milee
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Post by milee on Dec 2, 2014 12:07:03 GMT -5
milee, you don't let your kid ever have sweets? Uh, did you miss the part where I'm making homemade Peppermint Patties today? When my kids get home, they'll help me dip them in chocolate and taste test.
Of course we eat sweets! If you forbid something it becomes all the more tempting. Plus, we like them.
My point isn't that a kid should never, ever eat sugar or white flour. It's that it's my job to help them learn how to eat healthy not just as a kid whose mom largely controls the food, but as an adult for life. IMHO, most of the people I know that have been able to maintain a healthy lifestyle over a large period of time aren't extreme. They are moderate. So that means not eliminating anything or only eating one thing, it means being able to eat a cupcake... and then recognizing that you've had your treat for the day and choosing veggies, lean proteins, etc. for the rest of the day.
IMHO, there's also a big tendency for people to choose what to eat based on emotions (celebrations) or body image (I'm fat so I can never have a cupcake or just as bad - I'm skinny so can eat candy all day.) None of that is a great way to be healthy for the long term. The more I can do to move my kids to understand that food is fuel and they need to choose good fuel for good performance, the better. Again, not that you shouldn't be able to join in social events like having cake for a birthday, but that you want to balance that with other, better fuel.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 2, 2014 12:08:23 GMT -5
But my thought is that if we wait until the kid has a weight problem to "eat healthily for our heart" for example, then the kid doesn't really believe it's healthy eating for the sake of being healthy, the kid believes that healthy eating is a punishment for being heavy - which is the exact opposite of what you want him to think if you want him to choose healthy eating for life.
True. And we're trying to ingrain the healthy eating habits now while she's young and it's relatively easy. Now that I'm cooking more, I'm constantly on the hunt for healthy recipes. We encourage the baby to try everything at least once. We don't keep sweets or cookies or soda in the house (we don't ban them, just don't actively buy them because DH and I don't like them). We offer fruits and vegetables as snacks along with crackers. We actually are trying to eat healthier all the time, and it obviously has nothing to do with Babybird's weight at the moment. Much more to do with ours.
So I guess we're on the right track in that sense. Our policy lately has been not to ban anything - but to do everything in moderation. (BB is at a perfectly healthy weight for her age and height.) And I'm trying to get us exercising more as a family.
I'm more worried about the unconscious messages. Even if we're "doing everything right" she's still going to hear the fat shaming from society. I know I did. I actually don't remember my parents ever shaming me or anyone else for weight, and that didn't keep me from becoming anorexic and bulimic. So I worry that even if I give her the "right" messages at home, she'll still get the wrong messages and I won't have the tools to help her combat them because I haven't developed them myself.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 2, 2014 12:12:21 GMT -5
I think this woman is a clone of my mom. She honestly believes if she constantly points out to someone what their flaw(s) are, it will motivate them to improve themselves. What she did, instead, was destroy the self esteem of her 3 oldest kids and permanently fracture her relationship with my dad. I used to hate to have to go on a car ride with her anywhere, because she used that time as a chance to lecture me on all of my many, many faults. I didn't spend enough time on my make up or hair. Wore jeans too often. Walked with too long of a stride (mannish) instead of 'mincing' like a lady. Spent too much time studying or reading (Seriously! This was a huge complaint she had about me!) instead of focusing on my social skills, like flirting - which were critical in order to land a good husband. (Girls didn't need to get good grades, they only had to barely pass - they were going to be SAHMs anyway). Laughed too raucously, instead of having a ladylike, tinkling laugh (DH loves my bawdy laugh, BTW). If she had extra time after listing my faults, she moved to to list the faults of my two older sisters and my dad. At the end of the car ride, I always felt like I'd been physically beaten. As an adult, I once told her that her nagging was not only not helpful, it killed my self esteem, and she was truly surprised. She said she wasn't nagging, she was using "subliminal messaging" which ALL the psychologists agreed was the best way to get someone to do what you wanted them to do. And besides, she said, if she had any flaws, she would really want someone to point out what they were, so she could fix them. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/wte.png) Look up Narcassistic Personality Disorder in the dictionary, and there is a picture of my mom. I'm wondering which one of my sisters you are. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/wte.png)
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 2, 2014 12:14:24 GMT -5
The habit of constantly snacking is a bigger culprit to obesity IMO than what the snack actually is.
