Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 12:33:26 GMT -5
Same sex or group coed events. So far I haven't given the girls permission to stay at their boyfriend's.
Right but my point is that the process from the parent's perspective is the same.
YOU know you haven't given your daughter permission to sleep at her boyfriend's, but I don't automatically know that. So I call you to ask if Lil Later can sleep over with my son / her boyfriend, you say no, and that's the end of it.
It's really no different than me calling to ask if Lil Later can spend the night with Babybird when you didn't give LL permission to spend the night anywhere on that particular evening. How am I supposed to know that unless I ask you? Why would I NOT ask you?
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Sept 24, 2014 12:36:58 GMT -5
Same sex or group coed events. So far I haven't given the girls permission to stay at their boyfriend's.
Right but my point is that the process from the parent's perspective is the same. YOU know you haven't given your daughter permission to sleep at her boyfriend's, but I don't automatically know that. So I call you to ask if Lil Later can sleep over with my son / her boyfriend, you say no, and that's the end of it. It's really no different than me calling to ask if Lil Later can spend the night with Babybird when you didn't give LL permission to spend the night anywhere on that particular evening. How am I supposed to know that unless I ask you? Why would I NOT ask you? Because you should realize before you call that you are the crazy, progressive, hippy mom. After that realization you will come to conclusion that the other kid's parents will never say yes, so the call is a waste of time and just makes everyone involved uncomfortable.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 24, 2014 12:37:06 GMT -5
Are you going to make this call for every friend BB has over once she hits 16?
I would, actually, outside of a standing arrangement that it's okay for X friend to sleep over whenever. If I'm going to have a minor under my roof, especially overnight, I'd want to know that his/her parents knew where s/he was. I thought that was pretty standard... a text message making sure it's okay will do. I'm not opposed to that idea, but I really can't imagine doing it either. In my view that's part of letting them grow up. I would be more likely to do as Later suggests that I would confirm where my kids are, but even that *I think* will be based on if the kids need that kind of supervision, which I'm hoping that by 16 they have shown me that they don't.
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jeep108
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Post by jeep108 on Sept 24, 2014 12:40:03 GMT -5
My daughter isn't sexual yet, the only boyfriend she had broke up with her because he was gay. She did inform me that she thinks she's bisexual. I told her anytime she ready to have sex to let me know and we will get her on the pill. She has her girl friends over all the time. When I ask if she has tried anything with her girlfriends and rolls her eyes at me. I don't think she's there yet. She thinks it will be easier to come out with a girl when she start college. She's senior this year.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 12:43:49 GMT -5
Lmao, of course. You know, I've never known a teenager to go on the pill for any other reason.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 24, 2014 12:44:25 GMT -5
I like how our doc handled it. Loop took our oldest in for a checkup/physical. The doc told her she was going to discuss birth control with our daughter, was Loop cool with that? She said yes, so the doc asked her to leave the room and had the discussion with our daughter. Ended up with a prescription for oral contraceptives mostly to help regulate her periods and lessen cramps. Kiddo was 12 at the time. I expect the same thing to happen with our youngest in the next year or so. Our doctor shares our belief that young teens are too young to be having sex, but if they're going to do it they should be able to keep themselves as safe as possible, and ultimately it's my daughter's decision. That said, their boyfriends still aren't sleeping over at my house. Except maybe in the garage, if I catch them screwing around and beat the boy too bad to walk home that night. I consider it progressively old fashioned. I respect my daughter's right to choose for herself when and what she's ready for. The boy/girl involved should respect my right to not want to know it's going on, and make some effort to hide it from me. The way god intended damnit. Damnit--I liked this post before you added the 2nd paragraph. I don't plan on making a decision on this until I'm faced with the issue, so please continue to offer opinions.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 12:45:29 GMT -5
I'm not opposed to that idea, but I really can't imagine doing it either. In my view that's part of letting them grow up. I would be more likely to do as Later suggests that I would confirm where my kids are, but even that *I think* will be based on if the kids need that kind of supervision, which I'm hoping that by 16 they have shown me that they don't.
