Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Nov 11, 2015 16:04:46 GMT -5
So my parents have lived in the same house for close to 40 years. It's around 2000 SF, they raised all of us kids there, and it's not ideally laid out in general...much less a great house to grow old in. They are not ready to go into a townhouse or condo, so they were interested in a ranch home so they can eliminate stairs. They have probably looked at 3 houses and found one that they totally are in love with. The problem is that it's it's close to 4000 SF, 4 bedrooms (master on 1st floor), 3.5 baths, and costs $570K plus $12K/annual property taxes.
When I heard this I thought it was totally ridiculous. There was a house on the same street that is $100K less with 2800 SF, 3 beds, 3 baths and is a ranch. This is an area where there is a just a lot of open land so there are builders all over and plenty of houses to choose from; not to mention a lot of existing newish homes to look at as well.
What makes things worse is that my siblings are really pushing my parents to buy the house. I said "What are they going to do with all the rooms" and they are like "Well, 1 is for them, 1 is for a guest room, 1 is for a toy room (for grandkids), and 1 can be a spare room. WHAT?!?!?
My siblings are fairly thrifty in general, but they tend to encourage each other (particularly my parents) to be overly indulgent in certain areas. As an example, if my dad is looking at a massage chair or something and says “this is cool”, one of my sisters will say “Oh, you should get it.”. If I was with them, all I’d need to say is “Do you think you’d use it?” and he would say “probably not” and walk away.
My parents travel a lot and they are in their upper 60’s. I just have this feeling that within a short amount of time they will really question why they moved into such a big house and taken on a fairly large financial burden. Honestly, I have no idea whether they could afford it or not but they probably have a decent amount saved. To add insult to injury, they want to put in a pool. To me, I wonder why you’d pay full retail price for a pool when you can buy a house at a discount that already has a pool put in.
I think the thing that bothers me the most is that they haven’t looked at enough houses to really know if it’s the perfect one. You look at 50 houses and decide on this one, then maybe I’ll buy it!
Thoughts? Mind my own business?
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Nov 11, 2015 16:07:54 GMT -5
My parents just did the exact same thing. They went from an 1800 sq foot house to a 3500 sq foot house that they had custom built. I think it is nutty. I think that now they are in it, they are starting to see how big a 3500 square foot house is and they may be regretting it a little, but I am not sure.
I minded my own business.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 11, 2015 16:09:04 GMT -5
I think it sounds crazy if the original plan was to downsize and eliminate stairs.
But you can't stop them unfortunately. If asked you can voice your opinion but it sounds like you will be labeled a party pooper.
Maybe they will change their minds, lots of things can go sour between "falling in love" with a house and actually buying it. Pray someone else purchases it first!
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Nov 11, 2015 16:17:15 GMT -5
My parents almost made this same mistake recently. They bought the land and started plans to build a custom home. Thanks to my mother's insatiable appetite for things she cannot afford nor need the house was steadily climbing over the $300K range. For some unheard of reason my dad actually put his foot down (first time ever) and called off the building plans. Their house they have now is 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, 2 car garage and paid off, so they fully remodeled it and are very happy with it. Well, Mom isn't, but she'll have to deal with it. Plus, my dad got his own 3 car separate garage and workshop in the back of the house.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 16:17:44 GMT -5
My parents also went from 1800 square feet to about 3600. Sure, me and my two step-brothers all had to share a bathroom for years but now they have 4 bathrooms in their new house with just two of them. They built about 10 years ago and are 67 and 69 now. They also travel a lot, but they seem to enjoy their house. My Mother likes to play hostess when family comes from out of town and she can put up quite a few. It's actually been kind of nice.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 16:17:46 GMT -5
Why are they totally in love with the house? If they have the money and it feeds their soul somehow be happy for them.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Nov 11, 2015 16:22:24 GMT -5
I don't think you're being a party pooper if you ask " Do you really want that much space- that's more cleaning/maintenance". And yes, I do think it's ok to tell them you think it's too much and too keep looking. But you can find a nice way of saying it. " If you really love the house, and can afford it, then you should get it. But it's an awful lot of house so- if you not 100% convinced- lets figure out what you REALLY like about it- and see if we can find something that a bit less of a burden."
