Battling Depression

[toomuchreality]

Feb 16, 2023 11:57:04 GMT -5 finnime said:

DSIL passed away at home in hospice care this morning. I thought there would be more time.

I'm so sorry. I know you will miss her.
Hugs ♡

[finnime]

Thank you, TheOtherMe and toomuchreality. i will miss her, that's certain. I bought cards to send to DB and their 3 daughters. Two of the girls have 1yo's of their own. I wish I knew what to say.

[toomuchreality]

Feb 17, 2023 0:19:09 GMT -5 finnime said:

Thank you, TheOtherMe and toomuchreality. i will miss her, that's certain. I bought cards to send to DB and their 3 daughters. Two of the girls have 1yo's of their own. I wish I knew what to say.

Knowing what to say is the hardest! But you are kind and thoughtful, something will come to you. ♡

[geenamercile]

I'm sorry to everyone who has lost someone.

I had a weird dream about my dad last night and my aunt moving. We were trying to move stuff out of a cave that belonged to my aunt and my dad was there. It ended with me reminding my dad that he was dead. The weirdest thing was he was missing an eye.

[Opti]

Sorry for your loss Finn. Timing is always uncertain. 

[TheOtherMe]

In my experience finnime nothing anyone said helped.  I did appreciate memories of each of my parents but the trite their suffering is over and she is in a better place, made me want to scream.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I was talking to DH today and he asked me what habits I used to use to cope with ADHD and to my surprise I couldn't answer him.  I know at one point I was able to hold it together better.

Or maybe I didn't and was lying to myself this entire time?  IDK.

I think part of it is I never actually learned skills.  I struggled through life and either adapted or washed out of whatever it is I was trying to accomplish.  It's all been fly by night as I went along. 

That isn't working for my current phase of life so now I need to try to actively learn skills.  I am going to give getting a day planner a try like the therapist suggested.  I can be terrible at those but I am hoping if I force myself to do that it will help me keep track other places.  I'm going to use it just for work mostly because that is where I have been struggling the most to regain my footing.

That can also maybe help me set a rigid schedule for myself.  Not so rigid that I can't adapt on the fly that doesn't work in a lab but rigid enough that things become habit that need to before I find myself in trouble.

[wvugurl26]

I have to write down appointments or I would forget them for sure. I have a to do list notebook for work. I've tried the phone calendar but seeing just a tiny blurb that means something is scheduled doesn't help me. I need to see the week/month all laid out and how it's going to fit together.

Other than lists and a planner I've got nothing. DH makes fun of me for all my written lists but nothing sticks in my brain for long.

[geenamercile]

List and planners can help.  Also setting amounts of time expected for a task to be done in, and then backwards planning on when you need to start it.  I have found for some of my ADHD students backwards planning works better then forward planning.

[TheOtherMe]

Feb 17, 2023 16:41:32 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

I have to write down appointments or I would forget them for sure. I have a to do list notebook for work. I've tried the phone calendar but seeing just a tiny blurb that means something is scheduled doesn't help me. I need to see the week/month all laid out and how it's going to fit together.

Other than lists and a planner I've got nothing. DH makes fun of me for all my written lists but nothing sticks in my brain for long.

When I was working at the IRS, I would often be planning my schedule 3 or 4 months out.  I had to have a written planner to keep track of what I was doing.  

I also had to keep track of the amount of time I spent on each case/category.  I would hope there is now a way to do that on the computer, as in when you have a certain case open, the time is tracked.  Have to be room for some modification.

I knew people who backfilled all the time at the end of the month.  I don't know if they kept calendars, but I had to do it daily or I would forget.

[toomuchreality]

I am also one who writes things down. Especially appts. But even every day things, are helpful to be written down, or before I know it, things are out of control, and I'm a bigger mess than before.

[wvugurl26]

I also do the backwards thing primarily when I need to be somewhere for something besides work. I have the work thing down and no one is distracting me at 530am.

I feel like I am hands down the worst at estimating how long something takes and then I'm late. Add in DH asking me where things are and other questions, trying to do something different with my hair or makeup and the time just evaporates.

