MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 5, 2016 9:16:33 GMT -5
I would definitely want to know more about why DS felt that way. My mom basically shacked up with my former step dad before I even met him. Like we literally went from living with my dad to living with this guy. I never really liked or trusted him and I would NEVER move in with a guy (or have him move in with me) if DS had that much of a problem with him. And I would NEVER do what my mom did.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Mar 5, 2016 9:53:45 GMT -5
I have never been divorced so I never thought about this before. But according to this thread if we were and my 12 yr old son is never comfortable with me getting remarried or living with someone then I don't get to until after he is grown up? I am going to be honest and say I am not okay with that. That is entirely too much power for a parent to be giving a child IMO.
Of course people shouldn't bring home random people to shack up with. But long term people after a while should be the decision of the parent, not the kid.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 5, 2016 10:00:41 GMT -5
I have never been divorced so I never thought about this before. But according to this thread if we were and my 12 yr old son is never comfortable with me getting remarried or living with someone then I don't get to until after he is grown up? I am going to be honest and say I am not okay with that. That is entirely too much power for a parent to be giving a child IMO. Of course people shouldn't bring home random people to shack up with. But long term people after a while should be the decision of the parent, not the kid. It depends on the reason. If DS had legitimate concerns about him, then I'd pause and dig a bit further. If he was just jealous or something, then I'd probably give him some time to get used to it and then he'd have to just deal.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2016 10:24:21 GMT -5
My sister did this with her kids, only she used debit cards. It was very easy to track what her kids spent their money on, no registers required. In her case, she put $200/mo in their account the first of the month, and let them figure it out. If something similar happens, I am guessing it will be the 14YO who ends up sharking 16YO and 17YO. Both 16YO and 17YO drive, so need money for gas. 17YO is addicted to Panda Express, and often spends money on McDonald's. I'm guessing her money will go there. 16YO likes Starbucks, so I figure she'll spend it on coffee, food, and gas for the car. 14YO likes to play video games, and goes out and plays with the neighborhood kids. He doesn't drive, so no need to pay for gas. I figure he'll probably save his money for different video games he wants, or maybe blow it on Pokemon cards. Or give out high interest loans to his sisters. A few points . . . is it really fair to the older girls that the 14YO gets the same allowance as they do when they have to pay for gas? It seems like his expenses are less than theirs. I bet they will even be expected to drive him a few places to give their mom and/or you a break. Another one is whether their mother can actually afford this. I know you think she spends a lot more than $50 a week on each child's personal expenses. Is she really spending that much on what is basically gas and junk food? Or are you lumping all of her spending together? What will the kids be expected to cover out of this? Finally, what happens if the kids do get a job? Does the allowance go away? Think welfare here. Will the allowance take away any incentive to earn their own money?
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 5, 2016 10:49:26 GMT -5
Folks, let's keep it respectful. I'm seeing some civil unrest brewing in what has mostly been a reasonable discussion.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 5, 2016 11:00:47 GMT -5
...:::"If the only thing you controlled was your own wallet, why are you on her all the time about a budget? Give her a certain amount a month and then cut her off and mind your business.":::...
That is a LOT easier said than done. Money alone does not solve money problems, and there is no guarantee she won't still ask for more. Perhaps the real issue here is strengthening the "tune out" switch. I need one of those BIG TIME. I wish wish WISH I could just click off.
...:::"I bet they will even be expected to drive him a few places to give their mom and/or you a break.":::...
The kids are going to learn a lot more from this than anyone probably anticipates! If the older ones have to eat the cost of chauffeuring their younger brother around, it won't be long before they figure out [to charge] him for the service.
