Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2014 20:51:06 GMT -5
Wow. That's all I can say. At what point did it become okay for people to shame other people for their weight, size, etc.? And it just doesn't matter if the other person is blood kin, marriage kin or a total stranger, far too many people are running their mouths today about other folks' appearance. There is so much fake nutritional science out in the world now and everyone thinks they are a qualified expert about everyone else's diet. When DH and I decided to lose the 25 plus excess pounds each of us carried, I was appalled by the number of friends who felt obligated to comment on what we ate or didn't eat. Our eating habits reflect our personal belief, backed up by our physicians' recommendations, that all foods are acceptable in moderation. Why does someone sharing my table, either in my home or at a restaurant, feel they can comment on my choice of food? It's sort of damned if you do and damned if you don't - if I order beef someone pipes up, "you can't eat that on your diet!" and if I order chicken, someone says "Poor dear, you can't order anything else, can you?" Sadly, we have chosen to avoid the company of a lot of folks who thought critiquing our plates was cool. I think a whole lot of folks need to STFU about what other folks eat and how they look. We are each responsible for our choices and their outcome. For me it sort of goes back to the whole "those without sin can cast the first stone" thing.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 2, 2014 20:57:20 GMT -5
The easiest thing is to never discuss your dietary choices with others. Eat what u want and if u are dieting save yourself the aggravation and keep it to yourself.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 2, 2014 21:53:20 GMT -5
My mom is one for commenting on people's weight. Part of it is a cultural thing. When she comments on mine, I know she thinks she's helping. I pretty much ignore it completely. She'll tell me I've gained weight one day and lost weight the next (it hadn't changed). Since I ignore it, it doesn't bother me until she starts making comments about strangers. That is mortifying. When she tells me I need to lose weight, I'm already well aware of that fact. I am overweight now, but not obese, but I don't identify as a fat person. I guess I spent too much of my life at a healthy weight? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/idunno.gif) . I do hate clothes shopping now though... Maybe I'm just in denial. As far as my kids are concerned, both are about 95%ile in height, but only 50%ile in weight. So far, it looks like they will turn out to be tall and skinny like their dad. DS2 does seem to have a more muscular physique, like mine. Their eating habits are atrocious, in that they won't eat the regular dinner I make. We barely keep any junk food in the house, though, so that helps. DS1's alternate dinner tonight was a turkey sandwich. DS2 is barely eating dinner lately. He takes a few bites and wants to go play. *sigh* 2 year olds--a constant battle!
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Dec 2, 2014 21:56:02 GMT -5
My mom was a dress maker and she was just awful for telling women about losing weight. It didn't help that my mom was gorgeous and skinny, even after having 10 kids.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 2, 2014 21:57:30 GMT -5
10... kids? As in ten tiny humans? And she kept her figure?
*Firebird attempts to control rage*
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Dec 2, 2014 21:59:37 GMT -5
10... kids? As in ten tiny humans? And she kept her figure? *Firebird attempts to control rage*
YES and she wanted more kids, 10 wasn't enough. And she ate what ever she wanted.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 2, 2014 22:06:17 GMT -5
Can you do me a favor? Ask her if the fine print on those agreements with Lucifer is as bad as it sounds. I've always heard it sucks, but maybe it doesn't. If not, I might consider one next year.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Dec 2, 2014 22:08:32 GMT -5
Can you do me a favor? Ask her if the fine print on those agreements with Lucifer is as bad as it sounds. If not, I might consider one next year.
LOL
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 2, 2014 22:09:56 GMT -5
Can you do me a favor? Ask her if the fine print on those agreements with Lucifer is as bad as it sounds. I've always heard it sucks, but maybe it doesn't. If not, I might consider one next year. That's easy, just go for 10 kids. Running after that many kids has got to burn some major calories.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 2, 2014 22:14:12 GMT -5
Can you do me a favor? Ask her if the fine print on those agreements with Lucifer is as bad as it sounds. I've always heard it sucks, but maybe it doesn't. If not, I might consider one next year. That's easy, just go for 10 kids. Running after that many kids has got to burn some major calories. LOL NO THANKS. But speaking of Satan, you might have a bright future as one of his storytellers.
