giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Sept 12, 2016 17:59:30 GMT -5
We've been calling dh's job hunting tasks as "homework" to the kids. It reinforces that homework is important and that even mommy and daddy have to do it. We actually had Gira family study hour on Sunday. It was me, DD1 and DS at the kitchen table doing our individual things. DD2 is excused until she can actually write her own first name. Course, we were studying immediately after eating donuts. So, I'm sure the sugar negated any progress..
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Sept 12, 2016 21:33:36 GMT -5
We actually had Gira family study hour on Sunday. It was me, DD1 and DS at the kitchen table doing our individual things. DD2 is excused until she can actually write her own first name. Course, we were studying immediately after eating donuts. So, I'm sure the sugar negated any accelerated and enhanced progress.. Fixed
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Sept 12, 2016 21:43:15 GMT -5
A father not wanting to 'help' with his kids to me is like a father who 'babysits' his kids. That is the one time (to date) I have spoken up to DS2 about his parenting DGS who is 2.5yo When DGS was just shy of 1 yo DS was telling me that he was going to babysit his son that weekend because DIL was having a girls' weekend. I told him in no uncertain terms that that was the one thing he would never be able to do → rather he was going to be a single parent for the weekend but there was no babysitting involved. We were on speaker phone and I could hear DIL cheer in the background
Now MJ2.0 you can do this and here is my parenting moment for you: I truly believe that children learn an awful lot simply through osmosis. By you perservering now when it is really hard, you are teaching him how important you think education is and how important it is to go for what you really want. As a 5yo he may not realise this now, but there are 4-5 years of this coming up and he will absorb it. You go girl, we are all rooting for you!!! (where is a cheerleader emoticon when I need it?)
Bolded is so true, I took 7 years to finish my B.S., but my kids have told me how much they appreciate how much I made education an important part of my life. When I started my A.S. my kids were 6 and 10 and I was/am a single parent with sole custody. It was hard, but we got through it. My DD is now attending the local CC with plans on going to the local university and becoming an nurse practitioner, DS is in HS and knows that school is important, but he's still just a freshman and not taking his learning seriously most of the time. You will get through this, it just takes time to figure out a new normal. I'm rooting for you!
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Sept 12, 2016 22:23:41 GMT -5
I had to take a breather from class work for a while until I was in the right headspace....unfortunately that means tonight and tomorrow night will be hell. Oh well, I'll deal. Tomorrow between classes I'll tour a place that will provide child care when school is not in session. Good for you. I had another thing go wrong and had quite a spectacular meltdown on WIR. Taking a step away, dealing with your shit and then taking positive steps that will help in the future is a great plan. I'm glad you're going to keep going. Sounds totally corny but when I read this this afternoon it kind of kicked my butt into gear to get over my tantrum and do a couple things as well. So thanks.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Sept 12, 2016 22:39:22 GMT -5
I don't think most guys call it "babysitting the kids" but rather "keeping the kids." They mean the same thing, though. "keeping the kids"? as in...alive? (Sarcastic chuckle at the low standard.) HEY!!! Never mind how much I love and have always loved my kids there have been times when that standard actually proved I loved them!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 13, 2016 8:37:22 GMT -5
"keeping the kids"? as in...alive? (Sarcastic chuckle at the low standard.) HEY!!! Never mind how much I love and have always loved my kids there have been times when that standard actually proved I loved them! I still tell my son on occasion he should be proud I let him live to see 18 But it gets better folks so hang in there I promise you if mine turned out ok you all have hope!!!
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Sept 13, 2016 8:39:51 GMT -5
I don't think most guys call it "babysitting the kids" but rather "keeping the kids." They mean the same thing, though. So how are adults (specifically women I guess) referring to it when they're watching their kids? If someone said "Hi Hoops, good to see ya, where's Mrs Hoops?" I'd probably say something like "watching the kids"...which sounds an awful lot like "keeping the kids". How do you convey to a 3rd party that the other parent is currently supervising the offspring which is why they aren't with you?
Maybe it's just a guy thing, but I definitely associate someone supervising the kids as that person "babysitting, keeping the kids, watching the kids, etc". Is there like some PC language I'm supposed to be using instead?
