Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
|
Post by Bonny on May 11, 2015 11:54:24 GMT -5
Depressing to think about it but I have to admit I actually did a quick calculation last year when things were pretty unhappy for us last year. I could survive but it definitely would be a step down. And cleaning up and disposing of the properties would be a PITA and expensive especially if we were on an accelerated schedule.
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on May 11, 2015 12:55:51 GMT -5
I'd be fine in the long run, but it would definitely be a step down financially. I have a decent-to-good income, but we'd have to split the house, the savings accounts and the retirement accounts, which would definitely affect my future. The girls are grown and have their own families now; their educations and weddings were paid in cash so no lingering financial issues there. We have no debt other than the mortgage. Together we're on track to reach 90% income replacement in retirement - if all goes well that will happen in the next 6-10 years, although we'll both probably keep working past that. Better to try and stay married . At least for us. YMMV.
|
|
Malarky
Junior Associate
Truth and snark are equal opportunity here.
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 21:00:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,313
|
Post by Malarky on May 11, 2015 13:03:39 GMT -5
Twenty five years ago when DH1 and I divorced, I ended up so much better off. No kids, no house. I walked away with nothing except my clothes and books and the newer of the two vehicles. Left everything else behind, including the pathetic little bank account. I moved into a house sharing situation, saved my pennies for 6 months and then spent 3 months traveling while I figured out my next step.
The end of that marriage is when I met DH2. I'd already met him, but went on my 3 month adventure anyway. Back then, DH2 made less than me. Today he makes 2.5 times what I do. His income really pays for our lifestyle.
However, because we bought this house so many years ago, I can actually afford the mortgage on my own. It would be a bit high-33% of my take home pay. I would have to cut out some things like our outrageous technology bills-phones, cable, internet.
The kids are almost 18 and almost 21 so child support is a non issue.
Although I can't see the scenario where I would get to keep the house and not pay half of fair market value. That I couldn't afford. Mortgage is half of what a one bedroom condo rents for around here. e
|
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on May 11, 2015 13:21:56 GMT -5
My divorce went OK, even though I am by far the lower earner. It was final 8 years ago this month, and I am doing fine. I received my last child support check last week. My budget will be a bit tight until DS takes over some of his own expenses, such as car insurance and gas. Hopefully, that will be happening very soon.
If I divorce myself, I'm not really sure how I would manage.
|
|
joemilitary
Familiar Member
Joined: Dec 8, 2014 14:26:13 GMT -5
Posts: 682
|
Post by joemilitary on May 11, 2015 14:34:08 GMT -5
As soon as the final papers are signed I will be.
Oh, sorry to hear.....
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on May 11, 2015 15:57:48 GMT -5
As soon as the final papers are signed I will be.
Oh, sorry to hear.....
Me too, Miss Tequila - I had no idea. Sorry
|
|
violagirl
Familiar Member
Joined: Aug 17, 2011 11:04:54 GMT -5
Posts: 703
|
Post by violagirl on May 15, 2015 20:17:58 GMT -5
I definitely would have to cut my lifestyle - like my personal trainer and housecleaner. Have to move to a cheaper house, but day to day would not change too much.
|
|
msventoux
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 12, 2011 22:32:37 GMT -5
Posts: 3,036
|
Post by msventoux on May 15, 2015 23:51:36 GMT -5
I'm not married, so...If I divorce myself I'm totally screwed. My ex can have custody of all the fur faces though.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 16, 2015 8:39:38 GMT -5
I'm used to paying most of the expenses. I'm pretty confident that the drop in costs would offset the loss of contribution. Since I would make sure I owed zero in alimony, kept my house, and she didn't get a penny of my retirement, I'd be fine. In fact, I'd immediately rent out a room or two and be rolling in it.
