10/25 Possible cancer-when to tell family-Update

[suesinfl]

I have several issues going on, but there is a greater than 50% chance (more like 100%) I have cancer in my abdomen area. Exactly where, I don't know yet. I have to see a gastro Dr. and a hematologist. That will happen this week.

When would you tell your kids (30, 20, and 15) and two sisters that you are not close too and they live 3-4 hours south. At this point I have no intention of saying anything until I have more results. But if those results do come back positive, I'm not sure when to tell them.

[Value Buy]

I cannot remember, are you married?
You do need someone close to talk to while going through the tests, imo, especially if you are that close to being sure.
Unfortunately, there is never a good time to tell family.

[suesinfl]

Hey, VB, I've been divorced for about 13 years now. Unfortunately I'm a very introverted person, so I have no one to talk to. 

[Tennesseer]

Sue-no need to tell family members until you have a positive or negative diagnosis.

Valubuy mentions someone to talk to while going through your tests. Very good recommendation. Have someone go with you to the tests. ANd when you go to find out your test results, take someone with you. It might be a family member or it may be a friend. But you need a second pair of ears in the room with you.

But for right now, no need to tell your family. It might upset them which then might upset you. You need to go easy on yourself.

If the tests do come back as positive, find out all you can about the cancer and what treatment you will be going through. When you have all that information, then you can tell your family. If you appear and sound confident and knowledgeable, you will make your family more comfortable with the news.

[busymom]

Couldn't have said it better than Tennesseer.  Regardless of the results, sending <HUGS> suesinfl!  


Do you have a "mom" friend of one of your kids, or someone you can talk with?  Any group you're a member of where someone could help?

[Value Buy]

Oct 3, 2017 17:07:41 GMT -5 busymom said:

Couldn't have said it better than Tennesseer .  Regardless of the results, sending <HUGS> suesinfl !  


Do you have a "mom" friend of one of your kids, or someone you can talk with?  Any group you're a member of where someone could help?

Yes, I  did not say hugs to you........
You say you are introverted.......time to break out of that. Do not try doing this by yourself. IMO,Talking through it can help emotionally

[Deleted]

Is there anything we can do for you?

[Jaguar]

So are the doctors thinking stomach cancer or colon cancer or something else. I'm a 12 year survivor of colon cancer. My mom went through stomach cancer and made a full recovery. Cancer can be beaten, you need to know that.

[Jaguar]

Tell your kids sooner, than telling your siblings.

[Gardening Grandma]

I'm sorry.  It sucks.
Agree with Tenn.... in addition to medical care, get someone you can talk to.  When DH was going through radiation, they offered us counseling.  I declined, but regretted it later.

When and how much to tell family is very personal.  When you do tell them, I'd tell them all rather than one or two.

[Value Buy]

Oct 3, 2017 17:20:29 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

I'm sorry.  It sucks.
Agree with Tenn.... in addition to medical care, get someone you can talk to.  When DH was going through radiation, they offered us counseling.  I declined, but regretted it later.

When and how much to tell family is very personal.  When you do tell them, I'd tell them all rather than one or two.

The 30 and 20 year old can be told at the same time.
I think the 15 year old might be told separately, with the other two there also, just so some of the serious discussions have already taken place in the shock of the event.
I imagine the older siblings will have some serious things to say, or ask, that the 15 year old might not be able to fathom correctly due to his age. 

[toomuchreality]

[bean29]

I had a colonoscopy last month. I was convinced I had cancer. The GI doctor said all the biopsies were negative, turns out my intestine is twisted which is causing some discomfort. I failed to ask what to do to alleviate the pain I am experiencing, I am thinking about going back to yoga classes, hoping the stretching will help.

I have been through a few rounds of recalls for Mammograms and a Pap Smear that came back bad so I had to have a Copopscopy...that was bad.  I will never go by myself for that again, they would have given me better drugs if I had someone to drive me home.  I told my Mom and my sis, that if they ever go through this I will take a day off and drive them.

