zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 14, 2016 7:45:07 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 14, 2016 7:47:44 GMT -5
Sorry, Was for MPL, forgot to use quote.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 7:50:51 GMT -5
MPL, my school didn't have a nurse but DD liked to bother the office staff with her little complaints. I told her to leave them alone, period, end of story. She did. I don't think younger bothers her too much, but older was legendary. She actually spoke at his graduation. Earlier this week, he wanted to stop in and visit his old school when I dropped off younger son and of course had to go to the nurse's office to tell her he had a headache. lol! He sounds like my oldest. The nurse and I were on a first name basis the first month of school! That's when I implemented my rule. If she isn't bleeding from anywhere that she shouldn't be bleeding from (because yes, my kid used THAT as a reason to come home), isn't puking or diarrhea and no temp over 100.4, her butt goes back to class!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2016 7:53:42 GMT -5
The stuff he'd come up with when he was really little, like kidney failure, or blind (both eyes)...it was like I was mad, but I couldn't keep from laughing.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 14, 2016 7:59:37 GMT -5
Good news - his aide starts today!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 8:01:05 GMT -5
The stuff he'd come up with when he was really little, like kidney failure, or blind (both eyes)...it was like I was mad, but I couldn't keep from laughing. hahaha!
My daughter actually only has one functioning kidney (well now she only has one since she had the bad one removed). She used that all of the time. She used to freak the nurses out by saying "my bad kidney really hurts"...and then I would freak them out more by saying "send her back to class"!lol If she didn't want to do gym class (didnt' want to mess the hair) she would say she couldn't sweat and get dehydrated because she only had one kidney. I had to write a letter stating that other than contact sports, she is FINE and attach a physical from her doctor...I tell her she is the reason momma drinks
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 14, 2016 8:19:36 GMT -5
My poor son was told if it isn't bleeding and you are damn sure it's broken don't bother me or anyone else. I would never have been nominated for MOTY. Bad mother to the bone.
I can think back over some incidents he probably should have told me about but probably thought - well, I don't see blood so OK.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 8:21:31 GMT -5
My poor son was told if it isn't bleeding and you are damn sure it's broken don't bother me or anyone else. I would never have been nominated for MOTY. Bad mother to the bone.
I can think back over some incidents he probably should have told me about but probably thought - well, I don't see blood so OK. lol
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Sept 14, 2016 8:47:06 GMT -5
Good news - his aide starts today! That is good news.
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Sept 14, 2016 8:56:38 GMT -5
He'll be back in school tomorrow. Based on C's broken arm last fall, you'll have 2-4 appointments in the next 3 months, to be scheduled at your discretion. As far as kid illnesses, they happen and you and xh can figure out a rough schedule for who gets the sick kid when. If you have a day or two with no classes, offer those and see what xh can do. We've always done sick kid days based on who has a more critical deadline and who has more pto available in that moment. You got this. Keep on with school. The problem is that X has already decided to only cover the days that he has custody. I have been trying to get him to realize that that won't work now. There are already 2 Thursdays where the district doesn't have school and I have class and I told him I'd cover the Wednesday and/or Friday instead and he is still insisting on doing it his way. Hey - that's part of life. You made an agreement with X and he wants to stick to it. It's not his fault you want to change.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 9:17:16 GMT -5
The problem is that X has already decided to only cover the days that he has custody. I have been trying to get him to realize that that won't work now. There are already 2 Thursdays where the district doesn't have school and I have class and I told him I'd cover the Wednesday and/or Friday instead and he is still insisting on doing it his way. Hey - that's part of life. You made an agreement with X and he wants to stick to it. It's not his fault you want to change. At the end of the day, that's basically it. My ex and I work together when we can but I also know many people that are strictly by the custody agreement. It makes it difficult to have zero flexibility but that is a matter of life for many people that I know. Hell, I know some women that can't even get their ex to take the kids at all (talk about the poster child for being an asshole!)
