swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jun 9, 2016 10:10:08 GMT -5
discuss
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 9, 2016 10:13:19 GMT -5
I already posted that on the other thread and I don't think it should be just applied to boys, but to everyone.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 9, 2016 10:16:21 GMT -5
- Teach them about consent and who can/can't give it (applicable to statutory rape charges too) - That no one has the right to touch them without their consent, and vice versa - That just because they paid for dinner, picked her up from the airport, or are otherwise a "nice guy" does not entitle them to anything from their date that is not freely given.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 9, 2016 10:17:24 GMT -5
STOP raring? Like they do it daily but they need to stop? Weirdly worded question...
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jun 9, 2016 10:18:18 GMT -5
"I only date raped your mother once. You should try to do better."
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 9, 2016 10:20:49 GMT -5
"I only date raped your mother once. You should try to do better." ...not funny, Archie!
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 9, 2016 10:21:27 GMT -5
Based on the study that's been discussed on other threads, I think a huge portion of it is explaining what rape is and all forms it takes. Using force is rape. Continuing after they say no is rape. Etc etc.
When 80+ percent of rapes are by someone the victim knows there's something deeply wrong. I don't know if it's just an issue with what rape truly is and looks like but I think that's part of it.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jun 9, 2016 10:23:23 GMT -5
Castration or at the very least a good old fashioned ass kicking. Instead these days parents of some of these animals and even courts/juries make excuses for them. The Stanford swimmer and affluenza teen come to mind.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jun 9, 2016 10:25:49 GMT -5
Castration or at the very least a good old fashioned ass kicking. Instead these days parents of some of these animals and even courts/juries make excuses for them. The Stanford swimmer and affluenza teen come to mind. I don't think this is anything new
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 9, 2016 10:31:22 GMT -5
I hate anything that has to do with abuse of humans or animals or human rights... However I must say if girls weren't getting wasted so often - rape cases would be reduced by at least 50%.
And you can't 'tell' anything to the boys to not to rape. All know it is wrong. Men are having hearts and brains. Some just are not having enough hearts. Kind people will never do this out of simple decency. It is also applied to 'do not kill' and all 10 commandments. Some people just aren't decent people and whatever you 'tell' them, even threatened by death sentence is not going to work!
I think we need to tell our girls how to protect themselves from rape and other troubles and maybe teach them some self-protection and than some so they wouldn't fall prays to these heartless animals in human bodies.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jun 9, 2016 10:33:46 GMT -5
Seems to be more prevalent or at least because of technology you hear about it more. Personal responsibility has been decreasing as long as I've been alive and some parents make more excuses than ever for kids these days.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 9, 2016 10:33:51 GMT -5
I hate anything that has to do with abuse of humans or animals or human rights... However I must say if girls weren't getting wasted so often - rape cases would be reduced by at least 50%.
And you can't 'tell' anything to the boys to not to rape. All know it is wrong. Men are having hearts and brains. Some just are not having enough hearts. Kind people will never do this out of simple decency. It is also applied to 'do not kill' and all 10 commandments. Some people just aren't decent people and whatever you 'tell' them, even threatened by death sentence is not going to work!
I think we need to tell our girls how to protect themselves from rape and other troubles and maybe teach them some self-protection and than some so they wouldn't fall prays to these heartless animals in human bodies.
There's already a thread for that. This one is not it.
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engineerdoe
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Post by engineerdoe on Jun 9, 2016 10:34:13 GMT -5
I hate anything that has to do with abuse of humans or animals or human rights... However I must say if girls weren't getting wasted so often - rape cases would be reduced by at least 50%.
And you can't 'tell' anything to the boys to not to rape. All know it is wrong. Men are having hearts and brains. Some just are not having enough hearts. Kind people will never do this out of simple decency. It is also applied to 'do not kill' and all 10 commandments. Some people just aren't decent people and whatever you 'tell' them, even threatened by death sentence is not going to work!
I think we need to tell our girls how to protect themselves from rape and other troubles and maybe teach them some self-protection and than some so they wouldn't fall prays to these heartless animals in human bodies.
Only took us 9 posts to go back to blaming the victim of rape for getting raped.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 9, 2016 10:35:27 GMT -5
I hate anything that has to do with abuse of humans or animals or human rights... However I must say if girls weren't getting wasted so often - rape cases would be reduced by at least 50%.
