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Post by tea4me on Mar 6, 2011 13:47:02 GMT -5
I envy people that don't have to work because they have other people (parents, government, significant others) to pay their bills. There, I admitted it.
Don't get me wrong. I like to work and be independent. But I also HAVE to work to make my house payment, buy groceries and necessities, pay for insurance, etc. Even if I had a "sugar daddy" I would keep working to maintain some independence. I have friends that have spa days, go on exotic trips, do fun things and don't have to worry about necessities because they are taken care of. I would love to spend a lot of money on make-up and massages and not be thinking about property taxes. It would also be nice to have free time instead of working 8 to 5 every day. I'm just saying . . . . it would be nice to have a little help once in a while.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Mar 6, 2011 14:01:49 GMT -5
I agree. I've always worked, always had a job, always had to take care of myself (even when married). Now I want to be a house wife and only work if I want to.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 6, 2011 14:06:22 GMT -5
I can't imagine myself ever not working. Technically, we are at a point where financially I don't have to work but I do not have it in me to put all of my eggs in one basket...I don't want to be unable to support myself in the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed if my marriage were to fail. I am also trying to build up my rental portfolio to make-up 1/2 my take home pay so that I could work a much less stressful job....I am sick of deadlines and the stress that comes along with them. Every morning when I get my coffee at DD I imagine working there...aside from the ugly ass uniforms I think it would be fun. Granted, working that would be significantly less than half my pay but I can dream, right???
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HappyLady
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Post by HappyLady on Mar 6, 2011 14:12:48 GMT -5
Misstequila--I agree. I always dream of working at Starbucks and having the low stress job:)
One day, I'd love to be a housewife and not have to work as well. I too am worried about putting all my eggs in one basket, but I feel like at a certain point, I could feel secure enough to take the risk. Tea4me--you aren't alone in your envy!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2011 14:18:25 GMT -5
Amen, Sister. I had a few years with a husband who contributed about 50% of the family income but then his job disappeared. Now I'm married to DH, who collects SS, but I'm the one who has to get up in the morning and go to work. In DH's case it doesn't bother me too much. He's worked all his life, taken care of epople all his life, and at 72 he shouldn't have to go to work. When DS was young I used to envy (a little) all the SAHMs of his school friends. This was a wealthy suburb and most had only 2 kids, with a cleaning lady, lawn care companies, and access to all kinds of other purchased services such as gourmet food stores where you could drop in and buy dishes that were pretty much ready to put on the dinner table with a little reheating. The SAHM gig could be as much or as little work as you wanted it to be. One woman was in tennis clothes every time I saw her. They went out to lunch a lot. I reminded myself that I had never wanted to just marry someone with a high-power job- I wanted a high-power job. I also reminded myself that many of them would be ill-equipped to fend for themselves if the marriage broke up. It was, in fact, true that there were virtually no single moms in that town- if a couple divorced, both parties moved someplace cheaper because Dad's income couldn't support 2 households there. So, I try to take a balanced view. I've had a heck of a good career, which has provided me with a sense of accomplishment and purpose and travel to a lot of wonderful places in addition to money. I can live with the fact that I've never had a spa day. Heck, I;ve never even had a professional manicure.
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daylight
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Post by daylight on Mar 6, 2011 14:36:32 GMT -5
I totally know what you mean. Esp. as my real passion lies elsewhere and not at my current professional engagement (I love my job, but passion is passion). Whenever I feel like this, I simply need more "me-time". A long bath, a good book and at least 30 minutes alone usually do the trick. Also, I'd probably be sick after 2 weeks (maybe months) of drinking cocktails at the ocean and would find myself a job or create one if there is none there to begin with.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Mar 6, 2011 14:41:50 GMT -5
I was a housewife and hated it. Because he only made a moderate amount of money we never had excess. I didn't have my own car so he took our car to work leaving me a mile from a small town in a one bedroom duplex with a tv and a cat. I spent the days knitting, and watching tv with a few minutes of cooking, cleaning and dishes. He mostly worked 12 hours a day so was gone or sleeping except for dinner. He got every third Sunday off so that was the day we went to the laundromat. I was really really bored so loved it when I started working. I didn't earn enough so went to college full time for a while then worked full time since 1974 now. Some days I would like to sleep in or have days off but usually I rather work if the other choice is broke and bored. If I had kids or grand kids I might like having time to take care of them. I wouldn't want to be a trophy wife it is too much work and you can be replaced.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 6, 2011 14:46:09 GMT -5
Oh yay, another thread by tea4me where she pisses and moans that she has to work while everyone else has it so much better.
There's nothing stopping you from going on Match.com and snagging yourself a rich dude to support you.
