The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Dec 12, 2014 10:05:35 GMT -5
At our school, I cannot tell you many folks assume that my DH is the one working a nice job at a university. You know, because as a woman, I can't work in a male dominated field at a public university. And, OMG, DH gets his nose bent out of shape I don't acknowledge his financial contributions to the family. But, everyone except for my ILs, actually, are quick to forget my financial contribution to our family. It's just assumed. At least your ILs acknowledge it. My ILs refused to acknowledge that I was actually a professional with a firm. Even though I was making more money than DH at the time, had my own Executive Assistant and managed multiple teams of other professionals, etc. they still referred to my job and described it to others as being "a secretary".
But then again, they were also amazed that I was "brave" enough to drive the car, so...
I honestly think that would make me have a stroke. My ILs know enough about what I do to not make that mistake. However, they ask DH to get one of my business cards when I got promoted to a certain "rank" because they couldn't believe I'd made it that far.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Dec 12, 2014 10:22:31 GMT -5
I get where Thyme is coming from. The things I enjoy tend to be expensive. If I was home while the kids were in school, I'd probably spend a lot
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Dec 12, 2014 10:24:36 GMT -5
And I also get where milee is coming from. My own dad makes comments about DH making a good liviing and supporting the family. I guess my money just buys pedicures and girl clothes.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2014 10:28:00 GMT -5
And I also get where milee is coming from. My own dad makes comments about DH making a good liviing and supporting the family. I guess my money just buys pedicures and girl clothes. It's crazy how pervasive that attitude still seems to be... But maybe it's one of those things that will just take another generation?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 12, 2014 10:33:44 GMT -5
I think so. I was always considered the supplemental income, even when mine was the only one and he was in school. I always wondered how anyone thought we were eating?
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Dec 12, 2014 10:34:16 GMT -5
And I also get where milee is coming from. My own dad makes comments about DH making a good liviing and supporting the family. I guess umy money just buys pedicures and girl clothes. It's crazy how pervasive that attitude still seems to be... But maybe it's one of those things that will just take another generation? My dad tells people how proud of me he us, so the comments are especially weird.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Dec 12, 2014 10:36:17 GMT -5
It's crazy how pervasive that attitude still seems to be... But maybe it's one of those things that will just take another generation? My dad tells people how proud of me he us, so the comments are especially weird. He is probably just happy you didn't marry a deadbeat and your husband is making money and helping to support the family and that is his way of expressing that.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Dec 12, 2014 10:37:02 GMT -5
I get where both Oped and Thyme are coming from. I know several people in their 70's who just plan to keep working until they die because they love their jobs and don't have anything else they'd rather do (money isn't a concern). I'm personally more like Oped - there are 10,000 things I'd like to learn/do so I'm pretty happy having more free time. I think the risk for the single interest people, though, is that there will probably be a time when that interest can't be done anymore (retirement/disability/etc). I'm sure we all know people whose life was their job and when the job ended they lost their identity and became depressed. That's my only worry with having a single interest. With many interests, there's flexibility so that a person doesn't lose their sense of self.
YMMV
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Dec 12, 2014 10:40:18 GMT -5
I've stopped using the term SAHM, and replaced it with FULL TIME mom / dad. I just feel its time to be honest and admit that there are two kinds of parent- full time, and part time. Like those holding a paying job always have someone doing the laundry, cleaning, helping with homework, driving detail, PTA, monitoring - assisting elderly / disabled relatives, ect Hence the rub
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Dec 12, 2014 11:20:11 GMT -5
I need the structure a full time job offers. In theory, I would love to be home all the time. In reality, if I have more than a day off without something structured to do, I start to get depressed. I'm an introvert, and I need that forced interaction. I also don't feel like I'm good at motivating myself to do all the things on that list. It sounds good in theory, but in reality I'd just sit on the couch and watch Gilmore Girls on Netflix. It's fun for a day, but gets old quick.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Dec 12, 2014 11:21:32 GMT -5
The Captain Thank you Now that I have a day off, I need to read the thread. I never thought I'd want to not work, now it's all I want, haha. I'm really hoping to get early retirement (eligible at 46 if they offer it). Then I'll be a "stay at home" early retiree, with no kid in the house, and that would be awesome! (however, rather than SAH, I want to do everything but...)
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The Captain
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Hugs are good...