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 14, 2016 9:32:04 GMT -5
The problem is that X has already decided to only cover the days that he has custody. I have been trying to get him to realize that that won't work now. There are already 2 Thursdays where the district doesn't have school and I have class and I told him I'd cover the Wednesday and/or Friday instead and he is still insisting on doing it his way. Hey - that's part of life. You made an agreement with X and he wants to stick to it. It's not his fault you want to change. Except he DOESN'T always stick to it himself.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2016 10:30:53 GMT -5
I did spank toddlers. (Flat hand, not super hard and definitely no belts), it was mostly a one quick swat to drive home the point kind of deal. Once they hit school age there were so many more effective ways to deal with discipline issues, it just seemed weird to hit them. My 14 year old is nearly 6 feet tall and 200 pounds and very respectful of me despite not driving the point home with a switch.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 10:45:17 GMT -5
Pennsylvania
[The Pennsylvania Code]
Parents can use reasonable supervision and control when raising their children. 23 § 6302. [Civil Code] Parent/guardian/person responsible for general care and supervision/ person acting at request of the above may use force for the purpose of safeguarding or promoting welfare of minor including the prevention or punishment of his misconduct, if the force is not designed to cause or known to create a substantial risk of causing death, serious bodily injury, disfigurement, extreme pain, mental distress, or gross degradation. 18 § 509. [Criminal Code]
Spanking isn't illegal in PA. Obviously you can't beat the shit out of your kid but a spanking is not going to get you arrested.
I think using a belt would fall under the "extreme pain and mental distress categories. Maybe gross degradation. I was going off spanking in general. I was paddled as a kid (even in school...imagine what would happen in today's world!) and honestly don't view it as extreme pain, mental distress or gross degradation. There is most definitely a line between a spanking and a beating, though.
I also only spanked my kids when they were very little. But I'm not anti-spanking.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2016 10:52:04 GMT -5
I think using a belt would fall under the "extreme pain and mental distress categories. Maybe gross degradation. I was going off spanking in general. I was paddled as a kid (even in school...imagine what would happen in today's world!) and honestly don't view it as extreme pain, mental distress or gross degradation. There is most definitely a line between a spanking and a beating, though.
I also only spanked my kids when they were very little. But I'm not anti-spanking.
So, if you didn't think it was that bad, do you believe it was an effective deterrent? What always got to me that my brain eventually couldn't handle was I was also telling them to not hit. One day I caught myself giving my older son a spanking for hitting another kid and he called me on it (he was a logical little PIA ). I'm like "Yeah...this is a pretty dumb punishment". LOL
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 10:55:52 GMT -5
I was going off spanking in general. I was paddled as a kid (even in school...imagine what would happen in today's world!) and honestly don't view it as extreme pain, mental distress or gross degradation. There is most definitely a line between a spanking and a beating, though.
I also only spanked my kids when they were very little. But I'm not anti-spanking.
So, if you didn't think it was that bad , do you believe it was an effective deterrent? What always got to me that my brain eventually couldn't handle was I was also telling them to not hit. One day I caught myself giving my older son a spanking for hitting another kid and he called me on it (he was a logical little PIA ). I'm like "Yeah...this is a pretty dumb punishment". LOL Depends. I was paddled when I was in junior high. Looking back the teacher was just a perve. He actually wrote his initials in chalk on the paddle and he told me if he caught me walking the halls without his initials on my ass I was getting detention....looking back as a parent of two girls I realize the guy was a big old creepster!
But when I was paddled when I was younger I do think it was a deterrent. My mom never beat me with the paddle so perhaps you and I are thinking of two different scenarios.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Sept 14, 2016 11:32:37 GMT -5
But when I was paddled when I was younger I do think it was a deterrent. My mom never beat me with the paddle so perhaps you and I are thinking of two different scenarios.
See, for me "spanking" wasn't a deterrent. Growing up there was physical punishment and there was emotional punishment. I would do whatever I needed to avoid the emotional punishment (which in my house was public humiliation and the silent treatment). For me, getting the silent treatment (and having to piece together why, and not knowing when it was going to end) was worse, actually, than the physical stuff that likely crossed a line. Avoiding emotional punishment meant lying...or really just telling my folks what they wanted to hear. (Because not being in 100% agreement with them and/or not putting their needs first was a punishable offense. We're not talking about huge lies like lying about drinking or being at a friends house when you are really having sex with a boyfriend. I'm talking about being punished because my friends did not say hi to my parents or offering an opinion they didn't agree with. Or lying about something small to try to keep control of some part of your life..or forgetting to brush your teeth..) If I got caught lying...that was a physical punishment. I didn't get caught lying a whole bunch. And, there was never consistent (physical) punishment for lying. Just really depended on how angry they were at that very moment. So it was better for me to chance getting caught lying in my house than it was to upset my parents in some other way.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 11:35:00 GMT -5
But when I was paddled when I was younger I do think it was a deterrent. My mom never beat me with the paddle so perhaps you and I are thinking of two different scenarios.