And you can't 'tell' anything to the boys to not to rape. All know it is wrong. Men are having hearts and brains. Some just are not having enough hearts. Kind people will never do this out of simple decency. It is also applied to 'do not kill' and all 10 commandments. Some people just aren't decent people and whatever you 'tell' them, even threatened by death sentence is not going to work!
I think we need to tell our girls how to protect themselves from rape and other troubles and maybe teach them some self-protection and than some so they wouldn't fall prays to these heartless animals in human bodies.
There's already a thread for that. This one is not it. So? What is wrong with my post? And I haven't seen 'another thread'...duh!
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 9, 2016 10:37:05 GMT -5
Here's what I would say... 1. Ask yourself if your actions show respect for the other person, this should cover 90% of situations and should guide your actions. If it doesn't or you are unsure, stop then move on to #22. Do you know what what is considered rape or sexual assault legally... if what you are about to do is considered against the law, stop. 3. If after understanding #1 and 2, and you are still questioning then stop, chances are there is something not right and you should not proceed. It doesn't matter what you think of the laws, what the girl may be saying or doing, what others are doing, or what others say, there is a legal definition of rape and sexual assault. I can't like #1 enough. Because, this is a life lesson that can be brought into a marriage. Rape in marriages happens. I think that's just as serious as any other type of rape.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 9, 2016 10:38:00 GMT -5
I hate anything that has to do with abuse of humans or animals or human rights... However I must say if girls weren't getting wasted so often - rape cases would be reduced by at least 50%.
And you can't 'tell' anything to the boys to not to rape. All know it is wrong. Men are having hearts and brains. Some just are not having enough hearts. Kind people will never do this out of simple decency. It is also applied to 'do not kill' and all 10 commandments. Some people just aren't decent people and whatever you 'tell' them, even threatened by death sentence is not going to work!
I think we need to tell our girls how to protect themselves from rape and other troubles and maybe teach them some self-protection and than some so they wouldn't fall prays to these heartless animals in human bodies.
Only took us 9 posts to go back to blaming the victim of rape for getting raped. If I only woke up earlier...
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jun 9, 2016 10:38:28 GMT -5
Seems to be more prevalent or at least because of technology you hear about it more. Personal responsibility has been decreasing as long as I've been alive and some parents make more excuses than ever for kids these days. Maybe, maybe not...there was a time when the term "date rape" didn't even exist. The assumption was the girl must have been asking for it. There have been lots of excuses throughout the years.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 9, 2016 10:38:55 GMT -5
If all men stopped raping rape would be reduced by more than just 50%, and rape by men would be reduced by 100%.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 9, 2016 10:40:18 GMT -5
Seems to be more prevalent or at least because of technology you hear about it more. Personal responsibility has been decreasing as long as I've been alive and some parents make more excuses than ever for kids these days. Maybe, maybe not...there was a time when the term "date rape" didn't even exist. The assumption was the girl must have been asking for it. There have been lots of excuses throughout the years. Not to mention it wasn't that long ago that a wife could not tell her husband no, or rather it didn't matter if she did by marrying he got access to sex whenever he wanted regardless of what she wanted.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 9, 2016 10:41:40 GMT -5
What I was saying is ALL of the people knows that rape is not to be taken place ever! However there are rapists. Those who knows but don't care...
Do you really believe that there is ONE rapist who thinks it is OK to rape? They know very well what they are doing is a deadly sin!!!
Case closed or should be.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 9, 2016 10:43:36 GMT -5
If all men stopped raping rape would be reduced by more than just 50%, and rape by men would be reduced by 100%. Rape should not exist. Period! However... And reducing bad things by 50% IS the result. Nothing is perfect.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 9, 2016 10:48:40 GMT -5
If all men stopped raping rape would be reduced by more than just 50%, and rape by men would be reduced by 100%. Rape should not exist. Period! However... And reducing bad things by 50% IS the result. Nothing is perfect.
And the only way to reduce it is for would be rapists to not rape.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 9, 2016 10:50:19 GMT -5
The issue is people have different definitions of rape. We tend to get hung up on the guy hiding in the bushes in the park waiting for a night jogger to come by.
In reality the attacker is often someone the victim is familiar with.
People will argue since she slept with him before then clearly it could not be rape this time. Or a guy will assume since she "came onto him earlier" it's okay to keep going if she passes out.
That's rape. Mid or Justme posted in the other thread a study where men were asked if they would ever rape someone. The majority answered no.
When the question was rephrased as "would you ever use force to get sex" the amount of men that answered yes rose dramatically.
