Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 18:28:01 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 11:32:02 GMT -5
I can not imagine calling another parent and talking about the kids potential sex life. My brain just won't go there.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 11:35:19 GMT -5
I can not imagine calling another parent and talking about the kids potential sex life. My brain just won't go there.
Why should you?
"Hi [Ken's mom], Ken is over here having dinner with us. He would like to spend the night at our place with Barbie. Since it's Friday, that's okay with us, but I told the kids we had to check with you first. What do you say?"
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 18:28:01 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 11:42:47 GMT -5
I can not imagine calling another parent and talking about the kids potential sex life. My brain just won't go there.
Why should you? "Hi [Ken's mom], Ken is over here having dinner with us. He would like to spend the night at our place with Barbie. Since it's Friday, that's okay with us, but I told the kids we had to check with you first. What do you say?" Yes, but if I'm Ken's mom, I'm going to be asking about the sleeping arrangements and if the reply is in the same room, I'm going to have to ask if you really approve of my son having sex with your daughter in your own house. Yeah, not liking the thought of being put in that position.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,380
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Sept 24, 2014 11:46:20 GMT -5
I can not imagine calling another parent and talking about the kids potential sex life. My brain just won't go there.
Why should you? "Hi [Ken's mom], Ken is over here having dinner with us. He would like to spend the night at our place with Barbie. Since it's Friday, that's okay with us, but I told the kids we had to check with you first. What do you say?" Yes, but if I'm Ken's mom, I'm going to be asking about the sleeping arrangements and if the reply is in the same room, I'm going to have to ask if you really approve of my son having sex with your daughter in your own house. Yeah, not liking the thought of being put in that position. yeah. Way too progressive for me too. But I would have to imagine that Barbie's parents and Ken would be pretty sure that Ken's parents would be fine with it and the call is just a courteous. Otherwise Ken's wouldn't let Barbie's parents make that call. Or Barbies parents wouldn't enetertain the idea of Ken staying over if they knew Ken's parents were against the idea.
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Sept 24, 2014 11:47:44 GMT -5
I too want to reiterate it is amazing, based on your posts, how willing you are to work with your child to find a life solution that is oriented to his. As someone who has struggled with depression and wanting to die since about the age of 7 I can only say I wish my parents had been this interested in my emotional well-being. While your DS is still young and possibly unable to articulate what's going on I have no doubt he recognizes your level of care and will look back on this time. Regardless of what his end state is, whether he chooses to fully transition to male or not, this is a time in his life when as a parent you showed unwavering love and support. I'm curious, did you find a child therapist specialized in gender identity or did you find a general therapist who works more on self-esteem and other issues? She's a general child psychologist recommended by my pediatrician. When I interviewed her I explained the situation and said we could only work with her if she would support DS no matter where his issues took him (at this point we weren't sure). She replied she'd only work with us if we as parents operated the same. The therapist has been fabulous - very play focused so DS loves to go see her. I feel so very fortunate it has worked out. My rock bottom as a parent was when DS wailed and cried one night in June that "no one can help him" and "there's no way to fix this." My mission in life is for him to know I *will* always be there to help and fix. I'm happy to say that we've come a long way since that night. I think DS is believing me more on that issue. Hugs to you about your childhood.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
|
Post by swamp on Sept 24, 2014 11:48:47 GMT -5
But I thought Ken was gay and Barbie was his beard?
ETA: Ken doesn't have a penis, so this whole discussion is moot anyway.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,380
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Sept 24, 2014 11:49:34 GMT -5
But I thought Ken was gay and Barbie was his beard? With those abs you are probably right.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 11:50:02 GMT -5
Yes, but if I'm Ken's mom, I'm going to be asking about the sleeping arrangements and if the reply is in the same room, I'm going to have to ask if you really approve of my son having sex with your daughter in your own house.
"What are the sleeping arrangements?"
"If you're not comfortable with them sleeping in the same room, he can sleep in the guest room. If you don't want him spending the night at all, I'll be glad to send him home."
I don't see why an in-depth discussion of sex has to come into it. Unless I'm REALLY comfortable with the boy's parents, going into a lengthy discussion of how we deal with our kid's potential sex life and why is definitely overkill.
The question is whether THEY are comfortable with the prospect of them sharing a room under our roof. If they're not, that's fine.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 18:28:01 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 11:52:46 GMT -5
Yes, but if I'm Ken's mom, I'm going to be asking about the sleeping arrangements and if the reply is in the same room, I'm going to have to ask if you really approve of my son having sex with your daughter in your own house.
"What are the sleeping arrangements?" "If you're not comfortable with them sleeping in the same room, he can sleep in the guest room. If you don't want him spending the night at all, I'll be glad to send him home." I don't see why an in-depth discussion of sex has to come into it. Unless I'm REALLY comfortable with the boy's parents, going into a lengthy discussion of how we deal with our kid's potential sex life and why is definitely overkill. The question is whether THEY are comfortable with the prospect of them sharing a room under our roof. If they're not, that's fine. Ewwww!!! My brain translates this to "Are you ok if Ken stays here Friday night and screws my daughter?" Ewwwwwwwww!
