Battling Depression

[TheOtherMe]

@busytoys  After my gall bladder surgery I refused to take pain meds after I got home because of my fear of the interaction with the antidepressants.  I had the anesthesia for the surgery and pain meds in the hospital.  I did have crazy dreams for a while after I came home.  My therapist did think it was because of either the anesthesia or the pain meds.  I was out longer than originally anticipated.  

I was hospitalized with stomach issues for 4 days in March.  Pain meds while in hospital.  Crazy dreams again when I came home.  Knowledge from the past made me not as fearful when I had them.  They were still disturbing, but I knew in my mind they would stop and they have.  

[buystoys]

Thank you TheOtherMe.  R hopes the dreams are from the anesthesia and pain meds since I wasn't having them as often pre-surgery.  She wants to help me get some better sleep now as it's probably the cause of other problems suck as the anxiety and the deepening depression.  I'm also still in pain all the time and that doesn't help either.  The surgery fixed what it was meant to fix, but I have at least two more years of treatment ahead of me by best guestimates.  I've got to get a handle on this before I just let go of that knot I'm holding on to.

[empress of self-improvement]

I'm sorry buystoys. Surgery AND depression sucks. I have just the depression and DH's chronic illness. Right now, that IS my source of depression. Although, today I am feeling a little off and I really don't know why. I just have this feeling of impending doom and I don't like it. God I hope it goes away tomorrow after I get some sleep.

[finnime]

Jul 19, 2018 19:22:27 GMT -5 buystoys said:

Thank you TheOtherMe .  R hopes the dreams are from the anesthesia and pain meds since I wasn't having them as often pre-surgery.  She wants to help me get some better sleep now as it's probably the cause of other problems suck as the anxiety and the deepening depression.  I'm also still in pain all the time and that doesn't help either.  The surgery fixed what it was meant to fix, but I have at least two more years of treatment ahead of me by best guestimates.  I've got to get a handle on this before I just let go of that knot I'm holding on to.

Keep holding on. This will end.

I do think sleep issues both can cause a bout and are a result of depression. I hope you find the way to peaceful sleep, buystoys.

[finnime]

I know that doomed feeling, empress of self-improvement. It just comes, without reason. 

[countrygirl2]

Yeah, me too.  I try to be up all the time but dealing with DD just wears me down at times.  I will never know what we will do with her one day for sure.  There are no good alternatives really, so that really weighs on my mind and likely will even on my death bed.  Most of the time I tuck it away but sometimes it just gets to me and I can't pull out of it.  I have never taken anything for it as I don't think it would help.  Would just mask it for a bit.

I know we all have different problems and challenges in life.  I hope each of you find your way out, in my case its been a life time battle.  In my youth I thought I might lose it.  I can say back then I did a lot of things I'm not proud of and it was a challenge with hubs too.  It's a miracle we ever stayed together, but now I'm glad we did.  But I was not easy to live with.  When he quit drinking I decided I had to change too.  Our son had been away for years in the military when he finally got home he couldn't believe the change in us.  So we corrected a lot in our lives.  But still I can't beat this problem, just learn to live with it the best I can. And know I will have nights I can't sleep, days I'm miserable, and times I'm so depressed I can hardly function.


Now of course added to it is health issues I'm facing as I age. And I have to remember out here in the real world I can't talk about it, no one wants to hear, they are afraid you might ask for help so avoid you.

[finnime]

Hanging in there but just barely. I feel like my elasticity has been pulled too far too many times now and can't bounce back.

[buystoys]

Keep holding on finnime!  I understand what you're saying about elasticity.  It will get better.

[buystoys]

I hope you got some sleep, empress of self-improvement. That always makes things look better.  I got some good sleep last night.  I feel like I could use a few more hours, but at least I didn't wake up multiple times from dreams.  Sending you hugs! 

[azucena]

When I injured my back a couple of years ago, the dr put me on prednisone.  I only took the first two doses and my body chemistry must have gone haywire.  It was like I was instantly and intensely depressed.  I called my therapist to schedule an appt and she asked about any changes in meds since I hadn't seen her in a while.  When I said prednisone, she said do not take another dose and get back to the dr immediately.  She asked to speak to DH on the phone and I found out later that she told him to watch me carefully because she's had more than one patient become suicidal on it.  Yikes.  It took about 48 hours for the meds to clear my system and fortunately I bounced back within about a week, but man was it scary.