SO MUCH THIS. I swear, if Babybird goes more than an hour without a snack she acts like she has been locked in a dark closet without food or drink for a month. My answer is basically to only give her healthy snacks. She loves lean deli turkey, cucumbers, and bananas right now so that's what she generally gets when she asks for a snack. Of course, she also loves Ritz crackers DH is fully aware he is overweight so he knows when I change things I am partially doing it to help him hopefully lose weight. [snip] You can handle weight problems without fat shaming.
Kids are different from adults. Also, there's a difference between helping someone slim down when they've asked you to do so and doing it because you think they need to be thinner. If you know the secret to having an overweight child who doesn't want to talk about the issue and doesn't want constructive help fixing the issue even though it's negatively impacting his/her life, please share it with me because I am going to be up the creek if I'm ever facing that situation. Particularly with a daughter.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Dec 2, 2014 12:25:26 GMT -5
I think this woman is a clone of my mom. She honestly believes if she constantly points out to someone what their flaw(s) are, it will motivate them to improve themselves. Look up Narcassistic Personality Disorder in the dictionary, and there is a picture of my mom. I'm wondering which one of my sisters you are. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/wte.png) I'm the nerdy, tomboyish, smart sister who won't ever get married because men are intimidated by smart women. Are you the fattie, hippie, artsy sister who won't ever get married because men like petite preppy cheerleaders with pixie hair cuts, or are you the painfully shy, gawky, nervous sister who won't ever get married because she's so shy she can't even talk to a boy?
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 2, 2014 12:34:42 GMT -5
I'm wondering which one of my sisters you are. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/wte.png) I'm the nerdy, tomboyish, smart sister who won't ever get married because men are intimidated by smart women. Are you the fattie, hippie, artsy sister who won't ever get married because men like petite preppy cheerleaders with pixie hair cuts, or are you the painfully shy, gawky, nervous sister who won't ever get married because she's so shy she can't even talk to a boy? No, I was the nerdy, tomboyish smart sister who won't ever get married because men are intimidated by smart women (now that I've been married for 24 years and still turn men down, I'm suspecting I'm not as big a dud as my mom made me out to be, though.)
So I guess maybe we're not real sisters, just Sistahs. Like Hoops and I are on the BC thread.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 2, 2014 12:51:34 GMT -5
I don't know. As you move thru life and deal with loved ones on their deathbed, I think you begin to find that carrying a few extra pounds really shouldn't take up so much time and preoccupation. Yeah, live healthy, eat better, exercise, have fun. But, in reality you aren't going to look 20 when you are 40 nor will you look 40 when you are 60 soooo some people do age better, but those people are called Celebrities! Wait, what?? I've been looking 20 for the past 20 years - are you saying there is something wrong with my mirror??
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 2, 2014 12:53:51 GMT -5
On a serious note - I noticed recently that I don't know how to watch TV without eating. Even knitting doesn't help to occupy my hands.
And since I usually watch TV later at night, that's the time that I am loading up on all the yummy things that I like - cheese and cookies and various sauces from Indian restaurant.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 2, 2014 13:06:37 GMT -5
milee, you don't let your kid ever have sweets? Uh, did you miss the part where I'm making homemade Peppermint Patties today? When my kids get home, they'll help me dip them in chocolate and taste test.
Of course we eat sweets! If you forbid something it becomes all the more tempting. Plus, we like them.
My point isn't that a kid should never, ever eat sugar or white flour. It's that it's my job to help them learn how to eat healthy not just as a kid whose mom largely controls the food, but as an adult for life. IMHO, most of the people I know that have been able to maintain a healthy lifestyle over a large period of time aren't extreme. They are moderate. So that means not eliminating anything or only eating one thing, it means being able to eat a cupcake... and then recognizing that you've had your treat for the day and choosing veggies, lean proteins, etc. for the rest of the day.
IMHO, there's also a big tendency for people to choose what to eat based on emotions (celebrations) or body image (I'm fat so I can never have a cupcake or just as bad - I'm skinny so can eat candy all day.) None of that is a great way to be healthy for the long term. The more I can do to move my kids to understand that food is fuel and they need to choose good fuel for good performance, the better. Again, not that you shouldn't be able to join in social events like having cake for a birthday, but that you want to balance that with other, better fuel.
