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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2016 7:56:03 GMT -5
Ok, GF says she wants to start the $50 a week plan next week She doesn't want to do $10 a day, she says it won't teach them to save and budget, she wants to give them $50 each on Monday, and see how long they can make it last. She wants to give them registers, so they can track what they are spending money on. I told her if they actually do use the registers and track their spending, I will put it into a spreadsheet every week, and we can keep track week by week. We'll see if they actually keep track of what they spend. Lol. This is their mom's budgeting system in case you haven't figured it out. She gets X amount of $$$ and sees how long it lasts. Then she comes to you, as they will her, to get a bail out. And the beat goes on . . . What is really funny, though, is the register thing. These are teens, not wannbe accountants. What is the incentive here for them to use the registers? I don't think a spreadsheet is enough of an enticement. You'll get a more accurate picture of their spending if she gives them $10 cash and $40 on a prepaid card each week. The cash is for when you have to have cash, which isn't that often these days. She can reload it each week. Then she can talk about what the withdrawals were for. But this whole scenario is really ironic. If she operated this way, you wouldn't be posting.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Mar 4, 2016 9:25:34 GMT -5
Ok, GF says she wants to start the $50 a week plan next week She doesn't want to do $10 a day, she says it won't teach them to save and budget, she wants to give them $50 each on Monday, and see how long they can make it last. She wants to give them registers, so they can track what they are spending money on. I told her if they actually do use the registers and track their spending, I will put it into a spreadsheet every week, and we can keep track week by week. We'll see if they actually keep track of what they spend. I'm glad she's trying to teach them and give them some structure. Hopefully it sticks for everyone. I cannot fathom they'll use paper registers. Do they have smart phones? My kids have an app for that. Let me know if you want more information. I'm supposed to be getting ready for work and really should stop avoiding that right now.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Mar 4, 2016 9:26:56 GMT -5
Ok, GF says she wants to start the $50 a week plan next week She doesn't want to do $10 a day, she says it won't teach them to save and budget, she wants to give them $50 each on Monday, and see how long they can make it last. She wants to give them registers, so they can track what they are spending money on. I told her if they actually do use the registers and track their spending, I will put it into a spreadsheet every week, and we can keep track week by week. We'll see if they actually keep track of what they spend. Lol. This is their mom's budgeting system in case you haven't figured it out. She gets X amount of $$$ and sees how long it lasts. Then she comes to you, as they will her, to get a bail out. And the beat goes on . . . What is really funny, though, is the register thing. These are teens, not wannbe accountants. What is the incentive here for them to use the registers? I don't think a spreadsheet is enough of an enticement. You'll get a more accurate picture of their spending if she gives them $10 cash and $40 on a prepaid card each week. The cash is for when you have to have cash, which isn't that often these days. She can reload it each week. Then she can talk about what the withdrawals were for. But this whole scenario is really ironic. If she operated this way, you wouldn't be posting. Yes, and maybe then she'll see the pattern and see how it doesn't actually work well. It does work, just not "well" for YMers.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 4, 2016 9:34:01 GMT -5
Ok, GF says she wants to start the $50 a week plan next week She doesn't want to do $10 a day, she says it won't teach them to save and budget, she wants to give them $50 each on Monday, and see how long they can make it last. She wants to give them registers, so they can track what they are spending money on. I told her if they actually do use the registers and track their spending, I will put it into a spreadsheet every week, and we can keep track week by week. We'll see if they actually keep track of what they spend. You might want to tell her that she should join their club.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2016 9:55:36 GMT -5
Ok, GF says she wants to start the $50 a week plan next week She doesn't want to do $10 a day, she says it won't teach them to save and budget, she wants to give them $50 each on Monday, and see how long they can make it last. She wants to give them registers, so they can track what they are spending money on. I told her if they actually do use the registers and track their spending, I will put it into a spreadsheet every week, and we can keep track week by week. We'll see if they actually keep track of what they spend. I'm guessing they have phones. Maybe ynab? Eta Chloe beat me to it
