Why am I pissed?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 19, 2016 10:24:57 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

okay, can we not turn this into a religious discussion? this topic is how the OP should deal (or not) with her sister. 

thanks, 
-chiver mod

Thanks, Chiver.....this is why I did not want this discussion moved to the religious board.  I really don't care how one chooses to define agnostic or atheist, and really this is not germane to the question.

My question is how to deal with the lack of respect shown, which is the conclusion I came to as why I am so pissed.

I did come to the conclusion that I will not send her the book I found.  That is playing her games, and I don't.

[Virgil Showlion]

Dec 19, 2016 10:24:57 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

okay, can we not turn this into a religious discussion? this topic is how the OP should deal (or not) with her sister. 

thanks, 
-chiver mod

There are only three answers: take offense, retaliate; take offense, don't retaliate; don't take offense. All were expounded on page 1. Since then, discussion has either been redundant or concerned with why the OP should or shouldn't take offense, and it's inextricable from her views on religion. BG was being prescient when she moved it to RD.

If we eliminate the why, the OP might as well request a thread lock. Or at least change the thread title to "Please Pat Me on the Back and Don't Explain Why".

[chiver78]

Dec 19, 2016 11:20:19 GMT -5 Virgil Showlion said:

Dec 19, 2016 10:24:57 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

okay, can we not turn this into a religious discussion? this topic is how the OP should deal (or not) with her sister. 

thanks, 
-chiver mod

There are only three answers: take offense, retaliate; take offense, don't retaliate; don't take offense. All were expounded on page 1. Since then, discussion has either been redundant or concerned with why the OP should or shouldn't take offense, and it's inextricable from her views on religion. BG was being prescient when she moved it to RD.

If we eliminate the why, the OP might as well request a thread lock. Or at least change the thread title to "Please Pat Me on the Back and Don't Explain Why".

the OP can request a lock. she has already requested that the thread be moved back from Religious Discussion as the actual religious topic had nothing to do with her original question. You clearly feel differently, and I invite you to start a thread of your own over there. 

-chiver mod. 

[zibazinski]

I was raised religiously . That being said, as an adult, I started going to a less strict church than the one I was raised in. My two Aunts still firmly believe I'm going to hell because I'm not Baptist anymore. I'm sorry that it worries them but it is what it is. I would never hurt or insult them by "getting into it" with them. It's not worth it and it's easily ignored unless you're spoiling for an argument. Life is precious and short and some families have real difficulties and problems. Don't let this ruin your relationship or holiday. It's a molehill. An annoying one but nothing worth getting into a tizzy over.

[Gardening Grandma]

Dec 19, 2016 10:54:50 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 19, 2016 10:24:57 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

okay, can we not turn this into a religious discussion? this topic is how the OP should deal (or not) with her sister. 

thanks, 
-chiver mod

Thanks, Chiver.....this is why I did not want this discussion moved to the religious board.  I really don't care how one chooses to define agnostic or atheist, and really this is not germane to the question.

My question is how to deal with the lack of respect shown, which is the conclusion I came to as why I am so pissed.

I did come to the conclusion that I will not send her the book I found.  That is playing her games, and I don't.

I agree with your conclusion.  Playing her game is not a good idea.  Some posts back, someone suggested -if the book came from Amazon- returning the book and exchanging it for one you want, And letting her know.  I like that idea.  And maybe it is exchangesble in some way.

If I could not exchange it. I think I'd donate it to charity and tell her "I did not read it, but did donate it. Thank you for the tax deduction"

[Lizard Queen]

I developed my own very personal beliefs at a young age--tweens-early teens--began while I was attending Catholic school.  Lots of things didn't make sense to me.  What I currently believe completely puts things together for me.  I don't expect anyone else to believe or even understand exactly as I do, but these beliefs of mine were very extensively pursued and thought out.  I have a FIL and (now deceased) sMIL that were very devout in their own brand of religion.  Despite their being significantly older, its possible my own spiritual journey has been longer than theirs.  I know it has been much more extensive than theirs. Yet, at infrequent family get-togethers they would attempt push their own religious agenda onto us.  Not her children mind you, who were perfect in all ways, but FIL's families.  Yes, it pissed us off a bit.  I responded by ignoring it.  If they knew the half of what I believe, they'd probably pass out.  So, although I'm coming from a different place belief-wise, I understand the feeling.  An infrequent seen in-law, I can just ignore,  With a sibling, I  might try to explain.  (My own siblings are not religious at all, though.)  I don't know how far you can really get explaining with a sib, though.  Seems like everyone wants to share in their latest and greatest thing that they found, no matter what it is.  Some people are just annoying that way.