After several screaming fights early on in our marriage, I now ask DH what time he wants to leave for things. He can be ready to walk out the door in 25-30 minutes and it can take me that long to dry my hair.

[Pink Cashmere]

Feb 17, 2023 16:41:32 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

I have to write down appointments or I would forget them for sure. I have a to do list notebook for work. I've tried the phone calendar but seeing just a tiny blurb that means something is scheduled doesn't help me. I need to see the week/month all laid out and how it's going to fit together.

Other than lists and a planner I've got nothing. DH makes fun of me for all my written lists but nothing sticks in my brain for long.

Have you heard of or tried a bullet journal? I use to buy planners for years, but bullet journals work much better for me than the planners I use to buy. You can Google bullet journals to learn what they are, and how you make them, but the awesome thing to me about them is that you can tailor it to fit your needs and however you need them to work best for you. And they allow you to keep a lot of pertinent information in one place.

I stopped buying planners when I discovered bullet journals. 

If you have questions about them, I’d be happy to answer if I can. I believe they can be a useful tool that you can tailor or work best for you and your needs.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dh andnI decided to regroup and we're going to cancel marital counseling and restart my individual therapy instead.

I've backslid a lot in the past couple of days. The anti-depressants are doing their job of keeping me from totally spiraling but I need some extra help.

We are doing all right and we've decided the marital counselor isn't a good fit for us. She keeps trying to bring religion into it.

I tried but she offended me in our last session. I was having a crisis and DH wanted to know how to help.

When talking I used the lord's name in vain and she attempted to almost use that as a gotcha moment to start arguing that at one point I must have believed in Jesus.

It was very uncomfortable. I'm fine with my religious views that is NOT the source of my problems right now.

I told DH I want my therapist. I need CBT tools and she knows what I'm going through.

The marital lady is a very nice person but for what it costs we're not going through her for what we could get for free from.the church if we felt that was the issue.

Part of the issue is we used up my HSA and need to build the new one up.

But I think I can scrape together for another month of invidual. Might call his insurance and see if they do reimbursement too.

[TheOtherMe]

Do what you need to do Drama.  

Thankfully I have yet to have a therapist who tried to bring religion into therapy once they knew I am agnostic.

I am not in a good place at all.  Very down and feeling like I have no one to talk to.  I am taking my meds so it's not that.

I was already down and the thrombosis in my leg makes me feel like I'm 100 years old.

[ners]

NomoreDramaQ1015 and TheOtherMe

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

FWIW we are here Otherme.

I do hope you make your trip to Omaha. We can meet up and I'll let you talk my ear off.

She brought religion into it right away. At first we let it go because she didn't specify Christianity and she isn't entirely wrong that to work as a married couple DH and I have to become a unit and support each other on an emotional level.

So we decided to give her benefit of the doubt for the first one.

But she started going deeper the next couple sessions. DH mused whether or not the first session was testing the water and since we didn't shut her down she ramped up.

And I didn't like she did not respect I do have spiritual beliefs but I am more Wiccan if anything.

I totally disengaged in the last session. DH wasn't happy either. He said no way was he going to pressure me about religion that's the least thing I need.

And I am NOT praying! I refuse to. I know others get comfort from it but I don't. Prayer is not going to fix what I got going on.

Ooh now I'm getting hopping mad.

So yeah we agreed to stop. If we pick it up again we're going to request a different therapist and make it clear upfront no religion.

[finnime]

Yes, you can always talk here, TheOtherMe.

This is a hrad time of year. And you've been surrounded by deaths lately. We are listening.

[TheOtherMe]

They say things come in 3's.  I hope this is the end for a while.

[Pink Cashmere]

Yes, TheOtherMe we are here for you. We are just strangers on the Internet, but we are also real people behind the screens, and we care about you. You are not alone. 

[toomuchreality]

Hugs and please know that I care.
I can't think of anyone here, that I don't really care about.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best, during a this hard time.

[azucena]

Drama - that seems like a really bad fit. When you meet with a new one, just bring religion up right off the bat and what you want and don't want. Should help narrow it down faster. And let DH tell the old one why you guys left if she calls to find out.

