Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Sept 9, 2015 16:08:09 GMT -5
Nope, that's reality. When you can only afford so much, sometimes those $3 Oreos come out of the cart because you don't NEED them as much as you actually do NEED something else. I'm with the hate on the "I deserve" this or that. You only hear it from 2 groups of people. Those who can actually afford to utter the phrase and people like my in laws who are perpetually on food stamps and medicaid and always too broke to do anything yet they do more junk than I do because they also deserve to. And this is MY reality... Wether I use I can afford, I deserve, I earned... The fact remain the same. I can afford to cover all my needs and some of my wants... Part of that list of wants are OREO cookies that I can afford and that I feel I deserve ... And quite honestly I have earned the right to buy them. You can buy whatever you want, no doubt. It's the mindset of "I deserve" that irks the everliving sh!t out of me. Only you know whether you actually have it. I suspect you don't have the case of it that some people I know do
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 9, 2015 16:19:23 GMT -5
Nope, that's reality. When you can only afford so much, sometimes those $3 Oreos come out of the cart because you don't NEED them as much as you actually do NEED something else. I'm with the hate on the "I deserve" this or that. You only hear it from 2 groups of people. Those who can actually afford to utter the phrase and people like my in laws who are perpetually on food stamps and medicaid and always too broke to do anything yet they do more junk than I do because they also deserve to. And this is MY reality... Wether I use I can afford, I deserve, I earned... The fact remain the same. I can afford to cover all my needs and some of my wants... Part of that list of wants are OREO cookies that I can afford and that I feel I deserve ... And quite honestly I have earned the right to buy them. *Flame away* No one is looking to throw lighter fluid on the flames just yet, though the boxes of matches are sitting pretty close by. And the Oreo cookie analogy was just that - an analogy. The wants vs. needs vs. deserves thing tends to start small and escalate in terms of size and frequency. You asked how we cut back when income is slashed in half. Examples were provided, including a few things that clearly irked your financial sense. What people do at times when they have to may infuriate you, but that's not your perspective. When money comes up short, planned or otherwise, you simply have to shift priorities. Not necessarily eliminate them. You have to decide what's absolutely necessary, what you can absolutely live without and then take everything else and put it on a sliding scale. As finances ebb and flow, those items on the sliding scale can come and go with the cash.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Sept 9, 2015 16:53:13 GMT -5
Carl... you know how poor some people are. Full cities of people living literally in cardboard boxes and whatever scraps they can find to make a bed. Scrounging dumpsters for food. Don't they "deserve" oreos? Or no? Because their lot in life was to grow up poor and uneducated with no alternatives?
I am privileged that I can afford to buy oreos. I am privileged to go to work, post on the internet, have a big house, and nice things. I wish I could buy them all oreos. But I can't.
Do I *deserve* oreos more than they do? No way.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2015 17:19:13 GMT -5
I kind of think that Haitian’s view will change a bit when he is giving up things for his kids. Almost all parents give up some of their wants because even though they make enough, their child has something that gets priorities above that want. The couple in the grocery store who couldn't get Oreos, may have just finished back to school shopping and the money crunch may just be until pay day. DH and I just had a week of eating what was in the freezer after getting hit by multiple school/car/careless expenses in August.
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quince
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Post by quince on Sept 9, 2015 18:32:32 GMT -5
I think saying "I deserve to spend my disposable income how I want" is TOTALLY FINE. It's "I deserve this thing whether or not I have disposable income" that is problematic. I thought the Oreos thing is kind of funny: We have sufficient, yet when I was tempted by Oreos in the grocery store last week, I grabbed the store brand instead- $1.00 cheaper, and since I don't have a brand preference, silly not to switch. If you have a brand preference and the money, of course buy the damned oreos. Why would you waste the calories on sugar/lard that isn't to your taste? I vaguely recall Carl not planning on giving up his workouts when he has kids and all the parents making "you'll see..." comments. He might have to choose between workouts or oreos!
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 9, 2015 18:50:00 GMT -5
Nope, that's reality. When you can only afford so much, sometimes those $3 Oreos come out of the cart because you don't NEED them as much as you actually do NEED something else. I'm with the hate on the "I deserve" this or that. You only hear it from 2 groups of people. Those who can actually afford to utter the phrase and people like my in laws who are perpetually on food stamps and medicaid and always too broke to do anything yet they do more junk than I do because they also deserve to. And this is MY reality... Wether I use I can afford, I deserve, I earned... The fact remain the same. I can afford to cover all my needs and some of my wants... Part of that list of wants are OREO cookies that I can afford and that I feel I deserve ... And quite honestly I have earned the right to buy them.