That's why I was able to figure out more quickly this winter that going off birth ctl was probably my trigger for this last bout.  Too bad it didn't occur to me before deciding to stop taking it after DH got snipped - d'oh.  Live and learn.

Saw an interesting article (but can't find it again this morning) that was about a study that said that people who focus on being compassionate towards others, doing good deeds and such, are way less likely to be depressed.  Makes sense because doing something nice for someone else always makes me feel good and it would definitely help get me out of my head sometimes.  Going to concentrate on watching for places where I can help.

[finnime]

I'd be interested in more about that study. Do depressed people do less altruistically because they're depressed, or are altruistic people just less likely to be depressed, or does altruism combat depression?

I find when I'm in a bout that other people make me irritable. Need to fight that.

[azucena]

This was it - www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/201710/how-helping-others-can-relieve-anxiety-and-depression

[Chocolate Lover]

Jul 19, 2018 18:20:37 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

I think those of us who are not experiencing depression should shut up.

They don't need our suggestions, observations, or advice.

I feel like this is a place for people who are depressed to share with each other.

I love you guys. 

Had to quote so I can like it some more. 


Hugs to all of you. 

[empress of self-improvement]

Jul 20, 2018 7:49:21 GMT -5 buystoys said:

I hope you got some sleep, empress of self-improvement . That always makes things look better.  I got some good sleep last night.  I feel like I could use a few more hours, but at least I didn't wake up multiple times from dreams.  Sending you hugs! 

I did get some sleep and I got a workout in today. My stomach isn't feeling so twisted today. Thank you! 

Lately, I don't wake up from dreams. I wake up to DH trying to get from his recliner to his wheelchair. It wouldn't be so bad except he bangs his walker around when he does it. So annoying!

[finnime]

Slept badly, waking twice for > 1 hour each time. Now trying hard to concentrate on SSDI application. I can work on it for about 20 minutes before I've lost my focus. So take a break, try again later. I can't overcome this by will.

[TheOtherMe]

No, you can't will yourself to overcome depression just as you can't just snap out of it.

Don't be too hard on yourself.  

[buystoys]

finnime, do you have someone who can help you complete the paperwork?  Can you use your original application as your template and just expand on it?

I was fortunate to have DH to remind me what had gotten worse since the original application so I could amend it.  Some things are the same, so I just copied from my copy of the document.  If you have an attorney, they may be able to help you with this as well. 

I know it's hard, but hang in there.  I'm pulling for you.

[NoNamePerson]

Jul 20, 2018 10:22:19 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Jul 19, 2018 18:20:37 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

I think those of us who are not experiencing depression should shut up.

They don't need our suggestions, observations, or advice.

I feel like this is a place for people who are depressed to share with each other.

I love you guys. 

Had to quote so I can like it some more. 


Hugs to all of you. 

Same here.      and  to all who suffer.

[finnime]

Jul 21, 2018 15:38:31 GMT -5 buystoys said:

finnime , do you have someone who can help you complete the paperwork?  Can you use your original application as your template and just expand on it?

I was fortunate to have DH to remind me what had gotten worse since the original application so I could amend it.  Some things are the same, so I just copied from my copy of the document.  If you have an attorney, they may be able to help you with this as well. 

I know it's hard, but hang in there.  I'm pulling for you.

Yes, I'm using my original as a springboard. Otherwise I'd have nothing. DH is helpful, too, identifying where I'm really out to sea.

Thanks, that really helps.

[finnime]

How do you cope with depression?

I've just figured out a work approach that suits my limited attention: concentrate/work for 20 minutes, break for an hour, then repeat no more than 3 times. I know it's only an hour total, but: it's an hour total!

I exercise by walking Franklin the Dog vigorously. I know I need to for him and for me, and it gets me out the door, which I absolutely need to do. I have a strong want to just stay in the house.

I try to avoid high-sugar foods. I find myself really craving some things like ice cream, so limit them to avoid the after crash.

