TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 5, 2015 12:13:38 GMT -5
How did you adjust living off 1 income as a household when you were used to 2 incomes coming in? Wether is was due to divorce, job loss, stay at home parent...
How did you make the transition? How long did it take to feel settled? Cutting back? Adjustment period?
Did it help that the income loss was a smaller piece of the pie (less than 50%)? And what if it was bigger?
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Sept 5, 2015 12:34:25 GMT -5
I agree with Sum Dum Gai. No vacations, and date nights were at home. The only groceries we got were stuff that was on special, except for basics, like milk & bread.
The toughest thing to adjust to is NO shopping at the mall. The clothing & everything else you have will just have to do until more income is coming into the household again. That means you & DW will have to keep each other honest. No new cars, no new furniture, no new dress clothes (unless you go to a consignment store). NOTHING! (Yes, the first year is absolutely the toughest.)
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Sept 5, 2015 12:37:20 GMT -5
Going from a two income house to a 1 income house, you just suck it up buttercup, big girl and big boy panties time.
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Sept 5, 2015 12:52:12 GMT -5
First you sit down as a couple and use actual truthful numbers about exactly how much is coming in and how much HAS been going out, and for what!
Another YNAB fan here, and everything single penny has to have a job to do when figuring out what your spending plan is going to be. You try to set reasonable budget amounts based on past spending, then agree on what can be cut out all together and what can be adjusted downward to the level of current income. You also (together) have to prioritize spending from the absolutely can't be cut or removed to those items than can be cut or cut down.
No one will tell you it's easy, especially if one of the people isn't willing to make sacrifices, but it's either do it or don't, but if the answer is don't, bankruptcy court along with a possible separation and divorce could be in the future.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2015 12:52:59 GMT -5
I've been through this many times. Job loss, staying home with the kids, divorce...
You just adjust your budget and priorities for the new income and carry on.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 5, 2015 12:53:29 GMT -5
We bought less stuff and were more careful not to waste money. Retirement savings were reduced as well. With 2 kids, there was some tax savings. We've also gone through some savings, but that went into remodeling projects that had been planned for years We've never been ones to spend a lot of money, though. ETA: I was surprised how easy it was, but our mortgage is only $800/month. The hard part is sitting in our driveway--keeping the '99 and 2004 instead of getting something from the last decade.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Sept 5, 2015 13:28:33 GMT -5
My former wife was making (at the time) more than double what I was. But then, she was doing the vast majority of the spending as well. I have never been a big spender so the adjustment was not that difficult. There were a couple of years where I treated money as a lot tighter than it was. For example, in one calendar year I spent a total of about $30 on food that I did not prepare ($20 to take a woman to lunch and $10 on pizza with my son.) It was not "necessary" to cut back to that degree, but it became a game at some point to NOT spend much.
I also reduced my 401k contributions to the point where I was only maximizing the company match, but I think I always had a cushion of at least $10,000 in the bank. Ultimately, you do what you have to do. Knowledge and discipline are the two most important traits to possess. With those two you can do a lot. Without them problems can develop quickly.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 5, 2015 13:38:15 GMT -5
We didn't go from two to one, but we have taken a 50% pay cut, which is pretty similar. We adjusted by cutting spending. We don't take vacations, except short local trips. More careful at the grocery store. Date night is a home cooked meal and a streaming movie while the kids are out of the house instead of going out. I don't know, you just adjust. You make it sound so easy
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 5, 2015 13:39:20 GMT -5
You just adjust your budget and priorities for the new income and carry on. What about the "fixed" bills? - mortgage - car note - utilities ... Etc
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2015 13:41:17 GMT -5
He probably didn't have terribly expensive habits in the first place... Unfortunately you and Mrs. C. might find it a bit more difficult.
We always lived on one, so that made a lot of difference. In years where we both worked, extra money either went to savings or 'extra' expenses. I think people have offered pretty good advice.
eta: if you have taken on fixed expenses that don't allow you to live on one income, you either need to bring in two, or get rid of the fixed expenses...
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Sept 5, 2015 13:48:23 GMT -5
You just adjust your budget and priorities for the new income and carry on. What about the "fixed" bills? - mortgage - car note - utilities ... Etc Utilities can be reduced by careful use of the thermostat, furnace, and water consumption. So actually, those items could fall into the not quite necessary columns.
Mortgage certainly can't be changed, at least not enough to make a huge difference. The car? if necessary, trade it in and buy something that requires no car payment.
I go back however to my original post, it takes courage and determination to do this and instead of an " I can't or I won't" change anything......then carry on.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 5, 2015 13:53:41 GMT -5
Yes, the first year is absolutely the toughest. Does it get easier after year 1? Long term wise... *I guess pay raises/promotions may bridge the gap after awhile!
