joemilitary
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Post by joemilitary on May 10, 2015 5:15:12 GMT -5
I could 100% support our current lifestyle if we divorced. Actually Plan B is for my wife to go back to school next year full time for 2 years and we live off my income. But I also make 2X what my wife makes, we are working on bringing her income up. --> her: she would have to make some severe cuts if we were to get Divorced tomorrow but she would survive. She wouldn't be poor depending on the government or waiting for the alimony checks -----> main reason why we are looking for her to get out of academia: increase her income potential. And we are not saying single income families are more at risk of getting a divorce. We are saying a dependent spouse (out of the work force for many years) is most likely to get screwed in a divorce vs a spouse that has remained in the workforce throughout her/his married years. Goal: be like thyme and her husband. Both of us making similar money or at least over 6 figures but able to cover all expenses on one. Now we can cover everything on mine, working on bringing her income up.
Cawaiu- I thought you needed both incomes since you brought the house......or did you get a raise?
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joemilitary
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Post by joemilitary on May 10, 2015 5:16:45 GMT -5
I could easily make the amount of money needed to continue our current lifestyle with minimal changes. Our lifestyle doesn't require two incomes. It doesn't even require a full one, honestly. Maybe that's ture and maybe it isn't If you haven't worked in camping years, how quickly can you find a job and what will you truly make? If I quit working 16 years ago I would make less than a quarter of what I make now. We would have been forced into a much different way of living. Living on my own is more expensive for the simple fact that I now have to hire out projects that my husband would have done. He was very handy and I'm not. Together we made very good money (I made more but he bought our house outright with an inheritance and investments so it balanced). We were very frugal so weived on about 20% of our take home pay. So far, the only major changes in my lifestyle is that I can't drop $10k-$15k a year on big vacations. Right now I don't have a cleaning lady but that is going to change soon because who the hell wants to clean? I'm definitely more cautious with money but as long as nothing changes with my job, our lifestyle took no significant hits I also get zero child support and we reached walked away with what was ours. So I can officially say I don't need a man to support me :-p
Miss T- you're divorced?
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on May 10, 2015 5:36:41 GMT -5
It was NOT divore for me but DH suddenly, unexpectantly died Aug 2003.
My lifestyle acutally improved. He was a BIG time spender without paying attention to income coming in vs. bills due (biggies like taxes & insurance or even littles like steak vs chicken for dinner) or the needs of others (like dental work or even work shoes). Today I live decently mostly on my soc check. He would NOT have been able to do that.
DD is divorced. One of the first things she did during the separation was to make out a budget to be SURE she could pay basic bills + a bit of wants (vacations, kid parties.....) even if child support disappeared. I think she is putting child support into college savings.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 10, 2015 7:57:22 GMT -5
I could 100% support our current lifestyle if we divorced. Actually Plan B is for my wife to go back to school next year full time for 2 years and we live off my income. But I also make 2X what my wife makes, we are working on bringing her income up. --> her: she would have to make some severe cuts if we were to get Divorced tomorrow but she would survive. She wouldn't be poor depending on the government or waiting for the alimony checks -----> main reason why we are looking for her to get out of academia: increase her income potential. And we are not saying single income families are more at risk of getting a divorce. We are saying a dependent spouse (out of the work force for many years) is most likely to get screwed in a divorce vs a spouse that has remained in the workforce throughout her/his married years. Goal: be like thyme and her husband. Both of us making similar money or at least over 6 figures but able to cover all expenses on one. Now we can cover everything on mine, working on bringing her income up.
Cawaiu- I thought you needed both incomes since you brought the house......or did you get a raise?