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Post by The Captain on Dec 12, 2014 11:23:44 GMT -5
The Captain Thank you Now that I have a day off, I need to read the thread. I never thought I'd want to not work, now it's all I want, haha. I'm really hoping to get early retirement (eligible at 46 if they offer it). Then I'll be a "stay at home" early retiree, with no kid in the house, and that would be awesome! (however, rather than SAH, I want to do everything but...) ( It's also my gentle way of nudging you to post more pics )
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 12, 2014 11:41:59 GMT -5
I hope you'll forgive me for not reading all 5 pages of this thread. I just want to say that I don't like the thread title because I've stopped using the term SAHM, and replaced it with FULL TIME mom / dad. I just feel its time to be honest and admit that there are two kinds of parent- full time, and part time. Some parents choose to work full time and parent part time, and others choose to work part time and/or not work and parent full time. Things that make you wish the "ignore poster" button was still a thing...
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 12, 2014 12:01:50 GMT -5
I hope you'll forgive me for not reading all 5 pages of this thread. I just want to say that I don't like the thread title because I've stopped using the term SAHM, and replaced it with FULL TIME mom / dad. I just feel its time to be honest and admit that there are two kinds of parent- full time, and part time. Some parents choose to work full time and parent part time, and others choose to work part time and/or not work and parent full time. Things that make you wish the "ignore poster" button was still a thing... Don't be so negative...reading posts like his could really help your marriage...next time your husband is being an ass (come on, they all have their moments) take a moment and think "at least I'm not married to Paul"!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 12, 2014 12:02:25 GMT -5
Things that make you wish the "ignore poster" button was still a thing... Don't be so negative...reading posts like his could really help your marriage...next time your husband is being an ass (come on, they all have their moments) take a moment and think "at least I'm not married to Paul"! But you can actually block a poster if you want to. I forget how but mmhmmm walked me through it.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 12, 2014 12:06:35 GMT -5
Seriously, sometimes I think I am missing the "girl" gene because I just don't understand how some women relate/communicate/talk with each other and I have fairly strong social skills otherwise.
I caught up and only commented once as I went! One day at a time. Everything I like to say about the SAHM/WM debate has pretty much been said so I'll contribute my own with this - I find comments like this about female/female communication a little on the misogynistic side. It's very common and it always comes across as though if a woman doesn't communicate like a passive aggressive brat she must be missing "the girl gene" because that's clearly how women act. (Granted, it does say "some" women but still, it comes across as though whiny, oversensitive, "way-too-PC" stepping on eggshells BS is a normal way for women to communicate with one other.) Let's say for the sake of argument that OP's friend totally overreacted to a perfectly innocent comment. That does not make her the Poster Girl Of Female Communication Forever And Ever Amen. It makes her a person who totally overreacted to a perfectly innocent comment. See also, "this is why all my friends are guys, girlfriends are way too much drama / too high maintenance lol."
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 12, 2014 12:07:26 GMT -5
Don't be so negative...reading posts like his could really help your marriage...next time your husband is being an ass (come on, they all have their moments) take a moment and think "at least I'm not married to Paul"! Free marriage counseling via Lowest Common Denominator Comparisons! I love it.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 12, 2014 12:10:55 GMT -5
Everything I like to say about the SAHM/WM debate has pretty much been said so I'll contribute my own with this - I find comments like this about female/female communication a little on the misogynistic side. Similar to how people describe any disagreement between two women as a "cat fight"?
Or when women disagree on SAHM/WAHM issues and it's called a "Mommy war"...
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 12, 2014 12:11:04 GMT -5
But you can actually block a poster if you want to. I forget how but mmhmmm walked me through it.
I was kinda joking, I don't feel the need to block him. I probably wouldn't even ignore him. Back when it was an option, I only ever ignored a poster whose posts I literally could not make sense of, because it was distracting to scroll through them amid an interesting conversation.
I don't think the ignore feature really did much anyway, because we all quote each other so often that you're pretty much going to see inflammatory remarks whether you ignore the person or not.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 12, 2014 12:55:36 GMT -5
Seriously, sometimes I think I am missing the "girl" gene because I just don't understand how some women relate/communicate/talk with each other and I have fairly strong social skills otherwise.
I caught up and only commented once as I went! One day at a time. Everything I like to say about the SAHM/WM debate has pretty much been said so I'll contribute my own with this - I find comments like this about female/female communication a little on the misogynistic side. It's very common and it always comes across as though if a woman doesn't communicate like a passive aggressive brat she must be missing "the girl gene" because that's clearly how women act. (Granted, it does say "some" women but still, it comes across as though whiny, oversensitive, "way-too-PC" stepping on eggshells BS is a normal way for women to communicate with one other.) Let's say for the sake of argument that OP's friend totally overreacted to a perfectly innocent comment. That does not make her the Poster Girl Of Female Communication Forever And Ever Amen. It makes her a person who totally overreacted to a perfectly innocent comment. See also, "this is why all my friends are guys, girlfriends are way too much drama / too high maintenance lol." Mid FB.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 12, 2014 12:58:58 GMT -5
FB her fencebuddy back. (Uh oh I called you a fencebuddy. Too passive aggressive? Here, have a flower Girls like flowers.)