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 5, 2015 13:55:18 GMT -5
bankruptcy court along with a possible separation and divorce could be in the future. If it is due to divorce or death... The above might not be a concern anymore.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Sept 5, 2015 13:57:04 GMT -5
DH and I have done it multiple times. The hardest was after we were first married and I had to quit my job to move with him. I was out of work for 8 months and our income was cut in half. We had to pay 2 sets of student loans, my car payment, and it sucked. We had to make tough decisions. If we wanted any retirement savings we had to share a car which we did while I wasn't working, but we got some ridicule for that. I remember only going to the grocery store twice a month, with coupons, and having to make things last. I'd get royally pissed with DH if he had to spend any money for work. Once he had to buy a tshirt, and it meant that we scraped the bottom of pantry for food most of the week.
Even now that I am out of work again and he makes 100k+ it sucks to be back to one income. Even though we aren't worrying about paying bills or having enough to eat, we do have to communicate and budget. DH doesn't buy music on itunes without checking with me first. We can't afford to both fritter away money all month long even if it is just a couple dollars at a time. It adds up. Like last month DH got new running shoes so I put off getting new jeans, but now the jeans are getting a hole worn in them. This means I might have to get a pair this month which could bump something DH wants. Or I have to lose weight and fit in the pair I have that is a size too small for me right now. We aren't worrying about how to pay bills or having enough in the pantry, but it still sucks a little.
It is all about teamwork and honesty. You have to realize you can't have everything you want. As a couple you have to decide the priorities, be painstakingly specific with amounts, and you cannot deviate from the plan at all. Every dollar your spend you have to ask yourself is it worth it- what am I giving up tomorrow, next week, or next year to have this. What am I asking my spouse to give up so that I can have this. And you have to separate true needs from wants. You need to think ahead on every expense so that you don't have a month where something pops up and you need to reach for a credit card or pull from savings. And you might need to think about locking down the savings so that neither of you is tempted to pilfer it if you think that is a risk. My DH doesn't mind feeling like he is scrimping until he sees a big balance in savings, and then he gets pissy. Then I start to feel like a martyr because I spend less than him anyway and never complain, and that just isn't good for the marriage.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 5, 2015 13:57:43 GMT -5
Yes, the first year is absolutely the toughest. Does it get easier after year 1? Long term wise... *I guess pay raises/promotions may bridge the gap after awhile! I think it becomes more habitual not to spend money on anything but necessities (for most people). If this is about you and your DW, it just might be more difficult for the two of you than for most people. A great deal will depend on how committed you are to the change. It IS NOT going to be easy - ever.
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Sept 5, 2015 14:01:28 GMT -5
The problem is Carl, you shouldn't guess on future income. You have to deal with today. People in the past committed to a mortgage that had a balloon payment perhaps 10 years later. Skipping along and ignoring that the light at the end of the tunnel actually was a train, when 10 years hit and bill came due, they didn't have the money to pay the loan and lost their house.
Looking forward for me would be a certain giant step toward failure. Deal with the here and now and let the future take care of its self.
And one more thing, if the time for the spending sit down we're going to be totally honest about things budget meetings happens, except for little children, all adults living in the household should be included.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Sept 5, 2015 14:06:41 GMT -5
How did you adjust living off 1 income as a household when you were used to 2 incomes coming in? Wether is was due to divorce, job loss, stay at home parent... How did you make the transition? How long did it take to feel settled? Cutting back? Adjustment period? Did it help that the income loss was a smaller piece of the pie (less than 50%)? And what if it was bigger? Well, I've never gone through that, so maybe my words don't have the wisdom of experience.
Think about it...spend less, be frugal and wise.
My mom was a stay at home mom her entire life (she's still kicking) and my dad didn't earn a Kings ransom, but we all felt like we had everything we wanted and needed.
Manage expectations.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 5, 2015 14:08:25 GMT -5
Yes, the first year is absolutely the toughest. Does it get easier after year 1? Long term wise... *I guess pay raises/promotions may bridge the gap after awhile! For us, it's getting harder because the cars aren't getting any newer or less wear as time goes by. My new kitchen money may have to go to a car instead...and you've seen a picture of my kitchen. DH's last raise was nice, but everything else is increasing in price as well.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 5, 2015 14:09:18 GMT -5
You can't support three people, one an able bodied adult not an infant, on one income. First of all, DW is not pregnant yet. Secondly, MIL should have been paying SOMETHING all this time that should have been put into either savings or debt repayment. Welfare is not a way of life. Living for free while spending her own money supporting other family, is ridiculous. Maybe WHEN DW had the baby, her moving in would make sense IF DW is going back to work. You're borrowing trouble that's not even happening yet except for MIL. Now a pattern of MIL living off you for free is established. Good luck with changing that or getting her out. A roommate should be paying rent.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 5, 2015 14:10:50 GMT -5
When I lived where it was cold I worked all day so house could be on 55 for several hours. With MIL there all day, good luck.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 5, 2015 14:16:12 GMT -5
You can't support three people, one an able bodied adult not an infant, on one income. First of all, DW is not pregnant yet. Secondly, MIL should have been paying SOMETHING all this time that should have been put into either savings or debt repayment. Welfare is not a way of life. Living for free while spending her own money supporting other family, is ridiculous. Maybe WHEN DW had the baby, her moving in would make sense IF DW is going back to work. You're borrowing trouble that's not even happening yet except for MIL. Now a pattern of MIL living off you for free is established. Good luck with changing that or getting her out. A roommate should be paying rent. Zib, this is not about me... This is for GENERAL discussion purposes
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Sept 5, 2015 14:17:00 GMT -5
I hope I never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever have to find out. We have enough friction sharing what we have. I can't imagine going back to trying to share less. It isn't that we wouldn't do what is necessary, it is that it would absolutely suck. You don't go from buying what you want when you want to pinching pennies and think there won't be some grieving.