- raise - paid off some bills - and in a couple of weeks will no longer be paying $750/month to maintain a apartment Also if I were to divorce I am not sure I would keep the house since I probably wouldn't stay in MA.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 10, 2015 8:05:25 GMT -5
I honestly think it's more important for women to earn more than men. SOMETIMES you actually collect child support but there's a lot of chance on that. Then at some point it ends but the expenses of the kids actually don't. There's college or trade school plus they still need health insurance and dental care. You still need a room or rooms for them for when they come home. If you earn enough to take care of them and ACTUALLY collect child support, you can bank that for future expenses for them. If you need it to make ends meet? That's way too vulnerable to my thinking or comfort level.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2015 8:11:19 GMT -5
I honestly think it's more important for women to earn more than men. SOMETIMES you actually collect child support but there's a lot of chance on that. Then at some point it ends but the expenses of the kids actually don't. There's college or trade school plus they still need health insurance and dental care. You still need a room or rooms for them for when they come home. If you earn enough to take care of them and ACTUALLY collect child support, you can bank that for future expenses for them. If you need it to make ends meet? That's way too vulnerable to my thinking or comfort level. Welcome to my world. It just sucks being dependent on child support. I'm always stressed out worrying about ex losing his job and older son ages out in 5 years so I'll have to figure out what to do then. I want a life do-over.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 10, 2015 8:12:57 GMT -5
Well, my kids are teens now, so they can feed, clothe, bath themselves and so forth. And, a divorce were to happen, I would be fine financially.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 10, 2015 8:29:23 GMT -5
I honestly think it's more important for women to earn more than men. SOMETIMES you actually collect child support but there's a lot of chance on that. Then at some point it ends but the expenses of the kids actually don't. There's college or trade school plus they still need health insurance and dental care. You still need a room or rooms for them for when they come home. If you earn enough to take care of them and ACTUALLY collect child support, you can bank that for future expenses for them. If you need it to make ends meet? That's way too vulnerable to my thinking or comfort level. Welcome to my world. It just sucks being dependent on child support. I'm always stressed out worrying about ex losing his job and older son ages out in 5 years so I'll have to figure out what to do then. I want a life do-over. I was smart enough to realize I'd never collect a dime of my awarded CS and alimony so took my half of the boat money and bought the townhouse in cash. When the marital home sold, my mom convinced me to invest in rentals as opposed to the stock market. I flipped some homes too and sold real estate. Also had a summer job. If I'd had daycare, life would have been a lot harder than it was. DD looked at my life and said not for her. Good lesson.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2015 9:24:34 GMT -5
I'm one of the few women for whom divorce meant a better standard of living. No more dealing with H's over-spending. Bought a smaller house in the same town. Good lawyer managed to get me off without paying him alimony. (He was unemployed but had had a career as a brilliant inorganic chemist before he'd lost his job 5 years earlier.) Finally my finances were under control because I didn't have to worry about his uncontrolled spending.
No plans to divorce current DH but it would be very different. He's 77 and nearly everything is in my name. He does get SS and Medicare. I'd make sure he had enough to get at least a condo for cash, and the newer of our 2 cars. I can't imagine that happening, though.
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flutterby
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Post by flutterby on May 10, 2015 9:29:23 GMT -5
I honestly think it's more important for women to earn more than men. SOMETIMES you actually collect child support but there's a lot of chance on that. Then at some point it ends but the expenses of the kids actually don't. There's college or trade school plus they still need health insurance and dental care. You still need a room or rooms for them for when they come home. If you earn enough to take care of them and ACTUALLY collect child support, you can bank that for future expenses for them. If you need it to make ends meet? That's way too vulnerable to my thinking or comfort level. This exactly! Most kids don't instantly become self-supporting the day child support ends. My ODS (18 y.o.) lives with me full time while he's going to college, which I love and have encouraged. He'll make it through his first year with no debt, and probably his second year, too, before having to take out loans. But, it costs me money for him to live with me; costs his dad isn't incurring. I'm more than happy to have him stay with me, don't get me wrong, but it DOES add to my expenses.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 10, 2015 9:45:49 GMT -5
There are states that mandate CS until a child turns 21 if they're in college but very few.
