No room for error (vent)

[MJ2.0]

This morning I discovered that DS fractured his forearm. He complained yesterday about falling and hurting his arm at school, and he wanted an ice pack. other than that he seemed fine. I thought it was just sore until he woke up complaining again. I almost took him to school, but then decided to take him to urgent care. That's when we found the fracture. He is now in a cast.

I was THIS close to taking him to school today because I have 3 classes on Thursday and I can't miss them. X had to miss work for half a day so I could make part of my first class and all of the 2nd one. X MIL has therapy and X had to return to work, so I am now missing the first day of Pre-calc. I already called the professor, but still.

I have no other child care support besides X and his mother and there is no money for a sitter, I have almost no emotional/moral support here, I have no vacation or sick time, and professors don't generally care what kind of problem my kid or I are having. If this is happening already, what will the rest of the semester be like? I don't know if I can do this anymore as it is greatly inconveniencing too many people, but if I stop I'll be right back to where I started but out a butt load of money.

I don't know what to do.

[Wisconsin Beth]

He'll be back in school tomorrow. Based on C's broken arm last fall, you'll have 2-4 appointments in the next 3 months, to be scheduled at your discretion.

As far as kid illnesses, they happen and you and xh can figure out a rough schedule for who gets the sick kid when. If you have a day or two with no classes, offer those and see what xh can do. We've always done sick kid days based on who has a more critical deadline and who has more pto available in that moment.

You got this. Keep on with school.

[lexxy703]

Sorry about the little one's arm MJ. Hopefully things will get smoother as you get into a routine. Are there any other local moms you can trade baby sitting with?

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Hang in there. Don't panic or give up so soon.

He's made it 5 years before breaking a bone. You'll be done before the next one. ;-)

Does the pre-calc prof teach another section you can sit in tomorrow to get what you missed?

If not, don't panic. It's still add/drop period, right? So, other students are coming and going and missing classes until they get their schedules straightened out. Missing one class does not ruin the entire plan. You so got this!!

I know it will eat up some of your time, but can you invest some to get to know any of the other mothers in his class through play-dates? One or more might turn out to be a good friend and a valuable resource for times like these -- she might also need occasional back-up!! But, you need to invest time to develop that network. It will likely be time well-spent if DS will be in that school for 5 or 6 years.

Hugs to DS. What color cast did he get?

[Jaguar]

<< HUGS >> Keep going forward. Hope your son heals fast.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Sept 8, 2016 15:03:56 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

Hang in there. Don't panic or give up so soon.

He's made it 5 years before breaking a bone. You'll be done before the next one. ;-)

Does the pre-calc prof teach another section you can sit in tomorrow to get what you missed?

If not, don't panic. It's still add/drop period, right? So, other students are coming and going and missing classes until they get their schedules straightened out. Missing one class does not ruin the entire plan. You so got this!!

I know it will eat up some of your time, but can you invest some to get to know any of the other mothers in his class through play-dates? One or more might turn out to be a good friend and a valuable resource for times like these -- she might also need occasional back-up!! But, you need to invest time to develop that network. It will likely be time well-spent if DS will be in that school for 5 or 6 years.

Hugs to DS. What color cast did he get?

the more important question is "is the cast waterproof?" I insisted on that for C. Not having a smelly little boy, thank you!

[justme]

Well, I wouldn't think there should be much making him miss other days at school for it. I was shoved back in preschool with my arm broken! Let's see, I'd send him to school with a thing of tape though. My preschool teachers had to tape the paper to my desk but I was able to color and stuff.

Once classes really start going you probably will make friends or get a study group so you can have people to call if shit comes up. I wasn't engineering but I missed a class here or there.

Also maybe get to know your professors. I never really needed it except once (and that asshole professor already hated me) but if they see you more than when you're just in crisis they may be more likely to help. I was friendly with a lot of professors as a tutor and none were total hard asses. Hell the professor that gave me a glowing recommendation to be a tutor never saw my ass make it to class on time. Usually not the last, but never got there before he started.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 8, 2016 15:01:23 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

He'll be back in school tomorrow. Based on C's broken arm last fall, you'll have 2-4 appointments in the next 3 months, to be scheduled at your discretion.

As far as kid illnesses, they happen and you and xh can figure out a rough schedule for who gets the sick kid when. If you have a day or two with no classes, offer those and see what xh can do. We've always done sick kid days based on who has a more critical deadline and who has more pto available in that moment.

You got this. Keep on with school.

The problem is that X has already decided to only cover the days that he has custody. I have been trying to get him to realize that that won't work now. There are already 2 Thursdays where the district doesn't have school and I have class and I told him I'd cover the Wednesday and/or Friday instead and he is still insisting on doing it his way.

