MOLLY'S RANTS

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

We biked 6.5 miles this morning, which included a stop at our local, independent grocery store. I stayed outside with the bikes, panting in the shade and trying to let my dripping sweat provide some much-needed moisture to our drought-stricken flowerbeds, while my wonderful DH (who wasn't nearly as disheveled looking as I was) went inside with my grocery list. After what seemed like FOREVER, he emerged victorious, carrying a half-dozen Amy's Vegetarian Shepherds Pies and some eggs and a few other items. We divided the items between his backpack and my bike basket, and we felt positively eco-friendly as we pedaled our way home.  But I'd been talking about wanting to pick up some more of those Shepherd's Pies for the freezer, and that is the only store where we've found them locally ~ so we decided to combine exercise with errand running. And, frankly, I was worried that there would be a weird run on them and they wouldn't have any left when I really wanted some! (grin) What can I say? They are 160 calories of yummy carb-y goodness, and work out well to equal 1.5 of my two "dinner carbs" on my healthy eating plan!

I am beginning to suspect that my fear of weird shortages of obscure food items I like to purchase is caused by .... my causing weird shortages in obscure food items by insisting on stockpiling them. <snort> I feel like my own personal lesson in supply-and-demand

I am one week away from my long-awaited doctor's appointment. She last saw me before I started my healthy eating quest on June 1, so she doesn't know that I've lost A LOT! (as of this morning's happy scale visit!) In the meantime. I dutifully visited the vampires at Quest Labs on September 10 for my semi-annual "how many times can we stab Molly in the arm looking for a vein" blood test so that my cholesterol, triglycerides, thyroid (TSH) and blood sugar (A1c) levels could be obtained.... as well as all of those other things that they look for. I successfully endured the THREE times it took them to find a vein, as well as the semi-annual sadism which requires uncoordinated chubby me to pee in a teeny tiny plastic cup without (a) peeing all over the floor; (b) peeing all over my hand; and (c) peeing all over my clothes. (Frankly, I've found it easiest to just take off everything from the waist down ~ including shoes ~ and hope for the best. At least it keeps my shoes and clothes dry, though I do stand there and fret about how dirty the bathroom floor might be. Ahhh, the things we do for medical science, right?) Seriously, though, men (as well as skinny and/or coordinated women) have it much easier for peeing in a cup. 

So ... next Wednesday, I get to visit the doctor's office and meet up again with THEIR scale. Their scale isn't nearly as pleasant and chatty as my scale, and for some reason doctors think it's a good idea to locate it in a central hallway so EVERYONE nearby can either see how much we all weigh, or at least hear the inevitably skinny assistant announce it like an Auctioneer. I'm already looking in my closet and mentally trying to figure out what to wear that weighs the least amount, lol. I may just have to bring out my new bike shorts for the occasion (grin) ... with a long tank top. And some easy-to-slip off shoes. Since my stressful weigh-in is always immediately followed by a blood pressure check, it's no wonder my blood pressure is always high during doctor visits! (In addition to having high blood pressure, I also have what's called "White Coat Syndrome" ~ which means I get stressed at doctor's offices and my blood pressure shoots up. I wonder if there's been a government-funded medical study linking the fact that they make us step on the scale right before our blood pressure check and the resulting "White Coat Syndrome."  My plan to combat this is to just keep reminding myself to take SLOW, DEEP BREATHS (and hope for the best).

By the way, my new biking shoes are working out just fine, and I have thus far successfully avoided any muddy puddles

[busymom]

Excellent work, Molly!

BTW, I think I have "white coat syndrome", too.  My blood pressure always seems to go up when I visit the doctor, compared to checking it on those lovely machines at the area drug stores.  Doesn't help that my doctor moved to one of those huge buildings in the city, & I literally have to see him, go downstairs & walk about a city block to get my blood pressure checked, & my blood drawn, then hike back to his office to finish my appointment. 

[Jaguar]

UGH, I got weighed today on some big hallway scale. Dayum I'm 124.34 lbs/ 56.4 kg, all 4 foot 6 inches of me is appalled. I seen the 'white coats' today, nuff said.


