ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jun 23, 2015 13:37:58 GMT -5
Maybe if the kids get scarred for life it will teach them to stay out of my room at night. And it is nothing they haven't seen at the goat farm a time or two. Okay, I didn't need the visual of you and your wife getting it on like goats . . .
I'm sure you enjoy more variety. I do, but my wife have said she will divorce me if I have sex with other women. or goats.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jun 23, 2015 13:39:44 GMT -5
I am just guessing here, but I think sometimes wives are shy to explain what primes the pump for them, and sometimes husbands assume (probably from watching too much of a certain type of entertainment) that just a glimpse of the size of the pump is all that's required to get water from the well.
I've been married over 30 years, there is a particular method and strategy to getting water from the well, that DH and I have worked on and perfected over the years together, so that afterwards, both of us are no longer thirsty. But if, in fact, DH was the kind of guy who just got enough water from the well to satisfy himself and then threw the bucket back down the well, both of us would be thirsty most of the time.
To be honest, whenever I hear someone whine about his wife no longer wanting to have sex, I assume the DH doesn't want to share the water.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jun 23, 2015 13:44:17 GMT -5
I am just guessing here, but I think sometimes wives are shy to explain what primes the pump for them, and sometimes husbands assume (probably from watching too much of a certain type of entertainment) that just a glimpse of the size of the pump is all that's required to get water from the well. I've been married over 30 years, there is a particular method and strategy to getting water from the well, that DH and I have worked on and perfected over the years together, so that afterwards, both of us are no longer thirsty. But if, in fact, DH was the kind of guy who just got enough water from the well to satisfy himself and then threw the bucket back down the well, both of us would be thirsty most of the time. To be honest, whenever I hear someone whine about his wife no longer wanting to have sex, I assume the DH doesn't want to share the water. I wish I could like this 100000000 times. That was partially the case for X and me... except he only got me close to "getting the water" a couple of times and the rest of the time I just wanted him to get his water and go to bed. I'm also realizing that I live in my head way too much and that makes things difficult in that department.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jun 23, 2015 13:48:47 GMT -5
I am just guessing here, but I think sometimes wives are shy to explain what primes the pump for them, and sometimes husbands assume (probably from watching too much of a certain type of entertainment) that just a glimpse of the size of the pump is all that's required to get water from the well. I've been married over 30 years, there is a particular method and strategy to getting water from the well, that DH and I have worked on and perfected over the years together, so that afterwards, both of us are no longer thirsty. But if, in fact, DH was the kind of guy who just got enough water from the well to satisfy himself and then threw the bucket back down the well, both of us would be thirsty most of the time. To be honest, whenever I hear someone whine about his wife no longer wanting to have sex, I assume the DH doesn't want to share the water. I wish I could like this 100000000 times. That was partially the case for X and me... except he only got me close to "getting the water" a couple of times and the rest of the time I just wanted him to get his water and go to bed. I'm also realizing that I live in my head way too much and that makes things difficult in that department. I think a lot of the problem for males and females is that a lot of sex is mental for females, and mechanical for males. I can't focus if I'm stressed or worried about something. DH seems to be able to be stressed, stop for sex, and then resume being stressed. And he doesn't understand why I can't, too. I've always wondered how it worked for same sex couples - in theory they should both be either mechanically oriented or mentally oriented. I wonder if it works that way?