Ok. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) Just making sure. Sorry, I did miss that post. I totally agree that dietary smarts is just as important as financial, social, cultural, educational, etc.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 2, 2014 13:07:32 GMT -5
On a serious note - I noticed recently that I don't know how to watch TV without eating. Even knitting doesn't help to occupy my hands. And since I usually watch TV later at night, that's the time that I am loading up on all the yummy things that I like - cheese and cookies and various sauces from Indian restaurant. I get around this by having my TV in the basement, and I'm too lazy to go upstairs to get something to eat! ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 2, 2014 13:09:57 GMT -5
I am not a huge fan of Dr. Oz, but I liked his suggestion of if you feel you must snack keep healthy things within easy reach and keep the bad stuff in an out of the way location.
Like fill a bowl full of fruit in front of the TV and keep the cookies in a place it'd be a PITA to get to them from the couch.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 2, 2014 13:12:59 GMT -5
On a serious note - I noticed recently that I don't know how to watch TV without eating. Even knitting doesn't help to occupy my hands. And since I usually watch TV later at night, that's the time that I am loading up on all the yummy things that I like - cheese and cookies and various sauces from Indian restaurant. That's because your kids are in bed and you can actually sit down and eat without needing to get up every 3 minutes!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 2, 2014 13:19:01 GMT -5
I think this woman is a clone of my mom. She honestly believes if she constantly points out to someone what their flaw(s) are, it will motivate them to improve themselves. What she did, instead, was destroy the self esteem of her 3 oldest kids and permanently fracture her relationship with my dad. I used to hate to have to go on a car ride with her anywhere, because she used that time as a chance to lecture me on all of my many, many faults. I didn't spend enough time on my make up or hair. Wore jeans too often. Walked with too long of a stride (mannish) instead of 'mincing' like a lady. Spent too much time studying or reading (Seriously! This was a huge complaint she had about me!) instead of focusing on my social skills, like flirting - which were critical in order to land a good husband. (Girls didn't need to get good grades, they only had to barely pass - they were going to be SAHMs anyway). Laughed too raucously, instead of having a ladylike, tinkling laugh (DH loves my bawdy laugh, BTW). If she had extra time after listing my faults, she moved to to list the faults of my two older sisters and my dad. At the end of the car ride, I always felt like I'd been physically beaten. As an adult, I once told her that her nagging was not only not helpful, it killed my self esteem, and she was truly surprised. She said she wasn't nagging, she was using "subliminal messaging" which ALL the psychologists agreed was the best way to get someone to do what you wanted them to do. And besides, she said, if she had any flaws, she would really want someone to point out what they were, so she could fix them. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/wte.png) Look up Narcassistic Personality Disorder in the dictionary, and there is a picture of my mom. How on earth did you not pull a "Throw Mama From The Train" moment with her? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yikes.png)
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 2, 2014 13:32:29 GMT -5
On a serious note - I noticed recently that I don't know how to watch TV without eating. Even knitting doesn't help to occupy my hands. And since I usually watch TV later at night, that's the time that I am loading up on all the yummy things that I like - cheese and cookies and various sauces from Indian restaurant. That's because your kids are in bed and you can actually sit down and eat without needing to get up every 3 minutes! Oh, abso-freakin-lutely. But that's also the reason I still wear maternity shirts even though my youngest is almost 3.5 ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/shocked.gif)
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 2, 2014 13:34:09 GMT -5
That's because your kids are in bed and you can actually sit down and eat without needing to get up every 3 minutes! Oh, abso-freakin-lutely. But that's also the reason I still wear maternity shirts even though my youngest is almost 3.5 ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/shocked.gif) I haven't nursed in 4+ years and still love my nursing tanks. Comfort can never be overrated.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 2, 2014 13:37:23 GMT -5
Last Christmas, we were at TD's SIL for dinner. She has 2 adult daughters. Her older daughter is very VERY slender - she really looks anorexic, she's that slender. Her other daughter is a healthy weight. She's athletic, is always moving and just about every time I have seen her, she's either come from or is going to play soccer.
The SIL ragged on her younger daughter all day long. She ate too much at dinner, she drank too much wine, she had a couple cookies after the pie we had at dinner.....and so on. Then the older daughter jumped on the bandwagon and joined her mom in the chorus.