Sorry you and Theo are both having a tough time of it. Keep talking to us here. We care and want to support you both.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I canceled the marital counseling and it asks why you are canceling so I laid it out.  I said she is a very nice person and I am sure she helps a lot of people but she didn't seem to respect that I am an atheist.  Especially at the last session where she started asking me about if I ever believed and when I stopped.  That is not what I wanted to go to therapy for and was in no mood at the time to go down that road.   Fortunately that was towards the end of the session and DH picked up my tone of voice and that I was trying REAL hard to mind my manners so he mentioned time was up and got us logged off.

Now I need to resign up for my therapy and get that going again.   They got a plan that is $30 a week so $120 a month.  One live session a month but unlimited text.   That might be the better fit for me at this time because I have been moving away from needing weekly live sessions but I do like to talk to her and bounce stuff off of her.

ETA:  Got signed back up I charged it to our credit card for the moment I'll change it back come payday.  I sent her a really long novel explaining what is going on with me right now.  Now we wait till she responds.

ETA ETA:  Also going to keep my pulse on how I feel because it may be the medication needs adjusting.  I am going to wait until I am farther out from my mom's birthday because IDK how much of this is grief related.    With the bad luck I have had with medication I don't want to leap into a higher dose after just a month if I do not absolutely need to.  My doctor is aware of my history and respects I want to take it slow.

[finnime]

That sounds very positive, Drama.

[Tennesseer]

My condolences to everyone who is experiencing the loss of a loved one(s).

[finnime]

Feb 20, 2023 11:07:37 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

My condolences to everyone who is experiencing the loss of a loved one(s).

Thank you, Tenn.

[finnime]

I'm sad. I had unthinkingly assumed that DBs, DSis and their families would all grow old along with me.

My DS is the youngest of the 10 cousins; the oldest is 16 years older. We, their parents, who were 2 or my 3 brothers and my sister and I, used to take the kids for the last week of August to Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire, to a building of apartment units with shared porches and access 50 feet away to the beach and lake. The kids had a great time. There were arcades and a boardwalk they could go to unsupervised and a million ways to entertain themselves. I lived in Maryland so drove 14 hours to get there the first day. We adults shared meals, drinks and went sight-seeing. The kids really bonded during those weeks.

Oldest DB cooked communal meals, breakfast and dinner. The older kids looked after the younger once they were out of diapers. DSIL sent me a picture of her youngest DD, a year older than my DS, sweeping the porch. They were 1 and 2.

I never thought our family would break before I was ready.

[TheOtherMe]

I get that finnime  That is the way I felt when my cousin died.  I have cousins who are much older that have died, but this was one of my closest cousins and in my age group, not one of the older cousins I didn't know because they were in high school when I was born.

We were supposed to be like it was when we were kids.

[CCL]

I'm sorry you have lost family members.

Our parents and grandparents lived to late 70s-80's. We assumed ourselves and our siblings would live to same ages, maybe longer. We've already lost a few, all in their 60s.

[Pink Cashmere]

I have finally given in. My Doctor used to try to get me to take anti depressants, and I have always refused after the first time I tried them years ago, when I was going through what I still describe as the worst years of my life, when there was no doubt that all the things I was dealing with overwhelmed me to the point that I was clinically depressed.

The Doctor I’ve been seeing since my old Doctor retired, keeps suggesting antidepressants. everybody keeps suggesting them.

I would get the initial prescriptions filled, but wouldn’t take them because I was afraid of the side effects, and withdrawal if they didn’t work for me. 

I went to my new PCP last week, who I am not exactly thrilled with and want to replace, and she suggested antidepressants again, and gave me a prescription for Zoloft this time, instead of one of the newer ones. 

I still didn’t plan on taking those either. 

But tonight, I was walking through the den and said something to Mister about something I won’t get into here, and he asked what is happening to us, why are we both doing that. And I said the first thing that popped into my head, “because we are both probably clinically depressed” and kept walking.

That is stuck in my brain now, because I know it popped out of my mouth so easily, because I actually do think that. Even though I don’t feel hopeless or suicidal, I know enough about depression to know that I do have some of the other symptoms. So I decided tonight that I should probably take the damn Zoloft and give it a chance.