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Elizabeth
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Post by Elizabeth on Mar 6, 2011 15:01:38 GMT -5
I was a housewife and hated it. Because he only made a moderate amount of money we never had excess. I didn't have my own car so he took our car to work leaving me a mile from a small town in a one bedroom duplex with a tv and a cat. I spent the days knitting, and watching tv with a few minutes of cooking, cleaning and dishes. He mostly worked 12 hours a day so was gone or sleeping except for dinner. He got every third Sunday off so that was the day we went to the laundromat. I was really really bored so loved it when I started working. I didn't earn enough so went to college full time for a while then worked full time since 1974 now. Some days I would like to sleep in or have days off but usually I rather work if the other choice is broke and bored. If I had kids or grand kids I might like having time to take care of them. I wouldn't want to be a trophy wife it is too much work and you can be replaced. I agree. I did the stay at home thing with DD1 because I thought I wanted to do that. DH wasn't making as much then so we literally had to scrape by. It sucked. I also learned a very important lesson about myself. My self worth is tied to working an making accomplishments in my career. When I have all the free time in the world, I do nothing at all. My house was a wreck, and I just sat around watching TV all day.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Mar 6, 2011 15:06:56 GMT -5
In my case, it would probably make many, many things a lot simpler if I was willing to quit my job and SAH--given our effective tax bracket, it wouldn't even cost us that much. Plain and simple, I can't do it. I love my job. A lot of my identity is tied up in my career, and I get a lot of stimulation and satisfaction out of working--as well as the validation of earning a healthy paycheck.
DH is definitely the primary breadwinner, but I think it eases his stress load a bit knowing that I pull my own weight and could support the both of us if necessary. He's the go-to person for his family (they are NOT mooches, but he feels they all know they can fall back on him in case of emergency).
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Post by piratesparrot on Mar 6, 2011 15:21:51 GMT -5
I know what you mean. I have worked since I was 16. When I have been married I have never felt comfortable quitting work and with good reason. It has always been my spouse that has lost jobs and had to look for work. I have never had a problem getting or keeping a job and always feared that if I quit my spouse would lose their job and we would be up the creek without a paddle. Would be nice to take some time off and be supported by others but that just isn't in the cards for me.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Mar 6, 2011 16:23:29 GMT -5
I can live with the fact that I've never had a spa day. Heck, I;ve never even had a professional manicure. Athena, I'm not sure if this was a boast, if so, I find it curious. Why not treat yourself to a manicure? Or pedicure, massage, facial...whatever. If you've never experienced it, you might find that you like it. No one will think any less of you. One usually can't do as good a job, nor feel as pampered as when a skilled professional provides a service. Moreover, I suspect that an occasional spa service is well within your budget.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2011 16:27:51 GMT -5
And maybe those girls with spa days have husbands who make them step on the scale and pull our a tape measure and put them on a diet when they gain more than an oz...
Point being... again... we always compare our lives to what we LIKE about other people's and not to what they sacrafice in order to have what they have... You have to take the good and bad... and sometimes the bad isn't worth it... and the good isn't as good as you thought...
Envy gets you no where... if you want something... come up with a plan and work on it...
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2011 16:29:27 GMT -5
Athena, I'm not sure if this was a boast, if so, I find it curious. Why not treat yourself to a manicure? Or pedicure, massage, facial...whatever. If you've never experienced it, you might find that you like it. No one will think any less of you. Thanks, but it just hasn't been a priority with me. I actually cut my own hair for about 20 years before finally getting a professional a couple of years ago. If I want to feel pampered, I go to my tailor, pick out some fabric, talk about cut and design, have him fawn all over me, and 2 months later walk out with a jacket or pants that fit just me. I feel pampered every time I put one of his things on! The funny thing is, I realized that I like splurging on clothes that are clearly expensive and clearly business and not ladies-who-lunch togs because it says I've got someplace serious to wear them.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 6, 2011 16:31:57 GMT -5
Athena, just give a professional massage a try.................
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 6, 2011 16:35:27 GMT -5
When I was working, we had this program where you switched jobs with a person from a different department for a little bit. The idea was that it would give you more "whole" look of the company.
I really wish sometimes people could do that in real life and switch lives with someone whose life they think they want to have.
May be there would be a lot less bitching and moaning after that and a lot more happy people.