Let myself off the hook. This is really hard to do. I list a couple of thing that I've done that are significant and positive for other people in the last week/month/year/years depending on how down I am on me.

Give up sometimes. It takes a phenomenal amount of energy to try to be normal. Sometimes I can't make it.

Pay bills on auto-pay. Because otherwise I'll forget and mess up, paying some double, some not at all and others randomly.

[buystoys]

I'm struggling to cope.  It's just so easy to lie in bed for hours and hours because I'm always exhausted.  Some of that is the depression, some is the anxiety (my constant need to fidget takes a tremendous amount of energy) and some is due to the constant pain I'm dealing with.

Like you, I try to concentrate on something for 20 minutes and then take a break.  I'm not really exercising unless it's a day we go into the pool.  Then I try to do my rehab exercises.  I'm hitting the high sugar foods.  Hard.  I just can't resist them.

My therapist told me last week to treat myself with compassion.  Letting myself off the hook is a real struggle.  I expect to get everything done like I used to and then just sink further down when I can't.  This is a topic I really need to work on.

Also like you, I just give up some days.  I'll sleep 12 hours and not beat myself up about it. 

I have a spot on my desk where I leave all the non-electronic notice bills.  Once they're paid, they go to my filing bin.  I stay super consistent with that habit so I don't miss something.  The electronic bills I pay the same day I get the notice.  I always have at least ten days notice, so I have time to pay them and don't miss them.

[buystoys]

I saw my pharmacology practitioner today.  She increased my Seroquel and added Buspar for my anxiety.  I've never taken the Buspar, so if anyone has any experience with it, I'd appreciate feedback.

The depression is worse, the anxiety is higher, the vivid dreams are worse, the racing thoughts are worse.  I'm almost at a point where I think I should do the daily outpatient group therapy again.  I don't know.  I'll talk it over with my therapist.

[debthaven]

Finnime I think you mentioned that your DH knows someone who handles this sort of paperwork? Can you ask / have you asked for their help (even if you need to pay for it)? This person could be a great resource for you.

Wishing all of you the best, as always.

[finnime]

Yes, DH's friend is providing expert advice for the SSDI application process. It really helps.

Thank you, debthaven.

[empress of self-improvement]

I've been late taking my happy pills for the last 2 days, days off throw my schedule off, but I've been doing workouts so that's been helping. Although yesterday DH essentially called me an elephant (he was bitching about the antenna and apparently my stomping makes it move. It's attached to the fucking wall!!!!) and so help me God I wanted to punch him in the mouth!! I refrained and spent the day upstairs playing with my Wii that a coworker gave me. I seriously have absolutely NO dance moves!!

[finnime]

empress of self-improvement, you're dealing with a lot. Hang in there.

I get irritable easily. It sucks to have that be the only feeling I really have in a given day. DD32 sent me flowers completely unexpectedly and while they're lovely and I know that, I'm not enjoying even them like I would except for depression. I think, they're beautiful, but don't feel pleasure in them.

[buystoys]

Hang in there, empress of self-improvement.  You have a lot on your plate so do things you enjoy doing and let yourself have fun.

finnime, you're right.  It sucks to have the only emotion you can feel be a negative one.  Hang in there!  You will be able to enjoy things in life again. 

Big hugs to you both!

[buystoys]

Saw my therapist today and discussed maybe going back to group therapy for a few months.  I'm not certain yet.  Pros and cons either way and no absolute answer on whether or not it's the better track for me.

Have now had two nights sleep without waking up from dreams.  Yay!  I admit that I feel stronger today than I have in a long time.  I still didn't get a lot done due to back pain.  My meds were increased and I have a new one for anxiety.  We'll see if it helps in the long run or if I hit a wall on it like I have on all the others.

finnime and empress of self-improvement, I hope you both have gotten some much needed sleep. 

[finnime]

Sleep for longer than 4 or sometimes 5 hours is not happening here. I'm glad you're on an upswing, buystoys. My doctor has made some changes in my meds, too. Things are a tiny bit better. I actually laughed today!

[TheOtherMe]

Small but positive steps are such good things finnime and buystoys