quince
Senior Member
Joined: Sept 23, 2011 17:51:12 GMT -5
Posts: 2,699
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Post by quince on Jul 4, 2015 2:43:49 GMT -5
Eh. I don't find myself beautiful. My husband calls me beautiful, and it still feels nice, because I trust him. I don't have to find myself beautiful for him to think I am.
I generally think I'm a waste of oxygen and have to work hard at not asking him why in the hell he stays with me, and sometimes I fail. It is really a question of me following the logical chain of: I think he is awesome, honest, kind, and has good judgement--> He treats me well and tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful and worthwhile --> Therefore, I am incorrect in assessing myself as without worth. (Bonus points: low self esteem makes accepting being wrong extremely easy.)
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beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
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Post by beergut on Jul 4, 2015 4:50:06 GMT -5
...:::"It can be grabbing her ass when you give her a hug, it can be a lascivious whispered remark when you walk by her in the kitchen as she is preparing food, it can be a surprise grab-and-smooch, but you have to let her know she still does it for you and still gets you going. Women like to know you think they're beautiful.":::... To someone that doesn't find him/herself beautiful, then these "compliments" are just empty buttering up, and probably have the opposite effect. If I was with someone who was having such self-esteem issues, I would probably have them evaluated medically. Sounds like depression to me.
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8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jul 4, 2015 7:38:41 GMT -5
...:::"When it comes to time, DH will give up many things for sex. He is rather accommodating that way. If I have a list of 10 things I need to do that day, I am willing to give up sex time to get them all done. DH is always willing to reshuffle things or take something off my plate to make time.":::...
I think this statement is extremely accurate. I'd probably make time to do it if the house was on fire. (Hey, if we have to stop drop and roll, we might as well roll together!) DW probably gets much more pleasure out of seeing something crossed off the task list.
Still, it can be a major downward spiral. The longer it doesn't happen, the more the person who wants it feels held out on, and wants it more, which just makes things more tense. And if one person chooses to erect barriers, well stick a fork in it.
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Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 4, 2015 20:57:07 GMT -5
You all are making me look forward to my dude coming up to visit! As a woman who hasn't gotten to drink from the water well in over two DECADES, I am kinda looking forward to some... TWO DECADES?? Holy hell...I would have died from dehydration years ago!
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:51 GMT -5
Posts: 43,130
Location: Inside POM's Head
Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 4, 2015 21:17:44 GMT -5
WWBG: Seems you spend a lot of time "waiting for it to happen" instead of "making it happen".
Why does your wife have to be the initiator of romance/passion/sex? She's probably not trying because YOU'RE not trying.
What are YOU sitting around waiting for? How about you knock down those "barriers" you speak of and make things romantic - be spontaneous - make the first move again. You can't re-ignite the spark if you're not willing to strike at the flint.
Say "I Love You" in passing as you cross paths in the kitchen or wake up in the morning. Bend her down for a romantic smooch for no reason and see the surprise and smile on her face.
Yes, even slap her on the butt and say "Shake it baby" as you walk by. Why are you sitting back waiting for HER to make the first move? If you initiate things again, they'll start flowing smoothly between you once more.
Who was it that made the first move when you were dating? It's a two-way street - if you're just sitting back waiting, why should she make any effort?
The tango is a romantic dance and it takes two to dance it. But one of you has to initiate the dance - if you sit on the sidelines nothing's going to happen. Take the first step to get that dance started again.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 13:16:18 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2015 21:31:13 GMT -5
If she is the kind who likes crossing stuff of her list, cross stuff of her list man. I think what some of us who are service languages are saying is that doing dishes can be sexy...
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:51 GMT -5
Posts: 43,130
Location: Inside POM's Head
Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 4, 2015 23:24:44 GMT -5
Maybe instead of just watching his wife do housework, he could have pitched in - it probably would have made her feel good and show him some "thanks" in return.
I used to love seeing my DH vacuuming a complete 2 level house (that included L/R, D/R and 3 B/R & staircases of carpet + floor attachment for tile and lino) while I dusted or oiled furniture or did laundry, started dinner etc..
Just like housework, sex is all about teamwork and working together. If one person isn't pulling their weight or making the effort, why should the other?
You end up collecting a lot of cobwebs while nothing happens.
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