Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Sept 22, 2014 14:47:25 GMT -5
www.huffingtonpost.com/high50/teen-sex_b_5782704.htmlPersonally, I never brought guys home in high school. Did bring some boyfriends home in college for long weekends but they stayed downstairs with my brothers (and dad joked that he slept on the couch in between). Didn't start having sex until after I graduated college, so I had my own apartment at the time. No way in hell would my parents have ever let me have a boyfriend come stay over in HS and I am pretty sure that I won't let DD do it either.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Sept 22, 2014 14:57:16 GMT -5
We did not allow it in our home (to the best of our knowledge; teenagers are super sneaky!) but that didn't mean they didn't do it. Lots of other parents allowed it and we were labeled as the "outliers". Doesn't mean we were better parents. It was an attempt to set a precedent, but it was hard for the kids to see why (at that age) because there was not one single parent of the kids our kids dated (and we had 2 boys, 1 girl) that didn't allow them to stay over at the house of the person they were dating.
Maybe our experience was unusual, but it was even more difficult because both my exH and my DH's ex-wife allowed the kids to have their dates spend the night. I'm just really happy they aren't teenagers any more.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Sept 22, 2014 14:59:24 GMT -5
Eeeekkkk!!! I dread my future I never had any BFs stay overnight when in HS. I am pretty sure too that my parents wouldn't have allowed it I stayed at home as I attended college in my hometown, so no BFs overnight either. Parents may have allowed it, but I never asked. Once I was on my own it was different matter. Actually I never lived together with any of my boyfriends. DH was my first serious long term BF and I already shared an apartment with a friend by then. He shared an apartment with his friend who travelled a lot for work. So I stayed over at his place quite often
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Sept 22, 2014 15:05:26 GMT -5
That's surprising to me, greenis. Maybe it's the background I come from but none of my friends were allowed to have co-ed sleepovers. I don't know any parents that currently allow their kids to do that either!
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Sept 22, 2014 15:07:21 GMT -5
Seems very weird to me. Same sex sleepovers only. Of course my sister turned out to be gay so who maybe she did have her girlfriend over.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Sept 22, 2014 15:13:28 GMT -5
I wasn't allowed to have my door closed when I had a guy over. That didn't stop me from doing much, since school let out about 2 hours before my mom got off work, and she was gone a lot of evenings shuttling the sibs around. My sister, who is 7 years younger, had her boyfriend (now my BIL) move in when she was in 9th grade. He lived at my mom's house until last year, when my sister graduated college - then he moved in with her and they got married. He had a terrible family situation that preceded his change in residence, but to say I was a little pissed off that my 15yo sister got to have a live in BF just a few years after I'd been subjected to constant "KEEP THAT DOOR OPEN!" yelling down the hall is an understatement. Ah, the perks of being the youngest child.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Sept 22, 2014 15:16:30 GMT -5
I think there is a big difference between knowing your kid is having sex at your house, and condoning or encouraging it.
If you come home from work and find your kid home alone with their bf/gf you have to expect that it's a possibility. Allowing sleepovers is completely different.
My coworker had an issue with her kid. She knew they were having sex and would often find them in compromising positions. because she never said anything the kids started being more open. To the point where she'd be in the room watching tv and they would start making out (and getting carried away). She and her DH finally started doing the same thing and it made the kids completely uncomfortable. Mom finally said, how do you think we feel.
I don't agree with how she handled it and I think she should have talked to her kid long before it got to that point.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Sept 22, 2014 15:34:07 GMT -5
Yeah, this was a hot topic for us when our kids were teenagers, particularly, like I said, since both of the kids' other parents allowed it. Then again, our exes (and a lot of other parents; some, not all) allowed the kids to drink underage at home, too. We again told the kids it was not allowed in our house, but kids get away with a lot of stuff (I know I did) so it's not like we thought we'd actually prevent it from happening.
The oldest 2 ended up with a slew of tickets throughout their teenage years: curfew tickets, speeding tickets, at-fault accident tickets, underage drinking tickets, contributing to the deliquincy of a minor ticket. Yes, plural on those. DS2 managed to talk his way out of every one of his "infractions", hence, why he ended up in law enforcement! He survived his teenage years with a completely clean record, including zero traffic tickets. He made the same mistakes but was good about dodging the bullet.
Thankfully, they are all healthy, self-supporting adults with kids and pets and homes of their own. I don't think that has anything to do with whether we "allowed" opposite-sex sleepovers or underage drinking at home or not. Pretty sure we just got lucky and I'm grateful every day.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Sept 22, 2014 15:38:22 GMT -5
If I had kids they wouldn't be having a lover in my house until they lived together somewhere else. I wouldn't expect it from my parents at any age even after divorce when I stayed with them. If an unmarried adult child was bringing someone home for vacation they would be put in the same room. My ISO and I stayed at his moms but she knew we lived together and were over 35 when we met.