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Sept 13, 2016 9:32:10 GMT -5
HEY!!! Never mind how much I love and have always loved my kids there have been times when that standard actually proved I loved them! I still tell my son on occasion he should be proud I let him live to see 18 But it gets better folks so hang in there I promise you if mine turned out ok you all have hope!!! I know NNP. They are now both in their 30s and doing great. I just don't know whether that is because of me or despite of me. But they love me back so all is good...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2016 9:40:50 GMT -5
Most of my time is spent WITH the kids.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Sept 13, 2016 9:43:31 GMT -5
I still tell my son on occasion he should be proud I let him live to see 18 But it gets better folks so hang in there I promise you if mine turned out ok you all have hope!!! I've already told DS he might not make it to 13. Jury is still out on that one, although..we've had a nice string of a few days.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 13, 2016 9:55:59 GMT -5
I still tell my son on occasion he should be proud I let him live to see 18 But it gets better folks so hang in there I promise you if mine turned out ok you all have hope!!! I know NNP. They are now both in their 30s and doing great. I just don't know whether that is because of me or despite of me. But they love me back so all is good... I always tell people my son turned out just fine in spite of his dad and I. And on occasion he agrees!!!!
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Sept 13, 2016 10:38:57 GMT -5
I've told my son I should have sold him when he was two and cute... hoops902 -- "Watching", to me, is fine. I think the rub with "babysitting" is that a babysitter is someone who is only responsible for a child when that child is under her/his watch. They don't have the responsibilities of being a parent. They are babysitting as a job to make some money. A parent (should be) a parent 24/7, and has all the responsibilities that go with it. They aren't babysitting their own kids, they are being a parent, and currently that responsibility may be on them 100% because the other parent isn't there, or they are actively the one watching the kid or whatever. But "babysitting" puts it as "the kids are not my responsibility" or "it's the wife's duty to take care of the kids, so when I do it, it's a big favor, or I'm going above and beyond, etc". Watching, minding, taking care of the kids, is all part of being a parent. "Babysitting" is not. Sometimes it's just the word, but for some men, and women, it's the attitude that goes with it.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Sept 13, 2016 10:48:11 GMT -5
MJ-- I've been there, and it doesn't really get easier until you graduate and land your job. I've had to bring my son to class before (a night class, with about 15 students). I got a lot of dirty looks when I walked in with him, but he sat quietly and colored or "read" a book. If he had not have been able to be quiet and independent for that time, I could not have brought him.
If you have night/afternoon classes, you might be able to find an older child to monitor DS in a common area, or outside, while you are in class. Same with no-school days. When we lost my son's babysitter the last time, he was right at an age where he couldn't be legally left alone, but would have been fine. I paid an older student a few dollars to hang out at the house with him after school until I got home. Of course, if school is in session, this is another "not going to work" solution.
A drop-in daycare is a great start, so hopefully that works out for you.
The school + work years are going to require a lot of sacrifice, stress, and loss of free time. However, do whatever you can to avoid prolonging the experience. It may become unavoidable to drop school to part time, but wear out all your options first. I know I was very tempted to stretch mine out another year, but I am so glad I didn't.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 13, 2016 14:31:56 GMT -5
Just visited the DCP... Kinda small but it will definitely work. Drop-in rate is $72/day which is definitely doable.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 13, 2016 14:42:01 GMT -5
Oh, and they provide breakfast, lunch and snack.
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Sept 13, 2016 14:44:00 GMT -5
That's great MJ! One hurdle down!
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Sept 13, 2016 15:20:11 GMT -5
Just visited the DCP... Kinda small but it will definitely work. Drop-in rate is $72/day which is definitely doable. So, try them out on a day that isn't an emergency so that both you and your DS are familiar with the place, and them the two of you. Does his school have any scheduled days off coming up -- Jewish holy days, teacher training days, Columbus Day? If so -- and even if that day is free for you -- send him. That way, when you NEED to send him, it will be known and far less stressful for everyone .