If it was one of your kids, I am sure you would be there for them, you need to tell that what you need from them.

That said, I had my husband take me, he left and went to work, and came back to get me when I was in recovery.  My Mom would have taken me, but she lives across town.  It worked out fine- It took about 2 weeks for the results to come.  I think if they were bad, the Dr. would call.  I got the results via Mail.

[chiver78]

Oct 3, 2017 17:14:19 GMT -5 oped said:

Is there anything we can do for you?

 

I think there's some good advice here already, but I still wanted to send a virtual hug.

[Value Buy]

Oct 3, 2017 17:45:57 GMT -5 bean29 said:

I had a colonoscopy last month. I was convinced I had cancer. The GI doctor said all the biopsies were negative, turns out my intestine is twisted which is causing some discomfort. I failed to ask what to do to alleviate the pain I am experiencing, I am thinking about going back to yoga classes, hoping the stretching will help.

I have been through a few rounds of recalls for Mammograms and a Pap Smear that came back bad so I had to have a Copopscopy...that was bad.  I will never go by myself for that again, they would have given me better drugs if I had someone to drive me home.  I told my Mom and my sis, that if they ever go through this I will take a day off and drive them.

If it was one of your kids, I am sure you would be there for them, you need to tell that what you need from them.

That said, I had my husband take me, he left and went to work, and came back to get me when I was in recovery.  My Mom would have taken me, but she lives across town.  It worked out fine- It took about 2 weeks for the results to come.  I think if they were bad, the Dr. would call.  I got the results via Mail.

I cannot believe a nurse did not call for the doctor. I guess no phone call can be good though. It seems when they do call after an inspection, they call to say "let's schedule an appointment to discuss the results" which is usually doctor speak for "we have a problem".

[bean29]

VB, about 10 years ago, I got the news I had Thyroid cancer...the Dr did confirm I was not alone...I pretty much knew what she was going to say when I got the call. When I saw the letter, I was relieved, I thought well, it's not cancer if results came via mail.

[suesinfl]

Busymom, unfortunately there is no one that I’m close enough to, to talk about this.


Oped, thank you, but not now. Just have patience with my ramblings.


Jag, right now they don’t know, but it is either stomach, intestinal, or liver. They are leaning more towards liver because of the symptoms and the CT scan.


Bean, I go through multiple mamos and paps each year because for false/positives, so I’m used to being called back. But the first and second time it scared the crap out of me. Years ago I did have cervical cancer that the doctors were able to just clip the few cells and have not had a problem since.

Thank you for your support, I really need it.

[suesinfl]

Busymom, unfortunately there is no one that I’m close enough to, to talk about this.


Oped, thank you, but not now. Just have patience with my ramblings.


Jag, right now they don’t know, but it is either stomach, intestinal, or liver. They are leaning more towards liver because of the symptoms and the CT scan.


Bean, I go through multiple mamos and paps each year because for false/positives, so I’m used to being called back. But the first and second time it scared the crap out of me. Years ago I did have cervical cancer that the doctors were able to just clip the few cells and have not had a problem since.

[taz157]

I was almost 16 when my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. My parents are divorced and my dad told my mom and stepdad before my brother (he was almost 15) and I were told. He wanted them to know what was going on. Then my brother and I were told. He answered any questions we had and told us on a need to know basis. He did live 6 states away so we didn't see him all the time as it was. As we got older, we found out more and how it really was.

FWIW, my dad is still going strong 21 years later.

(((((Hugs)))))

[mmhmm]

suesinfl, I'm so sorry! Things like this are really, really scary! It's the wait that's the most difficult so please, use this forum to let your feelings out. We're here for you.

I think Tennesseer gave excellent advice. As soon as you have enough information to know exactly what's going on and what the plan is for going forward you'll be able to better inform your loved ones. Still, if it comes to the point you really need them for your own peace of mind, open the doors and let them in to comfort you and help you.

You'll be in my thoughts. 

[andi9899]

Oct 3, 2017 16:14:45 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

Hey, VB, I've been divorced for about 13 years now. Unfortunately I'm a very introverted person, so I have no one to talk to. 