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2016 9:56:47 GMT -5
So now you have taken to trying to control what the kids do with their money? You are not their father. You don't get a say in what they do or don't do. The fact that she's even entertaining this idea with you is insanity. It's her job to teach her kids how to be functioning adults, not yours. You need to focus on getting your stuff together with her as others have suggested and figuring out an equitable money split per month and then stay out of it. The only person you get to control is yourself. If you want to lessen the number of times she comes to you for money, tell her she gets an agreed upon amount per month and then that's it. I do think that as she's giving them a set amount is a great time to discuss you also giving her a set amount.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Mar 4, 2016 11:42:24 GMT -5
Ok, GF says she wants to start the $50 a week plan next week She doesn't want to do $10 a day, she says it won't teach them to save and budget, she wants to give them $50 each on Monday, and see how long they can make it last. She wants to give them registers, so they can track what they are spending money on. I told her if they actually do use the registers and track their spending, I will put it into a spreadsheet every week, and we can keep track week by week. We'll see if they actually keep track of what they spend. I'm guessing they have phones. Maybe ynab? Eta Chloe beat me to it Or a free Google docs spreadsheet on their phone.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 4, 2016 12:31:39 GMT -5
My sister did this with her kids, only she used debit cards. It was very easy to track what her kids spent their money on, no registers required.
In her case, she put $200/mo in their account the first of the month, and let them figure it out. 2 of her kids wound up being loan sharks for the third.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 4, 2016 15:38:00 GMT -5
...:::"You might want to tell her that she should join their club.":::... Don't you know that model behavior only applies to everyone ELSE? Sheesh! There are probably 100 reasons why the kids need to do this, but why it "won't work" for her. The real question is: what will the kids be responsible for buying with that $50? People learn fast that money stretches a lot farther if you can get someone else to pay for what you want. I hope the deal is in writing. 3 kids, $50/week each... so this is a roughly $600/mo obligation that Mom is taking on. If Mom expects this money to take the place of the current system, then it is going to be interesting to see how this pans out. I bet WVU is spot on and Mom is currently giving them a lot more. So Mom might suddenly find herself either with a LOT more left over than she currently has. Or, the kids will notice a dramatic decrease in lifestyle and will be asking for handouts. I do think this is a step in the right direction overall though. If the kids are not used to having to manage money, now is a good time to learn. Keep us posted!
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 4, 2016 16:09:17 GMT -5
So now you have taken to trying to control what the kids do with their money? You are not their father. You don't get a say in what they do or don't do. The fact that she's even entertaining this idea with you is insanity. It's her job to teach her kids how to be functioning adults, not yours. You need to focus on getting your stuff together with her as others have suggested and figuring out an equitable money split per month and then stay out of it. The only person you get to control is yourself. If you want to lessen the number of times she comes to you for money, tell her she gets an agreed upon amount per month and then that's it. Nope, not controlling anything. The registers to record everything was GF's idea. I suggested using a spreadsheet to make it a bit of a fun project, but since we're talking about teenagers here, we'll see if it even lasts a week. This is basically giving these kids a $50 a week allowance. I don't know about you, but I'd have been thrilled with an arrangement like that when I was in HS. If they want to track their spending, great. If they slack off on it (which is what I expect to eventually happen), they'll still get their $50 a week. The biggest thing is that it will eliminate the need for the kids to constantly come and ask for money for 'wants', and give them some control over their own lives, and some choices. As for your assertion that I'm trying to 'control' the kids or GF, every post you make seems to be about this. I'm going to make two guess here: You're a single mom, divorced once. Your ex was very controlling, and now you view every man through that lens.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 4, 2016 16:13:38 GMT -5
