Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Nov 13, 2015 10:58:11 GMT -5
Lizard Queen, I'm an animal lover too (vegetarian not vegan) which is why I throw the raccoons a 'party' when they come down off the naturalized area to nest under my house -- strobe lights, Metallica under there with them and they go right back up to the back part of my yard or the fields surrounding me
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 13, 2015 11:37:50 GMT -5
I think it is a valid question. My dad made a comment about 5 years ago about only needing to put a 15 year roof on the house because he and my mom plan to downsize in about 10 years. My brother poo-pooed that idea because he said "I'm going to have to deal with any problems if something happens to you or you don't downsize". My dad's laughed and went with a 30 year roof.
My Grandparents moved to our town when they were 70. They built a ranch - larger than their old post WWII home, but they made sure it would be getting older friendly - laundry upstairs (the house has a basement), a shower with a seat in the master, things like that. It paid off because my Grandma is 90 and doesn't move well (needs a walker) but can still live alone. My parents house is 1 level, but they still talk about downsizing in the next 5 years. We had friends that built a large ranch house in their 60s. I was giving them a hard time for having such a big house for 2 people and she said, " Not 2, 22". She wanted to have room for all their grandkids to be there at once.
So it depends on what you are looking for. But I don't think giving your parents your opinion means you think they are stupid.
Another thing, doesn't Ryan's dad work for him? Wasn't he struggling until Ryan brought him on board? Ryan may have a better handle on their finances than others.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 13, 2015 11:58:55 GMT -5
Everybody's parents are different. My grandma (my dad's mom) lived in her house for 60 years, never moved and died 1 week into hospice care at 91. She hired out any help she needed with cleaning, yard and maintenance. My dad is 68 and they bought a new home 10 years ago. They hire out any help they need. When I grow old, I will live in the house I want and hire out any help I need instead of becoming a burden to my children.
My husband's parents are 70 and can go either way. They bought a new house 2 years ago. They do not like to spend the extra money if they can avoid it. They do expect more help from their adult kids and ask, but they will hire out if nobody can come and they need something done.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Nov 13, 2015 12:02:59 GMT -5
Lol I was thinking about this thread this morning as my husband and I got into a heated argument discussion about my John Muir Trail trip next year.
It's a communication problem.
My husband is coming across as a controlling b*stard demanding to know costs, time constraints, what kind of equipment et cetera when I have never objected to any of his birthday trips; Egypt, Italy, Caribbean other than "Can we afford it?". Then I jump in and help with hotels, guides, books et cetera.
My husband is concerned and because he's not in charge of the process it's creating all kinds of anxiety for him. He's worried that I might get myself into serious trouble.
Could you just say that you love me and that you're concerned and anxious and offer to help?
Good luck Ryan. Work on communication with your parents as well as your writing here. I believe you have every right to be concerned about your folks. From my perspective most people need to plan on owning a home for 10 years or more in order for it to make financial sense. As we age a lot of things can happen.
Both my MIL and father and his GF (really her money but he was part of the decision process) bought the biggest homes they've ever owned in their late 60s. As they have approached 80 it's clear that they are having issues with these larger houses and should be looking to downsize in the near future. Unfortunately they are having a hard time because they are kind of spoiled where they are and they view the down-sizing as going backwards and reminding them of their mortality.
My MIL is having the hardest time as she has made her home so high maintenance and expects to have everything maintained to a high level that she can't keep good people around because she's so demanding.
Dad and gf are doing better because they try to keep things simple and their outside help needs equally simple; i.e. need weed whacking in the old orchard vs my MIL's multiple ponds, expectations that will flowers dead-headed every day. Having a single level home also allows for some flexibility in the event they need in-home nursing care.
I don't expect that either one will move until a major physical injury happens or they die.
