You all should love this debate :)

[ArchietheDragon]

Sept 23, 2014 9:45:44 GMT -5 skubikky said:

Sept 23, 2014 7:58:47 GMT -5 oped said:

Ok, but what 'value' are you really promoting? That sex is a hidden pleasure which should be stolen in strange moments out of sight and mind?  

I guess if they are having sex, and you know they are having sex, I'm not sure what the pretense is about? 

Nope,  sex is a beautiful, intimate act.  

I must be doing something wrong!  

[Deleted]

I also don't understand the chameleon statement at all...

No one here seems to be under the impression that stopping people from sleeping together stops them from having sex. To me, it's more ostrich, head in sand, to say one thing and expect another? 

So if your kids will do what they want, how does that raise them with your values? And what exactly is the value again? I'm still unclear? 

I guess my values are that people have the right to decide what to do with their own minds and bodies. While I influence, there is a reason we as a family include a non practicing orthodox, an agnostic, an atheist and a believer in reincarnation. If I don't dictate spiritual or political decisions, if I am starting to give them more and more control over their health and safety decisions, can I legitimately dictate their decisions on sex? It's their body...

That said, sex is a complicated step and I'd hope they wait and feel comfortable discussing/ sharing their thoughts and concerns, and also make sure they are protecting their long term. I need to decide what environment I think would best promote those outcomes.

[Formerly SK]

Sept 23, 2014 9:55:10 GMT -5 oped said:

I tell people that even if we didn't believe so strongly in homeschool, I'd consider homeschooling middle school... I think middle schools are a social experiment we should end. 

I completely agree.  I don't understand why I'm supposed to subject my children to immature razing for three years as some sort of developmental process.  F that.  If the middle school can't provide a safe/supportive environment for both my kids (oldest has autism/ADHD) then we'll go private or homeschool.  I send my kids to school to be educated, not to learn how to overcome mistreatment. 

[raeoflyte]

Sept 23, 2014 9:51:12 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

Sept 23, 2014 9:30:17 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Rae   SK.  

Huge, huge hugs to you for giving your child the space to be themselves.  I can't imagine your path and admire your strength for being willing to take it with your child.  

Thank you.  To say this has been stressful for me is an understatement.  But so far, things have been amazingly great.  He's attending a new school, can use the gender neutral bathroom there, and has his new male name and gender in the school's system.  Therapy is going well, too.  We've encountered a couple a$$holes, but I'd say we're at 90% support for the few people we've told so far (we're on a need to know basis at the moment).  Our xmas card this year will be a bomb dropper, that's for sure.    I think we'll encounter the really tough years (bullying) as we hit middle school. 

On the positive side, DS has bounced back from his suicide trajectory just AMAZINGLY.  He is so much happier, lighter, HAPPIER, healthier, HAPPIER.  Every day since he socially transitioned about two months ago has gotten better for his mental health.  He's really becoming his true self right before my eyes.  It makes me tear up just thinking about it. 

That is such good news!  I'm so glad he's adjusting and feeling better.  I can't imagine having a child in single digits contemplating suicide.  How scary for you (and of course him!)  I really am in awe of you and think you are doing a wonderful job to help him find himself.  

[Firebird]

Didn't Firebird start a thread a while back asking when everyone lost their virginity? I'd be curious to see a % of those who were having sex under the age of 18, especially of this group.

LOL no.  Firebird would never have started a thread asking that question.  Firebird HAS started a thread asking what parents would do if their kids got pregnant in high school, maybe that's the one you're remembering.

Huge, huge hugs to you for giving your child the space to be themselves. I can't imagine your path and admire your strength for being willing to take it with your child.



I'm so heartened to read that there are parents like you out there, Formerly SK.  Seriously, I needed that this morning.  I wish I could give you a hug right now. 

Plus, I was wondering what happened with your DS and I'm glad you posted an update of sorts! 

