My Parents Want To Buy A Huge House

[Deleted]

Nov 12, 2015 10:09:17 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Nov 12, 2015 8:59:12 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

So you consider your parents too stupid to consider these things themselves and decide if they can handle it.

No, I consider my dad a man with big dreams and a small wallet and also the though that he will never get old and unable to do things himself.

I consider you incredibly rude (I would say stupid but I don't want banned) for insinuating that because I would voice my opinion to my parents that I don't think them smart or capable of making decisions. 

Funny, when I read that it really does sound like you don't think he's too bright.

[yogiii]

How about your parents buy your house and you buy a new house? Aren't you the guy who wants to remodel the house?

[ohmomto2boys]

Ryan - I'm with you.  Why would they want a bigger house in retirement?  If they want "new" that can be accomplished with a smaller sq. ft. house.  
Go see the house they are looking at.  Maybe you can offer your opinion about the size, maintenance, cleaning, etc. and then maybe suggest seeing another smaller home with a better layout than they currently have that is "new".  
Good luck!

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 12, 2015 9:49:50 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Nov 11, 2015 23:02:09 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

I'm single and live alone. Does that mean I should have one of those tiny houses and run the risk of asphyxiating myself if I break wind?    

Yeah, because those are the only 2 options--huge or tiny. 

So you'd have no problems with a single person buying a 2000 sq ft house?  This is about the same sq ft/person.

I'm not 60, but I think his parents should buy what they want if they can support it.

We are 2 living in nearly 3000 sq ft.  Both of us have interests/hobbies that take up space.  If we downsized, those would suffer.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 12, 2015 10:52:15 GMT -5 ohmomto2boys said:

Ryan - I'm with you.  Why would they want a bigger house in retirement?  If they want "new" that can be accomplished with a smaller sq. ft. house.  
Go see the house they are looking at.  Maybe you can offer your opinion about the size, maintenance, cleaning, etc. and then maybe suggest seeing another smaller home with a better layout than they currently have that is "new".  
Good luck!

I think that this is insulting.  You think that his parents are stupid and don't understand maintenance after 30 years in a smaller house!

[NastyWoman]

Nov 11, 2015 21:54:45 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

The sibs are supporting the parents in what the parents want to do, Ryan isn't. And he has no good reason.

I sure as hell hope my family and friends love me better than that. If I had already bought the house and was proudly showing it off, yeah I would like to hear only the good things. But if I were contemplating buying I would like them pointing out the bad along with the good.

[steph08]

Nov 12, 2015 10:44:42 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Nov 12, 2015 10:09:17 GMT -5 steph08 said:

No, I consider my dad a man with big dreams and a small wallet and also the though that he will never get old and unable to do things himself.

I consider you incredibly rude (I would say stupid but I don't want banned) for insinuating that because I would voice my opinion to my parents that I don't think them smart or capable of making decisions. 

Funny, when I read that it really does sound like you don't think he's too bright.

Funny, I think the same when I read your posts, though I know you do it to get people riled up.

My dad is a man who thinks he is invincible, which I think a lot of men do.

I think Ryan is free to give his opinion to his parents, especially since they ASKED FOR IT, whether they listen or not is another story.

[NoNamePerson]

If a parent is batshit crazy I can see butting in. 

[Lizard Queen]

Nov 12, 2015 11:02:41 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Nov 12, 2015 9:49:50 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Yeah, because those are the only 2 options--huge or tiny. 

So you'd have no problems with a single person buying a 2000 sq ft house?  This is about the same sq ft/person.

I'm not 60, but I think his parents should buy what they want if they can support it.

We are 2 living in nearly 3000 sq ft.  Both of us have interests/hobbies that take up space.  If we downsized, those would suffer.

Um, yeah, 2000 sf for a single person is excessive.  (I'm not including basement sf here, though.)  Before kids, DH and I were swimming in our < 1700 sf house.  There were 2 bedrooms, and a living room virtually unused.  We didn't need that much space for just the 2 of us.  It was just more room to store shit that we didn't use.

[Pants]

Nov 12, 2015 8:27:21 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

I'm 62 and was on the fence. If the parents are overextending themselves and will be looking to their kids for free services or financial contributions when needed, yes, it IS the business of the adult kids. If the parents have the means to buy and maintain it, it's no one else's business.