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quince
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Post by quince on Jun 23, 2015 13:51:21 GMT -5
Sex slowed down a little for us because now we have to work around the 2 year old: basically less privacy, less free time, less energy. I think we still manage to have enough sex that there's no cause for complaint on either of our parts. There's a lot less "put down the tarp and get out the toys" kind of sex, and more "Quick, the kid is sleeping in the other room!" Honestly, I was anxious about there being less of a drive for sex between us after a kid, and friends were no help. (One said "You won't want to, anyway.") Turns out my husband was right: I was being silly. There's still the desire for sex, we're both happy with the sex we're getting, we wouldn't mind more, but we're also happy with the things in our life that make it more challenging to get laid, so... yay? I think we both still like sex because we both still like each other: obviously we love each other, but we've managed to avoid being resentful or irritated for more than very, very short periods of time: when one of us wants something from the other, we ask for it, and generally the answer is yes. I'm also very good at acknowledging and apologizing for being a jackass- my husband is also good at apologizing, but he generally has less reason to. I can certainly see if we were at odds about division of labor, money, how to raise our son, and the disagreement was ongoing, it would lessen our comfort/desire/willingness to accommodate each other. That kind of disagreement is much more likely in a marriage than a dating type of relationship. It's also not a question of "punishing" a spouse by withholding sex. You're less likely to want sex with a person you're not happy with at the moment, and you shouldn't have sex you don't want.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jun 23, 2015 13:58:42 GMT -5
The impression I've gotten from my friends is that some men get the impression that after the wedding, they no longer need to romance their wife, nor do any foreplay to get any. These same guys want "sex on demand".
It doesn't work that way. Men are microwaves, & women are slow cookers...
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jun 23, 2015 13:58:56 GMT -5
I can certainly see if we were at odds about division of labor, money, how to raise our son, and the disagreement was ongoing, it would lessen our comfort/desire/willingness to accommodate each other. That kind of disagreement is much more likely in a marriage than a dating type of relationship. It's also not a question of "punishing" a spouse by withholding sex. You're less likely to want sex with a person you're not happy with at the moment, and you shouldn't have sex you don't want. yes, yes, and yes.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jun 23, 2015 14:00:06 GMT -5
Okay, I didn't need the visual of you and your wife getting it on like goats . . .
I'm sure you enjoy more variety. I do, but my wife have said she will divorce me if I have sex with other women. or goats. but did she mention sheep?
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jun 23, 2015 14:13:12 GMT -5
I am just guessing here, but I think sometimes wives are shy to explain what primes the pump for them, and sometimes husbands assume (probably from watching too much of a certain type of entertainment) that just a glimpse of the size of the pump is all that's required to get water from the well. I've been married over 30 years, there is a particular method and strategy to getting water from the well, that DH and I have worked on and perfected over the years together, so that afterwards, both of us are no longer thirsty. But if, in fact, DH was the kind of guy who just got enough water from the well to satisfy himself and then threw the bucket back down the well, both of us would be thirsty most of the time. To be honest, whenever I hear someone whine about his wife no longer wanting to have sex, I assume the DH doesn't want to share the water. This is why I say it's important to sleep around (or at least do it a few times before marrying the dude). I've been to a lot of water fountains in my day so there was no question that hubs and I were compatible from day one.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jun 23, 2015 15:12:11 GMT -5
Ok after reading this I am going to chuckle any time I hear someone say they need a drink of water
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chapeau
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Post by chapeau on Jun 23, 2015 15:17:16 GMT -5
I may never look at the water fountain at work the same way again... Yes, I've changed since we've been married, some ways for better and some ways for worse. But so has my husband, and some of the things that were great when we were dating and engaged are just nails on the chalkboard now that we are married and have a child. I'm not talking about leaving socks on the floor, either. Being a volunteer fireman is noble and wonderful and I'm glad for volunteers, but when we're (okay, you, because those credit cards are in your name and the fast food you charged fed you, not me) having trouble paying some of the bills and you turn down extra hours at work so consistently that your boss no longer offers them to you, all so you can answer fire calls. Yeah, not noble, just stupid. (And besides, some corollary to Murphy's law says that the fire alarm only rings when you're at work or about to go to work, not while you're sitting at home or at the station waiting for it to ring. I suppose I'm lucky that you don't quit work altogether so you never miss a call... Or maybe you're lucky, because I'd throw you out of the house so fast you'd bounce if you did that.) Yes, I resent how important the fire department is to him, especially when its well being is to the detriment of my family. I don't like the person he is now. Of course, I'm sure he doesn't like the person I am now, either. Oh, well. I'm starting to respect myself again, and sooner rather than later I am going to be kicking him to the curb... A little more information than you wanted, beergut? I guess what I'm saying is that there are a lot of reasons, and if a partner isn't happy in the bedroom (or kitchen, living room, barn, whatever), it might help to look in the mirror...