Lena
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 6, 2011 16:38:46 GMT -5
Stubikky So here's a different take. I am extremely impatient and antsy. Although I am pretty warm and affectionate, I just can't stand "just sitting there" captive while people "futz" over me AND BORE ME TO DEATH. Especially since in most of those fields, people are trained that making small talk is a vital part of their job. I do get some of those things done, obviously. Some regularly, some occasionally, others not at all. But if I regularly went to a hairdresser, massage therapist, manicurist, podologist, plus get facials, waxings, etc, that means ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE ASKING ME THE SAME QUESTIONS, ALL THE TIME. And that, frankly, drives me certifiable. I know most people don't feel that way, but perhaps this is Athena's issue, rather than the money.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 6, 2011 16:39:35 GMT -5
When I was working, we had this program where you switched jobs with a person from a different department for a little bit. The idea was that it would give you more "whole" look of the company. I really wish sometimes people could do that in real life and switch lives with someone whose life they think they want to have. May be there would be a lot less bitching and moaning after that and a lot more happy people. Lena Have you ever seen "Wife Swap" ?
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 6, 2011 16:45:22 GMT -5
Even if I had a "sugar daddy" I would keep working to maintain some independence.
So you have given your own answer to your own dilemna!
In my world, life is a balance between needs and wants, and between now and later. It's up to you to decide the best way to achieve that.
What is most important to you? Things? Travel? Early retirement? You need to determine that, and work towards that goal.
Best of luck!
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on Mar 6, 2011 16:49:12 GMT -5
I love not working. We have no kids. I worked from when I finished college until age 46 (1999). I liked my job and I was earning a good income, but my manager left and our department was going through major changes. I thought I would probably go back to work at some point, but life happens. We had a good nest egg and we could easily live on DH's income while still saving.
It worked out well that I could be at home. We had to do major remodeling, I was home for that. My DH did a lot of traveling, I could easily get him packed and out to the airport. My dad had health problems, I could help my folks when they decided to move from Iowa to Minnesota to be closer to my brother and me. I've taken my folks to doctor appointments and, now that my mother is a widow, I have lunch with her once a week. My SIL, about an hour away, home schools her four daughters. When they come up to the cities during the weekdays to attend plays or concerts, they ask me to join them.
I'm never bored, and, as my husband will attest, I have a strong sense of self and don't need a job to justify my existence. If something, God forbid, should happen to my DH, we have enough savings so that I don't need to go back to work. In fact, my DH could probably retire now. Life is good. But, since this is the money board, I'll add that it helped that both my DH and I have been frugal and we saved early and often and that gave us the flexibility to have me be a SAHS.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 6, 2011 16:52:15 GMT -5
Yep, but they don't pick and choose where they go.
I am talking about "hey, I want to be CEO of ABC bc they get paid a lot I am SURE I can do that job" Boom, you are there, only to find out that the stress level and schedule is not what you can handle and all of a sudden your simple life as a bookkeeper doesn't seem so bad, kwim?
Lena
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 6, 2011 16:53:06 GMT -5
I am also trying to build up my rental portfolio to make-up 1/2 my take home pay so that I could work a much less stressful job....I am sick of deadlines and the stress that comes along with them.
Hi MissTequila ... we are basically trying to do the same thing. But, in a slightly different fashion. Rather than try to replace half our income soon, we have aimed to set our rentals up to generate enough cash flow at a particular date in the future so that we can both help with college and retire early.
We took out a 12Y mortgage when we bought our most expensive rental seven years ago. It will be paid off in five years, just as DS3 (our youngest) finishes HS. The first three years of rental income will go towards college for him (college is three years here). I hope to retire then, I will be 59.
If I'm more ambitious, I'll work till 61 when he is likely to finish grad school (most graduate degrees, not all of them, obviously). If I'm less ambitious, I can take DH up on his generous offer and retire at 56 when DS3 finishes HS. But I'm the money person in the family and I know that's just not realistic.
I already work PT. I admit I am NOT raking in the big bucks, but I have a great life-work balance and time to take care of the kids and the house.
I know things are different here in Europe, but I just wanted to make you think about choosing a timeline for your rentals, rather than a percentage of income. Whatever you don't like dealing with now, you're unlikely to want to deal with five or 10 years hence! LOL
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Mar 6, 2011 17:09:53 GMT -5
Athena,
I have to join in and encourage you to have a spa day. They are wonderful. Even my two dachshunds get spa days.
You ladies are going to the wrong people if they chitchat while doing the massages, etc. Take an ipod or equivalent and put in both earbuds and play soothing music and they will get the idea. After a couple times, they will be used to not talking to you and you can relax and enjoy.
I have been going to the same place for my manis/pedis for six years now and I doubt I have had a total of five minutes conversation with any of the personnel.
They do a fantastic job, I tip well and I can relax.
If you do get a full body massage, make sure you have someone to drive you home after the first one. You will be too relaxed and boneless to be able to do it yourself.
I have always worked and liked it, but am to the age where I would like to slow down a bit. I did cut down to forty hours a week and now I am going to only four days.