This has to at least be partially made up. No woman with an ounce of self respect would let you control her like that or be ok with depending on a man to take care of her. Nor would any mother with any kind of parenting sense let you control how she raises her children. Either she is a very broken individual and I would be wondering if there were some kind of abuse that we don't know about either in her past or present or you're making at least some of it up. Not made up. This isn't about control. This isn't me telling her she has to do anything. I simply proposed an idea, she jumped on it and expanded it. no self respect, no parenting sense, a broken individual? Thanks for insulting GF, I'll be sure to take your opinion into consideration in the future, as you obviously have a sane grasp on things.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 4, 2016 16:17:54 GMT -5
So now you have taken to trying to control what the kids do with their money? You are not their father. You don't get a say in what they do or don't do. The fact that she's even entertaining this idea with you is insanity. It's her job to teach her kids how to be functioning adults, not yours. You need to focus on getting your stuff together with her as others have suggested and figuring out an equitable money split per month and then stay out of it. The only person you get to control is yourself. If you want to lessen the number of times she comes to you for money, tell her she gets an agreed upon amount per month and then that's it. Nope, not controlling anything. The registers to record everything was GF's idea. I suggested using a spreadsheet to make it a bit of a fun project, but since we're talking about teenagers here, we'll see if it even lasts a week. This is basically giving these kids a $50 a week allowance. I don't know about you, but I'd have been thrilled with an arrangement like that when I was in HS. If they want to track their spending, great. If they slack off on it (which is what I expect to eventually happen), they'll still get their $50 a week. The biggest thing is that it will eliminate the need for the kids to constantly come and ask for money for 'wants', and give them some control over their own lives, and some choices. As for your assertion that I'm trying to 'control' the kids or GF, every post you make seems to be about this. I'm going to make two guess here: You're a single mom, divorced once. Your ex was very controlling, and now you view every man through that lens. Ha! I'm old, but my allowance when I was young was $5/week. When I was a teenager, I didn't get anything. If I wanted money I had to get a job. My parents paid cash for a car for me and I was expected to pay for gas, maintenance, and insurance by myself.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 4, 2016 16:17:58 GMT -5
My sister did this with her kids, only she used debit cards. It was very easy to track what her kids spent their money on, no registers required. In her case, she put $200/mo in their account the first of the month, and let them figure it out. If something similar happens, I am guessing it will be the 14YO who ends up sharking 16YO and 17YO. Both 16YO and 17YO drive, so need money for gas. 17YO is addicted to Panda Express, and often spends money on McDonald's. I'm guessing her money will go there. 16YO likes Starbucks, so I figure she'll spend it on coffee, food, and gas for the car. 14YO likes to play video games, and goes out and plays with the neighborhood kids. He doesn't drive, so no need to pay for gas. I figure he'll probably save his money for different video games he wants, or maybe blow it on Pokemon cards. Or give out high interest loans to his sisters.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 4, 2016 16:26:01 GMT -5
This has to at least be partially made up. No woman with an ounce of self respect would let you control her like that or be ok with depending on a man to take care of her. Nor would any mother with any kind of parenting sense let you control how she raises her children. Either she is a very broken individual and I would be wondering if there were some kind of abuse that we don't know about either in her past or present or you're making at least some of it up. Not made up. This isn't about control. This isn't me telling her she has to do anything. I simply proposed an idea, she jumped on it and expanded it. no self respect, no parenting sense, a broken individual? Thanks for insulting GF, I'll be sure to take your opinion into consideration in the future, as you obviously have a sane grasp on things. I don't believe I insulted her. There are plenty of people out there that have low self esteem or are damaged from their past. That doesn't make them stupid or less of a person. It does, however give them an opportunity to get past. It and make life choices that are different. If anyone insults her,it's you with your talking down to her and insisting that you have to teach things to a grown ass woman and constantly telling her how she needs to better herself while trying to control everything. And yes, I do have a grasp on things. I take care of myself. I pay my own bills with no one helping me. I don't run to daddy or move some man in with me and my kids to pay my way. Ok. Maybe that last part could be construed as an insult, I just call it stating facts.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Mar 4, 2016 16:56:10 GMT -5
Just a thought, that has FINALLY occurred to me, does she have ADD?