ETA words that I somehow missed
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 5, 2016 11:35:21 GMT -5
...:::"I bet they will even be expected to drive him a few places to give their mom and/or you a break.":::... The kids are going to learn a lot more from this than anyone probably anticipates! If the older ones have to eat the cost of chauffeuring their younger brother around, it won't be long before they figure out that to him for the service. This is exactly what happened to my sister's kids. The youngest got charged gas money for taking her places. But they had to negotiate it out among themselves.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 5, 2016 17:12:43 GMT -5
I have never been divorced so I never thought about this before. But according to this thread if we were and my 12 yr old son is never comfortable with me getting remarried or living with someone then I don't get to until after he is grown up? I am going to be honest and say I am not okay with that. That is entirely too much power for a parent to be giving a child IMO. Of course people shouldn't bring home random people to shack up with. But long term people after a while should be the decision of the parent, not the kid. This is really hard. My relationship with my children is very very important to me. While I don't think I would put all the power in their hands, I don't know if I could completely ignore their feelings and just move on with my life. In I was OP's GF, I wouldn't have allowed OP to move in. I would have just continue dating him and having separate living spaces. It's not like OP is dropping on one knee and proposing marriage. He is putting all kinds of conditions on the relationship. So now way in hell would I put that kind of relationship about my son's feelings.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 5, 2016 17:27:35 GMT -5
Somehow I omitted the most crucial words (which I've since added).
I think it is fine to tell the elder ones that part of the privilege of driving and having access to the car is that they have to drive the younger ones places. The important lessons here is that things have value. Of course at the same time, a family should help each other out.
I'm really interested to hear how this goes for all concerned. Is $50 up front every week a better or a worse deal than they have now? Will they stick with tracking what they spend their money on? Tune in next time!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2016 17:49:10 GMT -5
Somehow I omitted the most crucial words (which I've since added). I think it is fine to tell the elder ones that part of the privilege of driving and having access to the car is that they have to drive the younger ones places. The important lessons here is that things have value. Of course at the same time, a family should help each other out. I'm really interested to hear how this goes for all concerned. Is $50 up front every week a better or a worse deal than they have now? Will they stick with tracking what they spend their money on? Tune in next time! If the mom can make that $50 cover every expense that she normally covers in a week from lunch money to gas to fun money to field trips to school paperback to yearbook, etc., she will probably be better off. She'll probably still have to pay for big things (like renting the prom dress, doing the hair, etc.), but lunch money alone in the school cafeteria of most places would be $15-$20. The kids would learn to eat less or brownbag, etc. If the $50 covers only gas money and fun, that is a lot of $$$ to just give kids. I'm surprised she has it. Yes, I know the kids are constantly getting $$$ from her, but are they really getting $150 a week in gas/fun money? Wow. It has to cover something else, or the lesson is useless. Many of us don't allot that much just to eat out at Mickey D's all week.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 5, 2016 18:09:15 GMT -5
I suppose it depends on whether the kid is getting the dollar menu McNuggets and an ice water, or a full blown meal (I'm assuming $8). The latter, 5 days a week, would consume 80% of her money. The other 20% probably pays for the gas to get there. Even a movie ticket (non-3D) is $12+ in many areas.
I think they are driving older cars, so gas is hopefully cheap at the moment. I assume they aren't doing 50 mile/day commutes so a tank should last a while.
Is part of this deal a chance to sit down and look over the school calendar and point out some key events to plan ahead for? If field trips have to be covered out of this fun money, then teaching the kids to plan ahead is important. What does a field trip run these days anyway?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2016 18:58:45 GMT -5
I suppose it depends on whether the kid is getting the dollar menu McNuggets and an ice water, or a full blown meal (I'm assuming $8). The latter, 5 days a week, would consume 80% of her money. The other 20% probably pays for the gas to get there. Even a movie ticket (non-3D) is $12+ in many areas. I think they are driving older cars, so gas is hopefully cheap at the moment. I assume they aren't doing 50 mile/day commutes so a tank should last a while. Is part of this deal a chance to sit down and look over the school calendar and point out some key events to plan ahead for? If field trips have to be covered out of this fun money, then teaching the kids to plan ahead is important. What does a field trip run these days anyway? I'm not a parent these days, but a teacher. A lot depends on where they go. Recently, our basketball team made the final four. That field trip cost $5 for the fan bus (there was also the option to drive yourself) and $10 for the ticket. Then there would be food. The Spanish classes go to a Mexican restaurant. The marine science class went to swim with the manatees -- no idea what that cost! Most field trips involve eating out because they usually miss lunch; the meal may be more costly than the rest of the trip. Field trips are optional at the high school level so the school provides no funding. The cost must not only include the bus, but the cost of the substitute if one is needed. So they aren't cheap at the high school level. It is probably better at the middle school and elementary school level where they do stuff like tour a dairy, etc. But Beer hasn't said that the $50 would cover that. He just mentioned fast food and gas. It's a bargain if the kids have to save up for stuff like clothes, etc. It's not a bargain if that is just for fast food and gas. Kids don't need to go out to eat every day.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Mar 5, 2016 19:37:09 GMT -5
Just thought I'd throw in the example from my house: Both girls pay $10 per month toward their unlimited data plan. They pay $5 per week to have unlimited (until I get annoyed with them) wifi access in the house. They each have a chrome book which we gave them for Christmas two years ago. They also pay 25 cents per hour of extra curricular activity. So, DD#2 pays an average of $4 per week for dance class because she goes to dance class 10 - 14 hours per week. DD#1 runs cross country and track. They also have to pay about 25% of any "fun" stuff they want to do outside of family activities. We do not give them money for lunch. The school provides lunch to every student for free. They also may have any food in the house for lunch and put any reasonable food on the shopping list and I'll purchase it for them.
