Battling Depression

[finnime]

That is sad, TheOtherMe. That would bring me down, too.

[Pink Cashmere]

Feb 8, 2023 12:28:45 GMT -5 azucena said:

Theo - anything specific we can help with? Any recurring negative self talk that we can beat with Drama's 2x4?


DH and I had therapy last night. We were each able to articulate some things and have her help us communicate. Mostly focused on division of labor and the giant to do list I'm constantly in charge of.  DH has been paying more attn to what needs to be done around the house lately.  And he responded positively when I texted him from work yesterday saying that projects are colliding and I'm going to need even more support at home to get my head above water at work.

I used summer camps as my example and how from his point of view, the summer schedule just magically appears with everyone registered, paid for, and calendar setup to let us all know who goes where and when. And of course all of that planning happens now, in Feb because signups are due and camps get full. I asked him to sit with me and help with the schedule tetris and then I can hand him certain signups that need to be done and it's on him to complete them without asking me question after question. Like sleepaway camp needs medical forms and immunizations...he can look up the doctor name/number/fax and complete the entire registration start to finish. He had no idea that was part of the process which pretty much proves my point.

DD14 needs to perform somewhere this summer. On this item, I'm starting from scratch so he can take over and do it instead. He agreed but says he doesn't have any idea where to start. Probably true but also partly cop-out. I didn't know where to start either, but I've joined 2 local acting fb sites this year and have been following along. I posted out there last week looking for performances and learned auditions happen Feb/March so we need to get on it. One kindred mom spirit sent me her spreadsheet of 25 places she's considering for her 7th grader. That's a huge head start even though someone has to go look what shows are offered at those venues for hs.

And camp schedules mean that I have to have summer vacations locked down. Which then leads to travel plans (mostly road trips), lodging, and a few key items on itinerary. Just once I want to go on a vacation that someone else plans.

Yes, I'm supremely organized and good at scheduling, but I can't carry it entirely anymore. I don't have time and it makes me hella resentful. So last night's talk was helpful. He pointed out that I need to work on walking away when I do delegate - no micromanaging or second guessing. He's completely right and I'm trying to be conscious of that and gave him permission to politely call me out. Meanwhile, he needs to trust his own decision power and not get caught up in what if it's the wrong decision esp if it's not that important.

And since we're communicating better, we've been enjoying Thai more frequently which benefits both of us.

Now if only the monkeys in my work circus would cooperate, I'd be living the life. But, of course, that's the way it goes. Strife on the homefront or strife at work - I haven't experienced a complete declaration of peace in far too long.

It sounds like the therapy is really helping you and your DH make progress with communication and getting on the same page about some things. I know it’s just the beginning and there might be some hiccups along the way, but I am really happy for the two of you that you both seem very willing to try, with some guidance.

And having enjoyable Thai food more frequently is a really nice bonus for the work you 2 are doing.

[Pink Cashmere]

Feb 8, 2023 17:30:52 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

My head keeps reminding me of how there is only one uncle left on each side of my family and I need to go talk to them in person before they are gone.

I was also very sad that at my aunt's funeral two of her grandchildren did not have a tribute read.  They didn't know her and that is the fault of their parents.  My aunt's oldest son never was around after he married, never brought his family to anything.  They may have lived an hour away, but they lived where I grew up and we managed to maintain relationships with both sides of our family.

I will echo azucena and ask if there’s anything we can do to help. We will always have a compassionate listening ear, that’s a given, but is there something else we can do support you?

How far from you do your uncles live? Will you be able to visit and talk to them in the near future? 

I understand why you would be sad that 2 of your Aunt’s Grandchildren didn’t have a relationship with her. I was raised to believe that family should know one another, and I know there is nothing in the world like a good Grandmother, and that kind of good relationship is good for the Grandmother, and the children.

I am sorry you have been so sad lately. We live too far from one another for me to show up at your door and offer you a shoulder to lean on IRL, or a real life hug, but I still do care, and while I believe it’s okay to mourn and grieve when it comes to someone we love and care about, I do want you to ultimately be okay. There’s only so much we can do from a distance, but please know that we are listening, we hear you, and we care.

[busymom]

I thought the gang here might appreciate this.  (I know I am very light-sensitive.)