[justme]

What an asshole. Does the college have any options for students with kids? Is there like a mom's club or something on campus you can use to meet other mom's to trade with?

It's probably bad I hope this bites him in the ass really quickly.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 8, 2016 15:07:47 GMT -5 justme said:

Well, I wouldn't think there should be much making him miss other days at school for it. I was shoved back in preschool with my arm broken! Let's see, I'd send him to school with a thing of tape though. My preschool teachers had to tape the paper to my desk but I was able to color and stuff.

Once classes really start going you probably will make friends or get a study group so you can have people to call if shit comes up. I wasn't engineering but I missed a class here or there.

Also maybe get to know your professors. I never really needed it except once (and that asshole professor already hated me) but if they see you more than when you're just in crisis they may be more likely to help. I was friendly with a lot of professors as a tutor and none were total hard asses. Hell the professor that gave me a glowing recommendation to be a tutor never saw my ass make it to class on time. Usually not the last, but never got there before he started.

I will try to make an effort to see professors at office hours but I have a pretty limited schedule as it is. My CAD professor is understanding but is a HORRIBLE instructor. This one guy kept cursing under his breath and I was right there with him. He was going WAAAY too fast. I'll just practice on my own and find YouTube tutorials on how to use it.

[973beachbum]

Is it the first class? Some college classes don't do much the first class.  If they did is it possible to look it up on the prof's website/school email?  If there is something to do maybe you could get started online at home.  It isn't ideal but at least you wouldn't feel like you were behind.

I hope he bounces right back! 

It is not a kid but DH has been complaining about his hip/groin for a while.    He always complains so I mostly ignored him.  I really can't tell with him if he has a compound fracture or a hangnail from how hurt he acts.  So I got to a point where I was tired of all the whining.  So I told him to shut up or go back to the Dr, who had said it was muscular, but I get it we are old and have aches and pains but I can't fix it so stop.  He turned out to have 20ish kidney stones.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 8, 2016 15:07:17 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Sept 8, 2016 15:03:56 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

Hang in there. Don't panic or give up so soon.

He's made it 5 years before breaking a bone. You'll be done before the next one. ;-)

Does the pre-calc prof teach another section you can sit in tomorrow to get what you missed?

If not, don't panic. It's still add/drop period, right? So, other students are coming and going and missing classes until they get their schedules straightened out. Missing one class does not ruin the entire plan. You so got this!!

I know it will eat up some of your time, but can you invest some to get to know any of the other mothers in his class through play-dates? One or more might turn out to be a good friend and a valuable resource for times like these -- she might also need occasional back-up!! But, you need to invest time to develop that network. It will likely be time well-spent if DS will be in that school for 5 or 6 years.

Hugs to DS. What color cast did he get?

the more important question is "is the cast waterproof?" I insisted on that for C. Not having a smelly little boy, thank you!

I was in class when he got the cast....it is not waterproof.

[lexxy703]

MJ check with the psychology dep't. Way back when I was in school part of the child psych lab was free babysitting. I can't remember if it was faculty children or student's children but I remember it was my lab & required for the grade & I resented it like crazy

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Sept 8, 2016 15:08:16 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Sept 8, 2016 15:01:23 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

He'll be back in school tomorrow. Based on C's broken arm last fall, you'll have 2-4 appointments in the next 3 months, to be scheduled at your discretion.

As far as kid illnesses, they happen and you and xh can figure out a rough schedule for who gets the sick kid when. If you have a day or two with no classes, offer those and see what xh can do. We've always done sick kid days based on who has a more critical deadline and who has more pto available in that moment.

You got this. Keep on with school.

The problem is that X has already decided to only cover the days that he has custody. I have been trying to get him to realize that that won't work now. There are already 2 Thursdays where the district doesn't have school and I have class and I told him I'd cover the Wednesday and/or Friday instead and he is still insisting on doing it his way.

[

So, buy a cheap tablet if you don't already have one, load it with DS' favorite shows/movies/games, toss some headphones and snacks in your bag, and bring him to class. Explain ahead of time that he must entertain himself quietly during class. Take him to a quad or grassy area torun and burn energy between classes. Let him select and but his lunch in the cafeteria!! Show him how cool college is -- it's never too early to start planting the seed. I promise you will not be the only parent who brings their kid to school once in a while.

You can do this!!!

P.S. Any chance there's an Early Childhood Educatiob program on campus that would take him on a rare per diem basis?

