GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Sept 9, 2016 10:40:21 GMT -5
Yup. I meant they sit in the back of the room near a door, not up front next to the prof during a small seminar. My guess is that, at this point, most of her classes are larger lectures than intimate groups.
And IIRC, her DH was always rather controlling. Her leaving him surely pissed him off. He's not likely to be very much help as she goes back to school and, in many respects, furthers herself from him.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 9, 2016 10:43:23 GMT -5
I think it's funny that I'm all for extended maternity leaves and Miss T won't hire a fertile woman. I don't think it's appropriate to bring a kid to a college class and Miss T says it's fine . I guess I shouldn't be so shocked. I wish you would all stop saying I won't hire a fertile woman. I have actually hired two in the last 3 years and I have been stuck covering for each of them when they went out on maternity leave. If I weren't the one stuck covering then I wouldn't care.
I'm actually not saying it is fine. I'm saying I have been in a position where I don't have a choice but to bring my kid to work with me so I get it. I do think it depends on the kid. If the kid can't sit still/quietly it will be a problem. When I bring my daughter with me she is in my office so the only one she bothers is me.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Sept 9, 2016 10:44:55 GMT -5
I think it's funny that I'm all for extended maternity leaves and Miss T won't hire a fertile woman. I don't think it's appropriate to bring a kid to a college class and Miss T says it's fine . I guess I shouldn't be so shocked. I wish you would all stop saying I won't hire a fertile woman. I have actually hired two in the last 3 years and I have been stuck covering for each of them when they went out on maternity leave. If I weren't the one stuck covering then I wouldn't care.
I'm actually not saying it is fine. I'm saying I have been in a position where I don't have a choice but to bring my kid to work with me so I get it. I do think it depends on the kid. If the kid can't sit still/quietly it will be a problem. When I bring my daughter with me she is in my office so the only one she bothers is me.
I used a tongue smiley face. Can you not tell I was exaggerating?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 9, 2016 10:51:27 GMT -5
I wish you would all stop saying I won't hire a fertile woman. I have actually hired two in the last 3 years and I have been stuck covering for each of them when they went out on maternity leave. If I weren't the one stuck covering then I wouldn't care.
I'm actually not saying it is fine. I'm saying I have been in a position where I don't have a choice but to bring my kid to work with me so I get it. I do think it depends on the kid. If the kid can't sit still/quietly it will be a problem. When I bring my daughter with me she is in my office so the only one she bothers is me.
I used a tongue smiley face. Can you not tell I was exaggerating? Apparently not! I'm so used to getting beat up over maternity....
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Sept 9, 2016 10:52:51 GMT -5
I used a tongue smiley face. Can you not tell I was exaggerating? Apparently not! I'm so used to getting beat up over maternity.... I'm prepared to be the bitch who doesn't want to see a kid in a college class.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 9, 2016 10:53:53 GMT -5
Apparently not! I'm so used to getting beat up over maternity.... I'm prepared to be the bitch who doesn't want to see a kid in a college class. lol!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 9, 2016 11:04:10 GMT -5
How is attendence measured for class? Does it count towards your grade or anything? Reason I ask is I was in Molecular Genetics with someone who only showed up on test days. . .and got an A. Our professor did not count being present as part of your grade. I'm not saying you or should be the type of person who can waltz into class on test day and get a perfect score. BUT if attendence is not counted towards your grade try not to stress if you miss a lecture due to an emergency. Notify the professor when an emergency happens and then arrange to meet with him/her ASAP to see if there is anything important you missed while you were gone. I had a tutor for Physics, Calc and Chemistry. Does the community college offer tutoring services? Most colleges provide the service for free. You can ask the professors about it and if they offer the service then sign up. You can meet with your tutors when ex-DH has your son and go over any material you are struggling with after having missed class. You aren't the first adult student to face this road block, you won't be the last. You'll figure out how to make it work.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2016 11:05:04 GMT -5
A father not wanting to 'help' with his kids to me is like a father who 'babysits' his kids.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 9, 2016 11:11:22 GMT -5
I Googled and found a center in my town that takes kids on a drop-in/emergency care basis. I just put in a visit request.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2016 11:13:56 GMT -5
Good idea. How is he feeling? Does he have to be off school at all? Ive been taking son to campus while we're still so far away, and hanging out in town, and now I've been wondering how I could connect with any single parents there to watch babies while they are in class or studying those hours
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 9, 2016 11:23:55 GMT -5
A father not wanting to 'help' with his kids to me is like a father who 'babysits' his kids. I do think the dynamic is different once you are divorced. So far my ex and I have been able to pitch in when the other needs coverage for work (I have had to work out of town several times in the last few months and needed his help). But I know that isn't always the case. I know women who can't even get their exes to take the kids, let alone take them extra. Unfortunately the court can't mandate good parenting.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 9, 2016 11:28:46 GMT -5
A father not wanting to 'help' with his kids to me is like a father who 'babysits' his kids. I do think the dynamic is different once you are divorced. So far my ex and I have been able to pitch in when the other needs coverage for work (I have had to work out of town several times in the last few months and needed his help). But I know that isn't always the case. I know women who can't even get their exes to take the kids, let alone take them extra. Unfortunately the court can't mandate good parenting. Also, nobody's mentioned it yet, but a lot of people have very little time off at their jobs. MJ mentioned that the ex already helped her by watching their son on Wednesday - one of his noncustody days - so she could go to those classes, but that he couldn't help Thursday because he had to go to work. If he only gets limited PTO or even worse doesn't get paid for that time, she's essentially asking him to "pay" to cover something that they've agreed she would cover. I totally agree that it's always best to be adults and flexible with child custody arrangements. But I think it's a different discussion if you're talking about just being flexible with free time or if you're essentially asking your ex for $$$ (or sacrificing limited PTO).