She would be . . . not have the lifestyle she is used to.
|
|
Knee Deep in Water Chloe
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 21:04:44 GMT -5
Posts: 14,243
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1980e6
|
Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on May 16, 2015 10:55:56 GMT -5
I'm used to paying most of the expenses. I'm pretty confident that the drop in costs would offset the loss of contribution. Since I would make sure I owed zero in alimony, kept my house, and she didn't get a penny of my retirement, I'd be fine. In fact, I'd immediately rent out a room or two and be rolling in it. She would be . . . not have the lifestyle she is used to. Just curious, how do you think you can guarantee any of those? In my state the retirement monies set aside during the marriage at least is guaranteed to be split.
|
|
mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:13:34 GMT -5
Posts: 31,770
Today's Mood: Saddened by Events
Location: Memory Lane
Favorite Drink: Water
|
Post by mmhmm on May 16, 2015 11:15:10 GMT -5
Welcome to my world. It just sucks being dependent on child support. I'm always stressed out worrying about ex losing his job and older son ages out in 5 years so I'll have to figure out what to do then. I want a life do-over. At least you're getting child support. I not only lost all my possessions and my car, but I never got a dime in child support. It was brutal, absolutely brutal. My little boy couldn't go to birthday parties or have friends over....there was just no money. None.
I had the same situation when I divorced my first husband. I knew he'd never pay child support. He wouldn't pay the bills we had so there was no reason to think he was going to pay child support. Fortunately, I was able to take on extra gigs - either modeling or singing on weekends. That helped a lot but it also took up a lot of time I'd have liked to have spent with the kids. I had a dear friend who looked after them when I was working so there wasn't the burden of daycare and trying to find someone to watch them when I was working at night. I was going to school, so only worked part-time during the week but got my degree within a year. I sure wouldn't want to do it again, but it would have been much worse to stay with the waste of DNA! Since DH passed away, I've done fine. I had to quit work earlier than I wished due to mother's health, but DH and I had planned well so everything has worked out. I'm able to live as I wish and I'm not that high-maintenance, anyway. The kids both live nearby and are always available if I need them. That's a real blessing.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 18:26:46 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 16, 2015 11:31:12 GMT -5
Financially it worked out much better being divorced. I knew he was blowing his own income, but didn't realize how much of mine he was siphoning too. Financially it was tough since he often didn't pay child support. I also realized how much negative contribution he made to the household chores (more mess maker than help). My burdens reduced when he left!
I stayed single with kids. I still managed to go back to school, save money, improve my income, build an EF (couldn't do that with him because he'd take the money as soon as it was there), just about fully paid for college for both kids (technically his estate paid for 1/3 of one kids college, but I had to sue for that), invested in RE and saved for early retirement.
It wasn't easy, but goal setting and frugal living were the tickets.
If you have a true "partner" I'm sure divorce is far more devastating in every way. When your spouse is not your partner, it is better/easier divorced.
|
|
marvholly
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 11:45:21 GMT -5
Posts: 6,540
|
Post by marvholly on May 17, 2015 5:35:54 GMT -5
I do NOT understand X's not paying child support. Here in IL there is a set formula for the amount of payment required per the number of kids involved AND employers are REQUIRED to forward the payments to the primary, custodial parent. I suppose the X could give up a W-2 job & work only under the table for cash but in all reality how many can actually pay even their own basic living expenses that way?
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on May 17, 2015 6:23:16 GMT -5
Plenty.
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 26,211
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on May 17, 2015 7:21:48 GMT -5
I do NOT understand X's not paying child support. Here in IL there is a set formula for the amount of payment required per the number of kids involved AND employers are REQUIRED to forward the payments to the primary, custodial parent. I suppose the X could give up a W-2 job & work only under the table for cash but in all reality how many can actually pay even their own basic living expenses that way? Every state may be different. I had to honor garnishment of wages when doing payroll for construction company. I was required to withhold for child support BUT I had to submit to the "court" not directly to the primary parent. It was the courts responsibility to transmit to the parent. But there are lots of folks working under the table for cash for this very reason. It's more common than you think.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 18:26:46 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 17, 2015 7:27:09 GMT -5
I do NOT understand X's not paying child support. Here in IL there is a set formula for the amount of payment required per the number of kids involved AND employers are REQUIRED to forward the payments to the primary, custodial parent. I suppose the X could give up a W-2 job & work only under the table for cash but in all reality how many can actually pay even their own basic living expenses that way? They figure it out. It's easy to collect when the non custodial parent works for a large company, but not everybody works like that. Small businesses don't always follow all the rules. They can also do what I call hustling. Things like mowing lawns, fixing things, minor home repairs..... without making it an official business and generate enough income to take care of themselves if they're good at it. Those things are usually paid in cash and there is no official business with records. There must be dozens of ways to duck paying child support even though you have income, because people do it all the time.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 17, 2015 8:44:22 GMT -5
...:::"Just curious, how do you think you can guarantee any of those? In my state the retirement monies set aside during the marriage at least is guaranteed to be split.":::...
