moneyminded
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Life is good and the best is yet to come...
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Post by moneyminded on Feb 23, 2016 8:15:02 GMT -5
And if not, what are you going to do about it? 2) Those of you that have the life you wanted, what did you do to get there? 3) Did you do a complete turn-around and how did your family/friends respond?
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Feb 23, 2016 8:35:42 GMT -5
I don't know that I really had in mind a life that I wanted, but I'm not going to complain about what I have.
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Apple
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Always travel with a sense of humor
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Post by Apple on Feb 23, 2016 8:36:56 GMT -5
Yes and no.
The "no" part-- I had no desire to become, and stay, a single mom. However, some things are out of my control. So, I did the best I could. I have become content and ok with remaining single long term, however, I would welcome a good, healthy relationship with a guy.
The "yes" part-- I have a good job/career. I worked hard and went through hell to get where I am. I have a nice house in a good neighborhood. I make enough to save money and make my wants my priorities. I can help my son out with college next year. I can travel to far away places every few years (hope to increase that since my work schedule is awesome with chunks of time off, once DS has graduated and my new house is in progress). I go to the theater when there is a play/musical I wish to see. I go to concerts when I'd like.
As for a turnaround, not really. I've always been head strong and pursued what I wanted. I've always had goals for myself, and have reached most of them.
I went to school when I could barely afford it. I spent time at work and school when I'd rather have spent the time with my young son. I knew I wanted a better life than my old job would ever give me, so I sought out something new that would pay well in the end. I saved where I could, so I could spend where I wanted. I made sacrifices of time, money, and comfort with the hope that it would all pay off in the end. Fortunately, it did.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 23, 2016 8:41:47 GMT -5
I think my life is perfect now and I feel very guilty about it....So......I am going to try to feel less guilty about it!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2016 8:56:54 GMT -5
Heck no! But, it is what it is and there really is no undoing the choices of the past. I can't take a lot of risks while I have kids to take care of, so no quitting my job, packing up and heading to Alaska or anything. Just trying my best to enjoy my life now. It's not what I expected, or dreamed about, but it's certainly not a BAD life either.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 23, 2016 9:12:25 GMT -5
There is a difference between want and need. I need for nothing.
ETA: I worked for the same employer for thirty years. I was able (through an employee buyout) to retire at 53 years old and immediately began collecting (part of the buyout deal) my full (and enhanced) traditional pension.
The older I get, the less I need.
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mroped
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Post by mroped on Feb 23, 2016 9:18:12 GMT -5
"My mama said Life is like a box of chocolate! You never know what you're gonna get!" Take me it one day at the time and make the best of it,
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 23, 2016 9:19:16 GMT -5
And if not, what are you going to do about it? 2) Those of you that have the life you wanted, what did you do to get there? 3) Did you do a complete turn-around and how did your family/friends respond? I could tell you that I worked my ass off, which, yes, I did, but I think I am very very lucky and very very blessed. Also, don't confuse the "life that you wanted" with "easy life"
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Feb 23, 2016 9:32:29 GMT -5
My life is very different from what I would have expected it to be like 20 years ago, but in mostly good ways. It's not perfect, but I am happier than I ever thought I would be.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 23, 2016 9:39:04 GMT -5
Absolutely not. Twenty years ago I was very happy. I had it all. After that I was lied to and betrayed by two men. I will never be that stupid again. My mom always said there were two kinds of people. Users and those that get used. I've been on the getting used end. I don't like it
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 23, 2016 9:45:52 GMT -5
At 18 I planned on being a single career women with no husband or children. Then I met my husband while in college and started thinking maybe the Sex & the City life wasn't what I really wanted. I don't regret getting married or having children (most days ). I will say that I am 'one and done'. I love DH with all my heart but I have zero desire to go thru all this crap again with a second man if something were to happen to DH. Career wise no I am not where I wanted to be or thought I would be. Some of that is out of my control I didn't expect things to take such a nose dive five years after I graduated. Now I am trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I regret some of that, I still have $18k hanging over my head in student loans for a career that is going no where. At the same time though I was 18 years old and had no help coming from family when it came to college. I made the best decisions with the information I had available at the time. Now that I am older and wiser I can see a million other options but there is no point in constantly dwelling on it. It is what it is and it's kept me steadily employed since 2006. Can't complain too much.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Feb 23, 2016 9:51:57 GMT -5
Actually - yes. I didn't envision these particular details, but this life in general, yes.
When I was a kid, I can remember thinking how great it would be to have a DH and a house with a white picket fence and animals and enough money to not worry. The only thing I didn't get was children - only I actually DID, because we ended up with my DB's two girls.