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 9, 2016 11:29:26 GMT -5
the thing is, I'm pretty flexible with DS and X. I Ok-ed him going with his dad all weekend because X's family was going to Cape May. And then I got NADA when I asked for his help with DS's birthday. I give flexibility and I expect flexibility. Generally it's reciprocated, but the birthday thing really burned me up.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 9, 2016 11:33:56 GMT -5
Good idea. How is he feeling? Does he have to be off school at all? Ive been taking son to campus while we're still so far away, and hanging out in town, and now I've been wondering how I could connect with any single parents there to watch babies while they are in class or studying those hours DS is holding up better than I am, lol! He spent a lot of yesterday afternoon watching Blues Clues, drawing/coloring, and playing with his marbles. He seems disappointed that he's lost some of his independence though - he now needs help with going to the bathroom, washing his hands, and dressing again. But otherwise he's his usual self. He is in school today. I had to take his backpack and lunch for him. I briefly talked to his teacher and suggested Legos and/or coloring for his recess and gym periods. For a kid this active, the next 10 weeks are going to be torture.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2016 11:35:08 GMT -5
I do think the dynamic is different once you are divorced. So far my ex and I have been able to pitch in when the other needs coverage for work (I have had to work out of town several times in the last few months and needed his help). But I know that isn't always the case. I know women who can't even get their exes to take the kids, let alone take them extra. Unfortunately the court can't mandate good parenting. Also, nobody's mentioned it yet, but a lot of people have very little time off at their jobs. MJ mentioned that the ex already helped her by watching their son on Wednesday - one of his noncustody days - so she could go to those classes, but that he couldn't help Thursday because he had to go to work. If he only gets limited PTO or even worse doesn't get paid for that time, she's essentially asking him to "pay" to cover something that they've agreed she would cover. I totally agree that it's always best to be adults and flexible with child custody arrangements. But I think it's a different discussion if you're talking about just being flexible with free time or if you're essentially asking your ex for $$$ (or sacrificing limited PTO). I didn't realize he was going to have to take off work. That is a little different.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Sept 9, 2016 11:39:09 GMT -5
MJ, hang in there. I am in a similar position where the margin for error is really low. (Completely different situation, but same emotional and logistical space.) I keep saying to myself "As long as one more thing doesn't go wrong, I can keep this all balanced." Guess what - one more thing KEEPS GOING WRONG and I have to deal. But it's never the life-ender I think it will be, and somehow I get it all rebalanced.
You just have to keep going. Things will go wrong, but you deal and then you fix it or make a new normal. It's is going to be hard. It is going to be really, really hard at some times. But you CAN do this.
In college a friend and I were fond of saying to each other "It will all work out in the end because it must." The key being, it might not work out how you envisioned, but it will work out. I try to remember that now.
Good luck. Don't give up.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Sept 9, 2016 11:45:05 GMT -5
Does your CC offer any of the courses you need online? You know, that might be useful..too, to take some courses online rather than face-to-face. Also, I haven't seen it mentioned but Khan academy for math is a great resource. My DS is like when I talk about it, but I'm all like . .