Because I won't allow it any other way. Either it all goes to me, or it all goes to the lawyers.
|
|
gooddecisions
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:42:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,418
|
Post by gooddecisions on May 17, 2015 9:07:26 GMT -5
I do NOT understand X's not paying child support. Here in IL there is a set formula for the amount of payment required per the number of kids involved AND employers are REQUIRED to forward the payments to the primary, custodial parent. I suppose the X could give up a W-2 job & work only under the table for cash but in all reality how many can actually pay even their own basic living expenses that way? Everyone I know who divorced with young children, shared custody. 50/50 means nobody pays child support. I'm fairly certain that's the way it would go down if we split. We'd sell the house, each get smaller houses and share custody. We are stronger financially together, but we'd be fine. There is only one person I know how has primary custody and her ex doesn't have a job, so no child support for her. Both had to move back in with their parents 2 years ago. They have a 3 year old. I don't know anyone who gets child support (purely anecdotal as of course many out there do). Just throwing it out there as no, child support is not a given. A co-worker of mine just went through her second divorce, she was the one who had to give up half her retirement. Her husband never saved anything for retirement as he preferred spending the money on expensive hobbies. She is 60 and they were married for 15 years. This was his third marriage. She thought he would do the right thing and let her keep her retirement, but he knew he was "entitled" to it and went after it. She is devastated.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 18:26:46 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 17, 2015 9:12:26 GMT -5
...:::"Just curious, how do you think you can guarantee any of those? In my state the retirement monies set aside during the marriage at least is guaranteed to be split.":::... Because I won't allow it any other way. Either it all goes to me, or it all goes to the lawyers. What happens if assets like retirement accounts go missing during a divorce? Even if you claim you spent the money in the retirement accounts paying divorce lawyers, I don't think that would go over well. And you'd rather hypothetically give hundreds of thousands of dollars to attorneys than give your wife half and you still have half? I think it says a lot that you think like that when a divorce isn't even on the horizon.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 18:26:46 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 17, 2015 9:19:52 GMT -5
...:::"Just curious, how do you think you can guarantee any of those? In my state the retirement monies set aside during the marriage at least is guaranteed to be split.":::... Because I won't allow it any other way. Either it all goes to me, or it all goes to the lawyers. Good luck with your plan.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 18:26:46 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 17, 2015 9:29:34 GMT -5
I do NOT understand X's not paying child support. Here in IL there is a set formula for the amount of payment required per the number of kids involved AND employers are REQUIRED to forward the payments to the primary, custodial parent. I suppose the X could give up a W-2 job & work only under the table for cash but in all reality how many can actually pay even their own basic living expenses that way? Working under the table can be very lucrative. Around here, construction and farming attract a lot of people trying to fly under the radar for whatever reason. Constant moving and job switching will avoid child support too even if you're a W2 employee. It takes a while to track down you have a new job and send the notice of withholding to the employer. I'm surprised people with legitimate businesses do it, but even over the winter when my neighbor was layed off from his construction job and receiving unemployment, he was making $15/hour full time for cash at a machine shop. They would have had to pay a regular tool and die guy twice that, plus probably hard to find someone with those skills that just wanted to work for a couple months.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on May 17, 2015 9:46:37 GMT -5
...:::"Just curious, how do you think you can guarantee any of those? In my state the retirement monies set aside during the marriage at least is guaranteed to be split.":::... Because I won't allow it any other way. Either it all goes to me, or it all goes to the lawyers. How cute I always told you ignoring how much your wife contribute to her retirement account while you max yours might come to bite you in the ass one day. From Day 1 I made sure my wife contributed equal or close to equal amount to her retirement account as I did. Difference between both accounts today is 10k-12k... In a case of a divorce, it will be easy for her to keep her 403b and I keep my 401k and consider it even or make up for the 10-12k somewhere else (probably furniture since she is attached to all of them while I am not).
|
|
KaraBoo
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 17:14:51 GMT -5
Posts: 3,076
|
Post by KaraBoo on May 17, 2015 10:06:33 GMT -5
If I divorced tomorrow, my life would actually be easier. I would be fine financially - I've divorced once before and was fine after about a month. I wouldn't keep my same standard of living - and I'd probably come out ahead after filing for bankruptcy on our joint assets (we're considering doing this anyway).