It really has nothing to do with how much I trust my own kid. I probably won't know my kid's friends as well as I know my kid. If I do, that would fall under the "standing arrangement" exception I mentioned and I wouldn't feel the need to confirm every single time. Otherwise, the call is simply to verify that the other kid's parents know where s/he is - not to approve/disapprove of every activity they might do together. If they already told their parents where they would be, then great! If I know the kid a little, I can probably safely take their word on that. If it's a new friend, or someone I don't know/trust that well, I'll call or text the parent to make sure it's okay. And I wouldn't mind a bit if Babybird's friends' parents called or texted me when she wanted to sleep over at their place, even if they trust her. I probably already gave her permission to sleep over, but they don't know that. Trust but verify isn't a bad policy with teens and their buddies
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 12:46:10 GMT -5
Same sex or group coed events. So far I haven't given the girls permission to stay at their boyfriend's.
Right but my point is that the process from the parent's perspective is the same. YOU know you haven't given your daughter permission to sleep at her boyfriend's, but I don't automatically know that. So I call you to ask if Lil Later can sleep over with my son / her boyfriend, you say no, and that's the end of it. It's really no different than me calling to ask if Lil Later can spend the night with Babybird when you didn't give LL permission to spend the night anywhere on that particular evening. How am I supposed to know that unless I ask you? Why would I NOT ask you? Oh it's waaaaaay different. Seriously, if my kid is old enough to be staying at your place to sleep with your kid they are too old for you to be calling their mommy to make sure it's okay. Either I know and have discussed it with them or I am oblivious when they spend the night away from home and don't care where they are or what they are up to.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 12:48:24 GMT -5
I'm not opposed to that idea, but I really can't imagine doing it either. In my view that's part of letting them grow up. I would be more likely to do as Later suggests that I would confirm where my kids are, but even that *I think* will be based on if the kids need that kind of supervision, which I'm hoping that by 16 they have shown me that they don't.
It really has nothing to do with how much I trust my own kid. I probably won't know my kid's friends as well as I know my kid. If I do, that would fall under the "standing arrangement" exception I mentioned and I wouldn't feel the need to confirm every single time. Otherwise, the call is simply to verify that the other kid's parents know where s/he is - not to approve/disapprove of every activity they might do together. If they already told their parents where they would be, then great! If I know the kid a little, I can probably safely take their word on that. If it's a new friend, or someone I don't know/trust that well, I'll call or text the parent to make sure it's okay.
And I wouldn't mind a bit if Babybird's friends' parents called or texted me when she wanted to sleep over at their place, even if they trust her. I probably already gave her permission to sleep over, but they don't know that. Trust but verify isn't a bad policy with teens and their buddies You understand you are saying you know this kid well enough to let them sleep with Babybird but not well enough to know if they told their parents.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 12:49:18 GMT -5
I have. Lots of my sister's friends didn't go on the pill until they wanted to get frisky with their boyfriends. Several got frisky first then tried to get on the pill because they knew it was only a matter of time until they had an oops. Some went on the pill pretty much as soon as they hit puberty, the most common reason was to help control acne, which any teen will tell you is like the single worst thing on the planet. So what do you think they told their Dad's about why they went on the pill?
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jeep108
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Post by jeep108 on Sept 24, 2014 12:51:03 GMT -5
My husband was 19 when he started staying with my parents and I. I don't think my parents talk to his mom until we had been together for 2 years.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 12:53:31 GMT -5
Seriously, if my kid is old enough to be staying at your place to sleep with your kid they are too old for you to be calling their mommy to make sure it's okay.
Fine, but the question was whether I would call the parents of any kid who wanted to sleep over.
The answer is yes, unless I really know/trust the kid and they've slept over before.
And I'm not sure what "old enough" has to do with anything. Until they turn 18, they're minors and their guardians are supposed to be aware of where they're spending the night. If that place is my house, I'd feel an obligation to make sure it was fine with them.
Suppose my daughter's boyfriend is grounded for two weeks and wasn't even supposed to come over for dinner. Of course it's not okay for him to sleep over in that instance, plus I'd kind of like to know that about him. And he's not likely to tell me - I'd find out when I called his mom to ask about the sleepover. And that could happen with any friend of hers.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 12:57:21 GMT -5
Where's the airplane emo when you need it?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 12:58:46 GMT -5
You understand you are saying you know this kid well enough to let them sleep with Babybird but not well enough to know if they told their parents.