Andi's whole "talking down to and teaching... grown" rant lit up a light bulb over my head. I had to do that with DH. From scratch. He had no previous teaching from his parents AND untreated ADD. Money just got away from him and he never knew how. So, yeah, I probably did talk down to him for a long time from outside points of view but I had to stay out of the poor house somehow. He's learned a lot and I don't have to be such a pain anymore, but it did take a while.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Mar 4, 2016 19:07:07 GMT -5
My sister did this with her kids, only she used debit cards. It was very easy to track what her kids spent their money on, no registers required. In her case, she put $200/mo in their account the first of the month, and let them figure it out. If something similar happens, I am guessing it will be the 14YO who ends up sharking 16YO and 17YO. Both 16YO and 17YO drive, so need money for gas. 17YO is addicted to Panda Express, and often spends money on McDonald's. I'm guessing her money will go there. 16YO likes Starbucks, so I figure she'll spend it on coffee, food, and gas for the car. 14YO likes to play video games, and goes out and plays with the neighborhood kids. He doesn't drive, so no need to pay for gas. I figure he'll probably save his money for different video games he wants, or maybe blow it on Pokemon cards. Or give out high interest loans to his sisters. Why does the mom think this kid is the road block to you two getting married?
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 4, 2016 19:33:16 GMT -5
Not made up. This isn't about control. This isn't me telling her she has to do anything. I simply proposed an idea, she jumped on it and expanded it. no self respect, no parenting sense, a broken individual? Thanks for insulting GF, I'll be sure to take your opinion into consideration in the future, as you obviously have a sane grasp on things. I don't believe I insulted her. There are plenty of people out there that have low self esteem or are damaged from their past. That doesn't make them stupid or less of a person. It does, however give them an opportunity to get past. It and make life choices that are different. If anyone insults her,it's you with your talking down to her and insisting that you have to teach things to a grown ass woman and constantly telling her how she needs to better herself while trying to control everything. And yes, I do have a grasp on things. I take care of myself. I pay my own bills with no one helping me. I don't run to daddy or move some man in with me and my kids to pay my way. Ok. Maybe that last part could be construed as an insult, I just call it stating facts. I don't 'talk down to her,' or 'insist I have to teach her things', and I sure as hell don't tell her she needs to 'better herself'. The only thing I 'control' is my own wallet. Well, saying someone 'moved a man in to pay her way' is calling that person a gold digger, so yeah, I'd say that classifies as an insult. As skeptical as I am about people in general, I don't think GF is a gold digger. As for her calling daddy for help, she did that once when we first started dating. Someone asked me how she paid for things before she met me, and I gave that as an assumption. I don't know if she went to her father for help on other things before she met me, it is just an assumption on my part. How right was I in my profile of you? Single mom, divorced, ex was controlling, how close am I?
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 4, 2016 19:34:56 GMT -5
If something similar happens, I am guessing it will be the 14YO who ends up sharking 16YO and 17YO. Both 16YO and 17YO drive, so need money for gas. 17YO is addicted to Panda Express, and often spends money on McDonald's. I'm guessing her money will go there. 16YO likes Starbucks, so I figure she'll spend it on coffee, food, and gas for the car. 14YO likes to play video games, and goes out and plays with the neighborhood kids. He doesn't drive, so no need to pay for gas. I figure he'll probably save his money for different video games he wants, or maybe blow it on Pokemon cards. Or give out high interest loans to his sisters. Why does the mom think this kid is the road block to you two getting married? She doesn't think he is a 'road block', he simply has trust issues with male authority figures. I told GF I wanted to wait until I felt he was comfortable with me enough to trust me before we marry. I don't want a step-son who doesn't trust me.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Mar 4, 2016 19:44:55 GMT -5
What does he need to do to earn your trust?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 4, 2016 22:20:20 GMT -5