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 13, 2016 15:40:47 GMT -5
Just visited the DCP... Kinda small but it will definitely work. Drop-in rate is $72/day which is definitely doable. So, try them out on a day that isn't an emergency so that both you and your DS are familiar with the place, and them the two of you. Does his school have any scheduled days off coming up -- Jewish holy days, teacher training days, Columbus Day? If so -- and even if that day is free for you -- send him. That way, when you NEED to send him, it will be known and far less stressful for everyone . That's a great idea, but unfortunately those magical days where I'm off and DS is off are also the days where X has him...so I can't really do that. Guess I can talk to X and ask him to take DS on say Columbus Day....the office, college, and school are closed that day (X still has work) so I could pick him up if there are any problems.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2016 15:42:38 GMT -5
Oh, and they provide breakfast, lunch and snack. This is what I love about daycare. Not having to pack a freaking lunch or get a kid to eat at the butt crack of dawn when they don't want to.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 13, 2016 19:33:25 GMT -5
I got a call from X while I was in class tonight... apparently DS is not getting the help he needs at school. He had no one to help him open his lunch box or applesauce, and he was forced to sit on a bench outside UNSUPERVISED while the other kids were playing in front of him at recess. I was told he'd be in the nurse's office with coloring materials because I TOLD THEM he would not just sit idly on a bench while the other kids are playing. So now we meet with the principal.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 13, 2016 19:34:46 GMT -5
XMIL picked him up today and witnessed him getting yelled at for getting off the bench. And then that person left him to watch the kids playing. This is just bullshit, especially for these high ass taxes we pay.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 13, 2016 19:47:52 GMT -5
That's just wrong. Give 'em hell mj. And then give them more from the board.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 13, 2016 19:56:38 GMT -5
I don't think most guys call it "babysitting the kids" but rather "keeping the kids." They mean the same thing, though. So how are adults (specifically women I guess) referring to it when they're watching their kids? If someone said "Hi Hoops, good to see ya, where's Mrs Hoops?" I'd probably say something like "watching the kids"...which sounds an awful lot like "keeping the kids". How do you convey to a 3rd party that the other parent is currently supervising the offspring which is why they aren't with you?
Maybe it's just a guy thing, but I definitely associate someone supervising the kids as that person "babysitting, keeping the kids, watching the kids, etc". Is there like some PC language I'm supposed to be using instead?
I say I have kid duty or DH has kid duty, but I don't care as much about the babysitting/keeping kids term. Sometimes it is just easier to say that.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 13, 2016 20:00:58 GMT -5
I got a call from X while I was in class tonight... apparently DS is not getting the help he needs at school. He had no one to help him open his lunch box or applesauce, and he was forced to sit on a bench outside UNSUPERVISED while the other kids were playing in front of him at recess. I was told he'd be in the nurse's office with coloring materials because I TOLD THEM he would not just sit idly on a bench while the other kids are playing. So now we meet with the principal. That is ridiculous. Does your school have lunch volunteers? That make sure kids can open their lunches? (Among other things). The on the bench unsupervised is ridiculous. That is a failing on the schools part.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2016 20:31:35 GMT -5
Why does he have to sit on a bench while the rest of the kids play?
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 13, 2016 20:45:40 GMT -5
He can't do recess.... but I was told he'd be given an alternative activity. Can't they pull a substitute teacher to sit with him during gym/recess and read, draw/color, and play with Play Doh with him?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 13, 2016 20:46:28 GMT -5
Ok, I failed at parenting because I never asked about recess for C last fall when he broke his arm. I asked him now, a year after the fact.
Gym class, he sat and watched from the sidelines. I'd sent a note saying no gym but I assumed the school had experience with broken arms.
C says he got to sit on a bench. He's not aware of anyone watching him at recesses. I saw the other kids come up to talk him on recess in the "tot lot" playground area. We never got called and to the best of my knowledge C never cried or was yelled at.
Lunch was hot lunch by C's choice.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 13, 2016 20:48:51 GMT -5
Ok, I failed at parenting because I never asked about recess for C last fall when he broke his arm. I asked him now, a year after the fact. Gym class, he sat and watched from the sidelines. I'd sent a note saying no gym but I assumed the school had experience with broken arms. C says he got to sit on a bench. He's not aware of anyone watching him at recesses. I saw the other kids come up to talk him on recess in the "tot lot" playground area. We never got called and to the best of my knowledge C never cried or was yelled at. Lunch was hot lunch by C's choice. I don't know how active C is but DS absolutely loves to run around and he is overflowing with energy. He is extremely social and does not do well with being left out.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 13, 2016 20:51:10 GMT -5
That was our rules at PE for a child that couldn't participate. The office staff were busy and wouldn't watch the child. There's no one. On the bench they sit until they have a note saying they can participate again.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 13, 2016 20:51:55 GMT -5
Eta, I know enough other parents by sight and/or name that I probably would have heard if things were going badly. Insteaf, I got a lot of "what happens" and "heal fast" type comments. I do daily pickup so people see me and the kids. Also, last year was our 4th year in this school, so again, people know us by sight.
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