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 12, 2014 13:00:57 GMT -5
Don't worry -- I did get a little offended but it's probably just that time of the month.
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AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on Dec 12, 2014 13:28:31 GMT -5
I hope you'll forgive me for not reading all 5 pages of this thread. I just want to say that I don't like the thread title because I've stopped using the term SAHM, and replaced it with FULL TIME mom / dad. I just feel its time to be honest and admit that there are two kinds of parent- full time, and part time. Some parents choose to work full time and parent part time, and others choose to work part time and/or not work and parent full time. Things that make you wish the "ignore poster" button was still a thing... You can still block a poster and hide their posts / notifications, etc.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Dec 12, 2014 13:34:45 GMT -5
I've stopped using the term SAHM, and replaced it with FULL TIME mom / dad. I just feel its time to be honest and admit that there are two kinds of parent- full time, and part time. When the school called me the other day when I was my full time job, I told them to go away and not bother me, I'm working at my full time job and I'm not scheduled to take care of my kids right now.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 12, 2014 13:37:48 GMT -5
I'm working at my full time job and I'm not scheduled to take care of my kids right now.
Yeah, their other part-time parents (e.g. teachers, babysitters) were handling things right then. Sheesh.
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AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on Dec 12, 2014 13:39:12 GMT -5
My dad tells people how proud of me he us, so the comments are especially weird. He is probably just happy you didn't marry a deadbeat and your husband is making money and helping to support the family and that is his way of expressing that. I tend to agree. My wife works, she makes good money-- but we both have arranged our work around our family and not the other way around. We both work remotely- no need to go to an office. This means that full time parenting-- which is how I define kids not needing full time day care / after care on a regular basis, etc. I define full time parenting as full time parenting. It's not a nuanced term, and it's not that complicated to understand. If you can work during school hours which are what? 7:00 to 3:00 give or take 30 minutes? Then that's great. In the Naperville, IL area we used to live in, we were surrounded by what I call "7 to 7s". Their kids are in someone else's care from dark to dark. In all likelihood, the morning is spent feeding and getting the kids ready, the evening is spent feeding kids, doing homework and getting ready for bed. Then along comes Saturday and it's shopping and housework-- odds are pretty good part time is being generous. Not going to get into it- the larger point is that "stay at home" is a misnomer. A full time job as a homemaker isn't sitting around the house. I can't believe I'm having to argue this point- especially with women.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 12, 2014 13:43:53 GMT -5
I tend to agree. My wife works, she makes good money-- but we both have arranged our work around our family and not the other way around. We both work remotely- no need to go to an office. This means that full time parenting-- which is how I define kids not needing full time day care / after care on a regular basis, etc.
That's wonderful for you. Not everyone has that option. Are you seriously naive enough not to understand that? Well, it wouldn't be the first time.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 12, 2014 13:44:59 GMT -5
Not going to get into it- the larger point is that "stay at home" is a misnomer. A full time job as a homemaker isn't sitting around the house. I can't believe I'm having to argue this point- especially with women.
The point you think you're making is very different than the point you're actually making. In fact, it's pretty much the OPPOSITE point.
ETA: A person who works a paying job from home and due to flexible hours can be with their children during the day is not the same as a person who does not work any sort of paying job in order to be with their children during the day. Not saying either one is better, but they're two totally different things.
Newsflash: Most people, if they had the option of a flexible job they could do from home and still look after their kids, would rather do that than a "7 to 7" job outside their home.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 12, 2014 13:47:10 GMT -5
I tend to agree. My wife works, she makes good money-- but we both have arranged our work around our family and not the other way around. We both work remotely- no need to go to an office. This means that full time parenting-- which is how I define kids not needing full time day care / after care on a regular basis, etc.
That's wonderful for you. Not everyone has that option. Are you seriously naive enough not to understand that? Well, it wouldn't be the first time. Yes, next time someone in Paul's family needs to go to the ER or he buys his next rental property, or gets his taxes done, or calls the cops, or goes out to dinner, or flies somewhere, he should probably be thankful not everyone arranges their work around their family.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 12, 2014 14:09:53 GMT -5
I have to commend him, though, for managing to insult BOTH stay at home parents and working parents in one fell swoop. Usually one group sucks more than the other. But no, apparently both are doing it wrong. Parents who "just" stay home to parent their children full time and parents who work outside the home and parent part time should both be working paying jobs from home and parenting their children at the same time.
Who knew?
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