failing for it to count. 

She can do everything individually and has been able to do so for like 8 months.  Putting it together was fine too, except for the warped wall.  She's been hitting the 12 foot mark solidly for a couple of months now but kept on freezing on it when she'd run the course.  So last night at class, it was just my 2 kids and the instructors were taking requests from the kids.  So I said "level 1 testing!" and they ran with it.  Then a couple of other kids showed up after mine had started and the coaches got them caught up.  One of the other kids made level 1 too!  Some of the parents really want a structured class so I told the other Mom what was going on and she was fine with it.  Her younger one just sort of ran around and played on various obstacles, in between doing what he could of the testing. 

C can do most of this but he's falling a good 6-12 inches short on the wall portion.  It's technique for him.  He'll get it, esp. now that K has passed this.  Sibling rivalry at it's best!

The coaches did start the kids on the Level 2 testing but the 6 foot broad jump was clearly an issue for all of them so they moved on to a favorite balance game. 

[azucena]

I bought ten bra because I was pretty sure she wouldn't wear them more than once which is sorta ok because she still doesn't always use deodorant even though she should. And most days she plays or runs around enough to be sweaty.

I bought 7 new pairs of black and maroon underwear in women's size medium and put them in her drawer. Sure hope they fit. Small looked too little and she refuses to shop. We just bought her women's size 6 jeans at old Navy for $8 to 10.

[azucena]

Stealth mom move for the win.  The new underwear earned me a hug and a laugh about how poor old dad is never going to be able to figure out whose is whose in the laundry

[Wisconsin Beth]

K still wants underwear with animals or days on it.  She'd be annoyed and/or frustrated with all the same panties.  We did get 7-8 bras also.  And a pair of knee high socks with pandas on them.  She seems to want to hang on to being a little girl for a while longer.  I'm fine with that. 

[azucena]

Mine does too, but it's just not practical to have light colored kid underwear when you have your period.  And I dreaded the day that someone made fun of her for stained underwear in the locker room.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Good point. 

[thyme4change]

Aug 14, 2019 11:53:07 GMT -5 azucena said:

Mine does too, but it's just not practical to have light colored kid underwear when you have your period.  And I dreaded the day that someone made fun of her for stained underwear in the locker room.

So, I only have visibility to a small number of girls - almost all of whom go to the same school. And they just don't find this period thing embarrassing nor reason to make fun of each other. I think they figured out how common periods are, and how sometimes you leak. Granted, these are sweet, secure girls in a weird school. Maybe in other schools girls still cut each other to the bone for common things. I am hoping this whole generation views things differently.

[Lizard Queen]

Hand wash/scrub--cold water only, and my mom always swore by Wisk for blood stains.

[azucena]

Aug 14, 2019 14:11:55 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Aug 14, 2019 11:53:07 GMT -5 azucena said:

Mine does too, but it's just not practical to have light colored kid underwear when you have your period.  And I dreaded the day that someone made fun of her for stained underwear in the locker room.

So, I only have visibility to a small number of girls - almost all of whom go to the same school. And they just don't find this period thing embarrassing nor reason to make fun of each other. I think they figured out how common periods are, and how sometimes you leak. Granted, these are sweet, secure girls in a weird school. Maybe in other schools girls still cut each other to the bone for common things. I am hoping this whole generation views things differently.

I hope.  A period stain could just as easily look like a poop stain and thereby be fair game.  There is one girl in our class determined to maintain her status by putting other girls down

[azucena]

My goodwill lasted not quite 24 hours  

Today was day 2 of 6th grade, at pickup I was told that I ruined her life because I wouldn't let her stay for robotics club.  Truthfully, DH and I were waffling because we think she has enough going on with school (everyday homework is a battle/whinefest), volleyball, and choir.  Robotics would add one more weeknight and 2-3 saturdays per month for the whole year.  Yes, it would be cool and a good learning activity, but sometimes you have to know when you're approaching overscheduled.  My gut says it's enough.

A couple hours later, she presents me with her elective sheet to sign.  Yeah, robotics is a choice there - totally unrelated to the club.  So, I suggest she change that to her first choice over WWII.  Another huge meltdown about how dumb I am and how I must hate her so she hates me too.  Lovely.

Doesn't help that DD7 sees all of these exchanges and is starting to use the same tactics.  I haven't had a chance to buy her new soccer cleats.  Soccer practice is today, so she's putting on the old ones that are two sizes too small.  I tell her that's not a good idea because her feet are going to be smashed for her hour practice.  She won't listen.  So I point blank said, look big sis doesn't want to hear my advice right now, but I've lived for 40 yrs and have had a lot of sports practices so maybe, just maybe I know what I'm talking about.

[giramomma]

Aug 14, 2019 17:20:34 GMT -5 azucena said:

My goodwill lasted not quite 24 hours  

Today was day 2 of 6th grade, at pickup I was told that I ruined her life because I wouldn't let her stay for robotics club.  Truthfully, DH and I were waffling because we think she has enough going on with school (everyday homework is a battle/whinefest), volleyball, and choir.  Robotics would add one more weeknight and 2-3 saturdays per month for the whole year.  Yes, it would be cool and a good learning activity, but sometimes you have to know when you're approaching overscheduled.  My gut says it's enough.