Thanks for the giggle Molly I needed one today.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Today was a "non-biking" day. My right knee has been a problem for years, and I could tell when I got up this morning that I needed to give it a rest after using it so much this week. I'm allergic to aspirin, ibuprofen and all nsaids (non-steroidal anti-inflammatories), so when I've managed to inflame it, I'm pretty much stuck with rest, elevation, and ice until things improve. Since I still wanted to enjoy some fresh air and sunshine this morning, I opted instead to grab some trimmers and (along with my wonderful DH) do some bush pruning, tree trimming, weed pulling, and tomato harvesting.

Earlier this year, I had the bright idea of planting a few grape, cherry and pear tomato plants in our front flower beds, since there was room for them in between the geraniums, azaleas, and the grapefruit tree. We purchased some nifty tomato cages, a few plants from Home Depot, and we were off. I've decided that we must have inadvertently selected weirdly MUTANT tomato plants, since they started producing tomatoes in late April (granted, we were ridiculously hot then) and we're still producing tomatoes 5 months later! Seriously, I picked about 75 tomatoes today ... and I'd just picked over 100 on Sunday. We've resorted to washing and baggying them up and leaving happy little tomato surprises on the doorsteps of our unsuspecting neighbors. We give tomatoes to the mail man, the UPS guy, the FedEx guy, the Weed Guy, the Spider Guy, as well as to our friends. I feel like the tomato fairy! And, of course, I eat tomatoes for lunch and dinner ... every day ... all summer long.

I made the mistake of wearing a ridiculously bright yellow tank top while gardening today. Why was this a mistake? Because I kept getting dive bombed by wayward hummingbirds and butterflies who all thought I was a giant daffodil or daisy. And, for some weird reason, I also ended up with a few ladybugs, too. (I gently shooed them all off me before I went inside.) Of course, I thought that there were only a few tomatoes ripe enough to pick, so I went out there without a bowl and ended up carrying all of those tomatoes in my tank top ... and ended up a muddy, tomato-y mess. But I had a good time, and that's what matters, right? Our green grapefruits are starting to get faint yellow splotches (they are a winter crop, ripe in about February) ... you have to be careful trimming citrus trees ~ they have some nasty thorns! Our backyard lemon tree also has a lovely crop of green lemons at the moment, too.

I decided to have tuna for lunch today, something I haven't had in a while. I "should" have gone with my first thought ~ which was to quietly open the can of tuna in the garage, but I thought to myself  "I'll just be quiet, and the cats are all napping, I am sure it will be fine." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The next thing I know, I'm being swarmed by a clowder of clamoring kitty cats, all sure that I'm starving them to death because I wasn't sharing my tuna with them. I DID give them the tuna juice, but refused to share my tuna .... they get tuna (well, cat food tuna) every day ... so it's not like they're deprived.  I mixed my tuna with a teeny bit of plain greek yogurt (since I'm not doing mayo right now) and a little pickle relish. Don't judge ... I like pickle relish with my tuna. Anyway, the tuna paired well with romaine on my beloved tomato wraps. (Yes, I'm eating tomato wraps AND tomatoes .... EVERY SINGLE DAY! Maybe this explains my red hair?)

Did I mention that I've lost another pound? Well, I have. Yay. Maybe I'll celebrate with a tomato? 

[Jaguar]

I absolutely love your posts, you got "IT'.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[mmhmm]

For the record (and, hopefully, a smile and some hope), molly, when you lose the extra weight your veins won't be so difficult to find! 

[marvholly]

Molly
My cat comes running whenever he hears the can opener too, even if it is tomato sauce. Do NOT know how he associates the can opener w/his food since all the wet food I have EVER bought (since 1997) have pull tops. I do give him the liquid (water) & let him lick out the emptied can.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

You KNOW you're hungry and you've been dieting a long time when you announce "Yum! I just love Fiber One" as you happily dig in for breakfast! <grin>  You also know that you're hungry when you drink your icy protein shake too fast and keep giving yourself a massive "Slurpee Headache" in the process. Oww! Oww! Oww! <grin>  Yes, I do eat the same breakfast pretty much every day ... but that works for me. I've decided that I don't need my breakfasts to be unique, complicated or entertaining ~ I just want them to fit within my daily calorie budget and to maximize my nutritional goals. I do get some variety as I switch off between a vanilla protein shake and a strawberry protein shake, the primary difference between the two being their color ~ and NOT their flavor. The vanilla one may taste vaguely vanilla-y ... the strawberry one just tastes ... different. Seriously, I like it ... but if you blindfolded me and made me tell you a flavor, I'd just be guessing. Anyway, today was a PINK morning, shake-wise.