I had seen it the previous year, when we had dinner with TD's mom at her place. The daughters weren't there and his mom had made butter tarts for dessert instead of pie. These things are awesome and incredibly rich. The only time she makes them is for Christmas, they're like a zillion calories, but every last one of them is worth it. Her DH (TD's brother) reached for a second tart and you would have thought he had committed a cardinal sin.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2014 13:47:49 GMT -5
Last Christmas, we were at TD's SIL for dinner. She has 2 adult daughters. Her older daughter is very VERY slender - she really looks anorexic, she's that slender. Her other daughter is a healthy weight. She's athletic, is always moving and just about every time I have seen her, she's either come from or is going to play soccer. The SIL ragged on her younger daughter all day long. She ate too much at dinner, she drank too much wine, she had a couple cookies after the pie we had at dinner.....and so on. Then the older daughter jumped on the bandwagon and joined her mom in the chorus. That's really sad. I know what kind of calories athletic people burn up- nephew swam in the Olympics and even at my ripe old age I can burn 1,500 calories on a 35-mile charity bike ride. (That's according to my heart rate monitor.) One of my co-workers was on the swim team in HS and she said that when they made a list of what they ate in a typical day for a Nutrition class, there were so many calories on her list that the teacher thought she was making it up.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Dec 2, 2014 14:00:04 GMT -5
Back to the OP: I'd probably cut someone slack based on their age. I suspect anyone who's formative years where the early 70s and before - has the old timey acceptable script for what to say to babies/moms stuck in their heads - and it generally revolves around "a well fed" or "chubby baby" being good (no mother wanted a underweight "sickly" baby!) and then coupling it with some remark about needing to be a skinny attractive woman later in life so she could 'catch a husband'. If babies wore glasses I'm sure there'd be some comment about how eventually the kid could get laser surgery and NOT need those "date killer galsses". On another note... What kind of fall back 'script' is it ok to have/use for the miscellaneous babies one comes across in real life. I've mostly seen adorable babies (even when they are screaming and fussing) and a couple of babies/toddlers that were cute because they were kinda ugly I generally use "oh, poor baby!" in a sympathic voice and a smile to the adult with the screamer near by. Sometimes I'd add in a "I want to do that too sometimes. Get it all out!" Or I just go for a generic complement: "What an adorable Baby!" If we are at a store with a baby aisle I attempt a bit of wit/cleverness with "Someone's been to the Baby Aisle and picked out the best one there!!" I know it's sometimes hard to tell boy from girl babies so I stick with the generic Baby - unless it's blantantly obvious from all the pink/bows or blue/boy stuff clothes what kind of Baby the parents have. What's the right way to acknowledge a bundle of Adorable-ness without being creepy or rude? 'Cause you know, other people's babies make me smile (and feel good). And that's kinda nice.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Dec 2, 2014 14:10:30 GMT -5
I wish I could share my mom with some of you posting who clearly got ripped off in the mother department ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/sad.png)
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Dec 2, 2014 14:41:38 GMT -5
I don't really thing it is possible for an exclusively breast fed baby to be fat, though I do think a lot of parents over feed babies and toddlers especially when giving them processed foods. My close friend is having a really hard time with her baby who was almost diagnosed as failure to thrive. She was made to feel like a criminal at every doctor's visit and at one point for nearly a month this was a daily requirement, she wanted to exclusively breastfeed but eventually they forced her to add to bottle feedings. In my opinion, he looks like a healthy baby even though he is small. Even the doctor said they couldn't find anything wrong with him, he had enough wet diapers, he was latching fine, and the doctors ran all these tests and didn't find anything- they just thought he should weigh more than he did. My friend told the doctors that after she added a bottle to the end of her breastfeeding the baby would often throw it all up. Now people think she is crazy because she won't give him too much in the bottle in order to make sure he doesn't puke everything back up. It's made her crazy, and I think the doctors are being ridiculous. I blame this on the abundance of really big babies which make a small, breastfed baby seem like there is something wrong with them even when there isn't.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Dec 2, 2014 14:55:45 GMT -5
Maybe we are getting a little concerned with how a baby looks. I know myself that I say that my GD is tiny, maybe I am comparing to my kids when they were little as they were always in the 90th percentile. She isn't though, she was 7/11 and she is in the 75th percentile, that is not tiny at all.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Dec 2, 2014 15:00:55 GMT -5
I don't really thing it is possible for an exclusively breast fed baby to be fat, though I do think a lot of parents over feed babies and toddlers especially when giving them processed foods. My close friend is having a really hard time with her baby who was almost diagnosed as failure to thrive. She was made to feel like a criminal at every doctor's visit and at one point for nearly a month this was a daily requirement, she wanted to exclusively breastfeed but eventually they forced her to add to bottle feedings. In my opinion, he looks like a healthy baby even though he is small. Even the doctor said they couldn't find anything wrong with him, he had enough wet diapers, he was latching fine, and the doctors ran all these tests and didn't find anything- they just thought he should weigh more than he did. My friend told the doctors that after she added a bottle to the end of her breastfeeding the baby would often throw it all up. Now people think she is crazy because she won't give him too much in the bottle in order to make sure he doesn't puke everything back up. It's made her crazy, and I think the doctors are being ridiculous. I blame this on the abundance of really big babies which make a small, breastfed baby seem like there is something wrong with them even when there isn't. Actually breastfed babies are often chubbier than their formula-fed counterparts up to about 6/9 months of age. Example - this weekend, our 7-year-old nephew said to me about my 5 month old BF baby - "Aunt Steph, can I ask you a question? What are on her wrists?" Nothing, those are just her fat rolls.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 2, 2014 15:38:58 GMT -5