BTW, Athena - I've wanted to introduce you to my parents forever. You could all Tri together. In fact I have often wondered if you've ever competed against my mom as you would be in the same age group.  

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

We bought a small house.  It was what we could afford in this VHCOLA.  It's not ideal, but we are making it work.

My kids are starting to launch.  So, DH and I have started talking about what is next for us.  We expect our living costs to drop significantly in the next 5 years which might free up some money to go bigger/different in a house.  We no longer have to think about school districts or convenience to schools, etc.  The possibilities are really thrilling.

No way in hell do I want my kids telling me what *I* can do if we decide to sell and move.  Anything we do will be done with finances and eventual retirement in mind.  But, it will be OUR decision.  

JMHO.  YMMV.

[Ryan]

Nov 12, 2015 10:14:00 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

What are your parents looking for in a house?  It can be surprisingly difficult to find a master on the main, no steps to the front door, newer home, and in a smaller format depending on the economics of home building in a given area. Are they lonely and hoping a larger house and pool will encourage family to visit?  Are they anticipating your grandparents moving in or having caregivers move in for them as they age?

What is their lifestyle?  I can live in a small house format - put all my books on kindle, have one knitting project, and use a laptop for everything.  DH and DS could not.  They enjoy building large projects that take space and lots of time.  It's not possible to put away a piece of furniture you are building. If your parents are retired their hobbies might require more space than when they were working or were busy with kids. "Wasteful" is a term that is incredibly dependent on lifestyle.

Are they concerned about maintenance?  That tends to push people towards newer, larger homes.  We doubled our house size recently but our current house is 40 years newer. It uses less energy than our old house.  Even with a new heat pump and duct work we couldn't overcome the poor insulation in a house built in the 50's.

While our new house has no bedroom on the main floor the size and layout makes it easy to install an elevator if needed, which is cheaper than you would think.

Depending on the area, I would agree with you.  I could never find something like that in my area.  This is a suburb that is on the outskirts where there is tons of land and almost every house is less than 10 years old.  In other words, they can easily find a house with a Master on the main level.  

I've seen the pictures and the house is beautiful, there really is no question about that.  The area they would move from was primarily built in the 1970's, so I think they are more easily impressed and think this house was unique.  What I'm trying to get them to understand is that the average house here is not the same as the average house where they lived.  They are willing to accept more square footage because they think this is such a unique house, but it's not...it might be unique compared to their OLD area, but it's not unique at all in the area they were looking.  If they started looking around at other houses, they would realize that.  They could even approach the same builder and have them build the model of their choice with the same finishing as the house they are looking at.

I have a lot of friends that live in this town and ALL their houses are beautiful and comparable to this house and they paid a lot less.  

[Ryan]

Nov 12, 2015 10:48:32 GMT -5 yogiii said:

How about your parents buy your house and you buy a new house? Aren't you the guy who wants to remodel the house?

Yeah, that was me. Even though my dollar could go a lot future down where they are looking, I would never move down there.  My town is centrally located and much closer to everything, they are kind of out in the boonies.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'd just ask them "what changed?"  You listed all the reasons why they said they were thinking about moving to start with.  Let them explain to you why they think the house is a good fit.

I don't think that is an unreasonable question or treating them like they are stupid.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 12, 2015 11:39:31 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Nov 12, 2015 11:02:41 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

So you'd have no problems with a single person buying a 2000 sq ft house?  This is about the same sq ft/person.

I'm not 60, but I think his parents should buy what they want if they can support it.

We are 2 living in nearly 3000 sq ft.  Both of us have interests/hobbies that take up space.  If we downsized, those would suffer.

Um, yeah, 2000 sf for a single person is excessive.  (I'm not including basement sf here, though.)  Before kids, DH and I were swimming in our < 1700 sf house.  There were 2 bedrooms, and a living room virtually unused.  We didn't need that much space for just the 2 of us.  It was just more room to store shit that we didn't use.

But you have absolutely no idea of this person's lifestyle.  If they like to entertain, or have frequent overnight visitors, this amount of house might be perfectly adequate (or even small) for them.  If they have hobbies or interests that take up space (hell, we've got a home gym downstairs, along with a wine room) that needs space.  SO has another hobby that is fully taking over one of the guest bedrooms downstairs at this point (we have 2).  Having twice as much space as we actually NEED means that we can take advantage of it and do things we WANT.  