*Flame away* I am curious, how does one earn the right to buy things, any things ?
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 9, 2015 18:53:19 GMT -5
And this is MY reality... Wether I use I can afford, I deserve, I earned... The fact remain the same. I can afford to cover all my needs and some of my wants... Part of that list of wants are OREO cookies that I can afford and that I feel I deserve ... And quite honestly I have earned the right to buy them.
*Flame away* I am curious, how does one earn the right to buy things, any things ? First they start by EARNING the money to do so
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 9, 2015 18:56:24 GMT -5
Wait, are you serious?
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 9, 2015 19:05:14 GMT -5
Carl... you know how poor some people are. Full cities of people living literally in cardboard boxes and whatever scraps they can find to make a bed. Scrounging dumpsters for food. Don't they "deserve" oreos? Or no? Because their lot in life was to grow up poor and uneducated with no alternatives? I am privileged that I can afford to buy oreos. I am privileged to go to work, post on the internet, have a big house, and nice things. I wish I could buy them all oreos. But I can't. Do I *deserve* oreos more than they do? No way. Why don't you refer to the poor children in Africa while at it and dying puppies and kittens? Seriously no one can say one thing by risking of offending someone. I cannot say Caitlin Jenner was brave because then the Troops And Army men are the ones that are brave. There are 6 Billion people on this planet, not everyone is going to use only the words you "approve" of to basically say the same thing. I happen to be one of them. I can say I deserve something without insulting another person that has less.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 9, 2015 19:12:53 GMT -5
I'm serious. If Carl earns his money, and he does, if he wants to buy frickin Oreos, so be it. I have an issue with people who don't work for their money feeling they have the right to buy "whatever" they want. My concern for Carl as are most posters is that those things add up.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 9, 2015 19:20:32 GMT -5
Here is exactly what I posted. What I said is simple: I don't know if this couple was doing it because they had too (limited budget) or because they wanted to (budgeting/only buying sale items". But I am glad that I am at a point in my life that I can grocery shop without having to shop for the good deals and actually buying what I want wether on sale or not. One of the simple pleasures I do enjoy. Please do not lecture me about poverty. I did not read about it in a book, or watched it on the discovery channel... I LIVED it. So I am sorry that the fact that I feel that with the help of my parents, my own, God we went from poverty to solid middle Class within 2 generations and and applying myself at my job, I have been able to raise my pay and this affording a better lifestyle. But I am not sorry for how I feel about it or how express myself. If it irks you, that is your problem, you deal with it. But don't try to shame me because by God I dare use a word that does not agree with your sensibilities. So yes I have the right wether you like it or not, approve it or not and I seriously do not give a damn to say: I deserve those cookies I buy and I have earned the right to have them. And that is all I will say on the subject because obviously we are going nowhere. Not even considering my wife here but just ME... I have a hard time coming to that point. Ex: today a lady was shopping with her husband and their child. She had he coupons, her smart phone, the ad and a calculator . Every purchase was carefully calculated and items were not purchased if not on the list or not on sale. I freaking work hard damnit for my money, if I want to buy freaking Oreo cookies I am going to buy Oreo cookies wether on sale or not or on the list or not. I know sometimes you are forced into that situation (and others it is a choice); but working in a grocery store and seeing folks from different walks of life: one of the simple pleasures I do enjoy (and maybe take for granted) is buying what I want when I want it , not price comparing we want Barilla, Ragu, Tide, Charming Soft, wether on sale or not. And yes I know that mindset would need to change if we were the one facing a 40% paycut essentially ; but this is how I feel right now and I being honest about it.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Sept 9, 2015 20:29:32 GMT -5
I don't think it is the word so much as it is the mindset. To even think of it in terms of "deserve" demonstrates a woeful immaturity. People can spend their money however they want. The only impact it has on me is if they are spending money they don't have and society has to carry them rather than the person earning their own and supporting himself.
The decision goes: 1. Do I want it? 2. Can I afford it? 3. Do I need to prioritize differently?
If the answers are Yes, Yes, and No, go ahead. Do what you want. Who cares? But own the decision. "I am doing this because I want it and can afford it." If you have to justify it to yourself by saying, "I deserve it" you have an awful lot of growing up left to do.