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flutterby
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Post by flutterby on May 10, 2015 9:59:22 GMT -5
Unfortunately, in my state it's only until 19 unless we agreed to it in the divorce decree, which we didn't. It's a moot point anyway, since I never asked for CS, assuming Ex would just naturally realize he still needed to help out with ODS. Ha ha, joke's on me for that one so I've filed for retroactive CS instead. I can survive without it, and have been, but finally decided Ex shouldn't get away with just dumping all the extra expenses on me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2015 11:42:11 GMT -5
I'm one of the few women for whom divorce meant a better standard of living.
I think there are actually quite a few of us, we just don't get the publicity. There is no reason to if we are supporting ourselves. Mind you, I have heard one of my ex's claim he was poor because I took everything. He leaves out the part that everything was bought with loans that I was paying and no equity had built up.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on May 10, 2015 12:01:52 GMT -5
I'm one of the few women for whom divorce meant a better standard of living.
I think there are actually quite a few of us, we just don't get the publicity. There is no reason to if we are supporting ourselves. Mind you, I have heard one of my ex's claim he was poor because I took everything. He leaves out the part that everything was bought with loans that I was paying and no equity had built up. I'd blocked out that this is the situation my first marriage. My standard of living went up after my first marriage ended except that I had to sell my ridiculous SUV that I shouldn't have purchased in the first place. (It was a 0% loan, so there!) My XH still tells people that he put me through college and then I left him and I took all of his money. I'm still paying the student loans that covered my income from choosing to take extra course work so I could go through my BS more quickly, the money I needed for daycare while I went, and the loans for income, daycare, and tuition for my MA. (My BS was "free" from the state because then-DH and I made such little money.)
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on May 10, 2015 12:04:41 GMT -5
I honestly think it's more important for women to earn more than men. SOMETIMES you actually collect child support but there's a lot of chance on that. Then at some point it ends but the expenses of the kids actually don't. There's college or trade school plus they still need health insurance and dental care. You still need a room or rooms for them for when they come home. If you earn enough to take care of them and ACTUALLY collect child support, you can bank that for future expenses for them. If you need it to make ends meet? That's way too vulnerable to my thinking or comfort level. Welcome to my world. It just sucks being dependent on child support. I'm always stressed out worrying about ex losing his job and older son ages out in 5 years so I'll have to figure out what to do then. I want a life do-over. At least you're getting child support. I not only lost all my possessions and my car, but I never got a dime in child support. It was brutal, absolutely brutal. My little boy couldn't go to birthday parties or have friends over....there was just no money. None.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 10, 2015 13:09:24 GMT -5
I know a lot of women who are smart and educated that stayed home for a number of years, and when they divorced they were able to re-enter the workforce. None of them re-entered at the salary their husband was bringing in. And none of them re-entered at the salary I am bringing in. A few of them floundered and a few did well. All of them had to change their lifestyle quite a bit.
If my husband and I divorced, I could easily keep the house, and from the outside it probably wouldn't be a huge change. My net worth would be cut in half, and my savings rate would decrease quite a bit. It would keep me up and night, and I am not sure how I would really handle it. I would have to adjust all of my goals, and that would make me nervous. But, we would pay less in taxes - so it wouldn't be like our actual spending money would actually be cut in half. Still cut - but not in half.
Now, if my DH died (which would be terrible - I would rather divorce, no question) I would feel more comfortable. I can pay all of our bills. He has enough life insurance to make sure the kids could get through college, and if I had all of our current assets, I might be able to not save another dime, but manage (grow) all that carefully enough that I could retire on it. If it is just me in my old age, I can live cheaper than what I expect my husband and I to do together.
