Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 21, 2011 12:44:54 GMT -5
I have definitely found it more expensive to date as a married couple--I see both halves of the equation! I don't know about adhering to or bucking social norms or not, but who paid never really mattered that much to me. If I asked, I paid. If he asked, I assumed he would pay. If he didn't, then we split it (and I came prepared for this eventuality as well). It was never enough to make me go out with or not go out with someone again. With most guys I saw more than once or twice I think I ended up paying about 50% of the time. You gotta figure that's fair...
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Post by jarhead1976 on Mar 21, 2011 12:49:28 GMT -5
Hoops, Great expectations are usually full of disappointment. Being yourself and having fun, mean much more, I would think, to women in the long run. The rewards are theirs to give.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2011 12:50:20 GMT -5
No it doesn't. It means having the same value. Men and women show that they appreciate each other in different ways. Paying for dates is a man's way and if he doesn't appreciate me then we won't be going out. I'm curious how you show that you appreciate him then. Oh J, I thought you would have known this already. when a man and a woman go out on an expensive date and the man pays, the woman invites him back to her place for "coffee"....
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Mar 21, 2011 12:51:14 GMT -5
Hoops, Great expectations are usually full of disappointment. Being yourself and having fun are much more I would think to women in the long run. The rewards are theirs to give. And the rewards of having a free dinner are mine to give...right? I don't really expect women to put out after the man buys them dinner, I just think it's likewise ridiculous for women to expect that because someone's a man they're expected to do so.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Mar 21, 2011 12:52:18 GMT -5
"when a man and a woman go out on an expensive date and the man pays, the woman invites him back to her place for "coffee".... "
Yeah, but I dont' drink coffee, so I always have to decline.
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Post by jarhead1976 on Mar 21, 2011 12:53:39 GMT -5
I am following you bro! Respects ladies.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2011 12:53:59 GMT -5
Hoops, it's "coffee", not coffee.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2011 12:55:38 GMT -5
Hoops do you get a woman you are interested in seeing again to pay for dinner?
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Mar 21, 2011 12:56:03 GMT -5
Hoops, it's "coffee", not coffee. So "I don't really like coffee, I only ever have it when I visit my parents" is probably the reason we never went out again.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Mar 21, 2011 12:58:21 GMT -5
Hoops do you get a woman you are interested in seeing again to pay for dinner? I don't have to "get her" to pay for dinner, if she doesn't at least offer then I'm probably not that interested. I believe in equality, if she doesn't then it's probably not gonna work out. And I think it's a significant difference between whether i pay or she pays, and whether she EXPECTS me to pay. I don't mind paying frankly, but I do mind the expectation that i'm going to pay just cuz i'm the guy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2011 12:58:44 GMT -5
You know, not all men like stilettos, right? Whoa, let's not get crazy. LOL, you beat me to it ;D I love my wife in heels, just HOT I actually meant the courtship part whern I started the thread, like trying to find a SO other. Ex: one of our friends right now is single and looking. Let's say he went out on dates about 5 times this past month... It does add up quickly. At least for the guys because some of my wife friends are on the dating scene also and I don't think they paid for one date. But being single and looking to find someone can be pretty expensive for a guy. I think the costs goes down when you become exclusive and it is more 50/50. Evben then, sometimes it doesn't become 50/50 till you are married and have combined finances. Until we were married, I paid for 90% of our dates, going out, etc. My wife would treat me for my birthday and maybe once in awhile.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 21, 2011 12:59:24 GMT -5
When he wears heels we'll talk. Huh? Do guys even notice our feet? I think a low cut blouse does more for the guy than stilettos.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2011 13:02:44 GMT -5
Hoops, it's "coffee", not coffee. So "I don't really like coffee, I only ever have it when I visit my parents" is probably the reason we never went out again. aahhhh, gotcha.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 21, 2011 13:03:43 GMT -5
I’m pleased to see that most women here have a view of splitting dating costs. A few like laterbloomer have antiquated views, but that doesn’t bother me as much as it once did. If they find guys who enjoy that then good for them. I, for one, get turned off if I end up paying for everything long term. My philosophy is who asks pays initially. Around the third or fourth date I feel that I shouldn’t have to take on the full price anymore. I do agree that it’s cumbersome to try and split a bill on the spot, so I like the idea of alternating. I also don’t think a “score” needs to be kept. To me it’s more about making a good faith effort to contribute than an actual dollar amount. For example, I went on a date with a young woman to Boston a couple of years ago. She paid for the tolls and parking. We each paid for our own ticket to the Art museum, and I paid for our meals. I thought it all worked out well. I probably spent a little more, but I didn’t mind as I was making more. The fact that she didn’t mind contributing meant more.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2011 13:05:39 GMT -5
When he wears heels we'll talk. Huh? Do guys even notice our feet? I think a low cut blouse does more for the guy than stilettos. I know, right?! DH will occasionally notice if I'm wearing heels (mostly because I'm easier to kiss ), but if I want him to drool nonstop I just have to put on some fitted jeans and a racerback tank top (yes, it has to be that specific style!).