The only hope would be that if the loss of income was part of a compromise, and that there was something else that was gained to offset the loss. The ability to stay home and raise a child, or to devote oneself to building a business, or perhaps an investment in my education or training that would pay me back later. You would hope that every time the gimmes come up, you can point out what you've gained and nip the tantrum in the bud.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 5, 2015 14:22:02 GMT -5
You can't support three people, one an able bodied adult not an infant, on one income. First of all, DW is not pregnant yet. Secondly, MIL should have been paying SOMETHING all this time that should have been put into either savings or debt repayment. Welfare is not a way of life. Living for free while spending her own money supporting other family, is ridiculous. Maybe WHEN DW had the baby, her moving in would make sense IF DW is going back to work. You're borrowing trouble that's not even happening yet except for MIL. Now a pattern of MIL living off you for free is established. Good luck with changing that or getting her out. A roommate should be paying rent. Zib, this is not about me... This is for GENERAL discussion purposes Sure thing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2015 14:22:09 GMT -5
You just adjust your budget and priorities for the new income and carry on. What about the "fixed" bills? - mortgage - car note - utilities ... Etc When I quit to stay home with my son, I sold my vehicle with a note and refinanced the house from a 20 year to a 30 to reduce the payment. If the one income thing is going to be long term and the mortgage is not affordable, then selling the house might be the wisest choice. Utilities can be reduced. Lower the heat, raise the AC, call around and threaten to leave your garbage company (mine always gives me a great deal for a couple years to stay on), cancel cable, reduce your water consumption... BTW, this is part of the reason I hate debt and want my mortgage gone. You have so much more freedom and flexibility if your fixed costs are low.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Sept 5, 2015 14:24:03 GMT -5
You can't support three people, one an able bodied adult not an infant, on one income. First of all, DW is not pregnant yet. Secondly, MIL should have been paying SOMETHING all this time that should have been put into either savings or debt repayment. Welfare is not a way of life. Living for free while spending her own money supporting other family, is ridiculous. Maybe WHEN DW had the baby, her moving in would make sense IF DW is going back to work. You're borrowing trouble that's not even happening yet except for MIL. Now a pattern of MIL living off you for free is established. Good luck with changing that or getting her out. A roommate should be paying rent. I don't know if I hate you or love you...nah, neither, but I like how you speak your mind.
I don't know the back story to any of this.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2015 14:29:58 GMT -5
You just adjust your budget and priorities for the new income and carry on. What about the "fixed" bills? - mortgage - car note - utilities ... Etc That's the stuff you have to think about when you are setting yourself up. Otherwise you're selling and downsizing.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 5, 2015 14:30:43 GMT -5
You can also sell purses, clothes, other items on e bay and other sites. Even DS is selling clothes that no longer fit him. I now have two good purses and a few clutches for evenings out. I have fewer articles of clothing but better clothing and better fitting. I'm trying to even cut down more.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2015 14:31:43 GMT -5
Did it help that the income loss was a smaller piece of the pie (less than 50%)? And what if it was bigger? Well, obviously it's easier if the lower income earner is the one not earning anymore! FWIW, I think you and your wife could get by fine on your income, IF YOU HAD TO. But, I don't think the experiment will work. Just sayin'.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 5, 2015 14:37:29 GMT -5
Did it help that the income loss was a smaller piece of the pie (less than 50%)? And what if it was bigger? Well, obviously it's easier if the lower income earner is the one not earning anymore! FWIW, I think you and your wife could get by fine on your income, IF YOU HAD TO. But, I don't think the experiment will work. Just sayin'. What experiment you speak off? As for me and my wife it is a tricky answer... And I will refer to WBBG answer I hope I never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever have to find out. But we have done it on a "short" term basis, when we moved to MA it took her 9 months to find a job but she did get unemployment for 6 months.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 5, 2015 14:39:58 GMT -5
You are in a spendy area. What few people I know who had for work live in expensive areas, stayed in apartments in OKAY areas, until their kids were old enough for school which made daycare way less expensive bcuz they were older and in their cases, mom stayed home. Was it great to live in a two bedroom apartment with two kids? But it was affordable. Both women were lucky enough to get back into the workforce after being out. They happened to get into a first time home buying deal and their entire paycheck made that mortgage payment. Daycare was nasty but not horrible and not for years and years either. When you're an older child, it's less expensive. A 3 1/2 and 5 year old who missed the cut off are much cheaper than babies. Now both families have moved into an even better housing situation and daycare consists of summers. Between camps and grandparents, that's not terrible either.
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