But, laden with oodles of protein and a whopping 38g of fiber, I was ready to do some recreational exercise biking this morning! The weather was just glorious here (which is pretty rare, let me tell you) with blue skies, a light breeze, and poofy white clouds. Of course, sometimes that breeze was a headwind and once it blew my sun visor right off my head ~ but my wonderful DH retrieved it from a bush for me! We didn't see any ducks, but we did see a full-grown rooster just hanging out by the side of the road, which is pretty entertaining since we live in a normal suburban-y residential neighborhood of a city of 500,000+ people ~ and we're not zoned for chickens. I cock-a-doodle-doo'd at him, but he just kept on eating bugs.  I can't say I blame him ... earthquakes don't interrupt MY eating. Well, not little earthquakes, anyway.

After I got home, I input our route into the computer and discovered we'd biked a skeench under 8 miles. I'm rounding that up to 8 miles since it seems slightly OCD to announce "I biked 7.91 miles this morning." Not too bad for a snarky fat chick with a bum knee on a cruiser bike, huh? That's my longest single bike ride to date, too. This is nearing the end of my third week on the bike ... and I can definitely feel my legs getting stronger and my butt growing more tolerant to the abuse. I am just going on faith that this biking is helping my blood pressure go down and my good cholesterol go up. It definitely should be helping my metabolism and overall cardiovascular health, right? It certainly burned off my breakfast blood sugar surge nicely ... I was 82 when I tested and was more than happy to start making lunch!

Today marks 17 weeks of healthy eating for me ... and I've now lost an even A LOT!. My four-month mark is on Wednesday, October 1 ... so it will be interesting to see if the scale moves again (downward, that is) before then. 

In the meantime, I love Fiber One.

[Jaguar]

❤ mollymouser ❤ YOUR a REAL inspiration to me.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Fiber causes farts.  There. I said it. I admit it. I'm a farter. And not just an ordinary farter, mind you, I've reached ELITE Farting status. We're talking Platinum Membership-level farting. I've passed mere amateur-level farting, and even college-level farting, and I've been drafted into the pros. Have farts, will travel. In fact, if I could find a way to make money off of my farts, I'd be a wealthy woman. Flatulent, but rich.

As far as I can tell, other than just saving them up and exploding, there's just really not a lot to be done about farting when one is consuming about 60-75g daily of fiber, including a salad-bar's worth of fresh veggies. Oh, I take activated charcoal, and Beano, probiotics and Gas-X once in a while, but the reality of the situation is that my body makes more gas than it needs, and it ... escapes. Fortunately, I think biking is helping me build up butt muscles (do we HAVE butt muscles?) and I'm doing a much better of holding my farts and then releasing them strategically. On purpose. My secret is out ~ I've learned the incredible joy of TACTICAL FARTING.

What's TACTICAL FARTNG? That's when you rip one ~ on purpose ~ to serve a greater good. Like when I need a tailwind (pun fully intended) when biking up a hill. I don't know if it ACTUALLY helps, but it's a great psychological boost, and it makes me smile. Of course, my wonderful DH, who is often riding behind me, just laughs. After all, he's a guy. And guys think farts are funny. Their farts. Other people farts. Even dog farts. Ask any small child you know ~ farts ARE funny. So why not use them tactically? After all, we're just talking biology here, people!
 
Recently, I was in line in the grocery store. As the line moved forward, my veggie-laden cart and I would move forward. I still remained a respectful distance behind the person in front of me. But the twit behind me was tailgating, and kept bumping my butt with her cart. Twice I turned around and GLARED at her, and only once did she back up an inch. "Please don't crowd me" I warned with a fake smile. But she was young and insensitive and was discussing lingerie on her cell phone with someone ... and let her cart creep up on me, yet again. I didn't turn around. I didn't say anything. I merely smiled to myself, bent over slightly for better aerodynamic effect. I praised the Veggies gods that I'd had broccoli and mustard greens and kidney beans and garbanzo beans for lunch. Though I was prepared for a loud fart .... this one was even better ... silent but deadly. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Not only did she back up, I think I made her eyes water. SCORE! Another win for tactical farting! <grin>