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Post by jarhead1976 on Mar 21, 2011 13:06:00 GMT -5
When he wears heels we'll talk. Huh? Do guys even notice our feet? I think a low cut blouse does more for the guy than stilettos. So true swamp! Yet if all she has on is stilettos, its a win win.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 21, 2011 13:08:24 GMT -5
You'd think that would be enough wouldn't you? But actually I do more. Taking extra care with my appearance and wearing those stilettos guys like so much but kill my feet. Thoughtful gifts based on things he has indicated he likes. Laughing at his jokes no matter how bad they are. There are lots of ways The 50's called, they're looking for you Seriously though, I don't think looking good and just showing up and being engaged covers paying for dates and making your partner feel appreceiated. That's just another way of saying that you're doing your part by daining to even meet with the poor guy. You obviously have a high opinion of yourself.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 21, 2011 13:10:50 GMT -5
"Laughing at his jokes no matter how bad they are"
You really do that?! It's like faking an orgasm, it rewards subpar performance.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2011 13:10:50 GMT -5
Huh? Do guys even notice our feet? I think a low cut blouse does more for the guy than stilettos. So true swamp! Yet if all she has on is stilettos, its a win win. Amen!! All my wife has to do is walk in with nothing but high heels and it's on. But I do notice my wife with high heels because she has nice legs. But yeah I would notice a short skirt quicker
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Mar 21, 2011 13:11:36 GMT -5
So a guy pays a premium because of how you dress? Wow. As mentioned upkeep goes both ways. Swamp I think you can get away with wearing a nice blouse and most guys will notice that just fine. I see a woman walking in what looks like uncomfortable shoes and I think "is it really worth it?" For the right situation sure but it's not an every date thing.
I'm with hoops on this one. I don't expect her to pay half and I don't mind paying but I want her to at least offer otherwise there won't be a second date.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 21, 2011 13:14:07 GMT -5
So a guy pays a premium because of how you dress? Wow. As mentioned upkeep goes both ways. Swamp I think you can get away with wearing a nice blouse and most guys will notice that just fine. I see a woman walking in what looks like uncomfortable shoes and I think "is it really worth it?" For the right situation sure but it's not an every date thing. I'm with hoops on this one. I don't expect her to pay half and I don't mind paying but I want her to at least offer otherwise there won't be a second date. I didn't say "nice blouse" I said low cut blouse. If I'm wearing a pushup bra with and my hooters are hanging out, it doesn't matter if the blouse looks like cat vomit, all male eyes are on the boobs.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Mar 21, 2011 13:16:13 GMT -5
Nice, low cut, whatever. If you have nice legs and those are showing a bit that's great.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2011 13:17:45 GMT -5
"Laughing at his jokes no matter how bad they are" You really do that?! It's like faking an orgasm, it rewards subpar performance. YES!!!