But, I will stick with my current plan - we stay together and share.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 10, 2015 19:50:15 GMT -5
Maybe that's ture and maybe it isn't If you haven't worked in camping years, how quickly can you find a job and what will you truly make? If I quit working 16 years ago I would make less than a quarter of what I make now. We would have been forced into a much different way of living. Living on my own is more expensive for the simple fact that I now have to hire out projects that my husband would have done. He was very handy and I'm not. Together we made very good money (I made more but he bought our house outright with an inheritance and investments so it balanced). We were very frugal so weived on about 20% of our take home pay. So far, the only major changes in my lifestyle is that I can't drop $10k-$15k a year on big vacations. Right now I don't have a cleaning lady but that is going to change soon because who the hell wants to clean? I'm definitely more cautious with money but as long as nothing changes with my job, our lifestyle took no significant hits I also get zero child support and we reached walked away with what was ours. So I can officially say I don't need a man to support me :-p
Miss T- you're divorced?
As soon as the final papers are signed I will be.
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milee
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Post by milee on May 10, 2015 20:11:01 GMT -5
It would be very tough to tell exactly what the financial impact would be.
We each own 50% of the business, so that would be interesting to divide. In theory, we could just continue on - each owning 50% and each doing our roles, but I think in practice that would prove difficult, so there would have to be some sort of process to value and business and have one buy out the other. It would be very difficult to come to an agreement on who would buy out who and of course valuing a business has subjective elements as well.
I've kept my CPA certificate active, so even though I haven't practiced publicly in about 10 years, think that if I had to could land a reasonable job.
Overall, I'd be fine financially, but the untangling process would be long and tricky.
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2015 20:53:07 GMT -5
I'd do ok. Probably couldn't save as much because I'd have to hire out for the heavy lifting house stuff. I'd probably have to move, too much heavy lifting house stuff here.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2015 22:11:31 GMT -5
Welcome to my world. It just sucks being dependent on child support. I'm always stressed out worrying about ex losing his job and older son ages out in 5 years so I'll have to figure out what to do then. I want a life do-over. At least you're getting child support. I not only lost all my possessions and my car, but I never got a dime in child support. It was brutal, absolutely brutal. My little boy couldn't go to birthday parties or have friends over....there was just no money. None.
Oh, I agree. No support would be much worse for sure, all I'm saying is a lot of times I think reducing our standard of living to a level that I can support and then only using the child support for extras above and beyond would be less ulcer inducing. As it is now, I couldn't cover the mortgage and food without it.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 10, 2015 23:32:34 GMT -5
I honestly think it's more important for women to earn more than men. Well, I earn more than DH, but, in a divorce I'm screwed until the peanut goes to kindy AND DH finds full time employment. Taxes/benefits/retirement takes up 30% of my gross income. I'd likely lose another 25% of my gross income to child support/alimony..So, my net would be 45% of my gross pay. Yeah, not a high earner, and that wouldn't be comfortable. I'd be looking at trying to support three kids and myself on less than 30K/year. The bigger issue would be my pension and 403b. DH would be entitled to half at this point. At one point I had thought about asking him for a postnup. We've discussed that I would get my entire pension and 403b and he could keep the assets he's brought to the marriage. I have to say though, in some respects it would have been nice if DH and I got some sort of desire to work in high level careers. But that's not who we are. At the end of the day, we just can't be something we aren't. I still believe that with the right person, having an interdependent relationship is a very good thing. And it's something I will recommend to my kids. I'm not sure I'd advise them to build a life with someone if that meant only relying on themselves for everything-fulfilling their own emotional, mental and financial needs. I guess I don't see the point of being in a long-term relationship then.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 11, 2015 8:15:22 GMT -5
I think it's healthier. I would grieve very much if DH died but the only thing in my life that would change is the location of where I'm living. Nothing else.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on May 11, 2015 9:45:59 GMT -5
I was a SAHM for 9 years - have been back to work PT for about 1.5 years. I make about 10K/yr - DH makes about 110K/yr. I'm not worried at all about my finances if we were to divorce. We live in a community property state, and DH is a standard W2 employee so there's no hiding of income/assets. Even more important though, are our personalities. I'm a fighter and Type A - if DH left me I'm sure it would be financially rough for year or two but I'd land on my feet (I'd get my MA to teach). Also, DH is the most honest, kind, and thoughtful person I know. He NEVER lies or tries to cheat someone - heck he never even gossips or says mean things about people. In 10,000 years he'd never leave us and deny us money - it isn't in his DNA.