DD#1 is 18 and a senior in high school. When she entered her freshman year, she had to choose if she wanted to pay for school supplies or non-essential clothes. She chose school supplies. Entering her sophomore year, she had to choose if she wanted to pay for make-up and toiletries (with feminine products being an exception) or clothes. She chose make-up and toiletries. Both years she got a COLA raise. Entering her junior years, we did not add any specific categories. However, we no longer pay for any "fun" activities outside of family activities. This year, she has more access to using one of our cars, but she must pay us $5 every time she wants to use the car to drive to a neighboring town. (Her SA BF lives 15 miles away; the "main" town is 20 miles in a different direction.) She did not get a COLA raise, but she is welcome to earn more money.
If the girls complete their typical chores, DD#1 earns $21 per week, and DD#2 earns $16 per week. However, they're pretty lazy so they generally earn $15 and $10 respectively. They are welcome to earn additional money with extra chores.
Next year, DD#2 will be a freshman, and we'll start the same increases in responsibility as DD#1 went through.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2016 19:46:03 GMT -5
My kids have jobs and have learned to save gifts. Son works more than daughter. He recently wrote me a check for a year's worth of cell phone (15$ a month is his share) and car insurance (1/3 of the increase). Then he told me the weather better clear soon, he needs to work ... Daughter hasn't had 'real work' to this season, just mowing and babysitting, so she works off her phone bill. I also make them save 10-20% of their 'real pay'... I do give them money for fun stuff some times. And I pay for lessons, supplies for lessons, etc. I pay 'essential' clothes and they pay others. Basically that's kind of informal, i.e. Yeah, you need new blank, but no, you don't need a $$$ whatever, your on your own there.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 6, 2016 22:22:48 GMT -5
Seriously, it's backpedal. One word. It isn't that difficult.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 6, 2016 22:42:31 GMT -5
I have never been divorced so I never thought about this before. But according to this thread if we were and my 12 yr old son is never comfortable with me getting remarried or living with someone then I don't get to until after he is grown up? I am going to be honest and say I am not okay with that. That is entirely too much power for a parent to be giving a child IMO. Of course people shouldn't bring home random people to shack up with. But long term people after a while should be the decision of the parent, not the kid. In the 11 year (think that is how long it was) period between the time she and bio-dad divorced and the time she met me, GF had two different boyfriends. 14YO doesn't trust me because he had a very bad experience with one of them, so he doesn't trust men. This has been an issue with him when he played sports, and the coach was a male. Is it fair that I'm automatically judged because of his experience with other men? No. But that's life, so you deal with it. But, if you subscribe to andi9899 's theory, you are a prisoner to what your children want when you're a parent, and your ability to make decisions outside their opinions is nil.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 6, 2016 22:43:39 GMT -5
I have never been divorced so I never thought about this before. But according to this thread if we were and my 12 yr old son is never comfortable with me getting remarried or living with someone then I don't get to until after he is grown up? I am going to be honest and say I am not okay with that. That is entirely too much power for a parent to be giving a child IMO. Of course people shouldn't bring home random people to shack up with. But long term people after a while should be the decision of the parent, not the kid. This is really hard. My relationship with my children is very very important to me. While I don't think I would put all the power in their hands, I don't know if I could completely ignore their feelings and just move on with my life. In I was OP's GF, I wouldn't have allowed OP to move in. I would have just continue dating him and having separate living spaces. It's not like OP is dropping on one knee and proposing marriage. He is putting all kinds of conditions on the relationship. So now way in hell would I put that kind of relationship about my son's feelings. This is incorrect, unless you consider "I'm waiting until your son trusts me" is a condition.