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 11, 2015 16:39:21 GMT -5
My parents also went from 1800 square feet to about 3600. Sure, me and my two step-brothers all had to share a bathroom for years but now they have 4 bathrooms in their new house with just two of them. They built about 10 years ago and are 67 and 69 now. They also travel a lot, but they seem to enjoy their house. My Mother likes to play hostess when family comes from out of town and she can put up quite a few. It's actually been kind of nice. My ILs also doubled the square footage on their place when they bought their "retirement" home. It even had top of the line appliances. They also have replaced all of their old furniture and gotten very nice replacements. They also recently hired a house cleaner. My MIL told me that they were too busy in retirement to clean. I really don't think that's the reason, but I'll go with it anyway. In short, my ILs are livin' pretty large. They have a house cleaner, they rarely cook, and they are enjoying really nice things in their place that's likely to big for them. I was surprised what they paid for the house..but, they've worked hard and managed their money well. It's not in my place to tell them what they should do with their money. They should have enough to last until their final days, and then some, We always knew when they moved close we'd be helping them out more in their final years.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 11, 2015 16:47:29 GMT -5
My ex is a school counselor and she taught me about "the presenting problem". Her example was the girl who comes in and says she and mom aren't getting along well these days. You talk about general mother/daughter issues for a while and finally the girl tells you, by the way, she is pregnant. Sounds to me like the house is "the presenting problem" for some interesting family dynamics.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Nov 11, 2015 17:18:02 GMT -5
I say approach the subject once then leave it alone , mind your own business!
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Nov 11, 2015 17:26:49 GMT -5
I'd probably ask your mom how she expects to keep up with the cleaning on such a big house. And, ask your dad how he feels about so much maintenance.
Now that my folks have passed on, I'm dealing with the delayed maintenance issues on their house, & getting it ready to sell. Retired folks, no matter how much they wish it, only have so much money to work with, so small house problems get put off or ignored.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Nov 11, 2015 17:28:33 GMT -5
My parents also went from 1800 square feet to about 3600. Sure, me and my two step-brothers all had to share a bathroom for years but now they have 4 bathrooms in their new house with just two of them. They built about 10 years ago and are 67 and 69 now. They also travel a lot, but they seem to enjoy their house. My Mother likes to play hostess when family comes from out of town and she can put up quite a few. It's actually been kind of nice. I plan on doing this too when the girls are gone. But I plan on also moving my parents in when they are older if they want to and need to have room for grandchildren. One for the boys and one for the girls. Add a bedroom for me and I need a 4 bedroom house. I also want more bathrooms since we only have one now. I would try to talk to them about how much more reasonable a ranch style house is. In the end, they're going to do what they want to.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Nov 11, 2015 18:06:52 GMT -5
Why are they totally in love with the house? If they have the money and it feeds their soul somehow be happy for them. I think a typical way of looking for a house would be to set a budget, look at houses in that budget and then increase your budget until you find something you like. They basically went to the nicest house at (likely) the top of their budget and "fell in love with it". If they buy the house, then so be it. But after 40 years of living in the same house, I don't think it's prudent to buy one after only seeing 3 houses. Come on! I mentioned this to my siblings and told them the house was too big and they said "Oh, they want more space". Geez.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 18:30:17 GMT -5
Why are they totally in love with the house? If they have the money and it feeds their soul somehow be happy for them. I think a typical way of looking for a house would be to set a budget, look at houses in that budget and then increase your budget until you find something you like. They basically went to the nicest house at (likely) the top of their budget and "fell in love with it". If they buy the house, then so be it. But after 40 years of living in the same house, I don't think it's prudent to buy one after only seeing 3 houses. Come on! I mentioned this to my siblings and told them the house was too big and they said "Oh, they want more space". Geez. It's not like they have never been in any other houses in the 40 years, they must have an idea of what kind of things they like. Unless your parents are generally dippy I don't see why you are presenting them this way. I only looked at about 4 houses live, the rest I dismissed off of MLS.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 18:35:31 GMT -5
I would definitely bring up the maintenance, cleaning, and extra costs associated with a house so large. They may want more space, but there is probably a better house plan for them, that would give them space where they wanted it, but not be quite so large.
