envy those that don't have to work

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 6, 2011 18:26:21 GMT -5 @toughtimes said:

Most of the people who are dependent and "don't have to work" like stay-at-home spouses or dependent children have very little personal power, little or no input into financial decisions and have to keep their mouth shut a lot. When one is dependent, one cannot buy what one likes, speak out or cross the one providing the money.

I would not exchange being an autonomous adult for dependent status of a child or pauper for all the tea in China.

I can assure you, when I stayed home when my children were born I never felt like I had to keep my mouth shut.

[Deleted]

Yeah, that's not exactly my experience either toughtimes...

Still, there are always tradeoffs... you do give up something to get other things you want...

[Deleted]

Mar 6, 2011 18:28:46 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Mar 6, 2011 18:26:21 GMT -5 @toughtimes said:

Most of the people who are dependent and "don't have to work" like stay-at-home spouses or dependent children have very little personal power, little or no input into financial decisions and have to keep their mouth shut a lot. When one is dependent, one cannot buy what one likes, speak out or cross the one providing the money.

I would not exchange being an autonomous adult for dependent status of a child or pauper for all the tea in China.

I can assure you, when I stayed home when my children were born I never felt like I had to keep my mouth shut.

Yeah, if I was a SAHM, that's not how things would go down. In those situations though, the women usually know what they're getting into.

[Deleted]

I'm like Athena. My husband is retired (deserves it since he's been working since he was about eight, growing up on a dairy farm). He has a nice life, working crosswords, building models, reading newspapers, and enjoying our cocker spaniel. I get to participate every summer for a couple of months since I teach.

But the truth is that I don't mind working. I still work a lot of Saturdays even though I don't have to, doing stuff like Saturday School and giving standardized tests. I think a little about teaching summer school sometimes, but I do enjoy the summers with my husband. We play scrabble most afternoons.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 6, 2011 18:48:06 GMT -5 @toughtimes said:

"Who makes the gold, makes the rules." Money is definitely power. That is one reason that men who are control freaks or abusers make sure that their wives answer for every penny spent and often prevent them from having jobs. When boyfriend is paying the restaurant tab, boyfriend decides where to eat. When mom and dad are buying, they get veto power. When the state is picking up the tab, the state gets a full accounting of what you have, how you spend it and where you live.

God bless those who receive money with no strings attached, but they are the exception, not the rule.

I have several friends that are or have been SAHM...I have never seen any of them treated like that. For years I only worked 20 hours a week making 1/2 what my husband made...not only didn't he treat me like that but I managed the money and told him what we could and couldn't afford to do.

[Deleted]

TT, I have sort of an aggressive personality, so I'd never put myself in the position to be someone's trophy wife - even if that meant working forever. DH and I have mutual love and respect for one another and we'd never treat each other that way.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 6, 2011 18:53:24 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

TT, I have sort of an aggressive personality, so I'd never put myself in the position to be someone's trophy wife - even if that meant working forever. DH and I have mutual love and respect for one another and we'd never treat each other that way.

Yeah, I'm not exactly a shrinking violet, either

[Frugal Nurse]

I think it would be a nice life to stay home and take care of the house and raise kids, but I know that I can't provide the lifestyle that I want for me or my future children if I stay home. However, I would go insane at the prospect of a monday-friday 8-5 for the rest of my life. That is the biggest reason I quit my paralegal job to become a nurse. I was distraught over the idea of same old same old most days of the week for the rest of my life. With nursing, I work three 12 hour days per week, have four days off, 3 weeks of paid vacation, great starting salary with the potential to make $70K in a couple of years, excellent insurance, and a job I love. At the most my kids will be in day care 3 days per week. It will be the best of both worlds.

My advice to the OP is to find a work situation in which you are happy, then you won't be in such despair over working. Work can be a fulfilling and interesting part of your life, you just have to find the right job.

[busymom]

I did the stay-at-home gig when my kids were babies, and trust me, you don't get to sit on the couch & eat chocolate & watch Oprah. I was BUSY. The main bummer was, all the women in my neighborhood worked, so during the day it was like a ghost town. Also, we had to be really frugal, so who could afford a babysitter & go in for a spa day? Also, when you're not working at a job it's hard to have a conversation with someone who's not at home, as they really don't relate to baby spitting up & stories of pediatrician visits.

The best part of working full time is having intelligent conversations with adults (other than DH). I had my first job at age 14, & really don't see myself as fully retiring when I reach that age. I prefer to be busy. I can't imagine a more boring life than sitting at home doing nothing!

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Being a stay-at-home spouse isn't for everyone, every situation, or every marriage. Even if finances could be adjusted to permit it (which isn't always the case.)

For some, it's sheer hell. It's boring. It's drudgery. It's a prison.
For some, it's a power struggle between spouses, often concerning who makes the money and who makes the rules.
For others, it's heaven ~ free time, peace and quiet, a simpler lifestyle, and a chance to purse other interests.