I don't really thing it is possible for an exclusively breast fed baby to be fat, though I do think a lot of parents over feed babies and toddlers especially when giving them processed foods. My close friend is having a really hard time with her baby who was almost diagnosed as failure to thrive. She was made to feel like a criminal at every doctor's visit and at one point for nearly a month this was a daily requirement, she wanted to exclusively breastfeed but eventually they forced her to add to bottle feedings. In my opinion, he looks like a healthy baby even though he is small. Even the doctor said they couldn't find anything wrong with him, he had enough wet diapers, he was latching fine, and the doctors ran all these tests and didn't find anything- they just thought he should weigh more than he did. My friend told the doctors that after she added a bottle to the end of her breastfeeding the baby would often throw it all up. Now people think she is crazy because she won't give him too much in the bottle in order to make sure he doesn't puke everything back up. It's made her crazy, and I think the doctors are being ridiculous. I blame this on the abundance of really big babies which make a small, breastfed baby seem like there is something wrong with them even when there isn't. That is horrible. My kid was maybe 17th percentile in weight and 80ish in height. Yeah, that's what a SPECTRUM is. Not everyone can be 50th percentile. That's how it works. My pediatrician understood how important BF was to me. And if you have an older chart, it includes both EBF babies and formula fed babies... and some people start their kids on solids at 3 and 4 months to "help" them sleep. Made complete sense to me that my child was thin(ner).
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Dec 2, 2014 17:08:05 GMT -5
I wish I could share my mom with some of you posting who clearly got ripped off in the mother department ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/sad.png) I got a fabulous mother in law, so Karma has balanced the scales, I think. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png)
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Dec 2, 2014 17:11:22 GMT -5
I don't really thing it is possible for an exclusively breast fed baby to be fat, though I do think a lot of parents over feed babies and toddlers especially when giving them processed foods. My close friend is having a really hard time with her baby who was almost diagnosed as failure to thrive. She was made to feel like a criminal at every doctor's visit and at one point for nearly a month this was a daily requirement, she wanted to exclusively breastfeed but eventually they forced her to add to bottle feedings. In my opinion, he looks like a healthy baby even though he is small. Even the doctor said they couldn't find anything wrong with him, he had enough wet diapers, he was latching fine, and the doctors ran all these tests and didn't find anything- they just thought he should weigh more than he did. My friend told the doctors that after she added a bottle to the end of her breastfeeding the baby would often throw it all up. Now people think she is crazy because she won't give him too much in the bottle in order to make sure he doesn't puke everything back up. It's made her crazy, and I think the doctors are being ridiculous. I blame this on the abundance of really big babies which make a small, breastfed baby seem like there is something wrong with them even when there isn't. Actually breastfed babies are often chubbier than their formula-fed counterparts up to about 6/9 months of age. Example - this weekend, our 7-year-old nephew said to me about my 5 month old BF baby - "Aunt Steph, can I ask you a question? What are on her wrists?" Nothing, those are just her fat rolls. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahthat.gif) You have obviously never seen my baby.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 2, 2014 17:17:06 GMT -5
I wish I could share my mom with some of you posting who clearly got ripped off in the mother department ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/sad.png) I got a fabulous mother in law, so Karma has balanced the scales, I think. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) I got a MIL that lives thousands of miles away across a major ocean, so I think that's pretty good, too. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png) Good MIL/absent MIL. Potato/Potahto.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Dec 2, 2014 17:22:12 GMT -5
I think this woman is a clone of my mom. She honestly believes if she constantly points out to someone what their flaw(s) are, it will motivate them to improve themselves. And besides, she said, if she had any flaws, she would really want someone to point out what they were, so she could fix them. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/wte.png) Look up Narcassistic Personality Disorder in the dictionary, and there is a picture of my mom. How on earth did you not pull a "Throw Mama From The Train" moment with her? ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yikes.png) Actually for me and my second oldest sister, we were able to figure out that Mom was full of shit sometime around our late teens, and we were able to pretty much blow off her comments after that. It helped that dad was encouraging to us, so we did have one non-crazy parent. Unfortunately for my oldest sister (who got the bulk of the constant negative comments, because she was fat and mom hates fat people - even though she is, herself, fat) she could never just shrug it off and even when she died, when she was 61, she was still angry at our mom, all those years later. It was sad she couldn't just let go and move on. I feel sad for my mom, too, because of her three oldest kids, she didn't have a good relationship with any of us. We all moved as far away from home as soon as we could, and never shared anything much with her, because we knew she would disapprove of everything we did. She was always jealous of our comfortable relationships with our dad, too, and I'm sure she didn't understand why we got along so well with him but not with her.