[Green Eyed Lady]

Dec 19, 2016 10:54:50 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 19, 2016 10:24:57 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

okay, can we not turn this into a religious discussion? this topic is how the OP should deal (or not) with her sister. 

thanks, 
-chiver mod

Thanks, Chiver.....this is why I did not want this discussion moved to the religious board.  I really don't care how one chooses to define agnostic or atheist, and really this is not germane to the question.

My question is how to deal with the lack of respect shown, which is the conclusion I came to as why I am so pissed.

I did come to the conclusion that I will not send her the book I found.  That is playing her games, and I don't.

I'm very glad you came to that conclusion. Doing what some in this thread have suggested would make you just as guilty of poor behavior as your sister was. Hypocrisy is the lay of the land these days and I'm glad to see you didn't feed into that.

It's tough being an adult sometimes...so tough that I fail about 10 times a day.

[imawino]

Dec 18, 2016 13:05:09 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Dec 18, 2016 12:58:38 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

I consider myself an agnostic.  I think there are a lot of things we, as humans, do not understand.  It is human nature to create explanations for those things.  As science progresses, the need for created explanations lessens.  Perhaps that is why many religious folks fear science.  I don't know.

Baloney. Let's start the insults.

Start?  When did you ever stop them?

[shanendoah]

The Walk of the Penguin Mich - Here, let's move this out of religion and over to politics. I think you are reacting to this the way you are for the same reason I unfollowed my father on FB, after numerous comments directly to me that he was afraid I was only voting for Hillary because she was a woman.
We are not dealing with a matter of fact. While there are facts involved in this, belief, religious affiliation, political affiliation, etc, are all a combination of facts, critical thinking (on some level), and personal feeling/belief. It is an area where you make the decision that is best for you. Some people believe that everyone should share exactly their beliefs, and other accept that we all think about these things a little differently, have our stories, and have come to where we are based on our own experiences.
I am assuming you have said to your sister, as I said to my father (many times), we are going to have to agree to disagree on this, and she's not leaving it be.

You are upset because it feels to you as if she is saying - Your experiences are invalid, or at least don't matter as much as my experiences matter. You are not capable of sifting through this on your own - here, let me put it in language you'll understand (ie dumb it down for you).
It is especially galling because you know very well, she would never read this book herself. You feel as if she is not treating you as an equal adult with the ability to make your own decisions.

Now, the question becomes how to handle it. If this were an argument I were having with my brother, I would totally send him the response book (not expecting him to read it any more than I'd read the one he sent me). But that's our relationship. We've been fighting and arguing for 40 years, and neither of us is ever actually going to be offended/truly mad at the other for doing it. If something hits too close to home for one of us, they just have to say so and the other backs off. But that's our relationship.

That isn't how things work between me and my father. I learned during this election that he wasn't able to back off when I told him (repeatedly) that he needed to. We've argued about a few political things before and have been able to come to "we see it differently" resolutions, but not so this time. This time, he wouldn't let it go. But he's my dad, so I couldn't completely unfriend him or say things that I might say to someone else treating me that way. So instead, I unfollowed. I took a step back. And I am trying to let it go. The best revenge, in my case, is to remind him that he raised me to be this way, so that if I disagree with him, it's really his fault.
At the same time, I am 40 years old. To basically tell me over and over again that you think I'm too stupid to understand what I am doing is a major insult and hurts like hell.

So, I think you are responding to something that both feels like you are being disrespected, and also hurts. To have your sister be so certain that you can't figure this out on your own, hurts as much as it angers.

You have to decide what you're going to do based on your relationship with your sister, what you value about it, what you don't, and what you can and cannot let go.
I cannot tell you how to respond. I can only tell you that I understand, and that it really has nothing to do with religion. It has to do with the relationship with your sister.


And now that I've been good.....

toshmanta - I would also describe myself as an atheist, but I am in no way convinced that faeries don't exist.