I do not believe my DH's life would be easier though - even though he makes more money that I do. It would be his second divorce as well, but he relies on me to handle most things in our marriage - so switching to where he was the primary decision maker would be difficult for him.
|
|
Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
|
Post by Bonny on May 17, 2015 10:08:19 GMT -5
...:::"Just curious, how do you think you can guarantee any of those? In my state the retirement monies set aside during the marriage at least is guaranteed to be split.":::... Because I won't allow it any other way. Either it all goes to me, or it all goes to the lawyers. Wow, just wow. I knew you were very angry but I didn't realize how vindictive you are.
We had friends that had a divorce like that. Fought right down to the piece of crap bed they owned. The lawyers pleaded with them to stop.
Ultimately neither wound up with anything.
It didn't end well. Friend (of my husband) ultimately committed suicide. He was 45.
I urge you to get some help with your anger and control issues. This isn't healthy or helpful for you.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on May 17, 2015 10:12:02 GMT -5
...:::"Just curious, how do you think you can guarantee any of those? In my state the retirement monies set aside during the marriage at least is guaranteed to be split.":::... Because I won't allow it any other way. Either it all goes to me, or it all goes to the lawyers. Wow, just wow. I knew you were very angry but I didn't realize how vindictive you are.
We had friends that had a divorce like that. Fought right down to the piece of crap bed they owned. The lawyers pleaded with them to stop.
Ultimately neither wound up with anything.
It didn't end well. Friend (of my husband) ultimately committed suicide. He was 45.
I urge you to get some help with your anger and control issues. This isn't healthy or helpful for you.
I am sure it is more talk than anything, WBBG doesn't seem like the crazy type to me Actually next time I am in DC we need to get drinks WBBG
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 18:26:46 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 17, 2015 10:16:08 GMT -5
I don't think WWBG is crazy is either. I do think he's bitter and resentful or something along those lines.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on May 17, 2015 10:22:20 GMT -5
Wow, just wow. I knew you were very angry but I didn't realize how vindictive you are.
We had friends that had a divorce like that. Fought right down to the piece of crap bed they owned. The lawyers pleaded with them to stop.
Ultimately neither wound up with anything.
It didn't end well. Friend (of my husband) ultimately committed suicide. He was 45.
I urge you to get some help with your anger and control issues. This isn't healthy or helpful for you.
I am sure it is more talk than anything, WBBG doesn't seem like the crazy type to me I agree that he doesn't seem like the crazy type.
But he does seem like a guy that is so bitter, angry and twisted that it impacts how he views life and all women. That comes through very clearly in his posts and has been the same for years now.
Seething, irrational rage from an angry person can manifest in actions that others would think were crazy. Such as being willing to cut off one's own nose to spite one's face... ie - burning the money on lawyers so that neither can have it.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on May 17, 2015 10:29:47 GMT -5
But talk like this is not allowed on this board. This very subject - WWBG's seething anger towards his wife and how that manifests in his attitude towards women in general - is what prompted the "I have a beef with the admins" board. WWBG was taking pot shots at women, referring to his wife and that all women were like her and I responded. My response was moved to start that new board. While of course WWBG's pot shot at women remained on the main board...
|
|
yogiii
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 19:38:00 GMT -5
Posts: 5,377
|
Post by yogiii on May 17, 2015 10:31:03 GMT -5
But talk like this is not allowed on this board. This very subject - WWBG's seething anger towards his wife and how that manifests in his attitude towards women in general - is what prompted the "I have a beef with the admins" board. WWBG was taking pot shots at women, referring to his wife and that all women were like her and I responded. My response was moved to start that new board. While of course WWBG's pot shot at women remained on the main board...
He's too scared to make a change, so he has to take it out on a whole gender.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 18:26:46 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 17, 2015 10:39:55 GMT -5
I do NOT understand X's not paying child support. Here in IL there is a set formula for the amount of payment required per the number of kids involved AND employers are REQUIRED to forward the payments to the primary, custodial parent. I suppose the X could give up a W-2 job & work only under the table for cash but in all reality how many can actually pay even their own basic living expenses that way? This is one thing I wish the states would privatize. The states do it for low/no cost (on the taxpayers back) and they don't do it well. Ex can be 2 years behind & they don't do anything but send reminder notices - its stupid. If federal or state set fee limits & let collections handle it & fees are responsibilityof non-payer parent, then they'd be hounded to pay
|
|