I don't believe I insulted her. There are plenty of people out there that have low self esteem or are damaged from their past. That doesn't make them stupid or less of a person. It does, however give them an opportunity to get past. It and make life choices that are different. If anyone insults her,it's you with your talking down to her and insisting that you have to teach things to a grown ass woman and constantly telling her how she needs to better herself while trying to control everything. And yes, I do have a grasp on things. I take care of myself. I pay my own bills with no one helping me. I don't run to daddy or move some man in with me and my kids to pay my way. Ok. Maybe that last part could be construed as an insult, I just call it stating facts. I don't 'talk down to her,' or 'insist I have to teach her things', and I sure as hell don't tell her she needs to 'better herself'. The only thing I 'control' is my own wallet. Well, saying someone 'moved a man in to pay her way' is calling that person a gold digger, so yeah, I'd say that classifies as an insult. As skeptical as I am about people in general, I don't think GF is a gold digger. As for her calling daddy for help, she did that once when we first started dating. Someone asked me how she paid for things before she met me, and I gave that as an assumption. I don't know if she went to her father for help on other things before she met me, it is just an assumption on my part. How right was I in my profile of you? Single mom, divorced, ex was controlling, how close am I? You are so full of shit. If the only thing you controlled was your own wallet, why are you on her all the time about a budget? Give her a certain amount a month and then cut her off and mind your business. Instead you insist that you need to show her how to budget. And you did too say that she went to her dad on the regular to bail her out and felt like she wanted you to step into that role since you live there. You said it in your first thread. At least own it.so are we to believe that she was taking care of business and all of a sudden "forgot how" when you came along? And no, you don't know me. Single mom is right, I take care of my own. Never married, you couldn't pay me enough to do that. I have actually broken up with boyfriends who thought they could change my mind and get me to marry them. And no, no one controls me but me. Nice try. I know you think all women are inferior or need a man to save them, but you're wrong.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 5, 2016 1:36:47 GMT -5
What does he need to do to earn your trust? You have it backwards, it isn't about earning my trust, it is about him being able to trust me.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 5, 2016 1:44:51 GMT -5
I don't 'talk down to her,' or 'insist I have to teach her things', and I sure as hell don't tell her she needs to 'better herself'. The only thing I 'control' is my own wallet. Well, saying someone 'moved a man in to pay her way' is calling that person a gold digger, so yeah, I'd say that classifies as an insult. As skeptical as I am about people in general, I don't think GF is a gold digger. As for her calling daddy for help, she did that once when we first started dating. Someone asked me how she paid for things before she met me, and I gave that as an assumption. I don't know if she went to her father for help on other things before she met me, it is just an assumption on my part. How right was I in my profile of you? Single mom, divorced, ex was controlling, how close am I? You are so full of shit. If the only thing you controlled was your own wallet, why are you on her all the time about a budget? Give her a certain amount a month and then cut her off and mind your business. Instead you insist that you need to show her how to budget. And you did too say that she went to her dad on the regular to bail her out and felt like she wanted you to step into that role since you live there. You said it in your first thread. At least own it.so are we to believe that she was taking care of business and all of a sudden "forgot how" when you came along? And no, you don't know me. Single mom is right, I take care of my own. Never married, you couldn't pay me enough to do that. I have actually broken up with boyfriends who thought they could change my mind and get me to marry them. And no, no one controls me but me. Nice try. I know you think all women are inferior or need a man to save them, but you're wrong. If I 'controlled' everything and GF was actually on a budget, you'd never hear a peep from me. The reason I talk about GF being on a budget is because she always runs out of money every two weeks, and I think if she actually had a budget where she kept track of her spending, this wouldn't happen. It's not that complicated. I have never insisted I need to 'show her how to budget', don't put words into my mouth. I did not say she went to her dad 'on the regular' to bail her out, again, step back from your fantasy world and stop putting words in my mouth. So, you got knocked up out of wedlock, and you think every man who wants to marry you wants to control you. I'm impressed you can walk through doors with the massive boulder you have on your shoulder when it comes to men. I don't think women are inferior or need saving, I just don't have a problem calling out your misandry when you begin spewing it.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Mar 5, 2016 4:24:25 GMT -5
What does he need to do to earn your trust? You have it backwards, it isn't about earning my trust, it is about him being able to trust me. I do have it backwards, and I don't think the boy is ever going to trust you. I think he sees your relationship with his mom for what it is.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 5, 2016 8:21:35 GMT -5