[Firebird]

I guess my values are that people have the right to decide what to do with their own minds and bodies. While I influence, there is a reason we as a family include a non practicing orthodox, an agnostic, an atheist and a believer in reincarnation. If I don't dictate spiritual or political decisions, if I am starting to give them more and more control over their health and safety decisions, can I legitimately dictate their decisions on sex? It's their body...

+1 to this whole post.  It's going to be tricky but this echoes exactly how I feel.  And if I feel squicky about my kid having sex in my house when I've stated repeatedly that it's her body and her choice when she decides to have sex, maybe that's MY issue.  On the other hand, just because I'm allowing her to make her own decisions doesn't mean I can't set limits.  If I'm uncomfortable with something like having her teenage boyfriend sleep over, that should be the end of it.  It doesn't mean I'm in denial, just that I'm enforcing my personal boundaries. 

I'm not sure how I'll feel when the time comes.  I might be fine with it.  Personally, I hope BB waits until she's out of high school to have sex (I believe that in general, high school kids are too young/immature and the stakes are way too high should something go wrong) but I do want her to feel comfortable talking to me about it if she chooses differently. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I can accept my kids are going to have sex and teach them to be responsible with it but I don't believe that means I need to extend that into welcoming them to have sex in my house.

Same with drinking. I know my kids might at some point drink underage and I plan on teaching them to be smart in those kinds of situations. But I don't need to be buying them the booze and saying "Come have your party at my house".

I can empower my kids and let them make their own decisions without enabling them.

[ArchietheDragon]

Sept 23, 2014 12:05:31 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I can accept my kids are going to have sex and teach them to be responsible with it but I don't believe that means I need to extend that into welcoming them to have sex in my house.

Same with drinking. I know my kids might at some point drink underage and I plan on teaching them to be smart in those kinds of situations. But I don't need to be buying them the booze and saying "Come have your party at my house".

I can empower my kids and let them make their own decisions without enabling them.

Right.  They should just do it under the bleachers like most normal teens. 

[swasat]

Sept 23, 2014 9:51:12 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

Sept 23, 2014 9:30:17 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Rae   SK.  

Huge, huge hugs to you for giving your child the space to be themselves.  I can't imagine your path and admire your strength for being willing to take it with your child.  

Thank you.  To say this has been stressful for me is an understatement.  But so far, things have been amazingly great.  He's attending a new school, can use the gender neutral bathroom there, and has his new male name and gender in the school's system.  Therapy is going well, too.  We've encountered a couple a$$holes, but I'd say we're at 90% support for the few people we've told so far (we're on a need to know basis at the moment).  Our xmas card this year will be a bomb dropper, that's for sure.    I think we'll encounter the really tough years (bullying) as we hit middle school. 

On the positive side, DS has bounced back from his suicide trajectory just AMAZINGLY.  He is so much happier, lighter, HAPPIER, healthier, HAPPIER.  Every day since he socially transitioned about two months ago has gotten better for his mental health.  He's really becoming his true self right before my eyes.  It makes me tear up just thinking about it. 

Thats just so....AWESOME!!

Just out of curiosity, I had no idea that young kids could transition?!? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Its just that in my personal experience I have never seen such a young kid transition gender. I know lots of people who understood their leanings and came out later life, like in their 20s. A lot of them had no idea when they were in elementary school.

 

[Deleted]

The girls are dating their bf's, I'm not. Their sleepovers would involve a huge level of intimacy for ME with their bf's. I don't want to talk to their bf's about their sex lives, I don't want to be part of it, I don't want to witness it. They can have sex in a bed when I don't have to provide the bed.

[Angel!]

Sept 23, 2014 10:02:07 GMT -5 oped said:

That teenagers are too young to engage in sex? I'm not sure. And are all teenagers too young?

This one & yes I think 16 year olds are too young.

You keep talking about sex as a beautiful act & the intimacy that comes with sleeping together. I'm not denying that, but I think most 16 year olds losing their virginity are not going to experience it that way, regardless of whether they spend the night together or do it in a car & head home. Everything at that age is hormones & you think your relationship will last forever & it is true love.