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 6, 2016 22:51:46 GMT -5
If something similar happens, I am guessing it will be the 14YO who ends up sharking 16YO and 17YO. Both 16YO and 17YO drive, so need money for gas. 17YO is addicted to Panda Express, and often spends money on McDonald's. I'm guessing her money will go there. 16YO likes Starbucks, so I figure she'll spend it on coffee, food, and gas for the car. 14YO likes to play video games, and goes out and plays with the neighborhood kids. He doesn't drive, so no need to pay for gas. I figure he'll probably save his money for different video games he wants, or maybe blow it on Pokemon cards. Or give out high interest loans to his sisters. A few points . . . is it really fair to the older girls that the 14YO gets the same allowance as they do when they have to pay for gas? It seems like his expenses are less than theirs. I bet they will even be expected to drive him a few places to give their mom and/or you a break. Another one is whether their mother can actually afford this. I know you think she spends a lot more than $50 a week on each child's personal expenses. Is she really spending that much on what is basically gas and junk food? Or are you lumping all of her spending together? What will the kids be expected to cover out of this? Finally, what happens if the kids do get a job? Does the allowance go away? Think welfare here. Will the allowance take away any incentive to earn their own money? Who said life is fair? Is it fair that they can both drive because they were born two or more years before him, but he can't because he is 14? If he wants them to take him somewhere, they can charge him for gas money. Yes, the mother can afford this. It is coming out of the child support she receives weekly from bio-dad. GF set the parameters tonight. They are expected to cover lunch at school, gas money, and any incidentals. They have to pay themselves first and save 10% each week, to go into a checking or savings account. They have to record everything they spend this money on daily so they can track their spending. They have to do all of their chores, if they fail in that area, the money is cut off. If they want more money, they can get jobs to earn additional funds.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 6, 2016 22:55:37 GMT -5
I suppose it depends on whether the kid is getting the dollar menu McNuggets and an ice water, or a full blown meal (I'm assuming $8). The latter, 5 days a week, would consume 80% of her money. The other 20% probably pays for the gas to get there. Even a movie ticket (non-3D) is $12+ in many areas. I think they are driving older cars, so gas is hopefully cheap at the moment. I assume they aren't doing 50 mile/day commutes so a tank should last a while. Is part of this deal a chance to sit down and look over the school calendar and point out some key events to plan ahead for? If field trips have to be covered out of this fun money, then teaching the kids to plan ahead is important. What does a field trip run these days anyway? I don't know of a single field trip these kids go on. However, if they want food or money for extracurricular activities, it comes from this weekly amount. You choose to work as an athletic trainer, it is not a 'need', and you choose to go out with the other trainers and managers after the game to grab something to eat and socialize.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2016 23:14:37 GMT -5
Very bad experience as in he was abused?