There is literally not one thing in this world that I truly want that I could not buy right now. I don't do it because I don't want things badly enough, but that is the only reason. The concept of "deserve it" has never even crossed my mind, ever. I don't think I would even be capable of creating that thought.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Sept 9, 2015 21:42:52 GMT -5
I'm serious. If Carl earns his money, and he does, if he wants to buy frickin Oreos, so be it. I have an issue with people who don't work for their money feeling they have the right to buy "whatever" they want. My concern for Carl as are most posters is that those things add up. But I deserve it!!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Sept 10, 2015 9:53:58 GMT -5
Guess what I bought at the grocery store last night?
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Sept 10, 2015 9:54:03 GMT -5
Carl... you know how poor some people are. Full cities of people living literally in cardboard boxes and whatever scraps they can find to make a bed. Scrounging dumpsters for food. Don't they "deserve" oreos? Or no? Because their lot in life was to grow up poor and uneducated with no alternatives? I am privileged that I can afford to buy oreos. I am privileged to go to work, post on the internet, have a big house, and nice things. I wish I could buy them all oreos. But I can't. Do I *deserve* oreos more than they do? No way. Why don't you refer to the poor children in Africa while at it and dying puppies and kittens? Seriously no one can say one thing by risking of offending someone. I cannot say Caitlin Jenner was brave because then the Troops And Army men are the ones that are brave. There are 6 Billion people on this planet, not everyone is going to use only the words you "approve" of to basically say the same thing. I happen to be one of them. I can say I deserve something without insulting another person that has less. It's a free country; you can say whatever you want. I'm telling you how your words sound to other people, whether you mean them to sound that way or not.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Sept 10, 2015 9:54:42 GMT -5
Guess what I bought at the grocery store last night? But why did you buy them?
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 10, 2015 9:58:41 GMT -5
Guess what I bought at the grocery store last night? Our grocery store has them on sale this week. We are heading out of town shortly, or I'd buy some. I love Oreos, and really want to test out the newer flavors, like Brownie Batter. So wrong, yet sounds so right.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Sept 10, 2015 9:59:46 GMT -5
Guess what I bought at the grocery store last night? But why did you buy them? Because I wanted them and could afford them in the grocery money this week.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Sept 10, 2015 10:02:58 GMT -5
My office has gotten into the Oreo Thins. We went through a couple packages in a hurry.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 10, 2015 10:26:48 GMT -5
Guess what I bought at the grocery store last night? Our grocery store has them on sale this week. We are heading out of town shortly, or I'd buy some. I love Oreos, and really want to test out the newer flavors, like Brownie Batter. So wrong, yet sounds so right. When I eat Oreos, I stick to the original. Period. *-*- I admit, sometimes in my head I do say "I deserve this" when I'm thinking about or actually putting something in my cart. I don't think I actually say it out loud though. I know I say "I earned this" out loud and the logic I use may very well be "I was up 8x with the kids last night and I EARNED this drink/Oreo/massage/meal/whatever" IN my case, it's usually something fairly small (like a drink or a small bag of candy/oreos) that's not going to generate an ongoing bill or do much damage to the budget.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Sept 10, 2015 10:57:22 GMT -5
When I have eaten well and exercised all week I think I deserve a piece of cheesecake on Saturday. If anyone wants to get their undies in a bunch over that then feel free.
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garion2003
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Post by garion2003 on Sept 10, 2015 11:07:13 GMT -5
I think saying "I deserve to spend my disposable income how I want" is TOTALLY FINE. It's "I deserve this thing whether or not I have disposable income" that is problematic.I thought the Oreos thing is kind of funny: We have sufficient, yet when I was tempted by Oreos in the grocery store last week, I grabbed the store brand instead- $1.00 cheaper, and since I don't have a brand preference, silly not to switch. If you have a brand preference and the money, of course buy the damned oreos. Why would you waste the calories on sugar/lard that isn't to your taste? I vaguely recall Carl not planning on giving up his workouts when he has kids and all the parents making "you'll see..." comments. He might have to choose between workouts or oreos! This is awesome. And I think that gets to the heart of the problem.
The latter mentality is what leads people to live above their means, go into credit card debt, not have any savings for an EF, etc.
I know a family where the parents and the oldest son work at Wal Mart at basically entry level jobs. The father feels he deserves his paycheck and spend it on stuff he 'deserves'. He does not contribute to the family expenses, like rent, food, utilities etc, at least not on a regular basis. It depends on how 'deserving' he felt that week I guess.
The son uses most or all of his paycheck to cover things like rent and groceries, and then on top of that they have to choose which other bills to pay, so they are constantly being in a cycle of having their phones or their electric being turned off.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Sept 10, 2015 11:15:47 GMT -5
He never said that. He just said he earned a good living and feels like he deserves Oreo cookies. Did I miss where he said he deserved certain things no matter his salary? Essentially, I am just reading it as he feels like he has enough money to buy certain things so he does. I guess it is all up to interpretation.