[imawino]

Dec 18, 2016 20:58:20 GMT -5 @richardintn said:

Dec 18, 2016 6:52:25 GMT -5 toshmanta said:

I am an atheist and i am willing to believe in any god if there is proof, you are missing my point,agnosticism is about withholding belief and DISBELIEF until there is proof either way, all the agnostics i know do not BELIEVE Zeus exists but withhold their disbelief when it comes to God.

That says you are an Agnostic. An Atheist would not believe, even in the face of proof.

I don't think so. They would just admit they were wrong.  I don't think there is a difference.  Neither believes.  Does an agnostic actually think proof is coming?  Truthfully?  Because then aren't they just are a believer, albeit perhaps a lapsed one?

It's semantics.  I do not believe, so I consider myself an atheist.  I used to say agnostic but it's not like I actually thought someone was going to present me with proof.  I feel comfortable where I am - but if someone showed me proof, then I would be wrong, and then presumably become a believer.  I don't really see the point of the middle ground of agnosticism. 

[imawino]

Dec 19, 2016 11:27:47 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I was raised religiously . That being said, as an adult, I started going to a less strict church than the one I was raised in. My two Aunts still firmly believe I'm going to hell because I'm not Baptist anymore. I'm sorry that it worries them but it is what it is. I would never hurt or insult them by "getting into it" with them. It's not worth it and it's easily ignored unless you're spoiling for an argument. Life is precious and short and some families have real difficulties and problems. Don't let this ruin your relationship or holiday. It's a molehill. An annoying one but nothing worth getting into a tizzy over.

Expressing that her sister's lack of respect for her beliefs is annoying and hurtful is hardly the same thing as "getting into a tizzy".

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I find around certain people it's simpler to say I'm agnostic.  They get really upset if I say 'atheist".

I agree it's semantics but when I have to see these people on a fairly regular basis it makes my life easier to go with the flow.

I'd be annoyed if I got the book too.   While religion hasn't popped up yet my SIL has been posting on Facebook with the zeal of a newly converted vegan.   I am happy for her and she is entitled to whatever dietary selection she chooses but I am getting REALLY sick of all the "you meat eaters need enlightened" posts.

My husband works in the meat industry.  If anyone is going to win the "enlightened" argument it's me.   I should totally post that.

I also get annoyed with the fact that it's apparently acceptable to shove these things down my throat but if I propose a counterargument I am "disrespecting them and their beliefs". Why does conversion only work in one direction?

[zibazinski]

I'm sure this is an ongoing thing. Just with the holidays it seems magnified.

[jeep108]

I can relate, my aunt sent me a pamphlet  4 steps of getting right with god.  She told me god would cure my cancer.  

It drive her nuts that I'm not religious.  I was mad at first.  Now, I make jokes about it with my husband.   I'm not going to change her views and she's not going to change mine.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 19, 2016 12:19:31 GMT -5 jeep108 said:

I can relate, my aunt sent me a pamphlet  4 steps of getting right with god.  She told me god would cure my cancer.  

It drive her nuts that I'm not religious.  I was mad at first.  Now, I make jokes about it with my husband.   I'm not going to change her views and she's not going to change mine.  

  Really piss her off by saying maybe God is curing my cancer by providing scientists with the knowledge to create your treatment.


The resulting reaction can be pretty interesting.

[swamp]

Dec 19, 2016 12:03:40 GMT -5 imawino said:

Dec 18, 2016 20:58:20 GMT -5 @richardintn said:

That says you are an Agnostic. An Atheist would not believe, even in the face of proof.

I don't think so. They would just admit they were wrong.  I don't think there is a difference.  Neither believes.  Does an agnostic actually think proof is coming?  Truthfully?  Because then aren't they just are a believer, albeit perhaps a lapsed one?

It's semantics.  I do not believe, so I consider myself an atheist.  I used to say agnostic but it's not like I actually thought someone was going to present me with proof.  I feel comfortable where I am - but if someone showed me proof, then I would be wrong, and then presumably become a believer.  I don't really see the point of the middle ground of agnosticism. 

I'm hedging my bets.

[bean29]

Dec 19, 2016 11:27:47 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I was raised religiously . That being said, as an adult, I started going to a less strict church than the one I was raised in. My two Aunts still firmly believe I'm going to hell because I'm not Baptist anymore. I'm sorry that it worries them but it is what it is. I would never hurt or insult them by "getting into it" with them. It's not worth it and it's easily ignored unless you're spoiling for an argument. Life is precious and short and some families have real difficulties and problems. Don't let this ruin your relationship or holiday. It's a molehill. An annoying one but nothing worth getting into a tizzy over.