Is robotics club something she can join at any point of the school year? Are volleyball and choir both school-year round?

I totally get the overscheduling. We have to be careful with that for #1 and #3.

Even when the kids' really don't have a choice, we still problem solve with them and try to let them be 'heard.' Sometimes, brainstorming different options for the future helps me gauge, too, how serious my kiddos are about a particular thing..or if the argument is really about what we're arguing about.

[azucena]

Choir is year round.  Volleyball will be replaced by basketball as the season changes and then by track.

She won't provide reasons when she's like this.  I tried again after dinner and got nowhere fast.  I suggested seeing how first semester went and seeing if she can join robotics in the spring.

[gs11rmb]

Can you ask her to drop volleyball or choir?

[raeoflyte]

If it isn't about family logistics of the time and money of another club, can she try it with some expectations in place? Still spend x amount of time on homework each day without whining? Worst case scenario she decides she needs to cut back on something.

I've probably been over scheduled my whole life, but I really get a lot more done and feel better when I'm busy.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Aug 15, 2019 7:01:08 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Can you ask her to drop volleyball or choir?

That tends to be my tactic - ask her what she wants to do and explain why she can't do both. 

Ninja gym is Mondays and Thursdays.  Something comes up, like Zoo ala Carte with her cousins on Thursday - do you want to go to the gym or the Zoo?  I'll make it work either way but you can't do both because they're at the same time.  She's sulky about it but the Zoo and cousins won.  Sometimes the gym wins.  I'll make either option I offer work (because I've already figured it out how to) but she gets to decide which activity she's doing.  And I ignore the sulking about it. 

Vball doesn't start until Oct and she's 'trying out' for 2 teams - the 4-6 grade team at her old school, where she WILL be teamed with her brother on either Tues. or Wed.* and the middle school team, which if she makes, she'll probably be a bench warmer because apparently all the 6th graders do that.  If the middle school practices are the same time as the ninja gym, I think she'll opt out of middle school vball for the gym. 

*The grade school vball takes requests for teammates and practice days.  And everyone makes the teams.  My rule for the kids is that they are required to do vball for 4th grade.  after that, it's up to them.  But if I'm sitting through assorted other sports shit, they can damn well do vball for a season for me.  I've been very open with them about this since I found out about the 4-6 grade team. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

K is stressing out over homework.  And not liking school. 

It'll get better, I know that.  I'm not sure she believes DH and I when we tell her that though.  Right now she's getting used to having multiple different teachers and moving classrooms every hour.  As she adjusts to that and determines the practical parts of teacher expectations for homework, a system will emerge. 

[azucena]

Aug 19, 2019 9:34:48 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

K is stressing out over homework.  And not liking school. 

It'll get better, I know that.  I'm not sure she believes DH and I when we tell her that though.  Right now she's getting used to having multiple different teachers and moving classrooms every hour.  As she adjusts to that and determines the practical parts of teacher expectations for homework, a system will emerge. 

5th grade?  That was us last year.  Some things that helped was me realizing that the teachers weren't saying use the red folder and red notebook for math and the blue one for science.  Seems simple, but DD was taking notes for all classes in the same notebook until I realized.  D'oh!

A locker shelf that worked (and cost more) helped.

Printing out her daily class schedule to look more like a calendar than the format that the school uses was key.  We made multiple copies 'laminated' in packing tape and put one in her planner and one in each class notebook.  I also made a generic list of all subjects with math and science at the top that we hung in her locker.  She's supposed to look at it as she packs her backpack at the end of every day in hopes that she doesn't forget something she needs to do.

There's been a lot of texting/calling friends to find out homework.  We've even gone so far as to take pics of empty worksheets to send to friends who then hand copy them to paper to complete if they left it at school.

Learning each teacher's requirements is tough.  I wish DD would talk through more of what she's thinking/struggling with.

A cute pencil pouch that holds notecards, pencils, pens, calculator and can be carried from class to class seems to be what most of the girls ended up doing.

Teachers at our school also seemed to stop telling them when to take graded stuff home, so it ended up piled in her locker.  We also learned not to throw anything away.  She has a bin in her room that she's supposed to put all papers that she thinks she's done with in.  Then, if something goes missing, that's the first place we look.

We are week two and apparently DD11 has already lost her copy of the novel for lit class.  When she finally mentioned it to me, it had been missing for four days.  Then, she threw a huge fit about me turning around in the school parking lot and making her go back to her locker.  When she didn't find it there, she refused to let me ask the janitor to open the classroom to check her desk.  We then spent an hour together looking for it at home (which is relatively clean right now) and I spent another 30 mins after her bedtime.  Please, let it be in her desk.  I don't know where else to look.  And please let her learn to say hey mom, I can't find ___ today.  It's so much easier when it hasn't been absorbed by the universe for multiple days.

