justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Sept 8, 2016 16:11:07 GMT -5
The childcare would still be an issue. You might have more money to throw at it, but ft work gives you way less time.
|
|
Works4me
Senior Member
Someone responded to your personal ad - a German Shepherd named Tara wants to have you for dinner...
Joined: May 5, 2012 12:11:37 GMT -5
Posts: 2,556
|
Post by Works4me on Sept 8, 2016 16:11:56 GMT -5
YOU CAN DO DO THIS!
FYI - first draft came out "YOU CAN DO DO THIS!" - lol - that too!
|
|
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Sept 8, 2016 16:14:14 GMT -5
I do not want to give up completely, but I am heavily considering scaling back to part time and going back to work full time. THAT schedule would be far worse than your current one. Don't be a chicken. You can do this.
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 8, 2016 16:18:17 GMT -5
The childcare would still be an issue. You might have more money to throw at it, but ft work gives you way less time. It does give me less time.... but I would have PTO and sick days to use if DS is out for some reason?
|
|
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Sept 8, 2016 16:22:34 GMT -5
The childcare would still be an issue. You might have more money to throw at it, but ft work gives you way less time. It does give me less time.... but I would have PTO and sick days to use if DS is out for some reason? Can you re-work your class-schedule a bit to free up the days you are responsible for DS? It might make the rest of your week a bitch, but you'd then eliminate some of your scheduling issues. That said, as a single parent, you still NEED a support network aside from your XH (who naturally does not want to help you move further on from life with him).
|
|
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Sept 8, 2016 16:38:30 GMT -5
While I think you two should work on practicing him sitting quietly for an hour, another option would be to hire a fellow classmate from Course A to watch him while you go to Course B.
$10 for the hour gets your classmate easy gas/lunch money and you get to go to class.
Start chatting up your classmates and identify a couple in each class who could pinch hit for an hour in a last-minute child care wrinkle.
|
|
naughtybear
Familiar Member
Joined: Aug 10, 2016 17:03:08 GMT -5
Posts: 996
|
Post by naughtybear on Sept 8, 2016 16:42:19 GMT -5
I don't think the ex is being an asshole, that's not a very nice thing to say. They are divorced, they have a set custody visitation schedule. He has no obligation to ease her schedule, not the same but I wouldn't be calling up my ex if I needed PC help. If I am close to what I think the schedule is can you do classes mon/wed? I understand scheduling so I know it may not be possible.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 8, 2016 16:50:09 GMT -5
When push comes to shove, if he's not vomiting and can sit upright, take him to college with you and park him on a bench with an ipad game or video until you get through class. He should be able to handle one hour of self-entertainiment.My kids are amazing at sitting and listening or playing. Their attention span is way better than mine. And they can entertain themselves very well. However!! While my 5 y r old would love an hour of IPAD time, he might or might not need to pee, ask me a question, tell me he is hot or cold or wants to sit on my lap or becomes VERY hungry even if he ate 3 seconds before the class start. Sitting in a classroom full of adults and being quiet for an hour or hour and a half is not so simple for a 5 yr old. It is such a crap shoot sometimes that I wouldn't be considering this as an option unless absolutely necessary. And this is coming from someone who had to take her 2 yr old, 3 yrs old and 5 yr old to my dentist appt bc my crown fell out and I couldn't eat or drink and my husband wasn't coming home for another 3 days.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Sept 8, 2016 16:53:34 GMT -5
I don't think the ex is being an asshole, that's not a very nice thing to say. They are divorced, they have a set custody visitation schedule. He has no obligation to ease her schedule, not the same but I wouldn't be calling up my ex if I needed PC help. If I am close to what I think the schedule is can you do classes mon/wed? I understand scheduling so I know it may not be possible. This is not help with the PC it's his own son. It's not like she's asking him to take all the days off. It's just being flexible. Kind of like I know you have the kid this weekend but it's his grandma's bday, can we switch? Unless you have something super specific already going on I think it's very asshole like not to work with the parent of your child. I get that a lot of people apparently can kids yet still not act like an adult, but it's not like she's asking him to possibly take care of their sick son so she can go to a beach. The boy will benefit from his mom becoming an engineer. Hell x will probably get a crap ton more child support when she gets done, you'd think most would be all for that.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 8, 2016 16:58:42 GMT -5
He's 5. He already got a note in his folder because he wasn't sitting still and listening in the afternoon.... and that's with stuff taught at his level. He has had this problem for a very long time, and we have talked to him about this so many times I can't keep track. Unless he is asleep, sick, or absolutely entranced by something, he will not just sit quietly for 20+ mins. Bribes don't work. Dose him with Benadryl it's been reformulated.