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truthbound
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Post by truthbound on Dec 3, 2014 5:35:17 GMT -5
Good grief what a progressive world we live in. A baby can not be shamed for being fat or anything else. It doesn't even know where or what it is.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 3, 2014 8:36:29 GMT -5
That's easy, just go for 10 kids. Running after that many kids has got to burn some major calories. LOL NO THANKS. But speaking of Satan, you might have a bright future as one of his storytellers. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png)
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goldensam
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Post by goldensam on Dec 3, 2014 9:08:22 GMT -5
I do love my mom, but she's a big reason why I've struggled with an eating disorder for 2/3 of my life. Even when I was a trim teen, I had boobs and a butt. I think I wore a size 5? Tops? No fat anywhere. I remember at 16 she told me if I ever looked in a mirror, I'd never eat again. Now I'm 30 and a size 10-12. I could stand to lose 30 lbs or so. I'm semi-actively working on it. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) She's a size 2 and avoids eating whenever possible to remain so. Even now, when I visit her, I will leave her house to eat so that she doesn't see me eating and judge me for it, out loud or to herself. Her husband, with his giant belly, always makes comments about my "fat aunt" and how she's "so disgusting" and "no wonder her husband wants to divorce her." She's not much bigger than I am. Mom will call me just to complain about how fat she's getting: she might need to buy a size 4. I've told her over and over that it makes me uncomfortable but she won't hear it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 3, 2014 9:19:13 GMT -5
My mom was always super skinny, which was fine because so was I. She got me in other ways, trust me. But after her second marriage was so miserable, she ate herself into oblivion but would comment about fat women every chance she got. I always wondered why she never looked in the mirror herself. But over the years I simply stopped listening to her but my kids never learned to tune her out so refused to be around her because in their minds, and probably true, she was always disparaging me. I rarely listened so wasn't aware. I have to admit, I was rather shocked to see both kids looking a bit chunky at thanksgiving! DD has always tended that way but never DS.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Dec 3, 2014 9:46:28 GMT -5
I do love my mom, but she's a big reason why I've struggled with an eating disorder for 2/3 of my life. Even when I was a trim teen, I had boobs and a butt. I think I wore a size 5? Tops? No fat anywhere. I remember at 16 she told me if I ever looked in a mirror, I'd never eat again. Now I'm 30 and a size 10-12. I could stand to lose 30 lbs or so. I'm semi-actively working on it. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) She's a size 2 and avoids eating whenever possible to remain so. Even now, when I visit her, I will leave her house to eat so that she doesn't see me eating and judge me for it, out loud or to herself. Her husband, with his giant belly, always makes comments about my "fat aunt" and how she's "so disgusting" and "no wonder her husband wants to divorce her." She's not much bigger than I am. Mom will call me just to complain about how fat she's getting: she might need to buy a size 4. I've told her over and over that it makes me uncomfortable but she won't hear it. That's so sad! I am so sorry. I can't imagine ever saying something like that to either one of my kids. My oldest is a size 6 and the little one is a size 10 and they are both absolutely beautiful. I would never tell either of them that they are fat. What a way to ruin a girl's self esteem. Girls have body image problems enough as it is sometimes without adding to it. They are always trying to be as thin and beautiful as the other girls. Telling them they're fat will only encourage an eating disorder. Why don't people think before they talk?!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 3, 2014 9:51:47 GMT -5
Why don't people think before they talk?!
They think, they just stop at the answer that suits them. Which is apparently "I am doing this person a HUGE favor, they will thank me for it later".
I think the question is more why don't people have empathy for others? You'd think my MIL would pick up on how much it hurts DH when she fat shames him, but her thought process stops at the above.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 3, 2014 10:12:43 GMT -5
This is something I worry about as well, as far as instilling a good body image in DD. My mom never really commented on others' weights and doesn't have a body image problem, but I still ended up with an eating disorder for ~8 years. Meanwhile DH has always struggled with his weight. MIL is a twig and eats like a lumberjack, so fed the rest of the family the same way, except that they don't have her metabolism.
DD is a big, strong girl and seems to have inherited DH's frame. I'm hoping that keeping her on a healthy diet throughout her childhood will help her make better food choices and keep her from developing the weight problems DH has had, since his childhood diet was primarily full-fat hamburger, white bread, noodles, fried stuff, and sugary snacks. Any vegetables were boiled into oblivion or covered in cheese. Even though we still eat a fair amount of junk, his diet now is 1000% healthier than it was 10 years ago.
I absolutely do not want DD to go through the bullying and mental anguish DH has had because of weight. But then I worry that I'm moving too far in the other direction and she's going to have the same issues anyway...