[Wisconsin Beth]

It's 6th grade.  I think she's starting to settle in.  We're done with all the teachers giving "let me get to know you" type homework, I think.  Which was the stuff she was frustrated with - answering similar questions for multiple teachers.  We got home last night and she started on homework.  She had 2 assignments due today; an English assignment due tomorrow; something due Friday and drawings for art class due the middle of next week.  She did the 2 assignments due today and decided not to work on any of the rest.  We've been talking about prioritizing her homework with the stuff due the next day; then moving on to stuff due tomorrow.  None of us knew what to expect - new school, new teachers, etc.  I think we're over the worst now. 

In the past, she's pretty decent about bringing home the handouts, etc.  There's a closed group on FB for the school.  Maybe yours has one too?

She's lost her lunchbox once but it turned up in that teacher's lost and found box when I made her go back to look for it.  I had to drop paperwork off in the office; she needed to sign it too so I was waiting by the doors for her so we could go back in and take care of it.  Since we were in the office, I asked about lost and found. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

K turned in her sketchbook for her Art class.  She needs to turn in 3 sketches a month until the teacher says she can stop.  K turned her first 3 in on Monday.  Got them back same class period with a grade of AD (advanced) so I'm really glad I kept my mouth shut and didn't critique them.  So win #1 for keeping my mouth shut!

Math class is going to be a struggle, I think.  K says they're reviewing 4th grade math.  Her 5th grade teacher had her doing 6th-7th grade math.  She had the STAR testing for Math yesterday.  And I think we have open house tomorrow night so maybe we can talk to her teacher then.  The Math teacher is also a sub until they get a full time math teacher (who can teach in German) so basically, I think we've got her for the year. 

We talked about shaving yesterday, in the living room, during commercials for American Ninja Warrior.  The disposable razor I gave her had a plastic guard on it so she could practice with it.  C was vastly interested too.  Anyway, I did ask what brought the sudden interest in shaving up and she didn't really have an answer but it WASN'T due to being teased or anything.  I was kind of afraid the kids at school were teasing her or something but it doesn't sound/feel like that at all.  I'm not sure she's going to start shaving anytime soon but she knows it's her choice.  Her leg hair is blond so it's not very noticeable unless you're looking.

[Wisconsin Beth]

We had K's open house last night at school.  I learned some stuff, some good; some not so good.  But none of it bad. 

The school serves 6-12th grades with a focus on Languages.  They're working on shifting to what they call a "full" Immersion going thru 12th grade.  This 6th grade class is the first "full" Immersion one.  About 1/2 of K's classes are in English and the other half are in German, hence my use of quotes for "full"  That's good because one of the Admin people I spoke with previously said the problem was in the high school portion of the school because it's a public school and they have to take everyone. 

They have 4 openings for teachers still.  3 in the high school; 1 in the middle school.  The one is the middle school is K's 6th grade math teacher.  There is no one in the pipeline, probably because it's math taught in German.  K doesn't much like her substitute math teacher.  K is bored and doesn't feel she's a good teacher and is watching for the teacher to make mistakes.  K got her testing results yesterday and scored a 98% on the STAR 360 testing, which is in line with all the other testing she's taken in school.  We need to survive this year and then K can take advanced math classes.  I didn't get to talk to her math teacher last night, we couldn't find her and the classroom door was closed. 

The art teacher clarified a bit on the sketches assignment.  The computer teacher confirmed that she didn't care if the kids used headphones or earbuds, as long as they have a microphone and are cheap (she knows the kids are going to lose them.)  The science teacher clarified a point on the journal entries/questions writing that K has been struggling with.  Short version, K is overthinking the questions WAY too much. 

[finnime]

Is it possible, Wisconsin Beth, for your DD to take the 7th grade math? Maybe that would help.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Aug 29, 2019 8:50:26 GMT -5 finnime said:

Is it possible, Wisconsin Beth , for your DD to take the 7th grade math? Maybe that would help.

My understanding is that she's required to take 6th grade math.  That was one of the things I wanted to talk to the math teacher about.  Conferences are in Oct. so about 6 weeks off.  I think I'll be talking to the school before then on this. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm also not sure that skipping 7th grade math to go from 6th to 8th is good either.  I'm assuming there are concepts in 7th grade math that she'd need to be familiar with in order to succeed in 8th grade math. 

oped?  Other teachers?  Can you chime in here? 

[finnime]

In our school system advanced placement in math gets you into algebra in 7th grade. So for those kids, 6th is like 7th for on-level kids' math.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Her 5th grade teacher was having her do some algebra.    I think part of this is we've gone from a teacher who tried to engage every student, at whatever level they were at, to one who's treating everyone on the same level, no matter what level they're at. 

My main point for the school is going to be that she's bored in her math class.  And that because she's bored, she's waiting for the teacher to make a mistake.  Which is not a good/happy vibe for the classroom. 

[anciana]

Beth, is there no advanced math class in 6th grade? They only start with advanced classes in 7th grade?