suziq38
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Post by suziq38 on Mar 22, 2011 19:44:19 GMT -5
Since we have the WIFE thread, how about one for husbands? What do you look for in a husband? Remember that love is as good as it gets before the wedding. Flame away, I have been married since '83, and it has been a happy marriage with its usual ups and downs.
I remember I wanted a DH that was very nice, kind, and was totally in love with me. It helped that he wanted children like I did and had similar goals. He was "good in the sack." He came from a great family, and was really smart. He had a good income and was a good person.
What do you want???
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doxieluvr
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Post by doxieluvr on Mar 22, 2011 19:52:27 GMT -5
Well in my first marriage, I was looking for a man that could provide for me. We had a huge house, plenty of money, and lots of toys. He treated me horribly. My second marriage, I wanted a man that loved, and respected me. He jokes a lot, but I think he does both, but we are broke.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Mar 22, 2011 19:59:07 GMT -5
Kindness. And I'm grateful every day that I did.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Mar 22, 2011 20:00:53 GMT -5
Definitely love & respect were at the top of the list. (No, I didn't marry for money!) We agreed on the number of kids we wanted, liked the same kinds of movies, he was respectful to his Mother, I didn't have to "drag" him to church on Sundays, etc.
He basically had a lot of fine qualities that I thought I could live with, plus a great sense of humor!
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Mar 22, 2011 20:05:41 GMT -5
I dated DH throughout most of high school, then dated a long string of losers in college while we were broken up. What I learned was that I wanted someone who was kind, who loved animals, who could name at least 5 books he read in the last year, and who had the same warped sense of humor I do. Someone who was open to the idea of having kids, but didn't have his heart set on it. Someone who can change a tire and cook a delicious meal. What I think makes "us" work is that we balance each other out so well. We do have a lot of interests in common, but our strengths definitely lie in different areas. I get someone who fixes and builds things - he gets someone who handles the finances and makes appointments. We contribute in very different ways, but it's an equal contribution. He has made me less judgmental, and I think I've made him more responsible. I don't think I'd get along with someone who was too much like me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2011 20:23:30 GMT -5
I wanted a husband that loved and respected me. I definitely didn't marry for money. We were both flat broke when we met. I DID however want a guy that valued education and had goals in life. I also wanted someone who was open minded and who I could talk to about anything and everything. I wanted to marry my best friend and I did.
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mesquite77
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Post by mesquite77 on Mar 22, 2011 20:26:18 GMT -5
Something I would have never guessed I'd read on this thread, so I gotta ask why?
"who could name at least 5 books he read in the last year"
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Mar 22, 2011 20:32:50 GMT -5
I guess that was a little hyperbolic... I just meant someone who likes to read and is at least somewhat interested in the world around him.
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Post by katedenorm on Mar 22, 2011 20:36:46 GMT -5
Wanted tall, good looking, well built, someone that would worship me and support me. Didn't even expect him to be wealthy. Then I grew up.
BF (hopefully the "ONE") is short, not that greatly built, but is definately good looking and hard working. He's the great all-around guy that everyone loves and he is awesome. Very respectful and loving. He's amazing with financial matters - he explains my IRA accounts to me. He's also very stable in every sense of the word (opposites attract.) He is also okay with all of my scars and the fact that I can not have children...we agree to have a dog. ;D
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Mar 22, 2011 22:07:25 GMT -5
When I was 18, I wanted good looking, charming, confident and would take care of me. I married a charming good looking cocky manic depressive who was abusive and had 5 jobs in 6 years of marriage.
Second time around I wanted educated with good warning potential. I married a brillant scientist who was always rigjt and had no empathy for my children.
Third time - I wasn't even sure I'd ever want to marry again, but I fell in love with a man who was steadily employed, a saver, but best of all, he thought I was wonderful. I knew that he'd never bore me and after nearly 20 years, he still surprises me. The funny thing is, when I first met him, I didn't think he was particularly attractive, but now I do. Go figure.
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Post by illinicheme on Mar 22, 2011 23:13:42 GMT -5
I never had a specific list. I had a couple of relationships of varying lengths that didn't work out (most of them long-distance). I met DH in my second year of grad school. We were essentially attached at the hip from the very beginning. It was just easy being together. We never had specific targeted discussions about issues like money, kids, etc., but I guess you just pick up on some things when living with a person. I don't even remember discussions about eventually getting married - I think it was just obvious that we were going to do so.