For sure it's worrisome but they never asked my opinion. But they sure get it if they start complaining.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 4:22:54 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2015 12:23:28 GMT -5
It was the part where he does it all the time that stood out to me when I reread it. And I reread it after he kept insisting his parents need to look at 50 houses before he will be okay with them picking one. But Ryan's presentation is morphing as we speak. As the pages go by, this is the kind of relationship he has with his parents and they do the same thing for him and they are really just begging for him to talk them out of it. There's really nothing to see here. Has it dawned on you that most people don't care enough about your response to give you all the facts you need to evaluate? Yes, they are the ones that don't respond and say insulting things. That's not you.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Nov 13, 2015 12:39:38 GMT -5
I think it is a valid question. My dad made a comment about 5 years ago about only needing to put a 15 year roof on the house because he and my mom plan to downsize in about 10 years. My brother poo-pooed that idea because he said "I'm going to have to deal with any problems if something happens to you or you don't downsize". My dad's laughed and went with a 30 year roof. My Grandparents moved to our town when they were 70. They built a ranch - larger than their old post WWII home, but they made sure it would be getting older friendly - laundry upstairs (the house has a basement), a shower with a seat in the master, things like that. It paid off because my Grandma is 90 and doesn't move well (needs a walker) but can still live alone. My parents house is 1 level, but they still talk about downsizing in the next 5 years. We had friends that built a large ranch house in their 60s. I was giving them a hard time for having such a big house for 2 people and she said, " Not 2, 22". She wanted to have room for all their grandkids to be there at once. So it depends on what you are looking for. But I don't think giving your parents your opinion means you think they are stupid. Another thing, doesn't Ryan's dad work for him? Wasn't he struggling until Ryan brought him on board? Ryan may have a better handle on their finances than others. Yes, that's correct on my dad. My dad had a very profitable business until the mid 90's and he basically salvaged what was left and tried his hand in some different ventures. During that time they relied heavily on my mom's salary. Actually, one of the driving forces for me even starting the company was because my dad told me he wasn't sure how he was ever going to retire at this rate. So I mean, that was 11 years ago and in that time, their parents have both passed away so they probably got some inheritance money. I know they have no debt on their current home or cars and my dad does own a decent sized commercial building with no debt. Not really sure how much they have saved up for retirement, but I know my dad is making decent money from the business so they are probably ok. So my advice usually comes from a place of caution because I remember the stress it caused my parents to have income limited when we were growing up. They could basically get what they need/want (updated home, open family/kitchen, large master, 3 beds, basement, ranch) for about $150K less than what this house is. They'd have plenty of room to have the entire family over. I have 2 siblings that are total homebodies and I get the feeling they are treating this home like their vacation home. They have their own places but they want a bedroom at my parents home so they can come during the weekends and when they are not working. That is part of the reason I feel like my siblings should not be pushing my parents to purchase something larger just so they could have a bedroom there.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Nov 14, 2015 14:35:46 GMT -5
Awww alwaysbeoptimizing you are so sweet to have my back.
I really don't think it's about the money although because our income dropped so much this year he's really anxious about the lack of income.
The irrationality is about not being in charge.
It's a big trip with a lot of moving parts. There's some risk involved which makes him really anxious.
Thanks for the link to the sat phone. I'll have DH check it out. He's the tech lover. A sat transponder that sends pre-set e-mails has also been recommended but we haven't started the research process yet.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Nov 15, 2015 14:49:31 GMT -5
Have fun, I really hope you do it next season, don't wait. Maybe bbq will go with you. I would love HoneyBBQ to join me but I think between a young child and a full-time job she can't run away to the Sierras with me for a month.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Nov 15, 2015 14:55:38 GMT -5
I think it is a valid question. My dad made a comment about 5 years ago about only needing to put a 15 year roof on the house because he and my mom plan to downsize in about 10 years. My brother poo-pooed that idea because he said "I'm going to have to deal with any problems if something happens to you or you don't downsize". My dad's laughed and went with a 30 year roof. My Grandparents moved to our town when they were 70. They built a ranch - larger than their old post WWII home, but they made sure it would be getting older friendly - laundry upstairs (the house has a basement), a shower with a seat in the master, things like that. It paid off because my Grandma is 90 and doesn't move well (needs a walker) but can still live alone. My parents house is 1 level, but they still talk about downsizing in the next 5 years. We had friends that built a large ranch house in their 60s. I was giving them a hard time for having such a big house for 2 people and she said, " Not 2, 22". She wanted to have room for all their grandkids to be there at once. So it depends on what you are looking for. But I don't think giving your parents your opinion means you think they are stupid. Another thing, doesn't Ryan's dad work for him? Wasn't he struggling until Ryan brought him on board? Ryan may have a better handle on their finances than others. Yes, that's correct on my dad. My dad had a very profitable business until the mid 90's and he basically salvaged what was left and tried his hand in some different ventures. During that time they relied heavily on my mom's salary. Actually, one of the driving forces for me even starting the company was because my dad told me he wasn't sure how he was ever going to retire at this rate. So I mean, that was 11 years ago and in that time, their parents have both passed away so they probably got some inheritance money. I know they have no debt on their current home or cars and my dad does own a decent sized commercial building with no debt. Not really sure how much they have saved up for retirement, but I know my dad is making decent money from the business so they are probably ok. So my advice usually comes from a place of caution because I remember the stress it caused my parents to have income limited when we were growing up. They could basically get what they need/want (updated home, open family/kitchen, large master, 3 beds, basement, ranch) for about $150K less than what this house is. They'd have plenty of room to have the entire family over. I have 2 siblings that are total homebodies and I get the feeling they are treating this home like their vacation home. They have their own places but they want a bedroom at my parents home so they can come during the weekends and when they are not working. That is part of the reason I feel like my siblings should not be pushing my parents to purchase something larger just so they could have a bedroom there. nope, you're just a big ol' Debbie Downer who loves to piss on everyone's parade.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Nov 16, 2015 13:28:03 GMT -5
Have fun, I really hope you do it next season, don't wait. Maybe bbq will go with you. I would love HoneyBBQ to join me but I think between a young child and a full-time job she can't run away to the Sierras with me for a month. Gosh, don't even tempt me. I'd love to though. Yes, you need a satellite phone. My friends that section hike use the inReach system. Only turn it on once a day to send a text with your location, and that you're ok. And - -what is so expensive about it? Don't you have a tent and stuff already? Most people that do long backpacking trips don't really have 2 nickels to rub together so it really can't be that expensive of a hobby (yes that was a sweeping generalization and not always true).