See, for me "spanking" wasn't a deterrent. Growing up there was physical punishment and there was emotional punishment. I would do whatever I needed to avoid the emotional punishment (which in my house was public humiliation and the silent treatment). For me, getting the silent treatment (and having to piece together why, and not knowing when it was going to end) was worse, actually, than the physical stuff that could be considered abusive (I think we'd agree that when you cause your kid to stop breathing for a second or two, a line has been crossed.) Avoiding emotional punishment meant lying...or really just telling my folks what they wanted to hear. (Because not being in 100% agreement with them and/or not putting their needs first was a punishable offense. We're not talking about huge lies like lying about drinking or being at a friends house when you are really having sex with a boyfriend. I'm talking about being punished because my friends did not say hi to my parents or offering an opinion they didn't agree with. Or lying about something small to try to keep control of some part of your life.) If I got caught lying...that was a physical punishment. I didn't get caught lying a whole bunch. And, there was never consistent (physical) punishment for lying. Just really depended on how angry they were at that very moment. So it was better for me to chance getting caught lying in my house than it was to upset my parents in some other way. What your parents did to you it abuse. I can see why you have the views that you have. My childhood was no bed of roses after their divorce but my mom actually wasn't a bad mom until my parents got divorced when I was 9. So the paddling/spanking that occurred when I was younger was from a good mom. I don't look back on any of it and think she abused or beat me.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 14, 2016 11:56:18 GMT -5
My mom tried to give me the silent treatment when I last visited her a few weeks ago. Didn't want to hug me or really talk to me at all. No idea why, and I kept pressing her and asking what her problem was. I never got an answer.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2016 12:13:14 GMT -5
My Mom seemed to like face slapping/head hitting and it just made me extremely angry and bent on revenge. I remember one time quite vividly when I was maybe 12 or 13. My Mom had gone off on something and was hitting me. Well, this time I had had enough and went ballistic back. I remember being on the couch and just punching her over and over with all my strength. This didn't completely bring to an end any corporal punishment, but there were only a few incidents after that.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 12:17:05 GMT -5
My Mom seemed to like face slapping/head hitting and it just made me extremely angry and bent on revenge. I remember one time quite vividly when I was maybe 12 or 13. My Mom had gone off on something and was hitting me. Well, this time I had had enough and went ballistic back. I remember being on the couch and just punching her over and over with all my strength. This didn't completely bring to an end any corporal punishment, but there were only a few incidents after that. Egads, sounds awful
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2016 12:20:03 GMT -5
My Mom seemed to like face slapping/head hitting and it just made me extremely angry and bent on revenge. I remember one time quite vividly when I was maybe 12 or 13. My Mom had gone off on something and was hitting me. Well, this time I had had enough and went ballistic back. I remember being on the couch and just punching her over and over with all my strength. This didn't completely bring to an end any corporal punishment, but there were only a few incidents after that. Egads, sounds awful That's my "spanking" experience. The biggest and strongest wins.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 12:24:09 GMT -5
That's my "spanking" experience. The biggest and strongest wins. Like I said to gira, I understand why you are against spanking. I never used spanking the way your mom did (sounds more like she was hitting you out of anger) and never when my kids were older like that. So I'm not against spanking but understand why you are.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2016 12:31:11 GMT -5
That's my "spanking" experience. The biggest and strongest wins. Like I said to gira, I understand why you are against spanking. I never used spanking the way your mom did (sounds more like she was hitting you out of anger) and never when my kids were older like that. So I'm not against spanking but understand why you are. Oh for sure it was out of anger. And I was (and still am) a smart ass, and could easily anger her. I still think she was a good mom though in her own way. I think I can attribute a lot of my tenacity and independence to her parenting (or maybe her lack of, LOL). She's different now. It's like that Bill Cosby skit where he's telling his kids Grandma and Grandpa aren't the same people who raised him, that they're old people trying to get into heaven now.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 12:32:13 GMT -5
Like I said to gira, I understand why you are against spanking. I never used spanking the way your mom did (sounds more like she was hitting you out of anger) and never when my kids were older like that. So I'm not against spanking but understand why you are. Oh for sure it was out of anger. And I was (and still am) a smart ass, and could easily anger her. I still think she was a good mom though in her own way. I think I can attribute a lot of my tenacity and independence to her parenting (or maybe her lack of, LOL). She's different now. It's like that Bill Cosby skit where he's telling his kids Grandma and Grandpa aren't the same people who raised him, that they're old people trying to get into heaven now. lol on trying to get into heaven!