The real trick to stealth farting is to instantly look around suspiciously right after YOU'VE just farted. You can even exclaim to someone, "Oh my gosh, did you just fart?"  heh heh heh...  I read somewhere that there is an indian tribe in South America that actually farts as a greeting (I haven't tried that yet), and that the Emperor Claudius in ancient Rome actually passed a law that said one could fart at banquets (making me wonder if farts were illegal before then?) I also read that the average person farts 14 times a day, making me wonder (as always) if MY tax dollars have been used for these sorts of studies.  Anyway, stop thinking of farts as something bad ... and start thinking of creative ways to use your farts strategically. After all, a fart is just your butt making a wish! <snort>

Make a wish, and let 'er rip.

[busymom]

(Shhh! Just so you know, about the first month after giving birth, women tend to fart VERY easily. Don't say I didn't warn you, & keep your distance...)

BTW, nice "tactical move" at the grocery store! 

[Jaguar]

❤ mollymouser ❤, Post #104. yeah that's a TEN, oh boy that's funny.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[Artemis Windsong]

Congratulations on the 88 lbs decrease.

I'm struggling to get off a few lbs. I am tired of packing around.  Then my fitnesspal tells me I didn't eat enough. 

Then people think I'm sick or taking a supplement when I decrease close to where I should have stayed all along.

[NancysSummerSip]

After all, a fart is just your butt making a wish!

Awesome. When I do it in the office, I will make a wish that my fart makes my coworker go home.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

WOOOO HOOOOO!

OK, this isn't a rant .... but I've now lost 90.8 pounds!

(And I did it before my Sept 30 doctor's appointment and before my October 1 Four Months of Healthy Eating Anniversary!)

WOOOT! WOOT!

(I've been ... biking my butt off!)

[Wisconsin Beth]

Clearly you've biked your tail off Molly! 

Awesome job. 

[swamp]

Nice work, Molly!

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Sept 28, 2014 20:07:27 GMT -5 @patstab said:

..... at least I have kept from being obese and never want to be. 

It's a good thing I have a snarky sense of humor or I'd be a teeny bit tempted to post a rant about a skinny person who shows up in a fat person's dieting thread to boast about ... not being fat.

[Jaguar]

Sept 29, 2014 11:50:32 GMT -5 ❤ mollymouser ❤ said:

WOOOO HOOOOO!

OK, this isn't a rant .... but I've now lost 90.8 pounds!

(And I did it before my Sept 30 doctor's appointment and before my October 1 Four Months of Healthy Eating Anniversary!)

WOOOT! WOOT!

(I've been ... biking my butt off!)

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Great Job, ❤ mollymouser ❤ ! But you don't want to bike your butt completely off - you'd look rather silly peddling your ass around town with no ass to peddle.

People don't want to hear about "skinny" people on this thread, but I was in a VERY unhealthy under-weight position due to some trauma and stress in my life the last couple of years. I could have died it was so bad - yes, I'd dropped that much weight. I've managed to gain that weight back, plus a few #'s. I feel better now than I have in 5 yrs. I weigh more now than I have my entire life - in fact, all I need to do now is tone & tighten what I've managed to gain back. Exercise is difficult with my disability, but I do manage to lie down on a mat and do sit-ups, or do crunches, knee-bends (though slowly) occasionally, and also do some yoga and as much walking as I can handle.

It ain't easy for me, but it beats the alternative.

[busymom]

Weight has been an issue for most of my life. I watched my parents fight the "battle of the bulge". Mom was mostly on the winning side, Dad got so heavy that he ended up with Type 2 diabetes. I was underweight for awhile when I was younger, & just didn't realize that being too skinny was bad. Then, when DH & I decided to start our family, I put too much weight on. I am in a better place now than when my kids were little, but, I could stand to lose at least another 20-30 pounds according to those d@mn weight charts. (Paying too close attention to those charts was the reason I appeared rather anorexic looking some years back, so I tend to take weight charts with a grain of salt.) I just want to feel better, and have more energy. I mentioned on another thread that I've lost 6 pounds since DD went back to college. I'd like to lose between 10-14 pounds, & then see how I feel at that weight.

Molly, your journey is truly an inspiration to all of us here!