There is no emotional maturity to experience what you want them to experience, IMO. And even if your kid does happen to have the emotional maturity, what are the odds that the other kid does too? Guys that age are far more likely to be idiots & girls are far more likely to believe they are in love than take a serious look at the relationship. There may be a few people who have that depth of a relationship at that age & would have sex & intimacy like you imagine. But, that isn't the case for most & I feel opening my house condones the action.

[The Captain]

Sept 23, 2014 9:51:12 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

Sept 23, 2014 9:30:17 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Rae   SK.  

Huge, huge hugs to you for giving your child the space to be themselves.  I can't imagine your path and admire your strength for being willing to take it with your child.  

Thank you.  To say this has been stressful for me is an understatement.  But so far, things have been amazingly great.  He's attending a new school, can use the gender neutral bathroom there, and has his new male name and gender in the school's system.  Therapy is going well, too.  We've encountered a couple a$$holes, but I'd say we're at 90% support for the few people we've told so far (we're on a need to know basis at the moment).  Our xmas card this year will be a bomb dropper, that's for sure.    I think we'll encounter the really tough years (bullying) as we hit middle school. 

On the positive side, DS has bounced back from his suicide trajectory just AMAZINGLY.  He is so much happier, lighter, HAPPIER, healthier, HAPPIER.  Every day since he socially transitioned about two months ago has gotten better for his mental health.  He's really becoming his true self right before my eyes.  It makes me tear up just thinking about it. 

I'm very happy your child is doing so much better and am thrilled he has a supportive parent.  I just think it sucks that society focuses so much on forcing a stereotype of gender identity on people.  

[Deleted]

Letting kids drink at home does not = buy them booze so that they can have a party. It means alcohol shows up at places alcohol is likely to show up, dinner, a gathering, etc. And responsible behavior regarding its consumption is modeled and taught. 

In that scenario, when booze isn't taboo, when it's just a normal part of life, kids are LESS likely to engage in binge party type behavior.

It isn't about 'being a friend'... It's about setting the right attitude about the issue and promoting the healthiest behavior I can. 

[Deleted]

Sept 23, 2014 10:19:41 GMT -5 oped said:

I also don't understand the chameleon statement at all...

No one here seems to be under the impression that stopping people from sleeping together stops them from having sex. To me, it's more ostrich, head in sand, to say one thing and expect another? 

So if your kids will do what they want, how does that raise them with your values? And what exactly is the value again? I'm still unclear? 

I guess my values are that people have the right to decide what to do with their own minds and bodies. While I influence, there is a reason we as a family include a non practicing orthodox, an agnostic, an atheist and a believer in reincarnation. If I don't dictate spiritual or political decisions, if I am starting to give them more and more control over their health and safety decisions, can I legitimately dictate their decisions on sex? It's their body...

That said, sex is a complicated step and I'd hope they wait and feel comfortable discussing/ sharing their thoughts and concerns, and also make sure they are protecting their long term. I need to decide what environment I think would best promote those outcomes.

The value is that sex should be a mature adult decison. We accept that teenagers do engage in it, but really, the average teenager probably shouldn't. I don't get why it would be an issue for a parent to say they don't want their teenager and their boyfriend/girlfriend sleeping together in the bed and home the parent is providing. What's wrong with that?

If I could respect my kids' presence and not do certain things in MY house, I think it's ok to expect my kids to respect my presence also. Maybe I'm just backwards and it would've been ok for all of us to lay up with our boyfriends and girlfriends regardless of who was around. Sounds pretty awkward and tacky to me.

What other parents choose for themselves and their kids is their business.

[Phoenix84]

There's no way in hell my parents would have let me or my sister have an opposite sex partner spend the night in our house in high school. Even in college, my sister never brought guys home to spend the night.

The closest I can remember is one time we took my sister's male friend on a ski trip with us. But we all stayed in the same hotel room and my dad slept in the same bed as my sister to keep anything from happening.