[973beachbum]

Sept 8, 2016 15:08:16 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Sept 8, 2016 15:01:23 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

He'll be back in school tomorrow. Based on C's broken arm last fall, you'll have 2-4 appointments in the next 3 months, to be scheduled at your discretion.

As far as kid illnesses, they happen and you and xh can figure out a rough schedule for who gets the sick kid when. If you have a day or two with no classes, offer those and see what xh can do. We've always done sick kid days based on who has a more critical deadline and who has more pto available in that moment.

You got this. Keep on with school.

The problem is that X has already decided to only cover the days that he has custody. I have been trying to get him to realize that that won't work now. There are already 2 Thursdays where the district doesn't have school and I have class and I told him I'd cover the Wednesday and/or Friday instead and he is still insisting on doing it his way.

My experience is with these things is the schools/daycare don't wait to see if someone will call them back they move on to the next on the list of contacts.   So if the school has a problem and calls him because you are unavailable he would tell them sorry it's not my day and hang up?     What an ass!

I would totally be intentionally scheduling any extra things on his days just to make him have to do them.  Then again I'm probably not a good role model.

[justme]

Sept 8, 2016 15:12:15 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Sept 8, 2016 15:07:47 GMT -5 justme said:

Well, I wouldn't think there should be much making him miss other days at school for it. I was shoved back in preschool with my arm broken! Let's see, I'd send him to school with a thing of tape though. My preschool teachers had to tape the paper to my desk but I was able to color and stuff.

Once classes really start going you probably will make friends or get a study group so you can have people to call if shit comes up. I wasn't engineering but I missed a class here or there.

Also maybe get to know your professors. I never really needed it except once (and that asshole professor already hated me) but if they see you more than when you're just in crisis they may be more likely to help. I was friendly with a lot of professors as a tutor and none were total hard asses. Hell the professor that gave me a glowing recommendation to be a tutor never saw my ass make it to class on time. Usually not the last, but never got there before he started.

I will try to make an effort to see professors at office hours but I have a pretty limited schedule as it is. My CAD professor is understanding but is a HORRIBLE instructor. This one guy kept cursing under his breath and I was right there with him. He was going WAAAY too fast. I'll just practice on my own and find YouTube tutorials on how to use it.

It depends on your class and the professor, but sometimes just answering questions and asking them gets you on their good radar. Or ask a question after class. Kind of like an I'm here I'm paying attention I'm not a slacker. Basically so they know you vs just a name on a roster. It's why I liked smaller classes.

I also kinda like the idea of seeing if that professor has the same class at a different as a backup for you.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Will going back to school always be smooth sailing and obstacle-free?

No. But you knew that.

It's like any other project. Just keep finding solutions and work-arounds and keep moving forward. The media is full of stories of single parents who struggled through seemingly-insurmountable odds (homelessness, unemployment, serious illness, etc.) to get their degrees. They did it. I have no doubt you can, too.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 8, 2016 15:17:07 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

Sept 8, 2016 15:08:16 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

The problem is that X has already decided to only cover the days that he has custody. I have been trying to get him to realize that that won't work now. There are already 2 Thursdays where the district doesn't have school and I have class and I told him I'd cover the Wednesday and/or Friday instead and he is still insisting on doing it his way.

[

So, buy a cheap tablet if you don't already have one, load it with DS' favorite shows/movies/games, toss some headphones and snacks in your bag, and bring him to class. Explain ahead of time that he must entertain himself quietly during class. Take him to a quad or grassy area torun and burn energy between classes. Let him select and but his lunch in the cafeteria!! Show him how cool college is -- it's never too early to start planting the seed. I promise you will not be the only parent who brings their kid to school once in a while.

You can do this!!!

P.S. Any chance there's an Early Childhood Educatiob program on campus that would take him on a rare per diem basis?

There is absolutely no way that would work. Maybe with a quieter and more mellow child, but DS is neither of those things. He could have all the toys in the world, and he'd still be trying to tell me everything he was doing, asking me questions about what I'm doing, trying to tell the person next to him what he's doing, trying to talk to the professor...

[zibazinski]

He's 5 yes? Or how old is he?

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Sept 8, 2016 15:26:53 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Sept 8, 2016 15:17:07 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

[

So, buy a cheap tablet if you don't already have one, load it with DS' favorite shows/movies/games, toss some headphones and snacks in your bag, and bring him to class. Explain ahead of time that he must entertain himself quietly during class. Take him to a quad or grassy area torun and burn energy between classes. Let him select and but his lunch in the cafeteria!! Show him how cool college is -- it's never too early to start planting the seed. I promise you will not be the only parent who brings their kid to school once in a while.