I remember when this all started in the mid 60s. Before that nobody would expect to share a room if they weren't married it just wasn't done. I started shacking up with my ex in 1967 and we went to visit his grandparents we lived a few miles away together. It was snowing and bus service was really bad so going home was a couple hours in below zero temps. His grandmother had never allowed a grandson to have a girl stay over even my ex with his first wife, she didn't like her. This was the day I met them, she liked me. So we go to head home saying see you tomorrow and go out in the snow and cold. We got a few yards when she called to us why not spend the night here. She only had a two bedroom house and let us both stay in the guest room while unmarried. This was rare then to allow even adult unmarried people stay together and if there were children in the house wouldn't have ever been allowed.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Sept 22, 2014 15:39:39 GMT -5
Well thankfully we didn't have to address this in high school and my kids never had a bf or gf.
DD was oldest, when she and her bf visited they were in separate rooms. But then when my son's had girlfriends, we let them stay in the same room. Not sure if I wa more lenient because it was my sons or just gave up, or it was just more practical in my house.
When all of them went to college they had private rooms with a door so plenty of opportunities for private encounters.
I think what really changed my mind is that my younger son would go on camping trips with his GF and they posted pics on facebook and their was only one tent!
When we go on our family vacation, we go to the same place every year same room. We get a large room with 3 queen beds. Last year it was DH and I, DS1 and gf, DS2 and gf. I left the sleeping arrangements up to them and they each slept with their gf. But it's not like they were having sex with Mom and Dad in the room.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Sept 22, 2014 15:45:04 GMT -5
When we go on our family vacation, we go to the same place every year same room. We get a large room with 3 queen beds. Last year it was DH and I, DS1 and gf, DS2 and gf. I left the sleeping arrangements up to them and they each slept with their gf. But it's not like they were having sex with Mom and Dad in the room. I wouldn't be so sure about that.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 22, 2014 15:45:23 GMT -5
I know my kids are little, but HELL NO. Just hell no. Same sex sleepovers only. When I brought my college boyfriend home and before DH and I were married, we were never allowed to be in a room with a door closed. My MIL allowed it, but my DH was 40 at the time. If my kids are in their 30s, maybe. Possibly late 20s. Anything younger than that, HELL NO. BTW, I'm the youngest child and it was the same rules for all 3 of us.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Sept 22, 2014 15:58:10 GMT -5
When we go on our family vacation, we go to the same place every year same room. We get a large room with 3 queen beds. Last year it was DH and I, DS1 and gf, DS2 and gf. I left the sleeping arrangements up to them and they each slept with their gf. But it's not like they were having sex with Mom and Dad in the room. I wouldn't be so sure about that. I'm a light sleeper! And I know they are having sex. To me sleeping arrangements in a communal room do not equate with sex. They are going to do it anyway.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Sept 22, 2014 16:38:15 GMT -5
This is crazy! No way my parents would have allowed it. And maybe I will eat my words in 10+ years, but I can't see letting my 16 year old have their date spend the night I am more surprised that you wouldn't discuss it with the other kid's parent. I would go apeshit on a parent that is knowingly allowing my kid to have sex in their house. I know as a parent if they want to, you can't stop it. But, it doesn't mean you have to lead the way by allowing it either.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 22, 2014 17:30:07 GMT -5
I know my kids are little, but HELL NO. Just hell no. Same sex sleepovers only.
Would you still allow same sex sleepovers if your kid was gay?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 22, 2014 17:36:22 GMT -5
I am more surprised that you wouldn't discuss it with the other kid's parent. I would go apeshit on a parent that is knowingly allowing my kid to have sex in their house.
I've actually given this a fair amount of thought and the above is an important consideration for me.
I hope BB will be comfortable enough with me to tell me if she's ready to have sex in high school so I can help her find appropriate birth control. In many people's minds that's condoning or promoting the choice, but I just feel very strongly that it's not my choice, it's hers (and her partner's). So yeah, if she's going to do it I want her to do it safely.
But would I allow it in my home? I'm honestly not sure. It makes me feel weird, but I can't say I would disallow it. HOWEVER, I would get permission from her partner's parents first (especially for sleepovers) if we decided it was okay. If it's not okay with them, then it's not okay with me either.
I really can't imagine that two teenagers would be open enough with their parents that all four of them would sign off on sleepovers - but hey, if they're mature enough to discuss it with us and present their side then that might actually play into my thinking.
Anyway, even though I've thought about this, I'm still not sure of my answer. It will depend on a lot of things. And if the partner's parents aren't okay with it, I'm not either.
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on Sept 22, 2014 17:45:56 GMT -5
Reason #864: Why I Suck As A ParentI let people of both genders sleep at my house. They are all just friends. I have three couches and a floor. I feel pretty certain that they aren't having sex. I could be wrong. If they are having sex, they are more likely doing so in the afternoons before I get home from work. They usually stay here after concerts and such. I like knowing where they are.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2014 17:46:06 GMT -5
No. I don't even sleep with my boyfriend when the girls are around. Which happens to be all the time. I know they are active but I don't need to know where and when and they don't need to know for me. Besides, I don't want their boyfriends here when I'm running around in my pj's and trying to relax with my morning coffee.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2014 17:48:11 GMT -5
Reason #864: Why I Suck As A ParentI let people of both genders sleep at my house. They are all just friends. I have three couches and a floor. I feel pretty certain that they aren't having sex. I could be wrong. If they are having sex, they are more likely doing so in the afternoons before I get home from work. They usually stay here after concerts and such. I like knowing where they are. The article was talking about having bf's and gf's sleepover and stay in their beds. Not on the couches or floor.