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 23, 2015 15:24:15 GMT -5
Drink of water, Thai food. We're going to need a YM dictionary of euphemisms soon!
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 23, 2015 15:49:42 GMT -5
I'd be happy with a menu.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 23, 2015 16:04:28 GMT -5
I wish I could like this 100000000 times. That was partially the case for X and me... except he only got me close to "getting the water" a couple of times and the rest of the time I just wanted him to get his water and go to bed. I'm also realizing that I live in my head way too much and that makes things difficult in that department. I think a lot of the problem for males and females is that a lot of sex is mental for females, and mechanical for males. I can't focus if I'm stressed or worried about something. DH seems to be able to be stressed, stop for sex, and then resume being stressed. And he doesn't understand why I can't, too. I've always wondered how it worked for same sex couples - in theory they should both be either mechanically oriented or mentally oriented. I wonder if it works that way? AMEN! I spend all day in various modes, employee, mom, housekeeper. I get help from him but that "gotta keep everything afloat and good and...whatever" doesn't just shut off like a light switch, it winds down.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jun 23, 2015 16:11:36 GMT -5
I'm a firm believer that if you're a guy, it is on you to tell her she is beautiful/desirable at least once every single day. And you don't have to literally say it that way.
It can be grabbing her ass when you give her a hug, it can be a lascivious whispered remark when you walk by her in the kitchen as she is preparing food, it can be a surprise grab-and-smooch, but you have to let her know she still does it for you and still gets you going. Women like to know you think they're beautiful.
My GF leaves for work in the morning before I do. I am a night owl, and sometimes am still up reading when she wakes up to get ready for work. I will sit there in bed and comment on how hot she is while she is getting dressed. Even with bed hair and half-asleep, she still gets me going, and I let her know that. It costs me nothing to compliment her, and it sends her off to work in a good mood.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jun 23, 2015 16:12:55 GMT -5
Our bedroom door doesn't even close. The house must have settled over the years. But the kids sleep pretty soundly. We have finally gotten back into the swing a year after #3. If you've got s swing in your bedroom the kids will notice it and ask those awkward questions eventually! But good on ya man... Exercise equipment is the obvious answer.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 23, 2015 16:18:22 GMT -5
I think a lot of the problem for males and females is that a lot of sex is mental for females, and mechanical for males. I can't focus if I'm stressed or worried about something. DH seems to be able to be stressed, stop for sex, and then resume being stressed. And he doesn't understand why I can't, too. I've always wondered how it worked for same sex couples - in theory they should both be either mechanically oriented or mentally oriented. I wonder if it works that way? AMEN! I spend all day in various modes, employee, mom, housekeeper. I get help from him but that "gotta keep everything afloat and good and...whatever" doesn't just shut off like a light switch, it winds down. Yep. In our case, something is helping is that I've dropped about 20 lbs in the last couple of months (it was the "I'm afraid my gall bladder will attack again" diet) and I think he's more attracted to me. Don't get me wrong - he loves me and all that no matter what I weigh but it feels (there's that mental for sex part) that he's more physical about wanting me lately. And I'm feeling sexier lately, which also helps but it's a circular argument in a lot of ways. He make moves and I respond and then I make moves and he respond and then he makes a move, etc.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jun 23, 2015 16:25:10 GMT -5
Okay maybe I'm having a too-literal "duh" moment here, but we're talking about lack of desire in a younger marriage, yes/no? Because early on in marriages, *some* men will tend to complain that they don't get enough lovin' - whereas in later years when male libido and, um, ability decline (sometimes severely, witness the popularity of ED drugs in men over 40) *some* women tend to complain of dissatisfaction with their spouses because they can no longer 'function.' And some of those women go out and find younger men, just like some men go out and find younger women. Nobody talks about it, but I'm willing to gamble that there are just as many men as women who give up on sex because of age, health conditions, obesity, inability to perform, etc. I don't see it as just a Female Issue (as in, he wants it but she won't give it). The knife cuts both ways. Just sayin' . . .