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WholeLottaNothin
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Post by WholeLottaNothin on Sept 9, 2016 14:09:06 GMT -5
I Googled and found a center in my town that takes kids on a drop-in/emergency care basis. I just put in a visit request. Great! I know the YWCA around here has drop in child care, and the YMCA may have that too. This will be so helpful to have in your back pocket in the future.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Sept 9, 2016 14:58:56 GMT -5
A father not wanting to 'help' with his kids to me is like a father who 'babysits' his kids. That is the one time (to date) I have spoken up to DS2 about his parenting DGS who is 2.5yo When DGS was just shy of 1 yo DS was telling me that he was going to babysit his son that weekend because DIL was having a girls' weekend. I told him in no uncertain terms that that was the one thing he would never be able to do → rather he was going to be a single parent for the weekend but there was no babysitting involved. We were on speaker phone and I could hear DIL cheer in the background
Now MJ2.0 you can do this and here is my parenting moment for you: I truly believe that children learn an awful lot simply through osmosis. By you perservering now when it is really hard, you are teaching him how important you think education is and how important it is to go for what you really want. As a 5yo he may not realise this now, but there are 4-5 years of this coming up and he will absorb it. You go girl, we are all rooting for you!!! (where is a cheerleader emoticon when I need it?)
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Sept 9, 2016 15:35:59 GMT -5
I also wanted to add, that any big change, but especially dealing with school, work, and children is a really difficult transition.
Hell, I was a single and a traditional student and I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown the first semester of grad school. I felt like I was failing and that I wasn't good enough or smart enough to deal with the pressure. But, after the first semester I got the hang of things and it got better. So I'd really encourage you to at least stay with it for the year to see if you settle in.
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 9, 2016 15:57:43 GMT -5
It hasn't come up in my life, but I consider a guy using babysitting to refer to a dad taking care of his own kid as a deal breaker.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Sept 9, 2016 16:26:48 GMT -5
It hasn't come up in my life, but I consider a guy using babysitting to refer to a dad taking care of his own kid as a deal breaker. In my experience it is only used by men (and then just once when I'm around after the kid is born --- would be a little late to function as a deal breaker I would think.
Besides, while I don't give a pass on it, for many of them it is just linguistics anyway
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 9, 2016 16:48:34 GMT -5
It hasn't come up in my life, but I consider a guy using babysitting to refer to a dad taking care of his own kid as a deal breaker. In my experience it is only used by men (and then just once when I'm around after the kid is born --- would be a little late to function as a deal breaker I would think.
Besides, while I don't give a pass on it, for many of them it is just linguistics anyway
No, but I've heard it in passing talking about so and so stuck babysitting his kids. Wasn't dating them though. But I was raised in a family where my dad didn't babysit. Though my mom has plenty of stories that end with well you were still alive so what could I really say to him? Lol And it may be linguistics, but it often has a whole lot of ideas behind it and I don't like it.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Sept 9, 2016 17:00:15 GMT -5
In my experience it is only used by men (and then just once when I'm around after the kid is born --- would be a little late to function as a deal breaker I would think.
Besides, while I don't give a pass on it, for many of them it is just linguistics anyway
No, but I've heard it in passing talking about so and so stuck babysitting his kids. Wasn't dating them though. But I was raised in a family where my dad didn't babysit. Though my mom has plenty of stories that end with well you were still alive so what could I really say to him? Lol And it may be linguistics, but it often has a whole lot of ideas behind it and I don't like it. IDK, I could just envision most of my DH's brother's talking about "Babysitting" their kids. But, they are good fathers and they would always take good care of their kids. I agree that in many instances it is just linguistics.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 12, 2016 16:50:15 GMT -5
I had to take a breather from class work for a while until I was in the right headspace....unfortunately that means tonight and tomorrow night will be hell. Oh well, I'll deal. Tomorrow between classes I'll tour a place that will provide child care when school is not in session.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Sept 12, 2016 16:53:56 GMT -5
I had to take a breather from class work for a while until I was in the right headspace....unfortunately that means tonight and tomorrow night will be hell. Oh well, I'll deal. Tomorrow between classes I'll tour a place that will provide child care when school is not in session. Buckle down, young lady. ;-)~
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 12, 2016 17:00:25 GMT -5
I had to take a breather from class work for a while until I was in the right headspace....unfortunately that means tonight and tomorrow night will be hell. Oh well, I'll deal. Tomorrow between classes I'll tour a place that will provide child care when school is not in session. Buckle down, young lady. ;-)~ That's a normal reaction for me when I'm overloaded... I just kinda shut down temporarily. But I got up early this morning and had 2 espressos, so I'm good.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 12, 2016 17:02:32 GMT -5
We've been calling dh's job hunting tasks as "homework" to the kids. It reinforces that homework is important and that even mommy and daddy have to do it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2016 17:10:37 GMT -5
I don't think most guys call it "babysitting the kids" but rather "keeping the kids."
They mean the same thing, though.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Sept 12, 2016 17:20:23 GMT -5
I don't think most guys call it "babysitting the kids" but rather "keeping the kids." They mean the same thing, though. "keeping the kids"? as in...alive? (Sarcastic chuckle at the low standard.)
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