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Post by dragonfly7 on Mar 6, 2011 17:34:05 GMT -5
"Heck, I;ve never even had a professional manicure."
I've only had one. Since it flaked off after three days, I really don't see the point.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 6, 2011 17:37:19 GMT -5
I am also trying to build up my rental portfolio to make-up 1/2 my take home pay so that I could work a much less stressful job....I am sick of deadlines and the stress that comes along with them.
Hi MissTequila ... we are basically trying to do the same thing. But, in a slightly different fashion. Rather than try to replace half our income soon, we have aimed to set our rentals up to generate enough cash flow at a particular date in the future so that we can both help with college and retire early. We took out a 12Y mortgage when we bought our most expensive rental seven years ago. It will be paid off in five years, just as DS3 (our youngest) finishes HS. The first three years of rental income will go towards college for him (college is three years here). I hope to retire then, I will be 59. If I'm more ambitious, I'll work till 61 when he is likely to finish grad school ( most graduate degrees, not all of them, obviously). If I'm less ambitious, I can take DH up on his generous offer and retire at 56 when DS3 finishes HS. But I'm the money person in the family and I know that's just not realistic. I already work PT. I admit I am NOT raking in the big bucks, but I earn a relatively decent income and I have a great life-work balance and time to take care of the kids and the house. I know things are different here in Europe, but I just wanted to make you think about choosing a timeline for your rentals, rather than a percentage of income. Whatever you don't like dealing with now, you're unlikely to want to deal with five or 10 years hence! LOL That's a great way of looking at it. I've been in public accounting for 16 years now and I am pretty sure I am getting to the burnt out point...I definitely won't make it another 5 years!
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 6, 2011 17:38:54 GMT -5
"Heck, I;ve never even had a professional manicure." I've only had one. Since it flaked off after three days, I really don't see the point. I don't get the point of a manicure either, but I'll take a pedicure or massage anyday.
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Post by honeybunny66 on Mar 6, 2011 17:50:08 GMT -5
Oh please stop with the "I envy those people on government assistance who allegedly don't have to work." And if you think it's all that great, please do not hesitate to quit your job, foreclose on your mortgage and get you some food stamps and Section 8 housing. Nothing in your way but air and opportunity.
As to the other two groups you're envying ... well I'm a SAH wife (3 years now) but plan to enter the workforce sometime later this year, not because I need to but because I want to. However, you really don't know what any person's life entails except your own, so stop envyng them. I try to never envy other people's lifestyles as I'm quite happy with my own. I was okay when my hubby and I were starting out without a pot to p*ss it or a window to throw it out and I'm okay now that we have pots and windows to go along with them. ;D
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 6, 2011 17:56:00 GMT -5
That's a great way of looking at it. I've been in public accounting for 16 years now and I am pretty sure I am getting to the burnt out point...I definitely won't make it another 5 years!
MissT Glad if I could help! I'm sure it's easier for me to go against espoused wisdom since I'm in Europe, but I've been here long enough to advocate NOT being afraid to go for what will work for YOU. Sounds like you have a knack for RE. So go for it! I say I work PT (and I do) but managing our rentals is my other PT job. Plus I still freelance as a journalist (my original profession). So I guess I have three part-time jobs. It's a lot sometimes, and the income isn't yet quite where I wanted to be, but it's definitely getting there! And that's not even including the rentals, since they are for later. (So I guess it includes managing them, but not the rental income.) As I told the OP who started this thread, you need to establish your priorities and then do your best to make them happen. Best of luck!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2011 18:15:54 GMT -5
"Heck, I've never even had a professional manicure." I've only had one. Since it flaked off after three days, I really don't see the point. Yeah, in my spare time I'm usually doing stuff hazardous to my nails. I just finished removing wallpaper and popcorn ceilings from a couple of rooms this winter and now we're getting into gardening season. I've had one professional massage and it was fine but not such a peak experience I wanted to do it again, even though I've stayed in some excellent hotels in India where they're quite cheap.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2011 18:28:00 GMT -5
I'll admit right now that I wish I didn't have to work, but a little part of me knows I wouldn't be living up to my potential. But I've grown up a lot in the 10+ years that I've been thinking about "what I want to do when I grow up", and being married with a LO on the way has changed my priorities. I would like to raise our kids instead of someone else raising them. For a long time I resented my mother for - in my eyes - putting work before me. I'm tired of being so overwhelmed with housework and errands on the weekends when all I want to do is relax. Right now we live in a HCOL area and both of us need to work. I'd even be happy working part-time! If we made enough to live and save, I don't think I'd work more than 1-2 days a week. Working doesn't define me - my identity is much more complex than how I earn a paycheck.
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