Um. Excuse me. You have us. Or did you forget?

[dee27]

Hugs, Sue. I will pray for the best outcome for you. Please know your online friends care about you, and we are happy to listen and send virtual hugs. Definitely tell your kids once your doctor confirms a diagnosis. 

[Pants]

Oct 3, 2017 18:18:32 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

Busymom, unfortunately there is no one that I’m close enough to, to talk about this.


Oped, thank you, but not now. Just have patience with my ramblings.


Jag, right now they don’t know, but it is either stomach, intestinal, or liver. They are leaning more towards liver because of the symptoms and the CT scan.


Bean, I go through multiple mamos and paps each year because for false/positives, so I’m used to being called back. But the first and second time it scared the crap out of me. Years ago I did have cervical cancer that the doctors were able to just clip the few cells and have not had a problem since.

Sue- 

1) You have us. You are honestly one of the posters I admire the most. I am terribly sorry this is happening, and I'm sorry there's not anyone physically present for you. But nonetheless, we are here for the ranting and rambling. 

2) You have 2 adult children. You need someone who can go with you to appointments and help you now. I know that you don't want to call on them for that, because that's not what moms want to do. But those two are adults, and they can and should help. 

3) Please talk to your kids once you have a diagnosis. They need to know. If it was my mom I would want to know. And help. 

[suesinfl]

Oct 3, 2017 18:34:18 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Oct 3, 2017 16:14:45 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

Hey, VB, I've been divorced for about 13 years now. Unfortunately I'm a very introverted person, so I have no one to talk to. 

Um. Excuse me. You have us. Or did you forget?

LOL, that was the first time I laughed today.
Thank you all for your support, I'm really scared. I know not to dwell until the consults are complete, it's just that my doctor was not too optimistic and she's been practicing medicine for many years.

[ners]

No additional advice.  Sorry you are going thru this.   

[taz157]

Oct 3, 2017 19:00:16 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

Oct 3, 2017 18:34:18 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Um. Excuse me. You have us. Or did you forget?

LOL, that was the first time I laughed today.
Thank you all for your support, I'm really scared. I know not to dwell until the consults are complete, it's just that my doctor was not too optimistic and she's been practicing medicine for many years.

I know it's not the same as being there in person but we are here for you. Vent/talk/etc away. ((((Hugs))))

[mmhmm]

Oct 3, 2017 19:00:16 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

Oct 3, 2017 18:34:18 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Um. Excuse me. You have us. Or did you forget?

LOL, that was the first time I laughed today.
Thank you all for your support, I'm really scared. I know not to dwell until the consults are complete, it's just that my doctor was not too optimistic and she's been practicing medicine for many years.

I think all of us can understand how you feel. As I said, it's the waiting that, in a lot of ways, is the most difficult. About all you can do is try to stay busy, come here to vent, or to cry, or to just read and respond. You've got a cyber family right here and we love you.

[Tennesseer]

Sue-I called a friend of mine who is currently being treated for her fourth bout of cancer in the past ten years. I am one of her backups to tske her for her chemo sessions, scans, or other dr. appointments if her husband is unavailable. My friend recommended going to the American Cancer Society's webpage where you can print out the questions you need to ask your doctor when you go for your meeting with him or her.

I am using mt tablet now so it is hard to download PDF files. The ACS link below has some PDF download sites which I believe has the questions you will want to ask your doctor. None of them say stomach cancer but I imagine some question s apply to any form of cancer.

Here is the link:

American Cancer Society

[gacpa]

Hugs and massive amounts of positive energy going to you.  Everyone has given good advice.  You have all of us supporting you. 

[suesinfl]

And the day just keeps getting better....NOT. DD's best friend's father has brain cancer and has only a couple of weeks to live.

DD and DS's father has diabetes (for years now) and has not been taking care of himself so now he's on insulin injections and has an ulcer on his foot along with diabetes foot neuropathy. 

Will this never end