I've been a stay-at-home wife for 5.5 years. For me, it's a blessing, and I'm grateful that our circumstances (and my wonderful DH) have allowed me to do so. It's really reduced + alleviated a lot of my stress, and I love being able to devote a lot of time and energy to issues and causes and activities that I really love (especially animal rescue.) And I love that with his unusual work schedule (he's an active duty military pilot), when he's home, we can spend time together. For us, that was a rare occurrence when I was working full-time.

But it also means that we're living on about 60% of the income that we'd be enjoying if I were still employed ~ which means we have to live on less, we have to spend less, we have to save/invest less, and (in many ways), there's a huge financial risk that's a tradeoff for this lifestyle choice. Some people aren't interested in that sort of risk.

But we are.

[Deleted]

Mar 6, 2011 18:52:32 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

I have several friends that are or have been SAHM...I have never seen any of them treated like that. For years I only worked 20 hours a week making 1/2 what my husband made...not only didn't he treat me like that but I managed the money and told him what we could and couldn't afford to do.

I agree- in healthy relationships, the one with the income doesn't boss around the other. I was tickled when our priest referred to his wife "letting" him get an iPhone. He said it as if it were perfectly normal, and I understood what he meant. She's a SAHM to their 3 children, but they made the decision together about whether it was a good use of the family's income. That's the way it should be.

And, as someone who was in an unhealthy relationship in which I was the primary earner- a partner who's the mean, domineering type will find some excuse other than an income disparity to be rotten towards you.

[schildi]

Mar 6, 2011 13:47:02 GMT -5 @tea4me said:

I envy people that don't have to work because they have other people (parents, government, significant others) to pay their bills. There, I admitted it.

Don't get me wrong. I like to work and be independent. But I also HAVE to work to make my house payment, buy groceries and necessities, pay for insurance, etc. Even if I had a "sugar daddy" I would keep working to maintain some independence. I have friends that have spa days, go on exotic trips, do fun things and don't have to worry about necessities because they are taken care of. I would love to spend a lot of money on make-up and massages and not be thinking about property taxes. It would also be nice to have free time instead of working 8 to 5 every day. I'm just saying . . . . it would be nice to have a little help once in a while.

Yeah, I have seen that envy in some of your other posts. :-)

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 6, 2011 13:47:02 GMT -5 @tea4me said:

I envy people that don't have to work because they have other people (parents, government, significant others) to pay their bills. There, I admitted it.

I know where you are coming from Tea! I see my brothers friends like ok we're all now in our 30's and they STILL don't have serious jobs? But I see what they have and don't understand for one how they got what they have and for 2 how do ...if they do plan on their future? I have one friend that has absolutely horrible credit - walked into a Ford dealership said I have no money but I want your 2009 (happened in 2010) Ford Explorer. the dealership NOT only let him test drive but he also got the SUV!!! AND THEY worked the registration and paperwork into the payments!

I like working - it gives me a place to go, people to see, and accomplishment. others like my chick would rather not work

[Plain Old Petunia]

Mar 6, 2011 14:46:09 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oh yay, another thread by tea4me where she pisses and moans that she has to work while everyone else has it so much better.

There's nothing stopping you from going on Match.com and snagging yourself a rich dude to support you.

I had a similar thought.

Tea, if you are so unhappy with your life, then change it. Life is short. Get what YOU want out of life, or die trying.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 6, 2011 20:20:13 GMT -5 @toughtimes said:

Yes, but who said all of these relationships are "healthy." I have seen plenty that aren't, and those "pampered" welfare cases that everyone whines about certainly have to toe the line. I doubt many of the ones complaining about them would enjoy the regimentation and prying that goes along with taking Uncle Sugar's moolah.

Money comes with strings.

**snort** I was raised by a welfare mom in government housing, surrounded by other welfare queens...most worked jobs under the table and took advantage of every government program out there. I still have family members that abuse the system. Either my county is just lax or those of you not raised in a welfare community have no idea how bad the abuse really is.

[honeybunny66]

"Most of the people who are dependent and "don't have to work" like stay-at-home spouses or dependent children have very little personal power, little or no input into financial decisions and have to keep their mouth shut a lot. When one is dependent, one cannot buy what one likes, speak out or cross the one providing the money."

Not necessarily true. I can only speak for myself but I'm the CFO of our palatial family estates. In the words of GWB, I'm the decider.

[ZaireinHD]

yea my chick was fired 2 years ago and tried for the government assistance programs (housing and food) - but she is single without child and don't qualify for any of that 'paradise'

[Plain Old Petunia]

Mar 6, 2011 21:00:30 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Mar 6, 2011 20:20:13 GMT -5 @toughtimes said:

Yes, but who said all of these relationships are "healthy." I have seen plenty that aren't, and those "pampered" welfare cases that everyone whines about certainly have to toe the line. I doubt many of the ones complaining about them would enjoy the regimentation and prying that goes along with taking Uncle Sugar's moolah.