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Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
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Post by Formerly SK on Dec 2, 2014 17:37:25 GMT -5
I'm more worried about the unconscious messages. Even if we're "doing everything right" she's still going to hear the fat shaming from society. I know I did. I actually don't remember my parents ever shaming me or anyone else for weight, and that didn't keep me from becoming anorexic and bulimic. So I worry that even if I give her the "right" messages at home, she'll still get the wrong messages and I won't have the tools to help her combat them because I haven't developed them myself. I have never once complained about my body in front of my kids. Neither has DH. My kids also rarely watch TV, and if they do it's Netflix. No radio, and no non-supervised internet. No pop culture exposure. My kids are both also really thin - DS1 is 50lbs in 4th grade, DS2 is 41lbs in 3rd grade. DS2 fell off the weight charts at 9 months old, the older one is in the <5% range. I have to buy them slim pants AND cinch up the elastic waist to get them to fit. You can see their entire ribcage front and back. You get the picture. And yet, both kids occasionally complain of being fat. DS2 (who has been labeled as Failure to Thrive since he was 9 months old) refuses to wear a winter coat because it makes him look fat. DS1 claims he's fat if his stomach is flat instead of concave. I have no idea where they get these ideas, yet despite all efforts on my part (and all medical evidence) they still have those thoughts. We run the house like Milee in that all conversation about food is about energy/health. The kids eat lots of crap, but they know the difference and I'm trying to teach them about good choices. Eating is never about aesthetics, it's about strong muscles and bones or feeling sick because you ate too much sugar.
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Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
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Post by Firebird on Dec 2, 2014 17:51:59 GMT -5
DS2 (who has been labeled as Failure to Thrive since he was 9 months old) refuses to wear a winter coat because it makes him look fat. DS1 claims he's fat if his stomach is flat instead of concave. I have no idea where they get these ideas, yet despite all efforts on my part (and all medical evidence) they still have those thoughts.
Yeah, I can actually remember the point when I first started thinking I was fat. I was probably 9 or 10, and my thighs became OMG thicker than my calves for the first time. Somehow I interpreted that as me getting fat. All downhill from there ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/sad.png) It really does suck because I've seen pictures and at no stage in my childhood was I remotely chubby. I've always had a larger skeletal frame and a more solid build than other girls, which I figured meant I was automatically fat. But I never had an actual weight problem! It's actually kind of scary, how skewed my thinking was and still is in a lot of ways. And this was with my nice mom who never once shamed me. I can't even imagine what would have happened if my mother had constantly berated me for eating or told me I was fat.
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NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,592
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Post by NastyWoman on Dec 2, 2014 20:20:23 GMT -5
Does this woman have anything else to doNot usually. The latest one was DH has psoriasis because he's fat, she read it on Google. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/huh.gif) I've told DH how angry it makes me that she does that to him but he doesn't want me saying anything to her. I can't make him stand up to her and even though it kills me I stand by his request. All bets are off when it comes to the kids though. NomoreDramaQ1015 for that day in the future that MIL goes too far, here is some fodder for you. Start muttering about how you read that psoriasis has a strong genetic link (true statement) and that you read somewhere that it is mostly passed on along by females (also true you read it right here <== and that I'm blowing smoke out of my *** has no bearing on this statement). Then, raising your voice just enough to make sure that everyone hears you ask her: MIL how does one deal with passing along a disease to one's children? We all want the very best for them but... start mumbling again
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