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 11:53:14 GMT -5
Otherwise Ken's wouldn't let Barbie's parents make that call.
And that's a good point - I'd tell the kids I was calling Ken's parents for permission. If Ken knows the fallout from that phone call will be unpleasant, he'll probably stutter "Uh, that's okay, I'll just go home" and then the whole thing wraps up before it begins.
|
|
billisonboard
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:45:44 GMT -5
Posts: 38,230
|
Post by billisonboard on Sept 24, 2014 11:55:26 GMT -5
"Yes, I am. If I weren't, I wouldn't be making this phone call."
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 11:56:33 GMT -5
Ewwww!!! My brain translates this to "Are you ok if Ken stays here Friday night and screws my daughter?" Ewwwwwwwww!
I can't help it if you hear it that way. There are many couples who sleep together platonically - and many more who wouldn't feel comfortable having sex with Mom and Dad (or Skipper) down the hall. It may not be the LIKELIEST scenario, but it's certainly not impossible.
And honestly, I'd rather not know for sure. If I DID permit this (I've said a couple times that I'm not sure if I would or not), then I sure as hell wouldn't ask them whether they planned to have sex. I would be fine with the prospect that they might (or I wouldn't agree to it) but that doesn't mean I want to hear about it.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 18:28:01 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 11:57:58 GMT -5
Yes, but if I'm Ken's mom, I'm going to be asking about the sleeping arrangements and if the reply is in the same room, I'm going to have to ask if you really approve of my son having sex with your daughter in your own house.
"What are the sleeping arrangements?" "If you're not comfortable with them sleeping in the same room, he can sleep in the guest room. If you don't want him spending the night at all, I'll be glad to send him home." I don't see why an in-depth discussion of sex has to come into it. Unless I'm REALLY comfortable with the boy's parents, going into a lengthy discussion of how we deal with our kid's potential sex life and why is definitely overkill. The question is whether THEY are comfortable with the prospect of them sharing a room under our roof. If they're not, that's fine. Sure, if it goes down like that, but what if it's more like. "I'm sorry, I don't think that's a good idea, send Ken home", meets the reply, "Oh, come on [Ken's Mom], you and I both know they've been seeing each other for quite a while." "Yeah, so." "Well, I'm sure they've been having sex already and my conversations with my daughter reinforce that. Barbie is on birth control and we have condoms in the room" "Yeah so." "Send my son home".
|
|
Sam_2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:42:45 GMT -5
Posts: 12,350
|
Post by Sam_2.0 on Sept 24, 2014 11:59:42 GMT -5
I told DH about this too last night. He asked what the big deal was - SIL had stayed with my parents for awhile before she was married to my brother (like over Christmas break or summer break). I clarified - sleepovers in the same room - and the look on his face was priceless. LOL!
Honestly, given the fact that I was sexually abused during sleepovers when I was little, I am really skittish about them anyway. This is almost enough to make me just say no sleepovers ever.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 11:59:46 GMT -5
"I'm sorry, I don't think that's a good idea, send Ken home", meets the reply,
"Oh, come on [Ken's Mom], you and I both know they've been seeing each other for quite a while."No, my response would be "Okie dokie, I'll make sure he's out of here by curfew." I have no interest in talking anyone into something they're not comfortable with when it comes to their children. At least outside YM
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 18:28:01 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 12:00:55 GMT -5
Ewwww!!! My brain translates this to "Are you ok if Ken stays here Friday night and screws my daughter?" Ewwwwwwwww!
I can't help it if you hear it that way. I didn't say you could. But be aware that the parents you call could hear it exactly the same way.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 12:01:11 GMT -5
Honestly, given the fact that I was sexually abused during sleepovers when I was little, I am really skittish about them anyway. This is almost enough to make me just say no sleepovers ever. I'm very sorry to hear that, Sam.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 12:02:09 GMT -5
Ewwww!!! My brain translates this to "Are you ok if Ken stays here Friday night and screws my daughter?" Ewwwwwwwww!