When we were looking we fell in love with a huge house. I had to really talk myself out of that one. The taxes were also huge. The costs associated with electric/gas seemed excessive to me. The house had 2 hot water heaters to service 5 bathrooms. Then the idea of cleaning 5 bathrooms.
ETA: And the $$ to decorate it. I am doing that now and thankful that I have less house.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 18:38:02 GMT -5
I have reread your OP and I think you are a spoilsport. Who wouldn't use a massage chair? They are really nice. Why would you talk your Dad out of that toy? They have earned the right to be self indulgent. Stop being such a Scrooge with their money.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Nov 11, 2015 18:45:20 GMT -5
I have reread your OP and I think you are a spoilsport. Who wouldn't use a massage chair? They are really nice. Why would you talk your Dad out of that toy? They have earned the right to be self indulgent. Stop being such a Scrooge with their money. You can argue that I'm the counter balance to my siblings freewheeling nature with their money.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 18:54:47 GMT -5
You said your siblings are frugal. Are your parents in financial trouble? Are your siblings? You have given no reason for being such a Grinch.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Nov 11, 2015 19:01:28 GMT -5
You said your siblings are frugal. Are your parents in financial trouble? Are your siblings? You have given no reason for being such a Grinch. They are frugal with their money, but encourage my parents to spend theirs...even though they don't know their financial condition. I'm not saying they shouldn't buy the house, but it's too quick to make a decision when they don't even know what is on the market. they be looking at 40 houses before they buy one.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Nov 11, 2015 19:03:02 GMT -5
My parents built a new home, 3500 sq ft, when they were in their mid-60s. It backed up to woods and a stream in a beautiful neighborhood. They got everything they wanted in the house, had a ball decorating it, and live there happily for 20 years. They got a lot of pleasure out of that house and that neighborhood and never regretted it.
It all depends on the people involved. My folks remained in vigorous good health until their mid-80s, and maintaining their home had always been something they enjoyed doing together. They didn't start to see the house as a burden until their health began to fail.
Whether your parents will have a similar positive experience in a new, large home depends entirely on them and what they want for their lives as they get older.
You should probably just express your concern in whatever neutral manner you can manage, listen to their answer, then let it go.
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quince
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Post by quince on Nov 11, 2015 19:03:12 GMT -5
My parents bought a 4 bedroom house for the two of them long after they moved out. Pretty sure they wish they didn't- space is nice, mortgage and maintenance is not.
Express your concerns then back off. Unless they have diminished capacity, that's the extent of what you should do.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Nov 11, 2015 19:04:28 GMT -5
My parents live in 2700 square feet now and I am trying to get then to downsize. My dad says they need all the space for the grandkids. They will have 2 from Mexico and who knows from my brothers and he lives 2k miles away. They don't need the space.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 19:07:49 GMT -5
I would definitely bring up the maintenance, cleaning, and extra costs associated with a house so large. They may want more space, but there is probably a better house plan for them, that would give them space where they wanted it, but not be quite so large. This. DH and I just downsized from 3 floors, 5 BR, 5 baths (some half-baths) and a pool to 2 floors, 4 BR, 3 baths, and we're thrilled. I never could keep the other place clean and DH is getting too creaky to do much (and, frankly, it wasn't his strong suit anyway). I spend about an hour a day, 4 days a week, and it's clean to my standards. Yes, you can hire as many people as you can afford to do house and yard work for you, but I'd rather spend it on plane tickets.
Do you have a feel for your parents' finances? Can they afford it? If they're planning to maintain it themselves, will they be able to afford help (or willing to move) if they get to the point that they can't, or don't want to, DIY? Part of our reason for downsizing was to cut back the recurring expenses (utilities, mortgage, property taxes, etc.) and we've done that, after absorbing a huge hit to fix the new house up the way we want it. In your parents' case, they're committing to ongoing expenses they can't pare back if they need to.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 19:25:15 GMT -5
You said your siblings are frugal. Are your parents in financial trouble? Are your siblings? You have given no reason for being such a Grinch. They are frugal with their money, but encourage my parents to spend theirs...even though they don't know their financial condition. I'm not saying they shouldn't buy the house, but it's too quick to make a decision when they don't even know what is on the market. they be looking at 40 houses before they buy one. You don't know their financial situation either. I don't see any evidence that they don't know how to handle their money. And why do they have to look at 40 houses? You never did tell me what they love about this house.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Nov 11, 2015 19:31:25 GMT -5
Well, that's an interesting trend. I thought everyone downsized when they kids leave.