The only reason I'm working PT now is that I love it. DH would still prefer I SAHM because it makes our family life run so much smoother. He's happy for me to be working, though, because he wants me to be happy. So yeah, I'm not scared of the potential consequences of a potential divorce.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on May 11, 2015 9:59:07 GMT -5
I'd be fine. I make a good amount of money.
To maintain the same lifestyle and savings rate, I'd hope for child support.
I would downsize my house since I wouldn't need the monstrosity with only myself and DD.
But we'd be ok even without CS.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on May 11, 2015 10:05:17 GMT -5
I could not continue to live the same lifestyle. probably would end up in a one bedroom bachelor apartment eating cold soup out of a can cursing every payday when most of my money went to my devil incarnate ex wife and the kids she'd turned against me.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on May 11, 2015 10:09:11 GMT -5
Financially I'd be fine, probably better off actually.
But my quality of life would nosedive. DH doesn't let me stay in my shell, and I have to acknowledge that's a good thing.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on May 11, 2015 10:38:48 GMT -5
I could not continue to live the same lifestyle. probably would end up in a one bedroom bachelor apartment eating cold soup out of a can cursing every payday when most of my money went to my devil incarnate ex wife and the kids she'd turned against me. Surely you could afford a hot plate to heat up the soup -rofl-Or better yet, use that charm/wit of yours to dazzle some lady friend to cook for you!!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 11, 2015 10:38:57 GMT -5
At least you're getting child support. I not only lost all my possessions and my car, but I never got a dime in child support. It was brutal, absolutely brutal. My little boy couldn't go to birthday parties or have friends over....there was just no money. None.
Oh, I agree. No support would be much worse for sure, all I'm saying is a lot of times I think reducing our standard of living to a level that I can support and then only using the child support for extras above and beyond would be less ulcer inducing. As it is now, I couldn't cover the mortgage and food without it. This totally worries me for you. I'd sure look into trying to figure out how to manage decently without cs as its going to end sooner than you think. Will your mortgage be paid off in less than 5 years? Can you sell and get into something for cash or more affordable? Do you still have daycare expenses? Will that be ending and freeing up some money?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 11:13:38 GMT -5
Oh, I agree. No support would be much worse for sure, all I'm saying is a lot of times I think reducing our standard of living to a level that I can support and then only using the child support for extras above and beyond would be less ulcer inducing. As it is now, I couldn't cover the mortgage and food without it. This totally worries me for you. I'd sure look into trying to figure out how to manage decently without cs as its going to end sooner than you think. Will your mortgage be paid off in less than 5 years? Can you sell and get into something for cash or more affordable? Do you still have daycare expenses? Will that be ending and freeing up some money? Unless I pull off a miracle the house won't be paid off in 5 years, but I've kind of set that miracle as my goal, so we'll see. Right now there's 11 years 10 months left (but who's counting) and I owe 155K. Younger son starts Kindy in August and if his Dad doesn't file for a CS modification because of that, I'll have some more breathing room. Not a lot because childcare isn't much here, but it will drop from about $600/month average for things for both kids to $300/month. Selling is always an option which is why I'm willing to take the wait and see what I can do with this approach for now. Except for the past flooding issues with my place that I'd have to disclose, I think it's a highly desirable property around here. People are always begging me to sell it anyhow. Latest was the guy who bought my old washer and dryer this weekend! LOL
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on May 11, 2015 11:14:08 GMT -5
I could not continue to live the same lifestyle. probably would end up in a one bedroom bachelor apartment eating cold soup out of a can cursing every payday when most of my money went to my devil incarnate ex wife and the kids she'd turned against me. Surely you could afford a hot plate to heat up the soup -rofl-Or better yet, use that charm/wit of yours to dazzle some lady friend to cook for you!! yeah, I'm pretty sure he'd be able to gather a harem to make sure he got the three Fs taken care of.
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