I can't help it if you hear it that way. I didn't say you could. But be aware that the parents you call could hear it exactly the same way. So what? I'm not calling to see if they're comfortable with our kids having sex. I don't really care if they are or not. I'm calling to ask if they're comfortable with Ken sleeping over. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that. Would you rather I just skipped the permission call and let him sleep over regardless of whether you were okay with that?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 18:28:01 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 12:06:24 GMT -5
I didn't say you could. But be aware that the parents you call could hear it exactly the same way. So what? I'm not calling to see if they're comfortable with our kids having sex. I don't really care if they are or not. I'm calling to ask if they're comfortable with Ken sleeping over. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that. Would you rather I just skipped the permission call and let him sleep over regardless of whether you were okay with that? Actually in my case the girls get permission from me to sleep over somewhere and I make the call to make sure adults will be home and ask any questions I feel a need to ask. I have already gotten all the info from the girls and are just confirming with the other parent.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 18:28:01 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 12:06:45 GMT -5
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 12:17:25 GMT -5
Actually in my case the girls get permission from me to sleep over somewhere and I make the call to make sure adults will be home and ask any questions I feel a need to ask. I have already gotten all the info from the girls and are just confirming with the other parent.
I may be missing something but how is that different from what I said I'd do? I'm assuming the only difference is that you're referring to same sex sleepovers.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 15,014
|
Post by raeoflyte on Sept 24, 2014 12:18:15 GMT -5
I didn't say you could. But be aware that the parents you call could hear it exactly the same way. So what? I'm not calling to see if they're comfortable with our kids having sex. I don't really care if they are or not. I'm calling to ask if they're comfortable with Ken sleeping over. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that. Would you rather I just skipped the permission call and let him sleep over regardless of whether you were okay with that? Are you going to make this call for every friend BB has over once she hits 16? It's a fine line to walk. A friend of mine told her daughter for years that when she was ready to have sex, to come to her and she would help her get birth control, and not freak out. So daughter is 16, has a long term steady boyfriend and asks mom to make an appointment to get birth control. Mom adds a new condition that she won't make the appointment until they have sat down with boyfriend and his mom to discuss the implications. I was floored. Her daughter declined and assured her that they would wait. Yeah right.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 12:24:10 GMT -5
Are you going to make this call for every friend BB has over once she hits 16?
I would, actually, outside of a standing arrangement that it's okay for X friend to sleep over whenever. If I'm going to have a minor under my roof, especially overnight, I'd want to know that his/her parents knew where s/he was. I thought that was pretty standard... a text message making sure it's okay will do.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 12:26:26 GMT -5
Mom adds a new condition that she won't make the appointment until they have sat down with boyfriend and his mom to discuss the implications. I was floored. Her daughter declined and assured her that they would wait. Yeah right.
No way would I do that. Once we've discussed birth control and talked about her choice (to the degree that she wants), I plan to stay out of it. At that point, it's no longer my business.
I completely differentiate a stunt like that from calling a kid's parents to make sure they know where s/he is spending the night. I have zero interest in discussing my kid's sex life with anyone other than my kid. The call is to see if the parents are okay with the other kid sleeping at our house, end of story.
And yes, I would make the same call to the parent of a non-romantic friend who wanted to sleep over.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 18:28:01 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 12:27:03 GMT -5
Are you going to make this call for every friend BB has over once she hits 16?
I would, actually, outside of a standing arrangement that it's okay for X friend to sleep over whenever. If I'm going to have a minor under my roof, especially overnight, I'd want to know that his/her parents knew where s/he was. I thought that was pretty standard... a text message making sure it's okay will do. I'd like to make a standing arrangement for the future that my son is not allowed to sleep over with Babybird at your house.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,380
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Sept 24, 2014 12:28:08 GMT -5
Are you going to make this call for every friend BB has over once she hits 16?
I would, actually, outside of a standing arrangement that it's okay for X friend to sleep over whenever. If I'm going to have a minor under my roof, especially overnight, I'd want to know that his/her parents knew where s/he was. I thought that was pretty standard... a text message making sure it's okay will do. I'd like to make a standing arrangement for the future that my son is not allowed to sleep over with Babybird at your house. Don't cock block your son.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Sept 24, 2014 12:28:44 GMT -5
I'd like to make a standing arrangement for the future that my son is not allowed to sleep over with Babybird at your house.Okay, I've made a mental note and we'll respect that
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 18:28:01 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 12:29:31 GMT -5
Actually in my case the girls get permission from me to sleep over somewhere and I make the call to make sure adults will be home and ask any questions I feel a need to ask. I have already gotten all the info from the girls and are just confirming with the other parent.
I may be missing something but how is that different from what I said I'd do? I'm assuming the only difference is that you're referring to same sex sleepovers. Same sex or group coed events. So far I haven't given the girls permission to stay at their boyfriend's.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 18:28:01 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 12:30:28 GMT -5
I'd like to make a standing arrangement for the future that my son is not allowed to sleep over with Babybird at your house. Don't cock block your son. That's our job Archie!
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,097
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 24, 2014 12:33:03 GMT -5
Mom adds a new condition that she won't make the appointment until they have sat down with boyfriend and his mom to discuss the implications. I
That'd be too much for me. If either girl comes to me wanting BC we're marching down to the gyno that day/next day no questions asked. Odds are they are either already doing it or will be doing it soon and I don't want to end up on an episode of 16 & Pregnant.
|
|