We're not rich, but we're financially stable and happy in our jobs and in this community as retirement begins to come into view on the horizon.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Look inna eye! Always look inna eye!
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Feb 23, 2016 9:56:44 GMT -5
Interesting question. The life I want changes. I thought I knew what I wanted, pursued it and found out it wasn't. The life I have now is what I want...for now. After some time, I think I'll want a different life. Maybe not. We'll see. For now, I'm content to be happy, healthy and stable.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Feb 23, 2016 10:17:07 GMT -5
It's not having what you want It's wanting what you've got
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Feb 23, 2016 10:27:10 GMT -5
This is not the life I wanted. I don't think very many people get the life they want, actually.
But, in terms of what I did get, I'm very blessed. Yes, I will never be a SAHM. But, I also have three healthy children.
Given a second go around, I probably wouldn't have married my husband when I did. I actually don't know that I would have chosen to marry him. But, before our marriage hit the 10 year mark, we had an authentic, really marriage that most people don't get until they have been married much longer.
We can no longer afford to take our kids to Europe for two months as I was planning for. They understand if this is the worst complaint they have about their childhood, then really, they've had quite a privileged upbringing.
My childhood dreams have largely gone unfulfilled. I think that has been quite upsetting for my family to see. But, they place more importance on my childhood dreams/aspirations than whether or not I'm happy. It's a different mindset than I have for my kids..
I really wasn't mentally/emotionally healthy for a long time. Whether that was good or bad depended on who you asked. Friends and co-workers seemed to like the healthy me better than the unhealthy me. My family, well, it was just the opposite. So, after my experience, I wouldn't really care how others might respond. . Some people value change and think it's important. Others think change is bad, even if the change is for the better. And you really can't change people's reactions, anyway..
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Feb 23, 2016 10:31:08 GMT -5
Met up with some people from high school last week and was asked something similar. I said I never really thought about what I wanted and that's why I've been floundering for the last 10 years. I'm super amazing about making conversations turn awkward. It's not that I'm not content with where I am now, but it took me a while to figure things out and I feel like I'm only just getting started on building the life I want.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2016 10:35:59 GMT -5
I don't know that I really had in mind a life that I wanted, but I'm not going to complain about what I have. Yeah, I can't say I had a concrete plan, either. I did find myself thinking a couple of days ago that 20 years ago I was living in NJ, in the middle of a wretched marriage and not sure how to extricate myself. (Briefly- he was unemployed and I knew if I left I'd have to take DS but move someplace with a decent school system, and could not afford to support two homes, especially since my husband would stay in the marital home indefinitely). Would I have predicted that in 20 years I'd be happily remarried, living in the middle of the country, DS happily married with a BEAUTIFUL little girl and a wonderful wife? Heck, no. We ended up out here only because jobs dried up in my field in NNJ/NYC in late 2001.
I definitely did not get where I wanted in my career, but I did well enough that when I decided to throw in the towel at 61, I could afford it. I wish DH weren't 15 years older, which limits some of our travel, but we're so well-matched otherwise that I count my blessings.
Humans plan. God laughs.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Feb 23, 2016 10:40:00 GMT -5
I am in my fifties, my father is in his seventies. I asked him recently if he was surprised where I ended up. He said he he wasn't "surprised" because he never had any idea where my life was headed.
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Lizard Queen
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103/2024
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Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 23, 2016 10:40:32 GMT -5
Yes and no. It's not the life I wanted, but it's not NOT the life I wanted. DH and kids are, though I always thought I'd have a little girl and my kids would be calm and quiet. House is okay. Rest of my family, career, college are not. Could be a lot worse, though. DH is awesome, and my kids are smart and adorable.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Feb 23, 2016 10:42:50 GMT -5
IDK, I never seemed to be on a track to get the life I wanted right from the get go, but that doesn't mean that I'm not unhappy with where I am now.
I kinda sorta believed the "You could be anything you want to be" that I heard as a kid... atleast until about 4th grade... when I figured out it didn't really work that way it was just a nice saying. I floundered a lot early on... but then when I started picking apart what I really valued from what I was expected/obligated/duty bound to value, I floundered less.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Feb 23, 2016 10:59:14 GMT -5
And if not, what are you going to do about it? 2) Those of you that have the life you wanted, what did you do to get there? 3) Did you do a complete turn-around and how did your family/friends respond? Yes, and no. I have the life I wanted, but don't like the way I got it. I had had intended on being active and working much longer and that is impossible for me now. Not much I can do but work with what I have been left with. I had worked my ass off prior to this, and was exactly where I wanted to be. Murphy laughed, and things changed.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Feb 23, 2016 11:02:20 GMT -5
Sometimes I look around and wonder how the hell I got here.