|
|
suesinfl
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 9, 2011 18:02:27 GMT -5
Posts: 2,765
|
Post by suesinfl on Sept 8, 2016 16:59:39 GMT -5
DO NPT GIVE UP!! You will be able to work through the hurdles. My experience was the first day of class was usually just going over what is expected of the students, college policies, etc. There was hardly no intense teaching at that time.
As for the other times that you may miss class, talk to the school; they may have resources or know of resources for students that are parents. Talk to your professors, you are not the first student they have had that is/was a parent. Heck, they may even know of students who can help you or tell you what the other parents did. It's worth a shot.
Best of luck to you and when you are feeling stressed, come here to vent we have plenty of shoulders to lean on and great advice.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 8, 2016 17:03:00 GMT -5
I don't think the ex is being an asshole, that's not a very nice thing to say. They are divorced, they have a set custody visitation schedule. He has no obligation to ease her schedule, not the same but I wouldn't be calling up my ex if I needed PC help. If I am close to what I think the schedule is can you do classes mon/wed? I understand scheduling so I know it may not be possible. This is not help with the PC it's his own son. It's not like she's asking him to take all the days off. It's just being flexible. Kind of like I know you have the kid this weekend but it's his grandma's bday, can we switch? Unless you have something super specific already going on I think it's very asshole like not to work with the parent of your child.I get that a lot of people apparently can kids yet still not act like an adult, but it's not like she's asking him to possibly take care of their sick son so she can go to a beach. The boy will benefit from his mom becoming an engineer. Hell x will probably get a crap ton more child support when she gets done, you'd think most would be all for that. It's really not. While it's nice when ex-spouses can help each other, MJ's ex is not responsible at all for making her life easier and not under any obligation to work with her on anything. Also, if I were her, I wouldn't want to depend on an EX husband that much. 9 out of 10 times it doesn't work out really well.
|
|
movingforward
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 15, 2011 12:48:31 GMT -5
Posts: 8,386
|
Post by movingforward on Sept 8, 2016 17:08:53 GMT -5
Well, he's only 5 so I am not thinking I would park him on a bench while attending class.
I personally would try bringing him into class though on one of those days he is off school and see what happens. He could surprise you. I wouldn't take him to class with you if he is sick. Nobody wants to be around a sick kid. At any rate, it is too early to give up IMHO. Keep trucking and see what happens. You can make this work.
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,622
|
Post by debthaven on Sept 8, 2016 17:19:41 GMT -5
It's too early to give up, you'd never forgive yourself. BUT, you need to find / budget money for occasional childcare. A neighbor, a neighbor's kid, your child's teacher (here some of the younger ones also babysit), another mom, a classmate's adult child, dunno. Ask your son's teacher, pediatrician, etc.
Also, try to rework your schedule (it's prob too late for this semester) to try to take more classes the days your ex has your son.
Could you apply for family student housing for next year (if it exists)? You'd probably find a bunch of people like you that you could trade childcare with.
Just bite off one semester at a time. Your son will get older and calmer.
And as a university prof, if you explain, your profs will probably admire your determination (at least most of them, there are arseholes everywhere alas).
You can do this!