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jeep108
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Post by jeep108 on Sept 22, 2014 17:55:09 GMT -5
My husband moved in with my parents and I. He was 19. I was 17. Some days I think my dad loved my husband more than he loved me.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Sept 22, 2014 17:57:27 GMT -5
Hell no. Some may disagree with me but I kinda equate this to allowing your kids (and friends) to drink at home. It's an adult activity, wait until you're an adult to get active.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 22, 2014 18:00:15 GMT -5
Some may disagree with me but I kinda equate this to allowing your kids (and friends) to drink at home.
I plan to let my kid drink at home around age 16 or so. Which doesn't mean she's free to get plastered every weekend, but she can definitely have a glass of wine with dinner on special occasions. So can her friends, if they have permission from their folks.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Sept 22, 2014 18:01:29 GMT -5
My gf in HS stayed over a few times but that had to do with her home life not being ideal as she was basically left on her own at the age of 16. Honest to god nothing happened on those nights as she needed a place to stay and not a horny teenager to harass her. My future kids can wait until we're away at work to do stuff they shouldn't at our house just like I did as a teenager.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2014 18:05:01 GMT -5
so DS19's GF lives with me.....she sleeps in DD's room while DD's away at school but when DD comes home, the GF moves to the basement. Since DS is currently attending community college and only has classes M/W/F, it's possible that on Tu/Th while I'm at work and DSalmost16 is at school they are having sex all over the house. I'm not letting them share a bed but I can't chaperone 24/7.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2014 18:05:19 GMT -5
My father would have crucified my ass and probably have shot me in it with his shotgun if I tried to bring a guy home to sleep over under the age of 30. Our house was NOT made for sleepovers of that nature. My bedroom was unfinished attic space and not particularly sound proof. When DH and I were dating, I usually stayed at his house since his parents are snowbirds and were in Florida from late April until mid-November. The fact that one of his brothers lived upstairs made him feel a bit better, I think. I do like to think that my father thought I was pure as snow until I got serious with DH but a friend of mine from Colorado pointed out that he probably had an inkling of what goes on when baby bird (sorry FB) leaves the nest and moved to the other side of the country. Yeah. The fact I was a freshman for 3 semesters rather reinforced that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2014 18:06:53 GMT -5
Some may disagree with me but I kinda equate this to allowing your kids (and friends) to drink at home.
I plan to let my kid drink at home around age 16 or so. Which doesn't mean she's free to get plastered every weekend, but she can definitely have a glass of wine with dinner on special occasions. So can her friends, if they have permission from their folks. I got to do that at 6. Of course, we lived in the back of beyond in northern New Hampshire but on special occasions I got to sip wine. Might be why I don't like red wine.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Sept 22, 2014 18:16:56 GMT -5
Some may disagree with me but I kinda equate this to allowing your kids (and friends) to drink at home.
I plan to let my kid drink at home around age 16 or so. Which doesn't mean she's free to get plastered every weekend, but she can definitely have a glass of wine with dinner on special occasions. So can her friends, if they have permission from their folks. Yep - we're in agreement. A glass of wine is ok (as long as I have parent's permission for friends). What I was referring to was a trend that went on here for awhile of parents having parties and getting alcohol for the kids while the parents were home. The theory being it was safer for the kids to get plowed at home instead of somewhere else . It got so stupid out of control one kid got killed and they had to pass a law making the penalties tougher. www.chicago-injury-lawyer.org/2012/01/illinois-social-host-liability.htmlwww3.illinois.gov/PressReleases/ShowPressRelease.cfm?SubjectID=2&RecNum=10833
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Sept 22, 2014 18:32:30 GMT -5
No BF/GF sleepovers were allowed in our house when we were in HS (for myself or my brothers.) Even after HS and we were on to University or College or working, as long as we were living at home, there were no shared beds or rooms with SO's staying over.
There were a few times that a BF or GF needed a place to stay for the night, but there was no funny business going on with parents there. My mother was really good at sleeping with one eye open - she had the eyes of an eagle and the hearing of a hawk. NOTHING got past her.
Stuff happened, but it never happened under their roof - at least not until there was a ring on it.
Once any of us moved out and were on our own, it wasn't their business anymore what we did in our own places - and they didn't ask. We respected their rules, and they respected our privacy when we were no longer sharing space under their roof.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Sept 22, 2014 18:38:13 GMT -5
Absolutely not.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Sept 22, 2014 18:44:58 GMT -5
During high school, I had a key to my aunt and uncle's place which was way across town from my high school and place of residence (they had no kids and worked during the day). It was a little embarrassing one afternoon when my girlfriend's car broke down a block away from their place and we had to call her dad. "Whoops"
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