[Firebird]

If I could respect my kids' presence and not do certain things in MY house, I think it's ok to expect my kids to respect my presence also.

I agree with that.  Again, if it's not something you're comfortable with, then that should be the end of it.  Doesn't mean you have your head in the sand or your kid can't talk to you honestly about their birth control or whatever.  The "price" of having sex at 16 is probably going to include logistical difficulties.  You don't have your own place yet, so sex is going to happen in other places.  You may prefer to do it in your room but it might not be an option.  If you want it to be an option, you're totally free to wait until you have your own place. 

[Firebird]

It's well documented at this point that I believe in letting my child be her own person.  I really want her to grow up to make her own decisions, to challenge me (respectfully), to do things that I don't agree with because she truly believes they are right for her, and so forth.  Lots of parents disagree with this approach, which is fine.  My personal goal is to raise an adult, not a child - and adults can choose their own way.

However, this does NOT mean I don't intend to set limits or have rules or anything like that.  YES, I want Babybird to challenge me and make her own way, but if she wants to do something I don't agree with, part of the lesson there is that she'll have to find a way to do it without my support.

So here's an example which I've mentioned before - abortion.  If she gets pregnant in high school (through consensual sex) and wants an abortion, that is a choice she is totally free to make.  It's also a choice that I will not financially support.  Talk about it with her?  Yes, all day long.  Emotional support before and after?  Yes, forever.  Drive her to the appointment?  Yeah, probably.  But what I won't do is pay for it.  She'll have her own financial resources by then, and she can use them to pay for the procedure. 

That's an example of a personal boundary of mine and a decision that comes with a price tag attached, should it ever come up.

I think you can totally support and teach personal responsibility/freedom while simultaneously teaching your kids that this means you won't support every little thing they do.  That's kind of what personal responsibility means (to me at least). 

I think it's very reasonable to say to your kid, "I support your choice to have sex in high school - your body and your choice.  However, your partner can't sleep over because I'm not comfortable with that." 

[ArchietheDragon]

Sept 23, 2014 13:30:14 GMT -5 Firebird said:

It's well documented at this point that I believe in letting my child be her own person.  I really want her to grow up to make her own decisions, to challenge me (respectfully), to do things that I don't agree with because she truly believes they are right for her, and so forth.  Lots of parents disagree with this approach, which is fine.  My personal goal is to raise an adult, not a child - and adults can choose their own way.

However, this does NOT mean I don't intend to set limits or have rules or anything like that.  YES, I want Babybird to challenge me and make her own way, but if she wants to do something I don't agree with, part of the lesson there is that she'll have to find a way to do it without my support.

So here's an example which I've mentioned before - abortion.  If she gets pregnant in high school (through consensual sex) and wants an abortion, that is a choice she is totally free to make.  It's also a choice that I will not financially support.  Talk about it with her?  Yes, all day long.  Emotional support before and after?  Yes, forever.  Drive her to the appointment?  Yeah, probably.  But what I won't do is pay for it.  She'll have her own financial resources by then, and she can use them to pay for the procedure. 

That's an example of a personal boundary of mine and a decision that comes with a price tag attached, should it ever come up.

I think you can totally support and teach personal responsibility/freedom while simultaneously teaching your kids that this means you won't support every little thing they do.  That's kind of what personal responsibility means (to me at least). 

To me, it's very reasonable to say to your kid, "I support your choice to have sex in high school - your body and your choice.  However, your partner can't sleep over because I'm not comfortable with that." 

Doing it in cars and stuff and is more exciting at that age, anyway.    

[Sam_2.0]

I think you can totally support and teach personal responsibility/freedom while simultaneously teaching your kids that this means you won't support every little thing they do. That's kind of what personal responsibility means (to me at least).

To me, it's very reasonable to say to your kid, "I support your choice to have sex in high school - your body and your choice. However, your partner can't sleep over because I'm not comfortable with that."