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Sept 8, 2016 17:23:28 GMT -5
This is not help with the PC it's his own son. It's not like she's asking him to take all the days off. It's just being flexible. Kind of like I know you have the kid this weekend but it's his grandma's bday, can we switch? Unless you have something super specific already going on I think it's very asshole like not to work with the parent of your child.I get that a lot of people apparently can kids yet still not act like an adult, but it's not like she's asking him to possibly take care of their sick son so she can go to a beach. The boy will benefit from his mom becoming an engineer. Hell x will probably get a crap ton more child support when she gets done, you'd think most would be all for that. It's really not. While it's nice when ex-spouses can help each other, MJ's ex is not responsible at all for making her life easier and not under any obligation to work with her on anything. Also, if I were her, I wouldn't want to depend on an EX husband that much. 9 out of 10 times it doesn't work out really well. Never said he was under any obligation and never said to depend on him. Being sick shouldn't happen that often to most kids, it's not like she'd be asking to switch shit around every other week. Being inflexible just for the sake of it and no actual reason is an asshole move, even if you're not obligated. I realize, like I said, that in real life people are usually awful about being adults after they divorce with kids. Just cuz it often happens doesn't mean I think it's any less asshole. It's definitely a reason why I'm still single.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 8, 2016 17:51:41 GMT -5
It's really not. While it's nice when ex-spouses can help each other, MJ's ex is not responsible at all for making her life easier and not under any obligation to work with her on anything. Also, if I were her, I wouldn't want to depend on an EX husband that much. 9 out of 10 times it doesn't work out really well. Never said he was under any obligation and never said to depend on him. Being sick shouldn't happen that often to most kids, it's not like she'd be asking to switch shit around every other week. Being inflexible just for the sake of it and no actual reason is an asshole move, even if you're not obligated. I realize, like I said, that in real life people are usually awful about being adults after they divorce with kids. Just cuz it often happens doesn't mean I think it's any less asshole. It's definitely a reason why I'm still single. She hasn't been asking every other week bc the school just started and she already asking. So even if he had no actual reason (which we really don't know) may be he doesn't want to set a precedent. That's not being an asshole. That's actually being an adult - not allowing other people to dictate your schedule. In any case - MJ2.0 - I can not imagine how hard it is to be a single mom, going to school and work, even PT - so my hat is off to you. I hope you continue! BTW, if you already know when your son won't have school - any chance you can ask other moms in his class if he can spend the day with their child?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 11:24:44 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2016 17:54:55 GMT -5
Breathe. You can do this. Your ex is an ass for only agreeing to "his" days, but whatever. I agree you're going to have to line up a back up childcare person though. There has to be somebody? A friend or neighbor? It's not like you're asking for all day, every day, this is emergency back-up. Worst case pay the crazy high prices and consider it just another cost of school.
You're freaking out now because something just happened, but really chances are there aren't going to be a lot of sick days/broken arms.
|
|
Peace Of Mind
Senior Associate
[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:53:02 GMT -5
Posts: 15,554
Location: Paradise
|
Post by Peace Of Mind on Sept 8, 2016 17:57:25 GMT -5
MJ - This is the universe testing you to see just how serious you are about this new venture.
My only suggestion would be to have another kid. <<runs>>
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Sept 8, 2016 17:58:47 GMT -5
Not sure how hey can we work together to both be flexible so we both may get something out of this is dictating his schedule at all. The schedule could be the way it is because he dictated it that way.
And she's asking for help with HIS kid who broke his freaking arm. Not her car breaking down, or she needs some R&R on the beach, his kid broke his arm.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 11:24:44 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2016 18:03:22 GMT -5
When she's making more money he's going to be first in line for more support... He should be helping any way he can...
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 8, 2016 18:06:27 GMT -5
MJ - This is the universe testing you to see just how serious you are about this new venture. My only suggestion would be to have another kid. <<runs>> You mean so they can watch /entertain each other??