Just because it is too much for YOU doesn't mean it's too much for everyone.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 12, 2015 12:36:21 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'd just ask them "what changed?"  You listed all the reasons why they said they were thinking about moving to start with.  Let them explain to you why they think the house is a good fit.

I don't think that is an unreasonable question or treating them like they are stupid.

But why can't they just 'like the house'?

I have some very good friends that sold their 1600 sq ft NEW house and bought a 4000+ sq ft one on the lake.  It was an old house, required a lot of maintenance and work to make it habitable for them.  Within 5 years, both sons had moved into their own homes.

Why did they buy the new home?  Largely location, it was on the lake.  It was in a smaller development.  The set up of the house, even though it's 2 floors is much better for retirement (even though the master suite is upstairs, it would be easy enough to modify the guest bedrooms on the first floor for another master suite).  The downstairs is much more open and it's easier to navigate if you become impaired.  They entertain frequently and it's not uncommon for them to have 15-20 for a party or dinner.  I really suspect that they weren't looking for a house near this size when they bought it, but it was what became available when they were looking and they've made it work for them.  

[ArchietheDragon]

Nov 12, 2015 12:36:21 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'd just ask them "what changed?"  You listed all the reasons why they said they were thinking about moving to start with.  Let them explain to you why they think the house is a good fit.

I don't think that is an unreasonable question or treating them like they are stupid.

My parents are so funny.    They had been looking for a house for years.  They couldn't find anything they liked.  At the top of their list of wants was 1 story, city water and natural gas.   So after years of not finding anything they liked they decided to buy a lot and have a house built.   They ended up with a 2 story house will a well and a propane tank.        people are funny, especially my parents. 

[Deleted]

Nov 12, 2015 11:34:22 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Nov 12, 2015 10:44:42 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Funny, when I read that it really does sound like you don't think he's too bright.

Funny, I think the same when I read your posts, though I know you do it to get people riled up.

My dad is a man who thinks he is invincible, which I think a lot of men do.

I think Ryan is free to give his opinion to his parents, especially since they ASKED FOR IT, whether they listen or not is another story.

That's a detail he left out of the OP and conveniently added later. I don't get why he even asked us if he should butt out.

[Deleted]

I've seen the pictures and the house is beautiful, there really is no question about that. The area they would move from was primarily built in the 1970's, so I think they are more easily impressed and think this house was unique. What I'm trying to get them to understand is that the average house here is not the same as the average house where they lived. They are willing to accept more square footage because they think this is such a unique house, but it's not...it might be unique compared to their OLD area, but it's not unique at all in the area they were looking. If they started looking around at other houses, they would realize that. They could even approach the same builder and have them build the model of their choice with the same finishing as the house they are looking at.

So tell them that. "I think you can get what you want for a better price"

[Deleted]

I'm one that likes having a lot of space.  My house is 3200 square feet with a 3+ car garage with just me and the two kids and a cat and it doesn't feel uncomfortably large.  My first house was about a third the size and very old (like 1800's old).  This house is cheaper to heat and easier to keep clean even though it's much bigger.  I wouldn't mind downsizing to save money.  If I could swap it out for a smaller place on the same property to wipe out all or part of the mortgage I would in a heartbeat, but as it is, I like being able to dedicate areas of the house to certain things (like a guest room that is kept clean and devoid of Legos!)

[Deleted]

Nov 12, 2015 11:34:22 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Nov 12, 2015 10:44:42 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Funny, when I read that it really does sound like you don't think he's too bright.

Funny, I think the same when I read your posts, though I know you do it to get people riled up.

No, there are people I think are stupid. It's not something I pretend to think to upset them. The difference is I own up to it.

[Deleted]

Nov 12, 2015 11:21:41 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 11, 2015 21:54:45 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

The sibs are supporting the parents in what the parents want to do, Ryan isn't. And he has no good reason.

I sure as hell hope my family and friends love me better than that. If I had already bought the house and was proudly showing it off, yeah I would like to hear only the good things. But if I were contemplating buying I would like them pointing out the bad along with the good.

Do you want them to keep at you after they told you this stuff and you still intend to buy it?

[Ombud]

Nov 12, 2015 11:39:31 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Um, yeah, 2000 sf for a single person is excessive. ... just more room to store shit that we didn't use.