I think this is a very good point, and someone else mentioned that your sister is really in a bad place right now and in a lot of pain. I think the trick is how to convey that this is not a subject you want to discuss with your sister without hurting her feelings.

I have a person here at work I consider to be a very good friend. I was raised Catholic, and at one point was very religious, but while I still have faith, I don't attend church, and I am firmly pro-choice. My "friend" tried to get me to read a pro-life article with a similarly obvious intent of getting me to change my thinking.  I gave the article back to him and told him I was just too busy to read it.  That was the absolute truth, but honestly I was very upset and angry that he gave me the article and felt I should discuss it with him. 

While I kind of like the idea of giving the book back to your sister, she is struggling with her life and probably her beliefs right now too.  She probably feels like she did everything she was supposed to do, and yet her life still blew up on her.  Rather than reject religion she is clinging to it, and fining solace in it.  Salvation is important to her, and she is worried you will not be saved or maybe that when she gets to heaven you won't be there with her.  She Loves you, she did this from Love, so maintain your patience and find a way to neutralize and avoid the topic.

PS, I really feel the same way about the people who are posting the Merry Christmas/anti Happy Holidays rants on FB...honestly many religious have different celebrations and traditions around this time, why is your holiday the only one of importance? (and like I said, I am Christian, but I see my Mother, Aunts and cousins post this stuff and I am just like WTF, so I am going to post on FB and if my friends are Jewish I am telling them it's Christmas...I don't want you to post anything about your Hanukah celebration.  MY Holiday is the only one of importance!

[Lizard Queen]

I don't believe it's just semantics. One is basically saying, "maybe/maybe not, but I'm not going to worry about it." The other is saying, "you are all wrong. It's nothing more than a flying spaghetti monster."
One is much more respectful than the other.

[chiver78]

I'm going to do some cleanup. posts regarding Mich and her gift will stay. the others will be moved into a discussion on the religious forum. 

-chiver mod

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 19, 2016 12:43:36 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I don't believe it's just semantics. One is basically saying, "maybe/maybe not, but I'm not going to worry about it." The other is saying, "you are all wrong. It's nothing more than a flying spaghetti monster."
One is much more respectful than the other.

I disagree.   I can be an atheist and still respect other people's beliefs.   If you (this is hypothetical you, not YOU personally lizard)  believe I am saying you are wrong when I tell you I'm an atheist that says more about you than it does me.   If you are confident in your own beliefs it shouldn't matter what I choose to call myself.

I'm pretty laid back about it all.   I even attend church sometimes because it makes Gwen and DH happy.  I just choose not to pray or partake in communion.

[Sam_2.0]

Sorry, Mich. That would annoy me too. It's more the unsolicited advice and lack of respect for your beliefs than it is about the actual subject matter. Even if she had good intentions and you generally have a good relationship, it can still be hurtful. While her intent is important, so is your reception. Her good attempts don't invalidate your feelings.

I hope that venting here helped, and that you are able to come up with a way to let your sister know that you don't wish to receive further items like that in the future.

[Lizard Queen]

Dec 19, 2016 12:51:56 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Dec 19, 2016 12:43:36 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I don't believe it's just semantics. One is basically saying, "maybe/maybe not, but I'm not going to worry about it." The other is saying, "you are all wrong. It's nothing more than a flying spaghetti monster."
One is much more respectful than the other.

I disagree.   I can be an atheist and still respect other people's beliefs.   If you (this is hypothetical you, not YOU personally lizard)  believe I am saying you are wrong when I tell you I'm an atheist that says more about you than it does me.   If you are confident in your own beliefs it shouldn't matter what I choose to call myself.

I'm pretty laid back about it all.   I even attend church sometimes because it makes Gwen and DH happy.  I just choose not to pray or partake in communion.

That's cool, but my experience with people IRL have been as I've described. My beliefs are not main-stream, so I don't tend to get personally offended, and I don't care if others share my beliefs. The flying spaghetti monster (not that I've ever read anything from you personally regarding this), I found kinda funny when it first came out. The way it's used now is offensive, though. And I bring it up because I find atheists like to use TFSM, while agnostics do not. But to get back to the point, agnostics allow for the possibility, while atheists do not. It's the difference between an open mind, and one that is not. So, that's why you would get more receptivity from professing to being agnostic vs atheist.