Money comes with strings.

**snort** I was raised by a welfare mom in government housing, surrounded by other welfare queens...most worked jobs under the table and took advantage of every government program out there. I still have family members that abuse the system. Either my county is just lax or those of you not raised in a welfare community have no idea how bad the abuse really is.

So why aren't you living that life? Why did you choose a different life for yourself?

[Deleted]

Frugalnurse, I would love to become a nurse, but I can't stand blood or hospitals, so yeah... . It stinks that there aren't many nonmedical jobs with those kind of hours. Mollymouser, you hit on the point that just because you're not working it doesn't mean you're just loafing at home. We have a temp at work who only comes in 3 days a week. She does volunteer work and spends time with her family and friends on her off time. Her and her DH don't have kids, but she says "we have shelter, food, and clothing. Why should I kill myself working every day?"

[ZaireinHD]

petunia that's easy to answer when living in the ghetto.
simply because you don't want that type of life style.
it's running a scam everyday of your life and you DON'T get rich from these programs.
it's pretty much living at the bottom and once you're educated enough you realize how bad you are seriously are living; people want more out of life.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 6, 2011 21:10:50 GMT -5 Plain Old Petunia said:

Mar 6, 2011 21:00:30 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

**snort** I was raised by a welfare mom in government housing, surrounded by other welfare queens...most worked jobs under the table and took advantage of every government program out there. I still have family members that abuse the system. Either my county is just lax or those of you not raised in a welfare community have no idea how bad the abuse really is.

So why aren't you living that life? Why did you choose a different life for yourself?

Why would I want to live that life? Just because I saw rampant abuse doesn't mean I would want to live that lifestyle.

[Plain Old Petunia]

Mar 6, 2011 21:22:44 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

petunia that's easy to answer when living in the ghetto.
simply because you don't want that type of life style.
it's running a scam everyday of your life and you DON'T get rich from these programs.
it's pretty much living at the bottom and once you're educated enough you realize how bad you are seriously are living; people want more out of life.

Exactly. So why envy people on public assistance? Their lives suck.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 6, 2011 21:31:59 GMT -5 Plain Old Petunia said:

Mar 6, 2011 21:22:44 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

petunia that's easy to answer when living in the ghetto.
simply because you don't want that type of life style.
it's running a scam everyday of your life and you DON'T get rich from these programs.
it's pretty much living at the bottom and once you're educated enough you realize how bad you are seriously are living; people want more out of life.

Exactly. So why envy people on public assistance? Their lives suck.

Who said I envy welfare queens? They piss me off but I don't envy sponging from the taxpayers.

[Plain Old Petunia]

Mar 6, 2011 21:28:44 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Mar 6, 2011 21:10:50 GMT -5 Plain Old Petunia said:

So why aren't you living that life? Why did you choose a different life for yourself?

Why would I want to live that life? Just because I saw rampant abuse doesn't mean I would want to live that lifestyle.

Indeed, why would anyone? Maybe you could describe the realities of living on public assistance for Tea, so she can stop imagining it is paradise and being envious.

[Plain Old Petunia]

Mar 6, 2011 21:34:24 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Who said I envy welfare queens? They piss me off but I don't envy sponging from the taxpayers.

No, not you. Tea is envious of welfare queens and their easy lives of leisure.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 6, 2011 21:34:27 GMT -5 Plain Old Petunia said:

Mar 6, 2011 21:28:44 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Why would I want to live that life? Just because I saw rampant abuse doesn't mean I would want to live that lifestyle.

Indeed, why would anyone? Maybe you could describe the realities of living on public assistance for Tea, so she can stop imagining it is paradise and being envious.

I think what she envies is the lack of pressure of the daily grind...you can't tell me that we don't all have those days...when you are 100% subsidized (we had free rent, food stamps, Medicaid, heating assistance, etc) and also working under the table, you don't really have the same stress as someone who is not sure if they are going to be able to make their mortgage payments, pay their real estate taxes, utilities, etc.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 6, 2011 21:36:18 GMT -5 Plain Old Petunia said:

Mar 6, 2011 21:34:24 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Who said I envy welfare queens? They piss me off but I don't envy sponging from the taxpayers.

No, not you. Tea is envious of welfare queens and their easy lives of leisure.

I misunderstood to whom you addressed your question.

[Deleted]

Oh, I thought we were talking about being kept women/men. Silly girl, you don't envy welfare queens - you pity them!

[Deleted]

"Either my county is just lax or those of you not raised in a welfare community have no idea how bad the abuse really is. "

You got out of there tequ... in my estimation, that means the system worked. It allowed you to gain enough food, health care and education to escape that life... isn't that a good thing?

[Artemis Windsong]

I'm living the dream of retirement but have a lot of nervous areas. A lot of retiress are stressed because of the effort it takes to get a ROI to keep up with inflation and enjoy some activities. I won't even discuss the 4 checks per month couples. These are the people buying and going.