I hope my husband never ever reads this thread or I am in deep shit. Our house is already huge, I couldn't take it if he wanted to increase sq footage
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Nov 11, 2015 19:36:14 GMT -5
Everyone wants something different. But not sure why they would want a big house that will take a lot more expense and upkeep.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Nov 11, 2015 19:43:22 GMT -5
So my parents have lived in the same house for close to 40 years. It's around 2000 SF, they raised all of us kids there, and it's not ideally laid out in general...much less a great house to grow old in. They are not ready to go into a townhouse or condo, so they were interested in a ranch home so they can eliminate stairs. They have probably looked at 3 houses and found one that they totally are in love with. The problem is that it's it's close to 4000 SF, 4 bedrooms (master on 1st floor), 3.5 baths, and costs $570K plus $12K/annual property taxes. When I heard this I thought it was totally ridiculous. There was a house on the same street that is $100K less with 2800 SF, 3 beds, 3 baths and is a ranch. This is an area where there is a just a lot of open land so there are builders all over and plenty of houses to choose from; not to mention a lot of existing newish homes to look at as well. What makes things worse is that my siblings are really pushing my parents to buy the house. I said "What are they going to do with all the rooms" and they are like "Well, 1 is for them, 1 is for a guest room, 1 is for a toy room (for grandkids), and 1 can be a spare room. WHAT?!?!? My siblings are fairly thrifty in general, but they tend to encourage each other (particularly my parents) to be overly indulgent in certain areas. As an example, if my dad is looking at a massage chair or something and says “this is cool”, one of my sisters will say “Oh, you should get it.”. If I was with them, all I’d need to say is “Do you think you’d use it?” and he would say “probably not” and walk away. My parents travel a lot and they are in their upper 60’s. I just have this feeling that within a short amount of time they will really question why they moved into such a big house and taken on a fairly large financial burden. Honestly, I have no idea whether they could afford it or not but they probably have a decent amount saved. To add insult to injury, they want to put in a pool. To me, I wonder why you’d pay full retail price for a pool when you can buy a house at a discount that already has a pool put in. I think the thing that bothers me the most is that they haven’t looked at enough houses to really know if it’s the perfect one. You look at 50 houses and decide on this one, then maybe I’ll buy it! Thoughts? Mind my own business? Are they spending THEIR money, or YOUR money? If it's their money, I'm going to go with "none of your business".
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Nov 11, 2015 19:51:07 GMT -5
They are frugal with their money, but encourage my parents to spend theirs...even though they don't know their financial condition. I'm not saying they shouldn't buy the house, but it's too quick to make a decision when they don't even know what is on the market. they be looking at 40 houses before they buy one. You don't know their financial situation either. I don't see any evidence that they don't know how to handle their money. And why do they have to look at 40 houses? You never did tell me what they love about this house. If you don't look at houses and their cost, then you can't pinpoint what the right house is. What's so difficult to understand about that?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 20:02:56 GMT -5
You don't know their financial situation either. I don't see any evidence that they don't know how to handle their money. And why do they have to look at 40 houses? You never did tell me what they love about this house. If you don't look at houses and their cost, then you can't pinpoint what the right house is. What's so difficult to understand about that? Of course you can. I'm sure your parents have been in a lot of houses over the years and know things they like and things they don't like. And you still haven't told me what they love about this house. Did you even bother to ask?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 20:06:45 GMT -5
You haven't given one real reason they shouldn't buy the house. Just that YOU think it is too big for THEM, YOU think it is too much of THEIR money, YOU don't think THEY need it. YOU aren't buying the house, THEY are.
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