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 8, 2016 18:13:09 GMT -5
Not sure how hey can we work together to both be flexible so we both may get something out of this is dictating his schedule at all. The schedule could be the way it is because he dictated it that way. And she's asking for help with HIS kid who broke his freaking arm. Not her car breaking down, or she needs some R&R on the beach, his kid broke his arm. OK, I really don't want to derail her thread, and it doesn't seem like we will see each other's point anyway. All I can say is that I wouldn't consider a guy an asshole simply for not switching days. You see it as him not helping his KID, I see it as him not helping his EX wife.
|
|
Peace Of Mind
Senior Associate
[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:53:02 GMT -5
Posts: 15,554
Location: Paradise
|
Post by Peace Of Mind on Sept 8, 2016 18:13:18 GMT -5
MJ - This is the universe testing you to see just how serious you are about this new venture. My only suggestion would be to have another kid. <<runs>> You mean so they can watch /entertain each other?? Ummmm. Sure! That!!
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,108
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 8, 2016 18:16:04 GMT -5
Check all the peg boards on campus. Sometimes you'll get lucky and find students offering babysitting service to help pay for school.
What about care.com? I see it advertised all the time and they claim you can set a price range. Itd be worth checking out.
|
|
naughtybear
Familiar Member
Joined: Aug 10, 2016 17:03:08 GMT -5
Posts: 996
|
Post by naughtybear on Sept 8, 2016 18:32:17 GMT -5
Actually the switching days was for the two Thursdays MJ has already figured out there is no school but mj has classes. Don't they do a 3/4 schedule, I reckon she has Thur, Fri and Sat custody.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 8, 2016 18:35:18 GMT -5
Do you have your son in latchkey/daycare at school after school? Ours is open for care on those random half days and off days. You could always try to bring your son with you, and take him out discretely when he gets antsy. Check with the prof first to see if it's okay. I wouldn't leave him in the hall by himself at 5. My DS1 is pretty active as well, but park him in front of YouTube, and he's a zombie. Well, lots of times, anyway.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 11:24:44 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2016 18:46:30 GMT -5
I went back to school when my son was only 2 and did drag him along a few times. It actually went really well. He was screen starved at that time and if I put anything on the personal DVD player I was guaranteed an hour of silence and sitting still.
|
|
emma1420
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 28, 2011 15:35:45 GMT -5
Posts: 2,430
|
Post by emma1420 on Sept 8, 2016 18:51:22 GMT -5
When push comes to shove, if he's not vomiting and can sit upright, take him to college with you and park him on a bench with an ipad game or video until you get through class. He should be able to handle one hour of self-entertainiment. Not all profs will allow this. When I was teaching, we had an institutional policy that did not allow people not enrolled (or faculty of staff) in the class to be present. So when I very occasionally had a student who brought their child to class, I had to ask them to leave. It sucked. Posting on the schools intranet, poster boards, etc., for other parents in a similar situation is a great idea. I'm sure there are other people in a similar position. It will get easier once you have developed a support network, and you will in time.
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 8, 2016 19:51:49 GMT -5
My little boy is asleep now. All I want to do is curl up in the fetal position and cry... For the next several days. I can't even put into words how demoralized I feel right now. And selfish.... How selfish I am to have done this with no regard to how it would affect others.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 8, 2016 20:03:09 GMT -5
My little boy is asleep now. All I want to do is curl up in the fetal position and cry... For the next several days. I can't even put into words how demoralized I feel right now. And selfish.... How selfish I am to have done this with no regard to how it would affect others. Oh noooo, don't cry. Well, cry if you want to, but you are NOT selfish at all. Selfish would be letting your ex have full custody and going off and doing your own thing. But you are not. You are doing a very hard thing and a very scary thing. You'll have great days and shitty ones, but I think you are crazy strong for doing what you are doing and you should feel very proud of yourself. But you will need help, so hopefully you can find some sitters or moms or someone.
|
|