This is something I agree with; you've said it well. I want my kids to know that they are free to make choices, but there are consequences to certain choices. Just because I recognize their right to make choices doesn't mean I don't have a preference as to how they will choose and doesn't mean I can't set limits on what happens in our household.

[NoNamePerson]

Sept 23, 2014 13:32:44 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Sept 23, 2014 13:30:14 GMT -5 Firebird said:

It's well documented at this point that I believe in letting my child be her own person.  I really want her to grow up to make her own decisions, to challenge me (respectfully), to do things that I don't agree with because she truly believes they are right for her, and so forth.  Lots of parents disagree with this approach, which is fine.  My personal goal is to raise an adult, not a child - and adults can choose their own way.

However, this does NOT mean I don't intend to set limits or have rules or anything like that.  YES, I want Babybird to challenge me and make her own way, but if she wants to do something I don't agree with, part of the lesson there is that she'll have to find a way to do it without my support.

So here's an example which I've mentioned before - abortion.  If she gets pregnant in high school (through consensual sex) and wants an abortion, that is a choice she is totally free to make.  It's also a choice that I will not financially support.  Talk about it with her?  Yes, all day long.  Emotional support before and after?  Yes, forever.  Drive her to the appointment?  Yeah, probably.  But what I won't do is pay for it.  She'll have her own financial resources by then, and she can use them to pay for the procedure. 

That's an example of a personal boundary of mine and a decision that comes with a price tag attached, should it ever come up.

I think you can totally support and teach personal responsibility/freedom while simultaneously teaching your kids that this means you won't support every little thing they do.  That's kind of what personal responsibility means (to me at least). 

To me, it's very reasonable to say to your kid, "I support your choice to have sex in high school - your body and your choice.  However, your partner can't sleep over because I'm not comfortable with that." 

Doing it in cars and stuff and is more exciting at that age, anyway.    

No sleepovers. We just did it in the back of a 57 chevy.   

[Deleted]

Sept 23, 2014 13:09:59 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Sept 23, 2014 10:19:41 GMT -5 oped said:

That said, sex is a complicated step and I'd hope they wait and feel comfortable discussing/ sharing their thoughts and concerns, and also make sure they are protecting their long term. I need to decide what environment I think would best promote those outcomes.

The value is that sex should be a mature adult decison. We accept that teenagers do engage in it, but really, the average teenager probably shouldn't. I don't get why it would be an issue for a parent to say they don't want their teenager and their boyfriend/girlfriend sleeping together in the bed and home the parent is providing. What's wrong with that?

I haven't said its wrong. I'm trying to decide what it accomplishes? If it accomplishes what I want it to accomplish? 

I have no no idea how I feel yet, so I'm not sure if I would find cooed sleepovers between kids who are sexually active to be awkward.

[imawino]

Sept 23, 2014 13:32:44 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Sept 23, 2014 13:30:14 GMT -5 Firebird said:

It's well documented at this point that I believe in letting my child be her own person.  I really want her to grow up to make her own decisions, to challenge me (respectfully), to do things that I don't agree with because she truly believes they are right for her, and so forth.  Lots of parents disagree with this approach, which is fine.  My personal goal is to raise an adult, not a child - and adults can choose their own way.

However, this does NOT mean I don't intend to set limits or have rules or anything like that.  YES, I want Babybird to challenge me and make her own way, but if she wants to do something I don't agree with, part of the lesson there is that she'll have to find a way to do it without my support.

So here's an example which I've mentioned before - abortion.  If she gets pregnant in high school (through consensual sex) and wants an abortion, that is a choice she is totally free to make.  It's also a choice that I will not financially support.  Talk about it with her?  Yes, all day long.  Emotional support before and after?  Yes, forever.  Drive her to the appointment?  Yeah, probably.  But what I won't do is pay for it.  She'll have her own financial resources by then, and she can use them to pay for the procedure. 

That's an example of a personal boundary of mine and a decision that comes with a price tag attached, should it ever come up.

