gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Oct 29, 2015 14:36:01 GMT -5
Does she want to get married?
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 29, 2015 14:36:18 GMT -5
does the bf want to marry her?
Why doesn't he just put her name on the deed instead?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Oct 29, 2015 14:37:49 GMT -5
Why doesn't she want to get married?
I think all you can do is make clear you're reluctant to support her when other options are available. But all you can control is your own behavior -- it's ultimately her decision.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Oct 29, 2015 14:37:57 GMT -5
Is your mom the one who doesn't want to get married? If her BF of 20 years isn't worried about making sure she is taken care of when he passes, then I don't know how much convincing you can do.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 29, 2015 14:40:20 GMT -5
If I'm 64 and my kid is pestering me to get married, I'd freak the fuck out.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2015 14:54:16 GMT -5
If I'm 64 and my kid is pestering me to get married, I'd freak the fuck out. I wouldn't, in this situation. My aunt married her live in BF so that she would qualify to collect part of his pension when he dies. They intended to stay together, but they felt no need to get married for personal reasons. It was a practical decision to take that step.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 29, 2015 14:55:27 GMT -5
You can't really make your mom do much of anything she doesn't want to do.
If you are going to broach the subject of getting her life in order...then...I'd ask who she wants to make her medical decisions for her in case she can't.
I'd have anxiety with overstepping boundaries when it comes to medical decisions..but that's about where it ends..
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 29, 2015 14:57:12 GMT -5
As someone who's MIL landed on her doorstep because she had lost $20k in the stock market, I don't blame you one iota. (Apparently, that lost $20k+ $800/month SS check was supposed to support her lifestyle the rest of her life.)
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Oct 29, 2015 15:07:37 GMT -5
Heck I am working on pimping out my MIL... Anyone interested?
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Oct 29, 2015 15:15:35 GMT -5
Heck I am working on pimping out my MIL... Anyone interested? Not sight unseen. Got pictures?
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Oct 29, 2015 15:15:59 GMT -5
My ex's mom went through this. She lived with her BF for 30 some years but never married & had no will. Everything went to his adult children as next of kin when he died. He had a small life insurance policy for her but it was probably enough to bury him & pay medical expenses. She has been living with her adult son ever since because she can't afford to live alone on her meager SS. I wish you & your family better luck.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Oct 29, 2015 15:17:09 GMT -5
Heck I am working on pimping out my MIL... Anyone interested? No, but if you are doing a good job, you could contact TLoony and give her some MIL pimp out lessons, since she is trying to get rid of her mom turn her mother into Rent-A-Yenta sell her mother to the highest Russian-speaking bidder match her up.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 29, 2015 15:17:18 GMT -5
Heck I am working on pimping out my MIL... Anyone interested? I'll trade you. Mine slept in every day, let my DH cook dinner after work every night, used up all our internet bandwidth, and was too busy to watch our kid for the one day we asked her to. She had big plans to drive over to the town 15 minutes away to check their job board. And drive back.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 29, 2015 15:22:43 GMT -5
If I'm 64 and my kid is pestering me to get married, I'd freak the fuck out. I AM 64 and my kids know better than to even try anything like that
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Oct 29, 2015 15:26:44 GMT -5
Do you have a really crappy room/garage/shed somewhere on your property? Show her her future "room". Seriously - All you can do is show her the financial reasoning to why you think it's a good idea but it's on them whether they want to marry or not. Good luck!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Oct 29, 2015 15:43:04 GMT -5
Poke holes in their condoms, hope she gets knocked up, and buy a shotgun??
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Oct 29, 2015 15:44:48 GMT -5
If I'm 64 and my kid is pestering me to get married, I'd freak the fuck out. I wouldn't, in this situation. My aunt married her live in BF so that she would qualify to collect part of his pension when he dies. They intended to stay together, but they felt no need to get married for personal reasons. It was a practical decision to take that step. One of the reasons my father and his gf of 20 years do not get married is that with her assets he would get kicked off of Medicaid.
I think she also likes the fact that if he turns out to be too much of a PITA she can show him the door and it won't cost her anything.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Oct 29, 2015 15:48:28 GMT -5
does the bf want to marry her?
Why doesn't he just put her name on the deed instead? Yes, he has asked her to marry, she's never said yes.
Hmm, well unless there is a current offer on the table, and she is open to discuss it, you trying to convince her might just come across as trying to unload her. What about medical power of attorney?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2015 15:49:23 GMT -5
Is he getting $2300/month SS now? Isn't the rule that you can only draw up to 50% of your spouses amount? If so, it would be less than what she's getting now.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Oct 29, 2015 15:51:42 GMT -5
situation:
Mom lives with BF for last 20 years.