[chiver78]

okay, cleanup is done. I've moved all the posts that talk about atheism, agnosticism, and who holds what beliefs that have nothing to do with Mich's original question. please take that conversation over to the Religious Discussion forum. any new posts of that nature in here will be moved. 

thanks. 
-chiver mod

[sesfw]

Really piss her off by saying maybe God is curing my cancer by providing scientists with the knowledge to create your treatment.






I will say 'Amen' ad nauseum to this.  This an all other ills of this world.

Although I still question the existence of mosquitoes and scorpions ........ 


It's too bad your sis doesn't go to our church ......... It's of the progressive Christianity and she would really have a cow.

Again, please don't start a war over this .......... the hurt stays too long

[Deleted]

Dec 17, 2016 18:39:35 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 17, 2016 18:32:44 GMT -5 oped said:

Well, to be blunt she fears you are going to hell and loves you and doesn't want that to happen. Just think of it as a weird form of 'I love you', say thanks, I love you too, and recycle. If possible...

I know this.  But why am I pissed?

Because, by sending you this book she is in effect saying.."I don't respect your beliefs, here are mine, study them".

I would find it annoying.

[shanendoah]

I'll be honest, the thing that bugs me most here is people asking The Walk of the Penguin Mich not to start a war. Please understand that her sister fired the first shots, regardless of why. Asking Mich not to defend herself is not the answer to this. She needs to do what she needs to do to protect herself.
She can choose to search for a diplomatic response, if that's what she wants. Maybe an embargo, or a gag order (I love you, sis and I will gladly talk about everything but R. If the conversation turns to R, I am hanging up) is in order. Or maybe there's enough of a history that Mich is ready to be done and send her sister an equivalent book.
But making Mich completely responsible for the health of their relationship isn't the answer.

And to go armchair psychoanalysis here (for which I am not in the least bit qualified), I would actually say this is part of the same problem that sis had with hubby. She believes it is her job to get the people around her to do what she thinks they should do, versus accepting that they have responsibility for their own decisions, and she has to accept those decisions even if she doesn't like them.
It doesn't help that her stbx hubby is doing things that are also harmful to himself and others. So sis has an inability to control that aspect of her life, and she perhaps sees a correlation between stbx and Mich, and decides that she should try to control Mich. And it's okay, because she's only doing it because she loves her sister.

Here's the thing, when you get to be adults, loving someone means respecting their decisions and wishes, even if you don't agree with them. If they are doing something that is actively harmful, you can try and intervene, but at some point, you have to accept that they are an adult and responsible for their own life.

[Gardening Grandma]

Dec 19, 2016 14:24:28 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

I'll be honest, the thing that bugs me most here is people asking The Walk of the Penguin Mich not to start a war. Please understand that her sister fired the first shots, regardless of why. Asking Mich not to defend herself is not the answer to this. She needs to do what she needs to do to protect herself.
She can choose to search for a diplomatic response, if that's what she wants. Maybe an embargo, or a gag order (I love you, sis and I will gladly talk about everything but R. If the conversation turns to R, I am hanging up) is in order. Or maybe there's enough of a history that Mich is ready to be done and send her sister an equivalent book.
But making Mich completely responsible for the health of their relationship isn't the answer.

And to go armchair psychoanalysis here (for which I am not in the least bit qualified), I would actually say this is part of the same problem that sis had with hubby. She believes it is her job to get the people around her to do what she thinks they should do, versus accepting that they have responsibility for their own decisions, and she has to accept those decisions even if she doesn't like them.
It doesn't help that her stbx hubby is doing things that are also harmful to himself and others. So sis has an inability to control that aspect of her life, and she perhaps sees a correlation between stbx and Mich, and decides that she should try to control Mich. And it's okay, because she's only doing it because she loves her sister.

Here's the thing, when you get to be adults, loving someone means respecting their decisions and wishes, even if you don't agree with them. If they are doing something that is actively harmful, you can try and intervene, but at some point, you have to accept that they are an adult and responsible for their own life.