That is the condition you have told her about. You have mentioned others on this board that you had not told her about.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2016 6:26:31 GMT -5
You obviously didn't understand what I meant by "Can she afford it?" She's doling out $150 a week of the child support off the top. That's a lot. Of course, only you two know if she was already spending that. Keep us posted, beergut. I'd like to know how it turns out.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 7, 2016 8:02:13 GMT -5
I have never been divorced so I never thought about this before. But according to this thread if we were and my 12 yr old son is never comfortable with me getting remarried or living with someone then I don't get to until after he is grown up? I am going to be honest and say I am not okay with that. That is entirely too much power for a parent to be giving a child IMO. Of course people shouldn't bring home random people to shack up with. But long term people after a while should be the decision of the parent, not the kid. In the 7 year (think that is how long it was) period between the time she and bio-dad divorced and the time she met me, GF had two different boyfriends. 14YO doesn't trust me because he had a very bad experience with one of them, so he doesn't trust men. This has been an issue with him when he played sports, and the coach was a male. Is it fair that I'm automatically judged because of his experience with other men? No. But that's life, so you deal with it. But, if you subscribe to andi9899's theory, you are a prisoner to what your children want when you're a parent, and your ability to make decisions outside their opinions is nil. I don't believe I ever said that. I run the show in my house. But I would never move some guy into my house that my kid wasn't comfortable with. Especially having young impressionable girls in my house. Hell I've dated guys for a couple of years or longer that had never even met my kids. In my house mommy doesn't keep a revolving door of men running through it and none of them would ever be anywhere near a priority over my children. A dyck is a dime a dozen. My children are the most important people in my life.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 7, 2016 8:15:44 GMT -5
In the 7 year (think that is how long it was) period between the time she and bio-dad divorced and the time she met me, GF had two different boyfriends. 14YO doesn't trust me because he had a very bad experience with one of them, so he doesn't trust men. This has been an issue with him when he played sports, and the coach was a male. Is it fair that I'm automatically judged because of his experience with other men? No. But that's life, so you deal with it. But, if you subscribe to andi9899 's theory, you are a prisoner to what your children want when you're a parent, and your ability to make decisions outside their opinions is nil. I don't believe I ever said that. I run the show in my house. But I would never move some guy into my house that my kid wasn't comfortable with. Especially having young impressionable girls in my house. Hell I've dated guys for a couple of years or longer that had never even met my kids. In my house mommy doesn't keep a revolving door of men running through it and none of them would ever be anywhere near a priority over my children. A dyck is a dime a dozen. My children are the most important people in my life. I've only been separated/divorced for about 17 months. I have been dating a guy now for a little over 3 months and I have no intentions of introducing him to my youngest anytime soon. She is not ok with me dating at this point. They are with their dad 50% of the time so I have my own life when they are gone. when they are with me, my number one priority is being their mom. They didn't choose to be kids of broken homes so it is my responsibility to make them feel secure and loved above all else. Luckily this guy understands that...and actually praises me for putting my children's needs above my own. Said he has seen too many of his friends' exes because selfish twats once they divorced.
If a guy can't understand that kids of divorce are vulnerable, well that is his issue and proves he isn't worth my time. I did have one guy have an issue with that...it was a short lived relationship because any man that thinks a new relationship should come above my children just isn't worth my time. Of course, this was a guy that never had children so he truly didn't understand.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2016 8:39:12 GMT -5
Particularly if interacting with a prior boyfriend live in of mine had caused such an emotional upheaval of some kind to the point that son no longer trusted ANY man, including a coach... I would NEVER have moved another man into his space. I, unthinkingly once having caused that heartache, would never have taken any kind of chance it might happen again, and I causing that heartbreak would have definitely put son's needs in the situation going forward first and center before anyone else's.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 7, 2016 9:02:38 GMT -5
Particularly if interacting with a prior boyfriend live in of mine had caused such an emotional upheaval of some kind to the point that son no longer trusted ANY man, including a coach... I would NEVER have moved another man into his space. I, unthinkingly once having caused that heartache, would never have taken any kind of chance it might happen again, and I causing that heartbreak would have definitely put son's needs in the situation going forward first and center before anyone else's. Exactly! Yet I have seen so many women who think of their kids as an afterthought. My ex-bff broke up with her fiancé in July and a few months later moved in some guy! Their daughter (ex-bff and fiancé's) struggled big time but her feelings just didn't matter. The little girl still struggles with it but has learned that she is not her mom's priority. A pretty sad realization when you are 10! But her mom has such low self-esteem that she relies on a man to make her feel whole, as well as support a lifestyle that she can't afford. It sickens me (and is one of the main reasons we are no longer friends).
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 7, 2016 9:05:57 GMT -5
I don't believe I ever said that. I run the show in my house. But I would never move some guy into my house that my kid wasn't comfortable with. Especially having young impressionable girls in my house. Hell I've dated guys for a couple of years or longer that had never even met my kids. In my house mommy doesn't keep a revolving door of men running through it and none of them would ever be anywhere near a priority over my children. A dyck is a dime a dozen. My children are the most important people in my life. I've only been separated/divorced for about 17 months. I have been dating a guy now for a little over 3 months and I have no intentions of introducing him to my youngest anytime soon. She is not ok with me dating at this point. They are with their dad 50% of the time so I have my own life when they are gone. when they are with me, my number one priority is being their mom. They didn't choose to be kids of broken homes so it is my responsibility to make them feel secure and loved above all else. Luckily this guy understands that...and actually praises me for putting my children's needs above my own. Said he has seen too many of his friends' exes because selfish twats once they divorced.