She is 64, working PT, will get 1,100 in SS each month.
She has around 50K in an IRA.
Her BF says he will give her the land they live on (5 acres of his 40), that has the mobile home they live in, plus two rented out mobile homes and that the rest of the land will go to his two sons.
There is no will.
I'd like her to get the 5 acres written down in a will so she gets a place to live and some rental income.
OR
I'd like her to marry him, so that she'd get his SS (2,300/month instead of 1,100) plus his pension (probably $1,000/mo) plus she'd have no dispute on keeping the 5 acres with a place to live.
this is a swing of
1,100 and no place to live (worst case)
or
$3,300 plus rent ($600) plus a free place to live
The difference is her being self supporting and really comfortable, or being barely able to live and need help from myself and DW. The most important thing......does she have a certificate attesting to her intact hymen? If not, she's used goods and nobody will ever marry her.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Oct 29, 2015 15:51:50 GMT -5
Is he getting $2300/month SS now? Isn't the rule that you can only draw up to 50% of your spouses amount? If so, it would be less than what she's getting now. I think you can collect 50% of theirs if they are also alive and collecting. If they die, you get the full amount. I could be wrong.
Does the rule that you have to have been married 10 years to collect on your spouse not apply if they doe while you are married? Is that an only if you get divorced thing?
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Oct 29, 2015 15:57:40 GMT -5
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Oct 29, 2015 16:02:35 GMT -5
I took it as an absolutely absurd joke. I mean, she gave birth to you and all. I don't think it was meant as offensive as it sounded. But, I could be wrong, in which case, I am sorry.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Oct 29, 2015 16:04:15 GMT -5
The most important thing......does she have a certificate attesting to her intact hymen? If not, she's used goods and nobody will ever marry her.
i know you're riding a political horse, but f&Ck off and don't talk about my mom like that.
MODS: note that I didn't start this, but i won't have my mom talked about like that
psssst, it was a joke. No one here actually knows your mom, you know.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Oct 29, 2015 16:09:18 GMT -5
I took it as an absolutely absurd joke. I mean, she gave birth to you and all. I don't think it was meant as offensive as it sounded. But, I could be wrong, in which case, I am sorry. Of course it was a joke.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Oct 29, 2015 17:07:54 GMT -5
Heck I am working on pimping out my MIL... Anyone interested? No, but if you are doing a good job, you could contact TLoony and give her some MIL pimp out lessons, since she is trying to get rid of her mom turn her mother into Rent-A-Yenta sell her mother to the highest Russian-speaking bidder match her up. Rent-A-Yenta. I like it.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Oct 29, 2015 17:13:17 GMT -5
If I'm 64 and my kid is pestering me to get married, I'd freak the fuck out. LMAO Yeah, that.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 29, 2015 17:15:31 GMT -5
If I'm 64 and my kid is pestering me to get married, I'd freak the fuck out. In reverse I think my son drop a net over me if I announced that I was going to get married. He would know that I had finally lost what's left of my mind
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2015 17:21:19 GMT -5
You sure she would get his pension? Pension rules vary, of course, but mine makes me elect with or without a survivor benefit when I retire. I don't think you can change your mind afterwards since without survivor benefit would have been paying more. If she does get it, it probably isn't the full amount. But again, that varies.
You might try blackmail, holding the grandkids hostage. That's what my daughter did. Fortunately, DH was a good sport about it. And it has had its benefit. The biggest one is access to my insurance. He'd be bankrupt because of his health. My plan plus Medicare, though, has taken care of pretty much everything except prescription co-pays.
Has your mom expressed the desire to move in with you guys? The same sense of independence that has kept her unmarried for all these years may keep her out of your home. There is senior housing, etc. Plenty of seniors live independently on SS. It is all a lot of people have. Don't misunderstand me. I know you want better for your mom.
Have you thought about talking to her boyfriend about the need to put things in writing? If they've lived together that long, he should be willing to talk about it with you. If he sounds agreeable, you might express your willingness to set it up with a "friend" of yours who happens to be a lawyer. You can make friends with a lawyer fairly quickly and pay him/her.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 13, 2024 3:22:10 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2015 17:22:26 GMT -5
Heck I am working on pimping out my MIL... Anyone interested? No, but if you are doing a good job, you could contact TLoony and give her some MIL pimp out lessons, since she is trying to get rid of her mom turn her mother into Rent-A-Yenta sell her mother to the highest Russian-speaking bidder match her up. Well, there goes another monitor and keyboard, damn it! I wonder if Fry's has a frequent flyer plan?
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