If the kid tells me that it's okay with his parents, I'll probably believe that HE believes it is (assuming he's a trustworthy guy). I'm still going to call and make sure it's okay (especially if it's the first night they've done that). Maybe there's a random reason he can't sleep over that particular night, and since they were expecting him to come home they didn't bother mentioning it. Maybe they really aren't okay with it, even though he thought they were because they are fine with him buying condoms.
Personally, I think any teenager who actually gets permission from his girlfriend's parents before sleeping over (as opposed to climbing in the window after we're asleep) is probably going to be responsible enough to have cleared it with his parents first. And if he has nothing to hide, he shouldn't object to the phone call just to make sure.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 13:01:26 GMT -5
I'm not opposed to that idea, but I really can't imagine doing it either. In my view that's part of letting them grow up. I would be more likely to do as Later suggests that I would confirm where my kids are, but even that *I think* will be based on if the kids need that kind of supervision, which I'm hoping that by 16 they have shown me that they don't.
It really has nothing to do with how much I trust my own kid. I probably won't know my kid's friends as well as I know my kid. If I do, that would fall under the "standing arrangement" exception I mentioned and I wouldn't feel the need to confirm every single time. Otherwise, the call is simply to verify that the other kid's parents know where s/he is - not to approve/disapprove of every activity they might do together. If they already told their parents where they would be, then great! If I know the kid a little, I can probably safely take their word on that. If it's a new friend, or someone I don't know/trust that well, I'll call or text the parent to make sure it's okay. And I wouldn't mind a bit if Babybird's friends' parents called or texted me when she wanted to sleep over at their place, even if they trust her. I probably already gave her permission to sleep over, but they don't know that. Trust but verify isn't a bad policy with teens and their buddies As you answer each new point you are morphing into something strange. Stop and think about the fact that we are talking about is making sure the other kid's parents are comfortable with them sleeping over in your kid's bed, with your kid.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 24, 2014 13:03:57 GMT -5
I'm not opposed to that idea, but I really can't imagine doing it either. In my view that's part of letting them grow up. I would be more likely to do as Later suggests that I would confirm where my kids are, but even that *I think* will be based on if the kids need that kind of supervision, which I'm hoping that by 16 they have shown me that they don't.
It really has nothing to do with how much I trust my own kid. I probably won't know my kid's friends as well as I know my kid. If I do, that would fall under the "standing arrangement" exception I mentioned and I wouldn't feel the need to confirm every single time. Otherwise, the call is simply to verify that the other kid's parents know where s/he is - not to approve/disapprove of every activity they might do together. If they already told their parents where they would be, then great! If I know the kid a little, I can probably safely take their word on that. If it's a new friend, or someone I don't know/trust that well, I'll call or text the parent to make sure it's okay. And I wouldn't mind a bit if Babybird's friends' parents called or texted me when she wanted to sleep over at their place, even if they trust her. I probably already gave her permission to sleep over, but they don't know that. Trust but verify isn't a bad policy with teens and their buddies Did your parents do that? How long did it last? Till 18, or anytime they are living with you?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 13:05:50 GMT -5
Did your parents do that? How long did it last? Till 18, or anytime they are living with you?
The only people I had to sleep over were old friends, and it wasn't very often. So no - and I wouldn't call every time either in that situation, as I've said. If we all know each other and our kids go way back and sleep over frequently, I'm not going to feel the need to check in with their parents each and every time.
Over 18 I won't be checking on anything. She's responsible for herself at that point.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 24, 2014 13:09:34 GMT -5
That said, their boyfriends still aren't sleeping over at my house. Except maybe in the garage, if I catch them screwing around and beat the boy too bad to walk home that night
DH is that you?
Between my dad and my husband I am pretty sure my daughters are going to end up in a convent.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 13:12:30 GMT -5
So, if someone lets the kids sleep over in the same room without other parent knowledge, they are in trouble for 'giving permission'... But if the person calls the other parents, that's bad too? What do you want exactly?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 13:16:24 GMT -5
As you answer each new point you are morphing into something strange. Stop and think about the fact that we are talking about is making sure the other kid's parents are comfortable with them sleeping over in your kid's bed, with your kid.
Yeah, and since you're a parent who isn't comfortable with that, I'm really surprised you have such a big problem with the idea that I'd make sure it was okay with you before I let them do it.