As a woman both phrases mean the exact same thing to me. Apparently there is a disconnect between the phrases when you ask the same thing of men.
That's a problem.
Date rape and marital rape are two that are very hard to pin down. If I tell my husband I do not want to have sex and he forces himself onto me that should clearly be rape but people argue since we are married he can't "truly" rape me. Date rape is often the same way because there is this idea that you somehow "owe" somebody sex if they took you on a date.
My HS sweetheart tried to pull that stunt. He kept insisting that since we wen to prom together that I owed him the traditional prom night sex. That conversation did not go well for him. Fortunately he was not stupid enough to push it further than the conversation.
But just the fact those words even came out of his mouth is troubling. I know he was not the only one bragging about how he was "going to get laid on prom night".
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 9, 2016 10:50:30 GMT -5
What I was saying is ALL of the people knows that rape is not to be taken place ever! However there are rapists. Those who knows but don't care...
Do you really believe that there is ONE rapist who thinks it is OK to rape? They know very well what they are doing is a deadly sin!!!
Case closed or should be.
Actually, a lot don't. There was a study that asked guys if they would rape a girl if they could get away with it. Almost all said no. They were then asked if they would use force to have sex if they could get away with it. Around half said yes...all those guys that said they wouldn't rape decided they would rape once the word wasn't explicitly used.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jun 9, 2016 10:52:51 GMT -5
One thing that would be nice to be able to tell our boys is that girls are being told that if she wants to say "Yes" that is okay to say "Yes" and that it is not okay to play coy to make him "work for it".
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 9, 2016 10:58:49 GMT -5
I also think, as parents, it's not only what we tell our kids, but what kind of behaviors we expect from our kids and how we raise them.
A boy going to Stanford who is excels at a sport likely has money. His talent of swimming has given him power in his world.
Power+money=above the law.
So, let's start there. Let's start teaching our star student athletes that they do not get a pass at any poor behavior of any kind, no matter how talented or not they are.
If Dad is willing to write a letter instead of having his son deal with the natural consequences of his behavior..let's look at that as a parenting fail.
At our school, we see this all the time with the rich kids. Some families with money believe they are immune to consequences. Or somehow they are better or more special. (ETA: There's one private HS in our city. Catholic. Tuition is like 18K a year. Sweet 16 parties look like mini weddings. I cannot tell you HOW many times I've heard parents and kid say, that they will be immune to poor behavior because they are going to an expensive, catholic school.)
How about us parents live lives with integrity and be good models? "Do as I say and not as I do" is a load of crap. Kids know that.
Teaching kids respect means you have to be respectful of kids. You have to be present in their lives and parent. Not pass it off to others.
Once you've got a good foundation, then you can say "Be respectful of partners."
If you've never taught a kid how to be respectful, how the hell are they supposed to learn? And why would they want to start when they think they are above the law and consequences.
And I'm sure that you'll say "Oh, a college-aged kid should KNOW better." I'm not sure I agree with that. I didn't know that the environment I grew up in was really dysfunctional until my 30's. My DS, who knows how I grew up, can't begin to understand or relate. It's just not in his frame of reference. If a kid always gets away with whatever poor behavior they do, how will they know that eventually, there will come a point where they won't get away with it?
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Jun 9, 2016 11:09:11 GMT -5
we need a button for gira's post.
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Jun 9, 2016 11:17:52 GMT -5
I do wonder though if some of the men in that study may have taken the question differently.
In today's world when I hear "force." I think of a dominant sexual partner with their submissive. In this case, the submissive has agreed but "force" is used. They'll spank, chain, ect... 50 Shades of Grey has made this very popular. Personally, that's how I took it at first when I saw the word "force" was BDSM.
However, I'd still say "no" because I'm REALLY not into BDSM for myself. But, I can't necessarily say a woman or man involved in this is wrong to be involved in this because both partners agree to it.
But maybe some did just take it as "force" as well. I just know when I heard it I took it as BDSM at first.
But then after I reread the question I assumes that's not true but at first glances that's def what I thought of.
I feel like it's important that parent's talk to their children about it but I'd even go as far to say during sex ed classes that these are things that should be talked about as well. I know in my sex ed classes this topic never even came up. In my entire high school career this topic never came up.
We talked about STDS and Condoms. But, it was never expressed what consent means.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jun 9, 2016 11:24:52 GMT -5
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Jun 9, 2016 11:24:59 GMT -5
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