You are so full of shit. If the only thing you controlled was your own wallet, why are you on her all the time about a budget? Give her a certain amount a month and then cut her off and mind your business. Instead you insist that you need to show her how to budget. And you did too say that she went to her dad on the regular to bail her out and felt like she wanted you to step into that role since you live there. You said it in your first thread. At least own it.so are we to believe that she was taking care of business and all of a sudden "forgot how" when you came along? And no, you don't know me. Single mom is right, I take care of my own. Never married, you couldn't pay me enough to do that. I have actually broken up with boyfriends who thought they could change my mind and get me to marry them. And no, no one controls me but me. Nice try. I know you think all women are inferior or need a man to save them, but you're wrong. If I 'controlled' everything and GF was actually on a budget, you'd never hear a peep from me. The reason I talk about GF being on a budget is because she always runs out of money every two weeks, and I think if she actually had a budget where she kept track of her spending, this wouldn't happen. It's not that complicated. I have never insisted I need to 'show her how to budget', don't put words into my mouth. I did not say she went to her dad 'on the regular' to bail her out, again, step back from your fantasy world and stop putting words in my mouth. So, you got knocked up out of wedlock, and you think every man who wants to marry you wants to control you. I'm impressed you can walk through doors with the massive boulder you have on your shoulder when it comes to men. I don't think women are inferior or need saving, I just don't have a problem calling out your misandry when you begin spewing it. You've said all of those things on your past threads. But,true to form,you back peddle when someone points it out. Just own your assholery. The shit is never going to change unless you do something about it. Either deal with it or shut up. And you do think women are inferior as suggested in your posts in previous threads, both yours and those of others. You just want to keep "saving" her so you can brag about it later. Play Captain Saveaho elsewhere. And no,I don't hate men. I just have a problem with Neanderthals such as yourself who treat women the way you do and will speak up every time. I really feel sorry for that poor girl and even worse for the children who have no choice but to live in this chaos. They didn't ask for you to be added to their lives and are not able to change it because their mother put loneliness above their happiness. It's really sad.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 5, 2016 8:23:14 GMT -5
What does he need to do to earn your trust? You have it backwards, it isn't about earning my trust, it is about him being able to trust me. If he has these feelings, you shouldn't be living there. Whether you like it or not, that child's feelings and comfort level come way before you two wanting to play house.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 5, 2016 8:49:45 GMT -5
You have it backwards, it isn't about earning my trust, it is about him being able to trust me. If he has these feelings, you shouldn't be living there. Whether you like it or not, that child's feelings and comfort level come way before you two wanting to play house. Ummm....it really should be the child's mother who needs to worry about child's comfort level. Clearly, she is not overly concern.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 5, 2016 8:52:02 GMT -5
If he has these feelings, you shouldn't be living there. Whether you like it or not, that child's feelings and comfort level come way before you two wanting to play house. Ummm....it really should be the child's mother who needs to worry about child's comfort level. Clearly, she is not overly concern. Yes. She's part of the two. Neither of them seem to give a damn.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 5, 2016 8:53:31 GMT -5
Ummm....it really should be the child's mother who needs to worry about child's comfort level. Clearly, she is not overly concern. Yes. She's part of the two. Neither of them seem to give a damn. If I was a single mother, I wouldn't hold my boyfriend to any kind of responsibility when it came to my children. It would be 100% on me.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 5, 2016 8:57:04 GMT -5
We don't really know why the boy has an issue with beergut. He may not trust beergut because of things he's seen him do. He may resent not being the only "man" in his mom's life. We don't know. If my son resented not being the only man in my life, I would not count that as a legitimate reason to not have a love life.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 5, 2016 9:06:00 GMT -5
Having a love life and moving a guy in are two very different things. If your son had feelings of distrust for the man you wanted to be with, would it not be best to get down to the bottom of it and work through it before moving him in or calling it quits, whatever the case may be? Or are you saying that it doesn't matter how this child feels, just so long as the adults are happy? I don't believe that's what you are saying. So where does the mom then get to put her child above her love life? Where is that line in the sand?
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