milee
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Post by milee on Jul 20, 2015 16:26:26 GMT -5
OMG - DD pulled this on me as well - and I still can't figure out where I went wrong. Where did I go wrong? You had kids! Sooner or later you're going to get some attitude. Yeah, I'm familiar with getting some attitude, unfortunately.
It was the whole bratty, entitled, I-pay-for-the-service-so-I-can-act-however-I-want, snooty thing that is new and really threw me for a loop. Totally and completely not how DH and I act or what we value, so this particular flavor of attitude was especially noxious, even by teen boy standards. Ick.
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The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
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Post by The Captain on Jul 20, 2015 16:35:49 GMT -5
OMG - DD pulled this on me as well - and I still can't figure out where I went wrong. Where did I go wrong? You had kids! Sooner or later you're going to get some attitude. milee pretty much beat me to it. DD is my kid after all, of course I expect some attitude. What I don't expect is a sense of entitlement or the belief that some things are beneath her (you mean I'll have to work a minimum wage job?!?) Yea - kiddo actually said that to me. I seriously have no idea where that came from.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Jul 20, 2015 16:39:12 GMT -5
Where did I go wrong? You had kids! Sooner or later you're going to get some attitude. Yeah, I'm familiar with getting some attitude, unfortunately.
It was the whole bratty, entitled, I-pay-for-the-service-so-I-can-act-however-I-want, snooty thing that is new and really threw me for a loop. Totally and completely not how DH and I act or what we value, so this particular flavor of attitude was especially noxious, even by teen boy standards. Ick.
I think one of the many thngs that young people do not understand is that you can be fired as a customer. Treat your service provider badly enough, often enough, and they won't take your money any more. Some people find that experience to be quite a shock. Other folks never figure out why you are too busy to deal with them any more. And, since teens tend to be a bit self centered, they don't think about how they would feel if they went out of their way to accomodate a customer request, and the customer just blew them off. Especially if the customer blowing them off cost the service provider a chance to earn some money.
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garion2003
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Post by garion2003 on Jul 20, 2015 22:15:55 GMT -5
1) get married 2) have a kid or dependent 3) proof that you are emancipated and no longer a dependent of your parents. 4) orphan, ward of the state or in foster care. Well, I don't know about you, but the thought of doing 1 or 2 at the age of 18 would have made me want to slit my wrist. I am not sure exactly how you prove you are emancipated. Do you have to go to court to do that? So I am back to my original statement, it is hard to claim independent just because your parents can't or won't help pay for college. That's how it's designed to be And as a tax payer, I am glad of that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2015 5:58:51 GMT -5
I didn't read the article or listen to the interview. But just from reading this thread, if this were my child, I'd help her finish her last year if I could. If I'd been coaching her all along on how to make the money last, I'd still help her. And if she was a brat that thought I should use some of my retirement money to pay her tuition, I'd be upset and talk to her about how my money is MY money, but I'd still help her.
If she made it through 3 years of college with the $90k, not asking me for anything, I'd be happy about those 3 free years and help her get through the last year so she can go ahead and launch asap. I'd rather go ahead and get it over with than have her back home without a degree and fewer job prospects, looking at me every day.
I know we expect 18yo adults to have everything figured out, some do, some don't. I didn't figure out how to really manage money until my 30's and even if that makes me look like a dummy, I'm mostly not. So I kind of think she didn't do horribly bad if the bulk of the money did go to her college expenses. She did say she still has some money, just not enough for her last year, right?
You can talk to your kids until you run out of breath, and sometimes they still act like dingbats. I'd rather have a dingbat that got a degree in 4 years and has the potential to start a career, than a dingbat without a degree.
I'm probably biased because both my kids dropped out of college and this 22yo blew some money but still got in 3 years of college and WANTS to finish.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 21, 2015 7:34:41 GMT -5
I didn't read the article or listen to the interview. But just from reading this thread, if this were my child, I'd help her finish her last year if I could. If I'd been coaching her all along on how to make the money last, I'd still help her. And if she was a brat that thought I should use some of my retirement money to pay her tuition, I'd be upset and talk to her about how my money is MY money, but I'd still help her. If she made it through 3 years of college with the $90k, not asking me for anything, I'd be happy about those 3 free years and help her get through the last year so she can go ahead and launch asap. I'd rather go ahead and get it over with than have her back home without a degree and fewer job prospects, looking at me every day. I know we expect 18yo adults to have everything figured out, some do, some don't. I didn't figure out how to really manage money until my 30's and even if that makes me look like a dummy, I'm mostly not. So I kind of think she didn't do horribly bad if the bulk of the money did go to her college expenses. She did say she still has some money, just not enough for her last year, right? You can talk to your kids until you run out of breath, and sometimes they still act like dingbats. I'd rather have a dingbat that got a degree in 4 years and has the potential to start a career, than a dingbat without a degree. I'm probably biased because both my kids dropped out of college and this 22yo blew some money but still got in 3 years of college and WANTS to finish. Totally agree with everything you're posting, except this part "And if she was a brat that thought I should use some of my retirement money to pay her tuition, I'd be upset and talk to her about how my money is MY money, but I'd still help her."