I can definitely attribute my tenancity and independence to my mom...but not because she was a great mom when I needed her to be!
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Sept 14, 2016 12:38:08 GMT -5
Oh for sure it was out of anger. And I was (and still am) a smart ass, and could easily anger her. I still think she was a good mom though in her own way. I think I can attribute a lot of my tenacity and independence to her parenting (or maybe her lack of, LOL). She's different now. It's like that Bill Cosby skit where he's telling his kids Grandma and Grandpa aren't the same people who raised him, that they're old people trying to get into heaven now. lol on trying to get into heaven!
I can definitely attribute my tenancity and independence to my mom...but not because she was a great mom when I needed her to be!
I'm right there with you. But, for the most part, I do think there are some people who just can't cope being single parents. They can cope when they have a partner, but the moment they don't, then they unravel. That is what happened with my mother. She was fine when my parents were married, and then she just couldn't cope as a single parent. She lost her temper, and she was a fan of face slapping and hitting in general, but it was mostly the emotional beatings that sucked the most. And as an adult, i can see now how her behavior was a result of the fact that she simply couldn't cope being a single mom to two kids. She's mentally ill, and probably was mentally ill then as well, so I don't think she intended to be that way. But, in the end the reason I am as independent as I am is because of her influence (for good or bad).
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 12:42:45 GMT -5
lol on trying to get into heaven!
I can definitely attribute my tenancity and independence to my mom...but not because she was a great mom when I needed her to be!
I'm right there with you. But, for the most part, I do think there are some people who just can't cope being single parents. They can cope when they have a partner, but the moment they don't, then they unravel. That is what happened with my mother. She was fine when my parents were married, and then she just couldn't cope as a single parent. She lost her temper, and she was a fan of face slapping and hitting in general, but it was mostly the emotional beatings that sucked the most. And as an adult, i can see now how her behavior was a result of the fact that she simply couldn't cope being a single mom to two kids. She's mentally ill, and probably was mentally ill then as well, so I don't think she intended to be that way. But, in the end the reason I am as independent as I am is because of her influence (for good or bad). I never thought I would be a single parent and deep down, I'm probably a better parent when I'm part of a team. Because life is now so overwhelmingly busy. But my job as a parent is to not let my kids know when I'm swimming...they sense weakness and attack But I'm also a lot stronger than my mom ever was. My mom is much better as a June Cleaver than an independent woman...toss in the fact that alcoholism runs in my family and she was doomed as soon as they got divorced. So while I can't say I forgive her for not being there when I needed her, as an adult I can see why she failed...she just isn't strong. And I'm so easy to deal with
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2016 14:18:27 GMT -5
Besides the extra stress of having to do everything, to me what makes single parenting hard is no accountability partner. Someone who will recognize when you've gone of the rails (or are about to) and runs interference to save the offspring. I don't hit in anger, but I have gone on some verbal tirades when I'm upset that I'm not real proud of. Lots of time I won't even realize I've gotten out of hand until later when it plays back in my head.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 14, 2016 19:58:48 GMT -5
Besides the extra stress of having to do everything, to me what makes single parenting hard is no accountability partner. Someone who will recognize when you've gone of the rails (or are about to) and runs interference to save the offspring. I don't hit in anger, but I have gone on some verbal tirades when I'm upset that I'm not real proud of. Lots of time I won't even realize I've gotten out of hand until later when it plays back in my head. Totally been there, done that.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 14, 2016 21:21:56 GMT -5
If I felt I was going to blow I put myself in my room and hollered into the pillow. I called it giving myself a time out. My kids knew I was at the edge when I'd do that. It didn't happen often but it happened.
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