[TheOtherMe]

I am hoping to make a trip to Omaha to talk to my dad's brother in April.  It's a 6 hour trip one way, which definitely means overnight.  He is 98 and his daughter said he is failing quickly.  His hearing is like my dad's was, so talking to him on the phone wouldn't work.

I don't want to go in February, while it's still so cold and snowy.  March is a dental appointment, DN3's wedding and a trip to Toronto.  So I want to go in April.

My other uncle is a few years younger and his memory is good.  I want to take a drive with him so he can show me where the house where 13 children were born in the same room.  We used to go past it on Memorial Day, but it's been torn down and I don't know which curve.  We used to go by where their one room school house was located.  I know the road, but not the location.

I know a lot more family stories on my mom's side of the family, so I really want to talk to the uncle in Omaha.

I don't know what I need.  It was nice to talk to some of my cousins but I don't do well in a large group.  I'd rather do it one on one.

[busymom]

TheOtherMe, I'm so sorry you're feeling badly right now, with regards to recent family loss.  Sadly, I come from a rather dysfunctional extended family.  We are spread all over the USA, but there are a lot of cousins I've never met, so I've had to deal with the idea that some folks, including those who live close to me, just have no interest in anyone outside of their immediate family.  I would like to get to know some of them, but there is no interest, unless of course their kids, who I've never met, graduate from high school and they're hoping I'll send a gift.  

[TheOtherMe]

We are down two generations from me on the marriages and no invitations have come since my youngest cousin got married.  That one was fine and we sent a gift that mom had made specifically for his first child when his daughter arrived.

Guess I should count myself lucky that they don't hit me up for gifts.  I'm stubborn and wouldn't send anything.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Feb 8, 2023 19:30:35 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I am hoping to make a trip to Omaha to talk to my dad's brother in April.  It's a 6 hour trip one way, which definitely means overnight.  He is 98 and his daughter said he is failing quickly.  His hearing is like my dad's was, so talking to him on the phone wouldn't work.

I don't want to go in February, while it's still so cold and snowy.  March is a dental appointment, DN3's wedding and a trip to Toronto.  So I want to go in April.

My other uncle is a few years younger and his memory is good.  I want to take a drive with him so he can show me where the house where 13 children were born in the same room.  We used to go past it on Memorial Day, but it's been torn down and I don't know which curve.  We used to go by where their one room school house was located.  I know the road, but not the location.

I know a lot more family stories on my mom's side of the family, so I really want to talk to the uncle in Omaha.

I don't know what I need.  It was nice to talk to some of my cousins but I don't do well in a large group.  I'd rather do it one on one.

Ooh if you do make it to Omaha hit me up!

[TheOtherMe]

I will Drama.   After I keep steering a 98 year old man away from WWII and back to growing up for a few hours, I will need to be with an adult who isn't going to talk about the Navy and the "Japs".

[toomuchreality]

Hugs, @theotherme

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Met with my doctor yesterday to go over the anti-depressant.  I said so far no major side effects I said the worst is I get a hot flash at night but it is a minor inconvenience I just kick the blanket off me.   I had a bit of nausea to begin with but I figured out taking it at 8pm not too close to dinner but not too far after works best for that.

I feel more settled into my skin and I am hoping that will continue as I approach the 6-8 week mark which is when it should really kick in.   My focus has improved quite a bit as well as my brain calms down.

I said I can't say I don't have negative thoughts but they have faded more to the background and I am able to redirect them rather than letting them consume me.   

That in turns allows me to do what the therapist suggested it would and I can focus on controlling anxiety and ADD.

I am fine with the dose I am on currently.  We will revisit in six months to see if it is still working for me or if we need to increase/switch.

Had my blood drawn to check sodium levels.  Prestiq can mess with that and I want to keep an eye on it because sodium levels can affect your heart.  She agreed not a bad idea to check levels now and compare to my previous results.  If they come back in the same range I don't have to worry about it I can continue with it being a part of yearly routine bloodwork.

[finnime]

That's good to hear, Drama. Glad you're doing better.

[swamp]

Feb 4, 2023 17:27:01 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

DGS almost got kicked out of daycare because he kept biting other children. DD was at her wits end because she didn’t know how to make him stop. Besides it just being wrong for him to be biting other children, DD was afraid that one of the other parents might confront her about DGS biting their children hard enough to leave tooth marks.