Respectfully disagree in my case. I'll soon have over 2000 sq ft on a 1/3 acre all to me. No problem with designated rooms: 4 bedrooms becomes bedroom, guest room, music room, office. Formal great room (living - dining room), breakfast area (10×10 off kitchen), recreation room. 3 bathrooms might be excessive but that's what you get with 4 bedrooms

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 12, 2015 14:38:28 GMT -5 Ombud said:

Nov 12, 2015 11:39:31 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Um, yeah, 2000 sf for a single person is excessive. ... just more room to store shit that we didn't use.

Respectfully disagree in my case. I'll soon have over 2000 sq ft on a 1/3 acre all to me. No problem with designated rooms: 4 bedrooms becomes bedroom, guest room, music room, office. Formal great room (living - dining room), breakfast area (10×10 off kitchen), recreation room. 3 bathrooms might be excessive but that's what you get with 4 bedrooms

You wasteful person you.       You are supposed to have a tiny house.               How dare you live in the house of you choice?

[midjd]

Our house is close to 4K square feet (counting the basement). Luckily we have since had a kid, so we're below the 2000sf/pp excessiveness threshold.

I do remember DH's aunt telling us a big house was "wasted" on us and we should have bought something smaller so a family could have ours. I didn't understand her thought process then and still don't. It would be one thing if there was such a shortage of large houses that families (who could otherwise afford to purchase a home) were left homeless or crammed into tiny apartments... but that is not the case, at least in my area. 

As long as you can afford it, who cares? (That's my answer to the OP as well.)

[ArchietheDragon]

Nov 12, 2015 15:14:22 GMT -5 midjd said:

Our house is close to 4K square feet (counting the basement). Luckily we have since had a kid, so we're below the 2000sf/pp excessiveness threshold.

I do remember DH's aunt telling us a big house was "wasted" on us and we should have bought something smaller so a family could have ours. I didn't understand her thought process then and still don't. It would be one thing if there was such a shortage of large houses that families (who could otherwise afford to purchase a home) were left homeless or crammed into tiny apartments... but that is not the case, at least in my area. 

As long as you can afford it, who cares? (That's my answer to the OP as well.)

Don't you know there are starving children in Africa. 

[Lizard Queen]

Buying a lot more house than you need increases overall demand for housing stock and raw materials to build such housing stock, causing further pillage of natural resources, as well as natural habitat for plants and animals.  

Not a total tree-hugger, but I do care about the environment.  I think a little bit of mindfulness can go a long way if it is done throughout society.  So, can you squeeze your personal gym equipment and wine collection into less than 1500 sf?  Can you combine your music and rec rooms?  Call me crazy, but I don't think it would be that hard.  Sure, it's fun to indulge yourself, but at what cost? Just because the cost is elsewhere and you don't pay the brunt of it does not mean that it is not real.

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 12, 2015 15:14:56 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Nov 12, 2015 15:14:22 GMT -5 midjd said:

Our house is close to 4K square feet (counting the basement). Luckily we have since had a kid, so we're below the 2000sf/pp excessiveness threshold.

I do remember DH's aunt telling us a big house was "wasted" on us and we should have bought something smaller so a family could have ours. I didn't understand her thought process then and still don't. It would be one thing if there was such a shortage of large houses that families (who could otherwise afford to purchase a home) were left homeless or crammed into tiny apartments... but that is not the case, at least in my area. 

As long as you can afford it, who cares? (That's my answer to the OP as well.)

Don't you know there are starving children in Africa. 

Those kids were starving back when I was a kid.         Clean your plate cause kids in Africa are starving got me in trouble a few times when I mouthed off about sending the food I didn't like to them.     

[Deleted]

Nov 12, 2015 11:04:41 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I think that this is insulting.  You think that his parents are stupid and don't understand maintenance after 30 years in a smaller house!

Good parents can make bad decisions. I've seen a few stories here; the ones that come to mind include mothers in their late 50s with $10K in savings who think they can retire. My own dear father, a retired engineer who was the first person to teach me about investing, just got scammed last week for almost $8,000 by someone claiming to be my niece. Sometimes your parents need your back.

[Deleted]

Nov 12, 2015 15:29:30 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Nov 12, 2015 15:14:56 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Don't you know there are starving children in Africa. 

Those kids were starving back when I was a kid.         Clean your plate cause kids in Africa are starving got me in trouble a few times when I mouthed off about sending the food I didn't like to them.     

LOL  I did the same thing.  Even at the age of 5 I didn't get the logic of me eating my peas helping the starving children.