We've been married 5 years (approaching 10 years altogether) and while it certainly isn't all sunshine and roses 100% of the time, I think we get along pretty damn well. In the end I got a whip smart, handsome, and wickedly funny husband who adores me. Our mutual communication skills could use some work from time to time, and his memory for mundane stuff like remembering his lunch is frustratingly terrible. He's a bit too sensitive in terms of reading criticism from things that I say ("FYI - this is concentrated laundry detergent, so you can use less than that" =/= "you are the world's worst person at doing laundry - you totally suck"). But at the end of the day, he's about as perfect for me as I could hope for.
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❤ mollymouser ❤
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Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on Mar 23, 2011 0:35:40 GMT -5
My list was pretty simple and straightforward: I wanted to marry a handsome military fighter pilot who (a) was Republican; (b) was a christian; (c) and who'd tolerate my weird love of cats. As an added bonus, we're best friends, he's amazingly kind and compassionate, and he's great in bed.
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shelly527in
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Post by shelly527in on Mar 23, 2011 1:41:09 GMT -5
Hmmm.....I've always been looking for someone I couldn't live without, not someone I could put up with. I wanted smart, good looking, hard working, good with money, responsible....someone that I could talk to for hours about anything and everything, someone who could make me laugh, good at fixing things (since I'm good at breaking them!), loved animals (or tolerate mine!), had a good relationship with his family. Basically, someone I never thought I'd find. Except for about a 6 month period in '96-'97, I was a weirdo magnet! I knew what I wanted was out there, I just thought they were all taken already! Then, when finding a man was the VERY LAST thing on my mind, I found Vince! All I wanted was my car fixed and I find the love of my life. We've been together 3 years in July. No proposal yet, but if he's not THE ONE, then there won't be one. We can still talk for hours on end about nothing at all....sometimes we don't even have to because we often say what the other one is thinking. We've never even had an arguement. The one sticky point I thought we'd have was about religion. I'm Baptist and attend church at LEAST once a week, usually twice. He was raised Catholic, but did not have a church that he attended regularly. From the beginning, we compromised.....I didn't nag him to go to church with me and he didn't nag me to not go. It paid off! For the past two months, he's VOLUNTARILY gone to church with me every Sunday! Now if he'd just get around to proposing!
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 23, 2011 7:12:27 GMT -5
I actually had quite a LONG list of things that I didn't want.... I think i focused on that more than what i did want.
The things that ended up being important to me were: must love ME (even when I have a migrane or am not 100% Miss Sunshine) and think that I am important and not to be taken for granted or treated like a doormat, must love animals (even when they jump on the bed at 4AM), must be kind (especially to children and the elderly), must understand family is important, must have the ability to be an adult ( I need a partner not a child) and must not be terrible in the sack
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2011 7:32:31 GMT -5
LMAO Karma to you Snerd. ;D
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 23, 2011 8:06:34 GMT -5
As I have grown up and matured so did my values on how to pick a man. My first husband I married because our families expected it. Both of us were miserable but he remarried someone who, I hope, makes him as happy as he can be. Mysecond marriage was for even worse reasons. I wanted to rescue a "loser." Boy, do I ever see myself in some of these posts and posters and I already know how it will train wreck. It's been over a decade since my divorce and I have dated some nice guys and they have all had baggage big time and it's usually financial baggage but they were fun and life was okay. Then when I least expected it and actually thought about "settling" for a financial train wreck, DF came along. Yes, I got him on the rebound and I do not care one bit. I love him and even more important, he loves me. He's financially secure, TG, as he has health issues up the wazoo but I would rather spend 3 years with him than 30 years with anyone else. He isn't attractive at all physically to the RW but to me he is Adonis.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 23, 2011 8:37:08 GMT -5
Thought I wanted: tall, good-looking, educated, ambitious, financially stable, liberal, atheist or agnostic, animal lover, ok with being DINKS. Ended up with: tall, great-looking to me, never finished college, earning potential probably not >50k, from a very conservative and religious family and still carrying those trappings around, animal lover who really wants kids. He is also funny, kind, splits the housework, good with people, moving towards more liberal mindset, and loves me to bits. I think I outsmarted myself.
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Epiphany
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Post by Epiphany on Mar 23, 2011 9:06:12 GMT -5
I had a list and it worked. At age 19 after getting out of a bad relationship, while crying in my college apartment I wrote a list. I don't even remember everything on the list but it was along the lines of - Must be a Christian, respects me, doesn't have to be fixed (doesn't have crzy problems), secure, etc. Real stuff, not fluff. I then prayed really hard and told God I couldn't do the crazy drama anymore and I needed to find the one I was going to marry within a year. Six months later I met my now DH. He had almost every quality on the list and we've been together for 11 years now, married for 9.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2011 9:16:29 GMT -5
I wanted a husband that loved and respected me. I definitely didn't marry for money. We were both flat broke when we met. I DID however want a guy that valued education and had goals in life. I also wanted someone who was open minded and who I could talk to about anything and everything. I wanted to marry my best friend and I did. we were looking for the EXACT same thing - and it looks like we both found it.