I think you can totally support and teach personal responsibility/freedom while simultaneously teaching your kids that this means you won't support every little thing they do.  That's kind of what personal responsibility means (to me at least). 

To me, it's very reasonable to say to your kid, "I support your choice to have sex in high school - your body and your choice.  However, your partner can't sleep over because I'm not comfortable with that." 

Doing it in cars and stuff and is more exciting at that age, anyway.    

Exactly.  When you do it in a car when you're 40, you are likely to sustain an injury that hurts for at least a week!  Us old people NEED the beds.  The kids can do it anywhere.  Plus, sex with a 16 year old boy probably only takes 2 minutes. 

[greeniis10]

In the spirit of open communication with your kids, you may want to warn them of the possible ramifications of having sex in a car.  Or, should I say, getting caught having sex in a car!  Seriously though, I'm not saying anyone here is actively encouraging their teenagers to do so, but you can get into a mess if you are caught.  Having sex in public can lead to sex offender charges in some cases.  I definitely warned my kids about that possibility!  Knowledge is key.

[Deleted]

Sept 23, 2014 14:36:08 GMT -5 greeniis10 said:

In the spirit of open communication with your kids, you may want to warn them of the possible ramifications of having sex in a car.  Or, should I say, getting caught having sex in a car!  Seriously though, I'm not saying anyone here is actively encouraging their teenagers to do so, but you can get into a mess if you are caught.  Having sex in public can lead to sex offender charges in some cases.  I definitely warned my kids about that possibility!  Knowledge is key.

Yeah, not to mention the embarrassment of having a cop pull up and put his spotlight on your car and having it go over the scanner and your Grandmother hearing about it...not that I would know...

[greeniis10]

Sept 23, 2014 14:41:18 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 23, 2014 14:36:08 GMT -5 greeniis10 said:

In the spirit of open communication with your kids, you may want to warn them of the possible ramifications of having sex in a car.  Or, should I say, getting caught having sex in a car!  Seriously though, I'm not saying anyone here is actively encouraging their teenagers to do so, but you can get into a mess if you are caught.  Having sex in public can lead to sex offender charges in some cases.  I definitely warned my kids about that possibility!  Knowledge is key.

Yeah, not to mention the embarrassment of having a cop pull up and put his spotlight on your car and having it go over the scanner and your Grandmother hearing about it...not that I would know...

Um, exactly.  Been flashed by the cop spotlight myself.  Didn't have the experience of the scanner, thankfully!  Talk about ruining the mood.

[chen35]

Sept 23, 2014 9:51:12 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

Sept 23, 2014 9:30:17 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Rae   SK.  

Huge, huge hugs to you for giving your child the space to be themselves.  I can't imagine your path and admire your strength for being willing to take it with your child.  

Thank you.  To say this has been stressful for me is an understatement.  But so far, things have been amazingly great.  He's attending a new school, can use the gender neutral bathroom there, and has his new male name and gender in the school's system.  Therapy is going well, too.  We've encountered a couple a$$holes, but I'd say we're at 90% support for the few people we've told so far (we're on a need to know basis at the moment).  Our xmas card this year will be a bomb dropper, that's for sure.    I think we'll encounter the really tough years (bullying) as we hit middle school. 

On the positive side, DS has bounced back from his suicide trajectory just AMAZINGLY.  He is so much happier, lighter, HAPPIER, healthier, HAPPIER.  Every day since he socially transitioned about two months ago has gotten better for his mental health.  He's really becoming his true self right before my eyes.  It makes me tear up just thinking about it. 

I don't really know you, just want you to know that I really admire you. This story is amazing!

[Formerly SK]

Sept 23, 2014 12:16:05 GMT -5 swasat said:

Sept 23, 2014 9:51:12 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

Thank you.  To say this has been stressful for me is an understatement.  But so far, things have been amazingly great.  He's attending a new school, can use the gender neutral bathroom there, and has his new male name and gender in the school's system.  Therapy is going well, too.  We've encountered a couple a$$holes, but I'd say we're at 90% support for the few people we've told so far (we're on a need to know basis at the moment).  Our xmas card this year will be a bomb dropper, that's for sure.    I think we'll encounter the really tough years (bullying) as we hit middle school. 