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

I think I have figured out why my blood pressure spikes at the doctor's office ~ the entire process can be fairly infuriating. At least for those of us Type A sorts who believe in showing up on time (or even a bit early) for appointments (medical or otherwise.) We arrived at 10:48am this morning for an 11:00am doctor's appointment, insurance card in hand since they always want to photocopy it. I signed in, handed over my card, filled out a new emergency contact form ... and sat down to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

It's clear that there is a good reason why you can never see a clock in the waiting room ~ they don't want us to notice how ridiculously long we have to wait to pass through those doors into the inner sanctuary (where we get to wait some more, of course!) And since I'm germ-phobic enough to refuse to handle sneezed-on magazines while waiting, there's not much to do except people watch (which sounds better than "nosily staring," doesn't it) and critique the office decor (or lack thereof). I will say that whoever hung up their wall art should have used a level and a ruler ~ nothing quite lined up and the items were weirdly positioned and spaced. I tried to straighten one particularly annoying piece only to discover that not only had they used a nail to mount it, but a copious supply of 3m mounting tape. That sucker is going to be remarkably crooked until the end of time ~ either that, or they'll probably lose a chunk of drywall in the attempt to move it.

Finally, one hour and 7 minutes late, they called my name. I jumped up and shrieked gleefully, rushing the door as if I'd been announced as the next contestant on The Price is Right! Not really, but I wanted TO, ya know? I just smiled, handed my wallet to my wonderful DH, and followed the purple-clad medical assistant. I knew she was taking me straight to "THE SCALE" and I didn't want to show any fear. My previous meeting with that scale was depressing for BOTH of us, LOL. "Why am I carrying your wallet?" my wonderful DH asked. "Because I'm not carrying anything EXTRA when I step on the scale," I explained. Despite a strong desire to strip butt nekid and take off my glasses and my earrings, I decided to merely slip off my shoes. Unlike the loud beeping that you see on TV when the Biggest Loser contestants weigh in, this scale was silent and there was a quick number on the readout screen. I rather miss my talking scale at home. Anyway, there was a 4.4 pound difference between my scale at home and this scale, which I decided was reasonable given the fact that I was (a) fully clothed and (b) had eaten breakfast which included at least two pounds of liquid and solids.

Anyway .... I got my various test results and things are improving nicely. My kidneys and liver are fine. I don't have anemia. My cholesterol is improved! Yay! My blood pressure is improving! Yay! My A1c (which gives a 3-month average for blood sugar) was a 6.7! Yay! (The American Diabetes Association says to aim for an A1c under 7.0) The only bummer was that neither her assistant nor the doctor noticed that I've lost all this weight since my last appointment... so I actually had to come out and say "Can you look at what my weight was for my last visit and what my weight is for THIS visit?"  Only THEN did she say "Wow!"  And she didin't even really ask WHAT I was doing or HOW I managed to lose the weight, which was a bit disappointing, actually. (You'd think they'd want to know if their patients are doing some dangerous fad diet or starving themselves, or something.) Oh well, at least she said "wow" and I'm glad about my test results.

As of my scale at home this morning, I've lost 91.8 pounds in 4 months. I've reclaimed my life, and I'm reclaiming my health. My wonderful DH has noticed. My friends have noticed. Heck, even the guy at the grocery store has noticed. So ... what's next? Well, a followup doctor's appointment on January 8, 2015.... so I've got three months. I wonder what amazing things I will accomplish?

Thank you, by the way, for noticing

[Jaguar]

Awesome.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

❤ mollymouser ❤, I really mean it when I say you MUST turn these posts into a book manuscript and get it published as a semi self-help/humor book.

REALLY! You MUST! People will be laughing the pounds away!

[marvholly]

I am SOOO diusappointed in your Dr's reaction or rather the TOTAL lack thereof.

[Peace77]

Me too. Not everyday you see someone that has lost over 90 lbs. Congratulations Molly!

my pictures seem to be broken so just imagine: Happy, Dancing Fruits and Veggies!!

Quacking Yellow Ducks Playing Kittens

[Wisconsin Beth]

Way to go Molly! 

My doctor's office has signs saying something about "if you've waited more than 15 minutes, please let the receptionist know."  But there are at least 5 doctors off of this receptionist.  I try to get the first appt. of the day so they can't be running too late.

[steph08]

Awesome job Molly! Loving your rants!