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Cookies Galore
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I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
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Post by Cookies Galore on Feb 23, 2016 11:17:05 GMT -5
Sometimes I look around and wonder how the hell I got here.
Obviously.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Feb 23, 2016 11:24:28 GMT -5
I think we have good careers and a nice home. We actually probably have more than I ever wanted or expected to have (due to DH's hard work). I would like to have less debt and more savings, but we are OK with what we have, working on getting rid of the debt and increasing retirement savings as we head toward retirement.
I would really like to work less hours and have a shorter commute, but will not make a move to cut back for a few years until my kids are through college. Thinking about selling one of the rental properties we own, and MIL said she wants to sell hers despite the fact that my BIL (her DS) lives there. That would really simplify our lives. DH has enough to do with his main business.
I wish I had gone after a government job with a pension when I got out of school, but I did have two jobs that had pensions along the way, and they are both in my past. The vested pension from the one, is added to my retirement savings balance, I stupidly gave up on vesting in the other one a few weeks before it vested , what can I say I was 25 and focused on the future.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Feb 23, 2016 11:25:54 GMT -5
Well, to be honest, I think my dream jobs back when I was a kid was either to be a super spy leading a glamorous/mysterious life solving crimes or a pirate. I was told by my mom I had to be a SAHM with kids, because only married women with children are 'happy.' (Although she was a SAHM and never seemed that happy, to me).
So, the spy and pirate gig didn't work out, but I didn't surrender to the SAHM thing, either. I've come to realize that being spies and pirates aren't really all that much fun, anyway. I think I have a comfortable mix of challenging job/great home life/good finances, so I feel much luckier than most people. I'm not sure how much of what I have is directly due to my actions, or just luck and circumstance. For instance, I don't think I really knew what I was doing when I agreed to marry DH, but that was a happy accidental success.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Feb 23, 2016 11:30:39 GMT -5
Growing up I never really thought much about life as an adult. It's not like I didn't think I'd get here rather I didn't think about the monotony of going to work for 40+ years, raising a family and so on. I've been out of high school for 15 years now and back then I probably would have thought I would have kids by now but that's a few years off, nothing I ever set a deadline for and I'm not in a hurry to start that part of my life right now. My fiance is my best friend, my family and friends are healthy and I enjoy what I do while it allows me to invest, save and travel. As far as adulthood goes any complaining on my part would be nitpicking.
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techguy
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Post by techguy on Feb 23, 2016 11:35:42 GMT -5
No - I thought I would be a hell of a lot better at investing. If I can do over, I would just invest in the SPY.
No - Never tried the curiosity.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Feb 23, 2016 11:39:24 GMT -5
IDK - In general, I like my life...I have never had a "passion" for the work I do. I happen to be good at it and I LIKE it but at the end of the day I work for the paycheck. These days you run into people who seem to think it is weird that you don't have a true passion for your work. I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life, I just happened to fall into what I do now and have been doing for the last 15 years. In all honestly, I STILL don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I just try to keep myself open to new experiences and not be afraid of change.
I have been going through, what I believe, is a mid-life crisis the last few weeks. I have this restlessness that I can't seem to shake. It's like I want to run off and join the circus or something...Just feel like I am in a rut...
I am also dating a 28 yr old and it is starting to make me feel old and sad. It started out as kind of a fling but it turns out I may be falling for this guy. The age difference is starting to freak me out and I worry about what it might be like in 20 years when I am 62 and he is only 48.
Yep, first world problems...
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 23, 2016 12:00:40 GMT -5
Like a few others, I'm going to go with Yes and No.
Professionally and financially I'm pretty much where I thought I would be.
Personally, I never thought I would be a single mom. While I have always prepared myself financially to never be dependent on a man, deep down I never thought I would be on this side of the 50%! But I have learned a lot about myself since becoming single. I'm much stronger than I thought and really am fine on my own...granted, I'm fine because I can afford to pay for things that were previously done by my ex. I would probably be screwed if I made less money.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Feb 23, 2016 12:10:21 GMT -5
Together again, I am so happy to see you in a good place.
I wanted to mention that I never envisioned myself as a SAHM, and with out super Grandma and Super Grandpa caring for our kids, I don't know how we would have ever made the careers we have and had work with a family, but I do have a twinge of regret here and there for not spending more time with my kids.
I wish I had more time to do homework with them...DD is struggling with math in college, and I really wish I would have worked with her more. I took DS to a tutor, but never took DD (I thought she was fine. I did think she just did not test well. The tutor I took DS to not only worked on concepts and methods they also taught test taking skills and DD may well be doing better now had I pursed this course for her also.
I am also a little sorry that we did not have more fun time together and wish we had done more vacations...but it is relative, lots of their friends and relatives wish they had our lives and resources, so we can't complain.
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