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Nov 16, 2015 13:39:47 GMT -5
I would love HoneyBBQ to join me but I think between a young child and a full-time job she can't run away to the Sierras with me for a month. Gosh, don't even tempt me. I'd love to though. Yes, you need a satellite phone. My friends that section hike use the inReach system. Only turn it on once a day to send a text with your location, and that you're ok. And - -what is so expensive about it? Don't you have a tent and stuff already? Most people that do long backpacking trips don't really have 2 nickels to rub together so it really can't be that expensive of a hobby (yes that was a sweeping generalization and not always true). Let's move the discussion over to my JMT thread. I don't want to keep hijacking Ryan's thread.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2015 14:41:48 GMT -5
Here ya go. 18,000 square feet, with a coffee bar in the MBR, an indoor basketball court and an outdoor movie screen by the pool. You can tour it for only $15, proceeds to go to a children's charity. homeofdistinction.com/15KansasCity/about.phpSeriously- who buys these places?
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Nov 16, 2015 14:56:38 GMT -5
Here ya go. 18,000 square feet, with a coffee bar in the MBR, an indoor basketball court and an outdoor movie screen by the pool. You can tour it for only $15, proceeds to go to a children's charity. homeofdistinction.com/15KansasCity/about.phpSeriously- who buys these places?You'd be surprised. SO's mom lives in Vancouver and every time we go up there, there is another house being torn down and one of those monstrosities put up. Many times, this is built as a multi-generation house where several whole families live in them. It doesn't make them any less of a monstrosity though, particularly since they use every inch of property (which is at a premium) is used. So they are built riiiiiight up to the property lines.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Nov 16, 2015 16:35:40 GMT -5
Eight years ago after my mom got divorced, she sunk all of her money into an big, old house in a tiny town that was an hours drive from where my brother lives and a three days drive from me. It was a beautiful house, but it needed a lot of work. Also, it had really steep stairs and no bedroom on the main floor. My mom said that she wanted to live there until she died. Fast forward to present day, and she is now selling the house. She decided to get married again, and her fiance bought a house for them right down the street from my brother. Also, a manufacturing plant opened up a few years ago in a town that is commuting distance from the tiny town where my mom used to live, so there is now a housing shortage in that area. I guess my point here is that I am glad that my mom just went ahead and spent her divorce settlement on that house instead of discussing it with me first.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Nov 16, 2015 18:08:36 GMT -5
My parents ended up putting an offer on this house and looks like they will go through with it. I walked through the house last week and honestly wasn't as impressed as I thought I would be. For as large as the house is, I thought there was probably too much space wasted in bedrooms that they'll never use (5 beds plus a downstairs office). It did have a couple key features that they ended up liking so I guess that's ultimately up to them. In the end, I was very disappointed in my siblings that they weren't encouraging them to look around and take their time finding their next house. The house they purchased was not a one in a million....actually, they could've built the exact same house on any number of lots that were available in the subdivision. Why they didn't look around a bit just completely boggles my mind. My mom is treated this purchase like she was buying a purse instead of a $600K house and I'm not sure why other people weren't putting her in her place. Why can't everyone realize that they just need to listen to me?
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 17, 2015 23:39:15 GMT -5
Ryan, I hope you're just not seeing the process they've gone through to justify making an offer on the house. It' not that I think you're wrong; I just hope you are.
Maybe the inspection will stop the sale?
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