You'd think that if it wasn't okay with you, then you would be glad to know that your daughter's boyfriend's parent would check with you first.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 13:20:51 GMT -5
I've said several times now that I'm not even sure I'd allow/be comfortable with romantic sleepovers in high school (and if DH is serious that he wouldn't allow/be comfortable with them, then that's the same thing). So I'm not even sure this will ever come up.
Most likely, it would depend heavily on circumstances. I hope that if my kid ever asked permission for her boyfriend to spend the night, it wouldn't be completely out of the blue.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 13:22:03 GMT -5
As you answer each new point you are morphing into something strange. Stop and think about the fact that we are talking about is making sure the other kid's parents are comfortable with them sleeping over in your kid's bed, with your kid.
Yeah, and since you're a parent who isn't comfortable with that, I'm really surprised you have such a big problem with the idea that I'd make sure it was okay with you before I let them do it. You'd think that if it wasn't okay with you, then you would be glad to know that your daughter's boyfriend's parent would check with you first. You don't need to check with me. Most likely I haven't given permission for her to stay over at all or I have approached you to ensure that there are separate sleeping arrangements. Or she has reached an age where no one needs my imput.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 13:26:18 GMT -5
You don't need to check with me. Most likely I haven't given permission for her to stay over at all or I have approached you to ensure that there are separate sleeping arrangements. Or she has reached an age where no one needs my imput.
So let's say our 16 year old kids are dating. Your kid tells me it's completely okay for her to stay over with my kid, in her room. Your kid hasn't done anything to piss me off or lose my trust yet, so I just take her word for it and don't bother to check with you.
I don't have a problem with it, so I let her sleep over and you find out. Somehow I feel like I would be receiving an irate phone call from you asking why in the hell I let them do that without checking with you first. Call me crazy.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 13:28:52 GMT -5
I'd be calling her to see where the heck she is long before she spent the night. She has a curfew and if she isn't home by that time I go looking.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 24, 2014 13:29:50 GMT -5
You don't need to check with me. Most likely I haven't given permission for her to stay over at all or I have approached you to ensure that there are separate sleeping arrangements. Or she has reached an age where no one needs my imput.
So let's say our 16 year old kids are dating. Your kid tells me it's completely okay for her to stay over with my kid, in her room. Your kid hasn't done anything to piss me off or lose my trust yet, so I just take her word for it and don't bother to check with you. I don't have a problem with it, so I let her sleep over and you find out. Somehow I feel like I would be receiving an irate phone call from you asking why in the hell I let them do that without checking with you first. Call me crazy. I don't think its other parents jobs to police my rules for my kids. As the parent I had somewhere I *thought* my kid was going to be, which apparently wasn't true, and I either didn't check it, or didn't find out about plans changing. My issue is with my kid, not the parent who provided a safe roof for my child to sleep under.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 13:36:06 GMT -5
I'd be calling her to see where the heck she is long before she spent the night. She has a curfew and if she isn't home by that time I go looking. Most likely she'd have told you she was at a girlfriends house...
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 13:38:53 GMT -5
Some people find keeping Kosher or a vegan diet to be a very big deal. I'm guessing that number is pretty small compared to those that think sex is a big deal. So odds are good no one cares if you feed a kid bacon. But they are pretty good you will piss off some parents if you gave their daughter permission to lose her virginity in your house.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 24, 2014 13:47:35 GMT -5
Lmao, of course. You know, I've never known a teenager to go on the pill for any other reason. That's exactly why I went on them when they became available
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 13:50:47 GMT -5
I'd be calling her to see where the heck she is long before she spent the night. She has a curfew and if she isn't home by that time I go looking. Most likely she'd have told you she was at a girlfriends house... She's tried it. That's why I get the parent's number (rather than just call her cell) and call them to "make sure it's convenient for them that she stays over" Or I give her a drive over and say hi to the parents. Not every time, but often enough that she knows there's a good chance I will. I won't be doing that at 18 though.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 13:54:06 GMT -5
I have a GPS tracker on my kids phone. LOL
But, in all honesty, I'm not worried about older son. Younger one...I don't know, if he meets up with FB offering up her daughter with pizza and a movie, I think he'll be all over it.
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