how does getting dates on dating site work?

[Deleted]

If I were to join a dating site, how does it work?  Is it relatively easy to get dates?  Does a person have to have charm in texting to get dates? If I were mostly wanting to just date, but nothing serious, are many women interested in that? Which are the better sites to join?  Is it like bars where men usually have to initiate things or do women start up conversations as often as men?  Anything else to know?

I am 54, decent looking, not fat or bald, have a job, etc.  A bit scared of commitment type stuff, but want to work on that.

Thanks

[MJ2.0]

I use POF (Plenty of Fish) and sometimes Tinder. There is also Match.com and Zoosk.com. I'm actually thinking of taking a break from it for a while.

[joemilitary]

Just start texting your junk

[NoNamePerson]

Aug 8, 2015 19:28:50 GMT -5 joemilitary said:

Just start texting your junk

[Phoenix84]

I've been doing online dating for a while, but haven't had much luck with it.

You start off by joining a site and reviewing profiles. When you find someone you want to talk to, send them an e-mail.

As a general rule, I don't ask for their number to talk or text until we've exchanged at least 3-4 e-mails.

Expect to send out a lot of e-mails and not get many responses. I probably get a return e-mail about 15-20% of the time, which means I get one reply for every 4-5 e-mails I send out.  But sometimes I can go on stretches of sending out dozens and not get a reply.  I've actually done a bit of research on this, and that's pretty typical for men. Women get a much higher response rate.

In my experience women still expect men to initiate, and that's probably even more so for your age group.

There are probably women out there looking for all kinds of relationships, just be up front about what you're looking for.

As far as being "easy" to get dates, I guess that depends on what you want. I've never gotten a long term relationship out of it after doing it for almost 8 years. But I've gotten a decent number of dates.

As a general rule, when contact a woman online, I read her profile and pick out 2-3 things and comment on them (i.e., her job, her travel interests, ect.)  Unfortunately, many women are pretty vague in their profiles, and it can be hard to find "material" to e-mail them about. If I can't find enough stuff to talk about, I'll usually ask them things like how long they've been in the area, what do they like to do for fun, ect.

Make sure you post good photos. It's better to post one really good photo than a bunch of bad photos. Women are visual creatures, just as much as men.

ETA: Oh, and another tip.  A lot of these dating sites have inactive members or non subscribers.  When doing searches, I always filter by "logged in within the last 3 days" to filter out people who are no longer active.

[Phoenix84]

Aug 8, 2015 19:27:52 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

I use POF (Plenty of Fish) and sometimes Tinder. There is also Match.com and Zoosk.com. I'm actually thinking of taking a break from it for a while.

That's what I'm doing. I've been doing it off and on for years and not has success. I'm going to try meetup groups, and see if those work better.

The problem is after I quit a dating site, I'll get one or two e-mails, and have to consider if it's worth rejoining to respond, which costs money *sigh.*

[MJ2.0]

3 days is too short of a tone frame IMO.

I'm thinking of taking a break to just meet some more people on Meetup - mostly other 30-something women and some guys as friends. I have some recently discovered health issues I need to address, plus I'm about to move and start taking at least one class in a few months. I would like to have 1-3 core people to chill with regularly. Sure I'd like bi-weekly Thai Food sessions too, but I don't know if I feel like putting up with all of someone else's shit just yet.

[MJ2.0]

*time frame

[emma1420]

I did online dating for awhile and had little luck.  I think I went out with two men.  I found the people I was interested in were not interested in me, and the people interested in me I was interested in.  However, when I try it again I work on having a better profile and change my weight from needing to lose a few extra pounds to average (i found that many people who put that they needed to lose a few extra pounds needed to lose about 100lbs, not the 10lbs I want to lose).  I also just don't think I cared enough to try very hard and I'm not religious at all, and living in a very red very religious area made it more challenging.

I think its worth a go.  My dad met my step-mom on yahoo personals back in the day, so it does work.  I think you will have decent luck if you try and be realistic.  

[Pants]

As an older guy, if you are willing to date women your own age, you have an advantage. On a lot of dating sites older guys only want to date women 20+ years younger than them. There is a site called ourtime which is specifically for the older crowd. But in general, women get less interest as they age, so if you are willing to date in your own age range you should get more responses than if you are trying to date women out of your age range. In general, just don't be creepy.

[Lizard Queen]

Met my husband on Match about 10 years ago. I wasn't actually signed up on the site for months, but he contacted me anyway. Pay sites seemed to be more for serious daters, free sites seemed more for hookups. That's about all i remember.

[Deleted]

Dudes looking for dudes, chicks looking for dudes, and chicks looking for chicks will have no problem finding something.

Dudes looking for chicks is a lot tougher.

[luckyme]

Be realistic.

My SIL went through a faze where she was on them a lot.  Sometimes she would ask me to look at some guys profiles.  Unbelievable how many guys in their late 30's, early 40's, wanted women from early 20's to 32.  Really? 

She dated a lot of guys, some were pretty bad in person.  She ended up dating & marrying a guy she met through a friend. 

[obelisk]

As a guy,look internationally, it will increase your odds especially with educated women.