If a guy can't understand that kids of divorce are vulnerable, well that is his issue and proves he isn't worth my time. I did have one guy have an issue with that...it was a short lived relationship because any man that thinks a new relationship should come above my children just isn't worth my time. Of course, this was a guy that never had children so he truly didn't understand.
Exactly! That's all I'm saying. And good for you.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 7, 2016 9:10:31 GMT -5
This is really hard. My relationship with my children is very very important to me. While I don't think I would put all the power in their hands, I don't know if I could completely ignore their feelings and just move on with my life. In I was OP's GF, I wouldn't have allowed OP to move in. I would have just continue dating him and having separate living spaces. It's not like OP is dropping on one knee and proposing marriage. He is putting all kinds of conditions on the relationship. So now way in hell would I put that kind of relationship about my son's feelings. This is incorrect, unless you consider "I'm waiting until your son trusts me" is a condition. And straitening out her finances. Isn't that a condition??
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 7, 2016 9:10:57 GMT -5
Particularly if interacting with a prior boyfriend live in of mine had caused such an emotional upheaval of some kind to the point that son no longer trusted ANY man, including a coach... I would NEVER have moved another man into his space. I, unthinkingly once having caused that heartache, would never have taken any kind of chance it might happen again, and I causing that heartbreak would have definitely put son's needs in the situation going forward first and center before anyone else's. Exactly! Yet I have seen so many women who think of their kids as an afterthought. My ex-bff broke up with her fiancé in July and a few months later moved in some guy! Their daughter (ex-bff and fiancé's) struggled big time but her feelings just didn't matter. The little girl still struggles with it but has learned that she is not her mom's priority. A pretty sad realization when you are 10! But her mom has such low self-esteem that she relies on a man to make her feel whole, as well as support a lifestyle that she can't afford. It sickens me (and is one of the main reasons we are no longer friends). That is sad. I had a friend who let her new husband abuse her children and got them taken away from her. She managed to get them back somehow and moved away with them and the abusive husband. Her kids are grown now and none of them speak to her. I wouldn't spit on her if she were on fire. The oldest is my god daughter and is now married and has a baby with her husband and seems to be doing well. I'm really happy for her.
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gs11rmb
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 12:43:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,365
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Post by gs11rmb on Mar 7, 2016 9:32:11 GMT -5
In the 7 year (think that is how long it was) period between the time she and bio-dad divorced and the time she met me, GF had two different boyfriends. 14YO doesn't trust me because he had a very bad experience with one of them, so he doesn't trust men. This has been an issue with him when he played sports, and the coach was a male. Is it fair that I'm automatically judged because of his experience with other men? No. But that's life, so you deal with it. But, if you subscribe to andi9899 's theory, you are a prisoner to what your children want when you're a parent, and your ability to make decisions outside their opinions is nil. I was leaning towards GF is entitled to a love-life and the child doesn't get to determine whether or not that happens until I read the bolded statement. She made a huge mistake inviting you to move in. That's not a reflection on you or your character but a reflection on hers. She has a child who was traumatized by a boyfriend and then she moves in another one? That's ridiculous.
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MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 7, 2016 11:03:37 GMT -5
In the 7 year (think that is how long it was) period between the time she and bio-dad divorced and the time she met me, GF had two different boyfriends. 14YO doesn't trust me because he had a very bad experience with one of them, so he doesn't trust men. This has been an issue with him when he played sports, and the coach was a male. Is it fair that I'm automatically judged because of his experience with other men? No. But that's life, so you deal with it. But, if you subscribe to andi9899 's theory, you are a prisoner to what your children want when you're a parent, and your ability to make decisions outside their opinions is nil. I was leaning towards GF is entitled to a love-life and the child doesn't get to determine whether or not that happens until I read the bolded statement. She made a huge mistake inviting you to move in. That's not a reflection on you or your character but a reflection on hers. She has a child who was traumatized by a boyfriend and then she moves in another one? That's ridiculous. Yeah, that's definitely not cool. I don't know you'd feel comfortable there knowing that, beergut.
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