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Dec 3, 2014 10:13:13 GMT -5
I think the shaming can go both ways. I was between size 12-20 for my entire adult life until about age 35 when I lost weight and became a size 4. It's been five years or so at this new weight and I still get comments (from people who knew me at my old weight) about how I'm too thin. I've gained ten pounds since summer and when I grumble about my clothes not fitting, all I get are comments about how that isn't possible that I'm too skinny. I get lectured from people (again, only those who knew me from before) about how I'm not looking good and there's all this underlying judgement that I have an eating disorder or something. I'm 5'4 and 130 pounds. My BMI is 21. Every medical test shows I'm at a healthy weight, and yet I have to hear their comments because they still think of me as my former weight.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 3, 2014 10:17:13 GMT -5
They're jealous. Instead of celebrating with and for you, they not so subtly sabotage.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 3, 2014 10:20:58 GMT -5
I always have people assume I have an eating disorder. The OB I used with Gwen considered having me keep a food diary to prove I was eating and not deliberately starving myself. Yes because there is no possible way I could actually be as small as I am and be normal. I'm only 5'0'' what does she expect me to weigh? ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/huh.gif) I get the same crap from pediatricians about the kids. She got on me about Gwen and whether or not I was feeding her. Last time I almost punched her because she was surprised Abby had gained a pound two weeks post birth and told me despite my size I must be producing good milk. Thanks for the backhanded compliment. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/angry.png) How much you weigh unless we're talking extremes has very little to do with how much milk you produce. Sometimes I am tempted to switch but I go thru this with EVERY new doctor. Might as well stick with the enemy I know.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 3, 2014 10:24:36 GMT -5
I used to get that, too. My dad teased me about never breaking a hundred pounds. I finally did when I was pregnant. But every doctor questioned me carefully about eating disorders. Took me forever to understand what he was getting at. The idea of throwing up makes me want to throw up. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png)
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Dec 3, 2014 10:33:26 GMT -5
I was always getting comments about my weight while pregnant and even now 5 months after giving birth. Oh you're not very big; are you eating enough; oh your baby weighed 5 pounds, what did you gain while pregnant, 3 pounds? I gained all over, so it wasn't as obvious that I had gained as much weight as I had (39 pounds!). My doctor would comment on it before he looked at my chart, and then he was like, oh, you've gained fine. Not to mention the coworker that told me that I was going to let myself go after pregnancy - I guess because she did? ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/huh.gif) I secretly hope she dies a little inside every time she sees me because I lost all the weight. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 3, 2014 10:40:32 GMT -5
I wanted to strangle that OB who did my wonky ultrasound with Abby. She refused to believe Gwen had been full term because Gwen weighed 5 lbs 6.12 ounces when she was born.
Midwife looked at me like I was crazy when I told her that story. Gwen was on the low side but still well within the normal scale for full term babies.
The OB made a comment about me probably not having 8-9 lbs babies. I am guessing that is what she considers to be a "normal" sized baby. If my baby is approaching the 9 lb mark somebody better be testing me for GD.
Meanwhile over on WIR several people were given crap for not having 6-7 lb babies.
You can't win.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Dec 3, 2014 10:46:05 GMT -5
Does this woman have anything else to doNot usually. The latest one was DH has psoriasis because he's fat, she read it on Google. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/huh.gif) I've told DH how angry it makes me that she does that to him but he doesn't want me saying anything to her. I can't make him stand up to her and even though it kills me I stand by his request. All bets are off when it comes to the kids though. You're better than me. If my MIL went after my DH like that, I'd have a go at her. He's so laid back he wouldn't say anything, but DH is MINE and no one gets to talk shit about him. Then again, my MIL is like a mama bear, she protects hers, and woe be to you if you piss her off. I can't really see a situation where she'd ever insult or degrade her family.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 3, 2014 10:46:12 GMT -5
Get used to it. You're too fat, you're too skinny. You're baby weighs too much, your baby doesn't weigh enough. You're too strict, you're too lenient. Isn't life fun?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 3, 2014 10:46:38 GMT -5
Sorry, YOUR not you're
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 3, 2014 10:51:23 GMT -5
You're better than me. If my MIL went after my DH like that, I'd have a go at herI'd like to and almost have on several occasions but DH requested that I leave the situation alone. It absolutely kills me but I stand by his decision. She's his mother, not mine. Zib I'm used to the comments for myself but it does piss me off when people imply I am a bad mother because my kids are hovering around the bottom of the growth chart. Only pediatrician who didn't do that was our old one but he turned out to be a pedophile so there ya go. We've been with the new one long enough the comments are slowly starting to taper off. God I hope she doesn't disappear so I end up having to find yet another pediatrician. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/pray.gif)
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 3, 2014 11:47:56 GMT -5
I can't imagine ever saying something like that to either one of my kids. My oldest is a size 6 and the little one is a size 10 and they are both absolutely beautiful. I would never tell either of them that they are fat. What a way to ruin a girl's self esteem. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/highfive.gif)
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 3, 2014 12:03:03 GMT -5
Am I the only one who calls people out on this b.s.? My sister in law and father in law are the only heavy ones on both sides of our family. My mother in law used to comment on her daughter's weight a lot. The one time she decided to talk about it with me behind her back was the last time. I told her she needed to cut it out. Her daughter is an adult, she has a mirror and she knows she is overweight. Nobody appreciates commentary from others, it's rarely helpful and frankly, it's hurtful. End of story. Of course, she was quick to excuse her comments as being worried about her health. That was 5 years ago and I've never heard her say another word about it. But, she's a reasonable person and the rest of you must deal with very unreasonable people.
It seems almost everyone obsesses about weight regardless of whether you're skinny, normal or overweight. And, I'm sick of talking about it.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Dec 3, 2014 12:06:57 GMT -5
My middle child was 10 1/2 lbs at birth. He was always in 99th percentile weight, and usually 90% height! He was chubby. When he was a year old and 22 lbs he got a stomach virus and lost 2 lbs. That was 10% of his body weight and suddenly looked skinny. He stayed skinny through growing up and is now 6'1" and 145 lbs. Chubby babies can turn into skinny people. You mean I was a skinny baby? ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/shocked.gif)
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