Shanendoah
I am saving these very wise words as I am struggling with a decision of my own of whether to cut off all contact with my own sister (not over religion).  
I think this is the best advice anyone has offered on this thread.

[imawino]

Dec 19, 2016 12:43:36 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I don't believe it's just semantics. One is basically saying, "maybe/maybe not, but I'm not going to worry about it." The other is saying, "you are all wrong. It's nothing more than a flying spaghetti monster."
One is much more respectful than the other.

I wholeheartedly, but still respectfully, disagree.   Having a belief or opinion does not make one disrespectful.  Being disrespectful makes one disrespectful.

[taz157]

Dec 19, 2016 14:33:14 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

Dec 19, 2016 14:24:28 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

I'll be honest, the thing that bugs me most here is people asking The Walk of the Penguin Mich not to start a war. Please understand that her sister fired the first shots, regardless of why. Asking Mich not to defend herself is not the answer to this. She needs to do what she needs to do to protect herself.
She can choose to search for a diplomatic response, if that's what she wants. Maybe an embargo, or a gag order (I love you, sis and I will gladly talk about everything but R. If the conversation turns to R, I am hanging up) is in order. Or maybe there's enough of a history that Mich is ready to be done and send her sister an equivalent book.
But making Mich completely responsible for the health of their relationship isn't the answer.

And to go armchair psychoanalysis here (for which I am not in the least bit qualified), I would actually say this is part of the same problem that sis had with hubby. She believes it is her job to get the people around her to do what she thinks they should do, versus accepting that they have responsibility for their own decisions, and she has to accept those decisions even if she doesn't like them.
It doesn't help that her stbx hubby is doing things that are also harmful to himself and others. So sis has an inability to control that aspect of her life, and she perhaps sees a correlation between stbx and Mich, and decides that she should try to control Mich. And it's okay, because she's only doing it because she loves her sister.

Here's the thing, when you get to be adults, loving someone means respecting their decisions and wishes, even if you don't agree with them. If they are doing something that is actively harmful, you can try and intervene, but at some point, you have to accept that they are an adult and responsible for their own life.

Shanendoah
I am saving these very wise words as I am struggling with a decision of my own of whether to cut off all contact with my own sister (not over religion).  
I think this is the best advice anyone has offered on this thread.

Is this the sister that you had talked about going travelling with you next year overseas? I could be confusing you with another poster too.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I just had to take my niece and her friends to Seattle, so on the drive home I had a chance to try to figure out how I want to respond.

My sister is in a bad place right now, and regardless of what I say, she is making bad decisions, mainly financial.  She has asked TD and myself for advice, and largely ignores it.

Recently, she had a major meltdown where when I tried to tell her that her kids are hurting too and she needs to figure out a way of taking the high road in dealing with her STBX, because those battles are playing largely into their behavior.  Her oldest daughter has called me several times for help, and I am clueless.  Her therapist is telling her the same thing I am.  The result of this conversation was that she yelled at me for several minutes, then hung up on me.

So in my musings in my drive back, I came to the conclusion that my sister is not respecting her kids any more than she is me and this may be why their behavior is so lousy.  For instance, the oldest is in college and my sister said that she wanted her to go to church with her.  My 20 year old niece said she couldn't make it.  Rather than dropping it, my sister went on the warpath.  The way I feel is that my niece is of the age where she can start making choices as to how or if she believes.

I think that Shane is right, so much is out of her control that she wants to control the things she thinks she can control.  What she doesn't understand is that my life is not her's to control.  In other words, I am an extension of her kids.

Thinking back to this summer, it started with her trying to choose a date for my wedding.  I blindsided her by getting married in Africa, because it seemed easier.  Had I let her roll on, she would have tried to (help me...LOL) plan her idea of my wedding.

So this very likely has been building awhile.  I've ignored it, because it was easier than arguing.  I try not to argue with her, politics is a particularly hot topic that I avoid.  In fact, she very likely tried to coerce her 2 older kids how to vote, according to some FB posts she made.  I really hope they had the cohones to vote the way they wanted.

So ignoring this is not going to work, because she will ramp up her attack.  But I need to find some way to tell her that I am not receptive to this without destroying our relationship.  She is very much a tight wire right now, and the wrong choice of words could very easily do this.

But I'm not pissed anymore, I'm sad.  And you know what?  I think that this hurts more.