On the positive side, DS has bounced back from his suicide trajectory just AMAZINGLY.  He is so much happier, lighter, HAPPIER, healthier, HAPPIER.  Every day since he socially transitioned about two months ago has gotten better for his mental health.  He's really becoming his true self right before my eyes.  It makes me tear up just thinking about it. 

Thats just so....AWESOME!!

Just out of curiosity, I had no idea that young kids could transition?!? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Its just that in my personal experience I have never seen such a young kid transition gender. I know lots of people who understood their leanings and came out later life, like in their 20s. A lot of them had no idea when they were in elementary school.

 

It actually isn't that young, although when my ped first mentioned it as a possibility I thought he was insane because my kid barely knows how babies are made.  But actually, people figure out their gender really early - like ages 3-7.  My DS's case is very stereotypical according to the various medical experts we've worked with.  His self-hatred and embarrassment over having the wrong body is perhaps stronger in him, or perhaps he's more expressive than other kids, so we are publicly dealing with this earlier than maybe most families.  I imagine so many parents sweep signs under the rug, so it appears as though kids realize it later when in fact it happens so much earlier.

Since DS hasn't even hit puberty yet, there isn't any medical transition at this point.  Name/pronouns/clothes/etc are all we need to do.  Switch him from girls soccer to boys soccer, that sort of thing.  When it looks like puberty will start to kick in, we'll give him hormones to delay it (I was initially freaked about this but I guess it's common to delay puberty in kids for all sorts of reasons and there aren't any negative side effects).  When DS hits about 15 and if he is still fully committed to being male, we'll start him on testosterone.  The really nice thing about this is that he won't have to overcome looking female since he'll never go through female puberty.  And it's really relieving as a parent that none of the things we're doing now to support him are permanent - DS has the luxury of time (until he starts male puberty) to really figure himself out.  If DS chooses to get surgery, that would be after age 18. 

Thank you everyone for being supportive (and for those who aren't, for being silent).  The stress is insane and the worry....OMG.  I can't even articulate the worries they are so overwhelming.  I just try to take it day by day.

Here's a wonderful video if you have time.  It'll make you cry.  It made such an impact on DS he named himself after the child in the video.

[swasat]

I am at work so the video is blocked for me here.

However, the rest of your post made me so emotional Formerly SK. Its amazing to hear you talk about it.

As parents most of us try to do our best for our kids. But not many of us realize there are parents out there who, like you, have to deal with issues that our society is not so open to. If only such issues were acceptable and openly talked about in the society.....You probably wouldn't have had to go through so much turmoil.

Kudos to you and your family for being so AWESOME. You are handling the issue so wonderfully I feel like giving a big bow.

<swasat stands up and gives standing ovation to Formerly SK>

[Firebird]

Name/pronouns/clothes/etc are all we need to do.

Just curious since you seem open to questions (of course, you don't have to answer if I'm being overly nosy) - did you do a legal name change?  If so, what was required for that?  Did a doctor need to sign off on a legal document of some kind?  Was it hard to get used to calling him by a new name? 

Also, how is your other child responding to all this? 

I'll definitely watch that video when I get home. 

[Firebird]

Kudos to you and your family for being so AWESOME. You are handling the issue so wonderfully I feel like giving a big bow.

Me too.  There's an episode of Law & Order SVU that makes me cry - a young MTF transgender kid had one parent who was very supportive of the transition and one parent who simply refused to accept it.  He continued to refer to his daughter as a boy, wouldn't call her by her female name, etc. 

Needless to say (since this was an episode of SVU), all kinds of tragic things resulted from this before the father saw the light and allowed his daughter to start hormone therapy.  It's an extremely emotional episode, and sadly probably very true to life.  I'm so thankful your DS has a supportive and loving home and doesn't have to endure what some of these kids do.