Kids are really good at ignoring our words and watching our actions. Maybe one of the reasons that they're acting like dingbats even after you've talked until you run out of breath is that your words and your actions don't match.
So no, if my kid is acting like a brat and implying that my retirement money should be his to access or that he's entitled to my money, I wouldn't foster that belief by giving him the money. We might have a series of conversations about it and I'd expect to see some change and other concrete evidence on his part that he understood before any checks were written.
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Deleted
Joined: Sept 28, 2024 16:53:54 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2015 7:59:22 GMT -5
I didn't read the article or listen to the interview. But just from reading this thread, if this were my child, I'd help her finish her last year if I could. If I'd been coaching her all along on how to make the money last, I'd still help her. And if she was a brat that thought I should use some of my retirement money to pay her tuition, I'd be upset and talk to her about how my money is MY money, but I'd still help her. If she made it through 3 years of college with the $90k, not asking me for anything, I'd be happy about those 3 free years and help her get through the last year so she can go ahead and launch asap. I'd rather go ahead and get it over with than have her back home without a degree and fewer job prospects, looking at me every day. I know we expect 18yo adults to have everything figured out, some do, some don't. I didn't figure out how to really manage money until my 30's and even if that makes me look like a dummy, I'm mostly not. So I kind of think she didn't do horribly bad if the bulk of the money did go to her college expenses. She did say she still has some money, just not enough for her last year, right? You can talk to your kids until you run out of breath, and sometimes they still act like dingbats. I'd rather have a dingbat that got a degree in 4 years and has the potential to start a career, than a dingbat without a degree. I'm probably biased because both my kids dropped out of college and this 22yo blew some money but still got in 3 years of college and WANTS to finish. Totally agree with everything you're posting, except this part "And if she was a brat that thought I should use some of my retirement money to pay her tuition, I'd be upset and talk to her about how my money is MY money, but I'd still help her."
Kids are really good at ignoring our words and watching our actions. Maybe one of the reasons that they're acting like dingbats even after you've talked until you run out of breath is that your words and your actions don't match.
So no, if my kid is acting like a brat and implying that my retirement money should be his to access or that he's entitled to my money, I wouldn't foster that belief by giving him the money. We might have a series of conversations about it and I'd expect to see some change and other concrete evidence on his part that he understood before any checks were written.
I'd at least fill out the FAFSA so she could get loans, even if she's a brat. That's still help without giving her any of my money.
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milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
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Post by milee on Jul 21, 2015 8:12:24 GMT -5
Totally agree with everything you're posting, except this part "And if she was a brat that thought I should use some of my retirement money to pay her tuition, I'd be upset and talk to her about how my money is MY money, but I'd still help her."
Kids are really good at ignoring our words and watching our actions. Maybe one of the reasons that they're acting like dingbats even after you've talked until you run out of breath is that your words and your actions don't match.
So no, if my kid is acting like a brat and implying that my retirement money should be his to access or that he's entitled to my money, I wouldn't foster that belief by giving him the money. We might have a series of conversations about it and I'd expect to see some change and other concrete evidence on his part that he understood before any checks were written.
I'd at least fill out the FAFSA so she could get loans, even if she's a brat. That's still help without giving her any of my money. Oh, totally. I'd fill out the FAFSA and keep talking to her, not laugh or be dismissive like it sounds the parents were. Everybody's kid is different, but I think with most kids, once you get into a dynamic where the parent is nasty, dismissive, cruel or otherwise petty, the kid tunes out pretty much everything after that so the parent loses any ability to help, teach, guide or otherwise make a difference.
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imanangel
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Post by imanangel on Jul 21, 2015 12:58:13 GMT -5
Well, I don't know about you, but the thought of doing 1 or 2 at the age of 18 would have made me want to slit my wrist. I am not sure exactly how you prove you are emancipated. Do you have to go to court to do that? So I am back to my original statement, it is hard to claim independent just because your parents can't or won't help pay for college. That's how it's designed to be And as a tax payer, I am glad of that. Yes, I understand that. A lot of people are convinced though that it is easy to be declared independent. My point is, it is not easy.
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