I just feel like people are reading a little too much into his post and are way to focused on the word "deserves." I don't think he means it the way other people are interpreting it but I could be wrong.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Sept 10, 2015 11:24:33 GMT -5
He never said that. He just said he earned a good living and feels like he deserves Oreo cookies. Did I miss where he said he deserved certain things no matter his salary? Essentially, I am just reading it as he feels like he has enough money to buy certain things so he does. I guess it is all up to interpretation. I just feel like people are reading a little too much into his post and are way to focused on the word "deserves." I don't think he means it the way other people are interpreting it but I could be wrong. As one of the "people" I never specifically said CARL was the problem I had, I said I agreed with the "I deserve" hate. Hard not to hate on that phrase when the people you hear it from are the ones YM wants to lynch. Food stamp/medicaid recieving, smoking 2 packs and day, barely working, living with the parents, can't be bothered to grow up even though I have a few kids kind of people.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Sept 10, 2015 11:37:05 GMT -5
Our grocery store has them on sale this week. We are heading out of town shortly, or I'd buy some. I love Oreos, and really want to test out the newer flavors, like Brownie Batter. So wrong, yet sounds so right. When I eat Oreos, I stick to the original. Period. *-*- I admit, sometimes in my head I do say "I deserve this" when I'm thinking about or actually putting something in my cart. I don't think I actually say it out loud though. I know I say "I earned this" out loud and the logic I use may very well be "I was up 8x with the kids last night and I EARNED this drink/Oreo/massage/meal/whatever" IN my case, it's usually something fairly small (like a drink or a small bag of candy/oreos) that's not going to generate an ongoing bill or do much damage to the budget. You know, I tend to say I earned something rather than deserving something. I don't really feel like I "deserve" anything, except maybe revenge, but I certainly do earn a good brunch after running a long race. Why the hell else do I run?! ETA: Deserve means to be worthy of reward/punishment, hence why going about my day to day business isn't deserving of anything.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Sept 10, 2015 11:38:33 GMT -5
I hate the "I deserve" line too. More because I know people that work their fingers to the bone and can't afford things that they apparently deserve just due to working hard.
DH and I both work hard and make good money. However, we don't deserve anything. We can afford several things that we want and would prioritize to keep, but deserve isn't on the list of why to keep it.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 10, 2015 11:39:30 GMT -5
When I eat Oreos, I stick to the original. Period. *-*- I admit, sometimes in my head I do say "I deserve this" when I'm thinking about or actually putting something in my cart. I don't think I actually say it out loud though. I know I say "I earned this" out loud and the logic I use may very well be "I was up 8x with the kids last night and I EARNED this drink/Oreo/massage/meal/whatever" IN my case, it's usually something fairly small (like a drink or a small bag of candy/oreos) that's not going to generate an ongoing bill or do much damage to the budget. You know, I tend to say I earned something rather than deserving something. I don't really feel like I "deserve" anything, except maybe revenge, but I certainly do earn a good brunch after running a long race. Why the hell else do I run?!And here I thought runners ran so they could drink more booze.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Sept 10, 2015 11:39:52 GMT -5
When I eat Oreos, I stick to the original. Period. *-*- I admit, sometimes in my head I do say "I deserve this" when I'm thinking about or actually putting something in my cart. I don't think I actually say it out loud though. I know I say "I earned this" out loud and the logic I use may very well be "I was up 8x with the kids last night and I EARNED this drink/Oreo/massage/meal/whatever" IN my case, it's usually something fairly small (like a drink or a small bag of candy/oreos) that's not going to generate an ongoing bill or do much damage to the budget. You know, I tend to say I earned something rather than deserving something. I don't really feel like I "deserve" anything, except maybe revenge, but I certainly do earn a good brunch after running a long race. Why the hell else do I run?! Amen.
I earn the money to pay my cleaning lady. No deserving in there at all.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Sept 10, 2015 11:39:58 GMT -5
Earned is definitely a better word than deserve
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Sept 10, 2015 11:41:07 GMT -5
You know, I tend to say I earned something rather than deserving something. I don't really feel like I "deserve" anything, except maybe revenge, but I certainly do earn a good brunch after running a long race. Why the hell else do I run?!And here I thought runners ran so they could drink more booze. Oh that's a given! My Thursday run club starts and ends at a brewery. :-)
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