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reader79
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Post by reader79 on Mar 23, 2011 9:22:42 GMT -5
I want someone who will respect me - no cheating. Which apparently is hard to find. They have to get my sense of humor, and not make fun of my sci-fi/Star Wars stuff. And no weiners who drive hybrid's. The last one is probably why I am never going to marry - they can't eat meat/fish in my house. I deal with it at restaurants - never a comment to anyone - but in the sanctity of my own home, no effin way. You're definitely not allowed to use my pressure cooker either.
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Poppet
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Post by Poppet on Mar 23, 2011 9:27:16 GMT -5
This is a great question since I know a handful of young women who have zero skill in picking a mate.
First, physical attraction. Yet even as I say that I know I didn't marry my man because he was the hottest man on the planet. Genuine kindness, respect, affection, sweetness, and humor all work to improve a man's looks to a certain extent.
I look for a man who has reasonable ambition and who is a steady worker. Yes, I want my man to "kill something and bring it home." As someone who values traditional roles, I find a working man extremely sexy.
I look for man who is not addicted to anything drugs, food, video games, sports, religion, not even me.
My man has to have qualities that will make him a good father. This includes marrying the child's mother.
I got that guy 25 years ago. Love him. He's not perfect, nor am I. Somehow it all worked out.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2011 9:27:26 GMT -5
Am I the only one who didn't have a list? I wasn't looking for a husband when I met him.
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Post by tea4me on Mar 23, 2011 9:29:58 GMT -5
I was never married but I reached a point where I had two requirements for the next man in my life:
1) he had to have a job 2) I preferred no kids
(Yes, I dated losers.)
Now I did find a man that met my requirements and we talk about getting married some day. He is financially stable, I am financially stable, no kids, etc. It's great.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2011 9:30:01 GMT -5
famco, I didn't have a "list" either. I actually wasn't even looking to marry. After my mom's train wreck marriages, I was either going to find someone who had the qualities I would like in a companion (and Angel listed), or I was going to stay single. If I was going to marry, I wanted it to be for the right reasons, not because I needed to hurry up and get married.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2011 9:46:22 GMT -5
famco, I didn't have a "list" either. I actually wasn't even looking to marry. After my mom's train wreck marriages, I was either going to find someone who had the qualities I would like in a companion (and Angel listed), or I was going to stay single. If I was going to marry, I wanted it to be for the right reasons, not because I needed to hurry up and get married. Good for you MoneyJenny! I'm glad you found him. Oh, and congratulations on the little one too.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 23, 2011 9:55:44 GMT -5
What did I look for? I dunno, DH just kind of happened.
However, apparently I said some things to him when we first started dating that motivated him. He was working as an optician, making about $10 an hour, no benefits, no retirement. Evidently, I said something to him about not seeing the relationship going anywhere because his career prospects weren't particularly good. He went back to school and is now a pharmacist.
I don't remember the conversation.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Mar 23, 2011 10:04:51 GMT -5
I looked for a non-smoker (DH quit as soon as I told him I wouldn't date a smoker) and someone that knew how to properly make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. There are two ways - the right way and the wrong way.
DH and I married really young (on my 21st birthday) and have essentially grown up together during our marriage. The people we are now aren't necessarily the people we were 15 years ago. I didn't have a list but ability to put up with my attitude problem and laugh at my smart-ass, dry sense of humor was a must.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Mar 23, 2011 11:03:15 GMT -5
I didn't have a real list either, other than I really wanted my husband to be smart. Someone I can have an intelligent conversation with. We also share a lot of political and philosphical views. I also wanted someone who can be independent - doesn't need a "mommy" to cook and clean for him. As a bonus, he also makes a good amount of money, and is a decent father.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 23, 2011 11:12:10 GMT -5
I didn't have a list but ability to put up with my attitude problem
That was pretty much my entire list. I wasn't really looking for marriage when I met DH. I wasn't even looking to date someone, he just happened.
We balance each other. We joke that if you put us on eHarmony that we'd never be matched together because from the outside it seems like we have so little in common.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 23, 2011 11:15:38 GMT -5
I didn't have a list but ability to put up with my attitude problem That was pretty much my entire list. I wasn't really looking for marriage when I met DH. I wasn't even looking to date someone, he just happened. We balance each other. We joke that if you put us on eHarmony that we'd never be matched together because from the outside it seems like we have so little in common. DH and I have joked about that too. I'm pretty sure we'd be put on the "incompatible list"
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