He finally stopped biting at daycare after he finally bit DD. And she bit him back. Not hard, but enough to show him it doesn’t feel good. And he stopped biting at daycare. That how I stopped both her and DS from biting when they were toddlers. If they bit me, I bit them back.

I wouldn’t do that for hitting though.  Idk why I feel like biting a child back to show them what it feels like is different from hitting them back, but I do.

DGS use to also not respect people’s personal space when he was 5 or 6yo. He would step on your foot walking past you, I guess because your feet were in his way lol. If he had shoes on and your feet were bare, it wasn’t pleasant. So DD stepped on his foot one time after he did it to her and asked him how it felt. He didn’t like that. And he stopped walking on people feet afterward.

I am another one that bit my kid after she chomped on me one too many times.  She never bit me again. 

[toomuchreality]

Feb 9, 2023 14:35:45 GMT -5 swamp said:

Feb 4, 2023 17:27:01 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

DGS almost got kicked out of daycare because he kept biting other children. DD was at her wits end because she didn’t know how to make him stop. Besides it just being wrong for him to be biting other children, DD was afraid that one of the other parents might confront her about DGS biting their children hard enough to leave tooth marks.

He finally stopped biting at daycare after he finally bit DD. And she bit him back. Not hard, but enough to show him it doesn’t feel good. And he stopped biting at daycare. That how I stopped both her and DS from biting when they were toddlers. If they bit me, I bit them back.

I wouldn’t do that for hitting though.  Idk why I feel like biting a child back to show them what it feels like is different from hitting them back, but I do.

DGS use to also not respect people’s personal space when he was 5 or 6yo. He would step on your foot walking past you, I guess because your feet were in his way lol. If he had shoes on and your feet were bare, it wasn’t pleasant. So DD stepped on his foot one time after he did it to her and asked him how it felt. He didn’t like that. And he stopped walking on people feet afterward.

I am another one that bit my kid after she chomped on me one too many times.  She never bit me again. 

I did this too and it worked for me.

[TheOtherMe]

Now my cousin died and I am sad.  Too young.  Only 68

[ners]

I am so sorry for your loss TheOtherMe

[toomuchreality]

Feb 9, 2023 22:11:10 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Now my cousin died and I am sad.  Too young.  Only 68

Holy Moly!
I'm so sorry! 🥀

[daisylu]

Feb 9, 2023 22:11:10 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Now my cousin died and I am sad.  Too young.  Only 68

So sorry to see this. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Had yet another dream where I royally went off on my mom.

I saw a cardinal today.  Cardinals are supposedly messengers sent by your loved ones from the beyond.  I am going to interpret that as my mom saying it's okay. 

[finnime]

It is okay, Drama. Really.

[Tennesseer]

[geenamercile]

My anxiety is kicking in.  Pretty sure part of it is Valentines day.  Had plans with the BF, but then realized I have to cover the after school basketball game so we are doing plans tomorrow.  But I feel like I am letting him down.  But it is also more than just today.  Before him I had a solid plan for my future and now it is all wiggly and warping, into an I don ´ t know.  And logically it makes sense that it is in an I don ´ t know stage because this is a new relationship.  But yea my worry tree and tree rat thoughts running  around the branches.  I may still stop by I don ´ t know, I am doubting all my choices and actions and how anything I will do will screw everything up.            

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'm out of sorts today.  Valentine's Day was one of my mom's favorite holidays she would spend hours crafting hand made valentines that she would stick all over the house.

It hurts I won't get one this year.

My dad is wrestling with that too.  He is also dealing with conflicting feelings over dating another woman this Valentine's Day.

On top of that mom's birthday would have been on Sunday.  I am trying to think of something to do to occupy myself.  The therapist encouraged me to make plans even if they are small so I don't get blindsided then find myself sitting in my feelings all day.

[finnime]

That might work, NomoreDramaQ1015. My mother's birthday is 12/31 so I make for us an Italian rum cake, her favorite, which we all enjoy along with New Year's. It took a while, but it helps. Now mom is someone I talk with quietly when something exceptional comes along. She's a good listener.

[wvugurl26]

That sounds like a good idea to make plans drama. Even something small to look forward to might help.

[finnime]

DSIL passed away at home in hospice care this morning. I thought there would be more time.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sorry for your loss Finn

[finnime]

Thank you, Drama.

[TheOtherMe]

My condolences