[Deleted]

what about meetup type things for meeting women?  I thought about going to a toastmasters meeting or a yoga meeting.  I am worried that I would look creepy going to yoga and not sure there would be many women at toastmasters.  I looked for single meetups but they look more like the thing where you have to talk and I can get a bit flustered.  I thought something where I was doing something and the talk would be natural would be better for me.   I know I will have to talk, I would rather it be while doing an activity and not specifically trying to get to know someone, if that makes sense.

I like the idea of toastmasters, is that going to have much of a chance or just dumb.   I like the idea of yoga, because I am having some problems working out because of inflexibility.

Any advice is helpful, thanks.

[obelisk]

Are you out of you FM!

[Deleted]

is what I look like.  It doesnt show my body, but I am not fat.  I am 6' and weigh 185#.  I could lose 10 pounds or so, but am okay I think.

imgur.com/N8Ql0Uq

[Deleted]

Aug 9, 2015 10:05:59 GMT -5 obelisk said:

Are you out of you FM!

so can you advise please

[obelisk]

No one on  a dating site gives a shit about toastmaster or yoga.  Whom are you trying to impress, please be specific so that we are not confused with your request.

[Deleted]

Aug 9, 2015 10:17:41 GMT -5 obelisk said:

No one on  a dating site gives a shit about toastmaster or yoga.  Whom are you trying to impress, please be specific so that we are not confused with your request.

I would like to meet a nice woman to do things with.  I am sure ***** will have a joke about that line, but I mean go to movies out to eat etc.  I would like to meet someone in such a way that I don't have to always be trying to be charming and can fall back to just what we are doing.  If that makes sense.  The few serious relationships I have had started that way, by just being around the person and getting to know each other more slowly. 

Is there a way to do that?  Would something on meetup do that? 
thank you again.

[zibazinski]

I would not mention anything dorky. I would say I want someone to go out to dinner with, shows, walks, whatever you like to do. I'd say I was open to new things that someone else suggests.

[finnime]

What Zib said. You are indicating real flexibility with both Toastmasters and yoga. Saying you are open to new interests and would enjoy a woman's company is a great way to introduce that without seeming weird.

I have never dated online, but did meet my current DH through an online divorce support group. I have heard from others that Meetup and Ourtime are good, less pressured and less hook up sources.

[MJ2.0]

Meetup for me has been good for meeting new women for friendships. The guys seem super thirsty, and while I like male attention, I wasn't really comfortable with how much it felt like I was getting approached. Maybe if I was attracted to at least one of them it wouldn't have been so bad, lol

[Deleted]

Aug 9, 2015 10:22:29 GMT -5 @hickle said:

Aug 9, 2015 10:17:41 GMT -5 obelisk said:

No one on  a dating site gives a shit about toastmaster or yoga.  Whom are you trying to impress, please be specific so that we are not confused with your request.

I would like to meet a nice woman to do things with.  I am sure ***** will have a joke about that line, but I mean go to movies out to eat etc.  I would like to meet someone in such a way that I don't have to always be trying to be charming and can fall back to just what we are doing.  If that makes sense.  The few serious relationships I have had started that way, by just being around the person and getting to know each other more slowly. 

Is there a way to do that?  Would something on meetup do that? 
thank you again.

What do you do in your spare time? I think it's easy to get to know different people when you're out and about doing things you enjoy. When you meet someone out doing the same things, you already have a common interest to get conversation going.

OTOH, you seem kind of reserved so online dating might be a good option for you, because you can think about what you want to say before you write it. There's not so much pressure to avoid awkward moments like there can be in face-to-face conversations with someone you've just met.

But trust me, there are a lot of nice women out there that would be happy to have a nice man (that's self-sufficient and has good sense, lol) to do things with.

[TheOtherMe]

I tried online dating when I first moved here.  The area is very rural and I am not a farmer!  I don't want men who are in to motorcycles, hunting and fishing.  That was what most of the pictures showed.  I got off in a hurry.

Maybe I'm not the type because I do know married people who met on Match.

[weltschmerz]

www.hotrussianbrides.com/

[zibazinski]

Um, I wouldn't mention Toastmasters or yoga. Not for several dates, if ever.

[Tennesseer]

You will always know where they lay their heads at night.

Women Behind Bars

[MJ2.0]

Aug 10, 2015 3:45:49 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

www.hotrussianbrides.com/

do they have one for finding hot Russian dudes? I'm asking for a friend...

[happyhoix]

I had a co-worker who was in her forties and was signed up for multiple dating sites, including Match.

Her problem was that, although she was very athletic, she was mid forties and cute but not beautiful. She was petite and had a boyish figure (meaning small breasts). She wanted to date athletic men who were her age or younger - often men who had just divorced their first wives and were looking for 20 year old hot chicks to have sex with, not forty something women to marry.

The men that contacted her were either guys who seemed to be broke and looking for a sugar momma (she was an engineer, with no kids and a good job) or men ten or twenty years older than her. She didn't go on many dates, and ended up, eventually, meeting back up with a guy at a HS reunion and having a relationship with him. 

Personally, if I were you, I'd do something that I liked. Take a class a the local college, join a rock climbing or biking group, volunteer for a cause you believe in, get active in your church, something like that. Don't set out to find women, but be open to the women that you meet. All the guys I ever dated (and the one I married ) were people I met and got to know while doing something else that we both had in common.