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kdamron
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Post by kdamron on Mar 21, 2011 13:25:46 GMT -5
As far as the who pays debate in my opinion if you ask, you pay, if I ask I pay. But that is really a first date rule. As far as single/vs couple date nights, I gotta say DF and I have some pretty spendy 'couple' dates.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2011 13:50:11 GMT -5
Hoops do you get a woman you are interested in seeing again to pay for dinner? I don't have to "get her" to pay for dinner, if she doesn't at least offer then I'm probably not that interested. I believe in equality, if she doesn't then it's probably not gonna work out. And I think it's a significant difference between whether i pay or she pays, and whether she EXPECTS me to pay. I don't mind paying frankly, but I do mind the expectation that i'm going to pay just cuz i'm the guy. I don't expect him to pay because he's a guy. I expect him to pay to show he is interested in me. If he doesn't, or accepts my offer to pay, I take that as a clear "I'm not interested". And yes, men very much notice if I am wearing stilletos.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 21, 2011 13:51:37 GMT -5
...:::"I can pay for dinner. But it will be the last time we go out. To me that is a "he's just not that into you" message.":::...
I figured if I was ever dating again, that I'd always pay first date, if for no other reason than to avoid triggering some chick's material filter. What annoys me most is when they make a COMPLETELY disingenuous offer to split the bill, purely so they don't SEEM materialistic, but if the guy says "OK" then she disqualifies him.
In this modern gender confused day and age, I might seriously consider bluntly asking whether or not her paying half will result in disqualification. Of course anyone that expects a woman to say what she means and mean what she says is naive anyway.
This is actually quite timely. Just this weekend, DF and I had a disagreement arising over my inability/refusal to speak "female bullshit". I explained how if she had just said "I want to go to Mike's Grill" instead of asking me if I wanted to go and expecting me to know that what she really meant is that she wanted to go, a lot of stress could have been avoided.
Better communicators my ass.
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The J
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Post by The J on Mar 21, 2011 13:53:16 GMT -5
Your expectation is that paying shows that he's interested in you BECAUSE HE'S A GUY. You can try to couch it any way you want, but it boils down to your idea that a guy can only show he's interested and that he appreciates you by paying.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 21, 2011 13:53:28 GMT -5
I explained how if she had just said "I want to go to Mike's Grill" instead of asking me if I wanted to go and expecting me to know that what she really meant is that she wanted to go, a lot of stress could have been avoided.
Better communicators my assWe should really meet in person. Your DF and my DH can quibble about where they want to go in ESP speak and we can just go wherever we want. I expect him to pay to show he is interested in meI thought him asking me out or agreeing to go on a date with me was showing he was interested? Boy did I calculate that wrong! Course dear boyfriend became DH so I suppose my calculations weren't too far off.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 21, 2011 13:58:00 GMT -5
Better communicators my ass. LOL! My wife and I both annoy each other with I don't care sometimes. One of us will ask where the other one wants to go for dinner and the other one will say they don't care. So you pick a place and they go, "no I don't want that." You pick another place, "no I'm not in the mood for that." You pick another place and they go, "eh... I guess..." Right about here is when the person who asked originally starts to lose it. If you really don't care, fine, I'll pick. If you do care, just freaking say so. However, I really can't get mad about it, because I do it too.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 21, 2011 13:58:15 GMT -5
...:::"I don't expect her to pay half and I don't mind paying but I want her to at least offer otherwise there won't be a second date.":::...
Yeah, this could get fun really fast. I could totally see two people who were actually otherwise quite well matched disqualifying each other because of some misunderstanding of how the money worked.
I agree with what was said about a big difference between "paying" and "being expected to pay". I'd always pay for the first date, but if I'm still paying full ride 3 or 4 dates later, and haven't gotten any good sex out of her, whats the damn point.
DF and I were friends first, so we already had gone on outings and whatnot. I did pay for our first official date. But she's doing most of the saving for our wedding so I guess that one worked out well.
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