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 23, 2015 18:58:01 GMT -5
Amen to that. I got more sex before marriage than after.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Jun 23, 2015 20:27:06 GMT -5
I am just guessing here, but I think sometimes wives are shy to explain what primes the pump for them, and sometimes husbands assume (probably from watching too much of a certain type of entertainment) that just a glimpse of the size of the pump is all that's required to get water from the well. I've been married over 30 years, there is a particular method and strategy to getting water from the well, that DH and I have worked on and perfected over the years together, so that afterwards, both of us are no longer thirsty. But if, in fact, DH was the kind of guy who just got enough water from the well to satisfy himself and then threw the bucket back down the well, both of us would be thirsty most of the time. To be honest, whenever I hear someone whine about his wife no longer wanting to have sex, I assume the DH doesn't want to share the water. I wish I could like this 100000000 times. That was partially the case for X and me... except he only got me close to "getting the water" a couple of times and the rest of the time I just wanted him to get his water and go to bed. I'm also realizing that I live in my head way too much and that makes things difficult in that department. That's sad. There were a bunch of times my last partner damn-near drowned!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2015 20:41:11 GMT -5
I hate to have my ass grabbed. Who decided that was a compliment?
Things actually got a little worse when the kids were old enough so that they knew what was probably occurring behind closed doors. I became very uncomfortable unless everyone was asleep or outf the house. We don't have a huge house though.
I like the the slow cooker analogy. But there are times when, well, one just doesn't have that kind of time.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jun 23, 2015 21:11:21 GMT -5
I wish I could like this 100000000 times. That was partially the case for X and me... except he only got me close to "getting the water" a couple of times and the rest of the time I just wanted him to get his water and go to bed. I'm also realizing that I live in my head way too much and that makes things difficult in that department. That's sad. There were a bunch of times my last partner damn-near drowned! Oh shut your face!!!!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jun 23, 2015 21:13:15 GMT -5
I hate to have my ass grabbed. Who decided that was a compliment? Things actually got a little worse when the kids were old enough so that they knew what was probably occurring behind closed doors. I became very uncomfortable unless everyone was asleep or outf the house. We don't have a huge house though. I like the the slow cooker analogy. But there are times when, well, one just doesn't have that kind of time. I think beergut means whatever the desirable expression of "you look beautiful and I'm still attracted to you sexually" is for you - your partner should know that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2015 21:15:54 GMT -5
One would think.
Do people really like having their ass grabbed?
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Jun 23, 2015 21:17:31 GMT -5
That's sad. There were a bunch of times my last partner damn-near drowned! Oh shut your face!!!! I couldn't. That's what caused it!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jun 23, 2015 21:20:00 GMT -5
One would think. Do do people reall like having their ass grabbed? Eh, I don't mind it.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jun 23, 2015 21:20:16 GMT -5
One would think. Do do people reall like having their ass grabbed? yes. sometimes, anyway. Especially when it's accompanied by talk about how my ass looks so good.
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quince
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Post by quince on Jun 23, 2015 21:21:18 GMT -5
I like having my ass grabbed, and so does my husband.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 23, 2015 21:23:51 GMT -5
I can't remember.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Jun 23, 2015 21:24:25 GMT -5
I like having my ass grabbed, and so does my husband. That seems odd. Who does he like grabbing it?
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