You can do this!!!

P.S. Any chance there's an Early Childhood Educatiob program on campus that would take him on a rare per diem basis?

There is absolutely no way that would work. Maybe with a quieter and more mellow child, but DS is neither of those things. He could have all the toys in the world, and he'd still be trying to tell me everything he was doing, asking me questions about what I'm doing, trying to tell the person next to him what he's doing, trying to talk to the professor...

You might be right, or he might surprise you if you set the scene ahead of time. And bribe him. ;-). Start practicing at home for short stretches of time. It's definitely a life skill that both of you could benefit from. But it WILL take practice.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 8, 2016 15:29:46 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

He's 5 yes? Or how old is he?

He's 5. He already got a note in his folder because he wasn't sitting still and listening in the afternoon.... and that's with stuff taught at his level. He has had this problem for a very long time, and we have talked to him about this so many times I can't keep track. Unless he is asleep, sick, or absolutely entranced by something, he will not just sit quietly for 20+ mins. Bribes don't work.

[lexxy703]

Sept 8, 2016 15:36:00 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Sept 8, 2016 15:29:46 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

He's 5 yes? Or how old is he?

He's 5. He already got a note in his folder because he wasn't sitting still and listening in the afternoon.... and that's with stuff taught at his level. He has had this problem for a very long time, and we have talked to him about this so many times I can't keep track. Unless he is asleep, sick, or absolutely entranced by something, he will not just sit quietly for 20+ mins. Bribes don't work.

Dose him with Benadryl

[saveinla]

Now that you know ahead of time the schedule, try to get baby sitters through one of those online sites - ask around and/or get recommendations from people. There will be a lot of issues in the 4 or 5 years that you need to finish your degree and you should start preparing for it. Try to find someone locally that can help out in a pinch like another mom and reciprocate when you have days off.

Dont depend on your ex or anyone else, even though it will cost you money. Show him that you can do it even without his help.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 8, 2016 15:12:10 GMT -5 justme said:

What an asshole. Does the college have any options for students with kids? Is there like a mom's club or something on campus you can use to meet other mom's to trade with?

It's probably bad I hope this bites him in the ass really quickly.

There is daycare but it's not free (and not cheap).

[whoisjohngalt]

Get to know your professors - so they know who you are and know that you are not some slacker.

See if you can befriend someone in class and who can may be record lectures for you when you are not there.  Record all the lectures while you are in class as well.  That never hurts.

May be get into some study groups so if you missed something  in class, you can find out from others.

I know how hard it is to find random child care, but may be ask round in moms groups or something if they know of a HS student who could help out on occasions.

Good luck!!

[Deleted]

Maybe another mom on campus could use coverage as well and you could team up.

Son is taking 2 classes right now. Both the profs were adamant that they will work with you through just about anything if you just talk to them...

[justme]

Sept 8, 2016 15:43:25 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Sept 8, 2016 15:12:10 GMT -5 justme said:

What an asshole. Does the college have any options for students with kids? Is there like a mom's club or something on campus you can use to meet other mom's to trade with?

It's probably bad I hope this bites him in the ass really quickly.

There is daycare but it's not free (and not cheap).

Did you talk to them or just look at their website? I'd maybe take the time to call and stop by and ask if they do sliding scale or something. Might be worth the five minutes.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Time for some YM tough love:

You're rejecting all of our advice out-of-hand, so...

Yes. Quit. Drop-out. Maybe if you beg, your employer will take you back for that job you hated and couldn't wait to leave.

You've only spent the last 2 years planning to go back for your engineering degree. And you've mentioned often how engineering appeals to you. And you've already taken out loans.

But, that's okay. You can give up in the first week. You can give up at the first logistical wrinkle. You'll only get the "used" price when you sell your new books back, but so what, right?

It's not going to be a stroll in the park so, yes, YOU SHOULD QUIT RIGHT NOW and go back to living a life of quiet desperation. Go back to dreaming of a different life, a better life. Go back to wishing you had a better-paying career.

Because the life we want is ALWAYS easier in our dreams and you just don't want to work that hard to get the life you dream about in real life.

;-). <3

Now get yourself on the phone/online and start building a support network whether it is your classmates/DS's classmates' mothers/paid childcare.

And quit your whining. There's no whining in Engineering.

[MJ2.0]

I do not want to give up completely, but I am heavily considering scaling back to part time and going back to work full time.

[Artemis Windsong]

When push comes to shove, if he's not vomiting and can sit upright, take him to college with you and park him on a bench with an ipad game or video until you get through class.  He should be able to handle one hour of self-entertainiment.