sapphire12
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Post by sapphire12 on Sept 15, 2014 13:45:44 GMT -5
Sorry to hear this Hurley!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 15, 2014 13:45:50 GMT -5
Get a paying roommate to help with the bills.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 15, 2014 13:46:14 GMT -5
I am so so sorry!
While I don't think there are any winners when it comes to the divorce, I think you are getting the better deal here - not wasting your life with someone like that.
Many many good wishes to you
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Sept 15, 2014 13:46:14 GMT -5
I didn't know about his "history". the bastard.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 15, 2014 13:46:21 GMT -5
I'm sorry, Hurley. It's never going to be easy, but it is going to get better. You will come out of this with your own self-worth and self-respect intact, and those are worth far more than any cheating man ever could be.
I've never been through it, but a dear friend has. His XW had an affair with a guy who lived in her mother's hometown, and she'd go there, under the guise of "needing" to visit her mom. My friend lost most of his worldly possessions in the divorce, but as he likes to say, he kept the important stuff: all their friends became his friends and dumped her. Bottom line: the XW's boyfriend also dumped her when she showed up at his door, ready to become his wife. No longer forbidden, so no longer fun. I would not be surprised if this happened to your husband.
Get a very good attorney, protect yourself and your assets and do not take on any your husband's problems, issues or concerns as your own. You've had your life busted into little pieces by someone who does not deserve your respect.
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Sept 15, 2014 13:46:22 GMT -5
FWIW, You won't have to pick up after him and his messes anymore..
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Sept 15, 2014 13:47:03 GMT -5
I think my DH think we will work it out somehow, since I have forgiven him in the past for crossing the line, but this is way beyond that. This is a straight up affair. They were constantly calling, texting, sexting when they weren't together, and they told each other they loved each other.
He doesn't realize how bad he's messed up this time. He doesn't want a divorce, but tough shit! And take care of yourself - if that means you need to see a therapist, you should do it. And don't use the lawyer as a therapist. You can also vent at us We are useful some of the time
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 15, 2014 13:48:23 GMT -5
And take care of yourself - if that means you need to see a therapist, you should do it. And don't use the lawyer as a therapist. You can also vent at us We are useful some of the time We're decorative too!
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Sept 15, 2014 13:48:47 GMT -5
Eventually, you will be glad that you are out of this situation, but getting through it is gut-wrenching. You will get through it, though. BTDT. If money permits, take a day to pamper yourself with massage, mani-pedi, haircut/style and nice meal out. It will help.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Sept 15, 2014 13:49:02 GMT -5
I think my DH think we will work it out somehow, since I have forgiven him in the past for crossing the line, but this is way beyond that. This is a straight up affair. They were constantly calling, texting, sexting when they weren't together, and they told each other they loved each other.
He doesn't realize how bad he's messed up this time. He doesn't want a divorce, but tough shit! Too bad so sad for him. You've not been happy (based on some of your postings) with him because of his other bad behavior so this is the final limit for you. I'm so glad you have enough respect for yourself to get him out of your life. You deserve better than this. (((Hugs)))
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hurley1980
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I am all that is wrong with the world....don't get too close, I'm contagious.
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Post by hurley1980 on Sept 15, 2014 13:49:17 GMT -5
Therapist is definitely in order, and its covered by my insurance!
Thanks everyone!!!! I really needed this today. I know I've got this under control and I have the means to get out of the relationship with most of my life still intact, whereas he is pretty much screwed. That makes it a little better....schadenfreude and whatnot.
It still sucks, and it hurts. But it will get better. For the record, all of the people I've mentioned have been removed from my life as much as possible (still have to somewhat communicate with STBX) except my poor best friend, and at least we have each other to lean on!
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Sept 15, 2014 13:49:51 GMT -5
If you want to get back at him I will text you some dirty talk.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Sept 15, 2014 13:50:50 GMT -5
LOL, Archie your so bad.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 15, 2014 13:51:18 GMT -5
If you want to get back at him I will text you some dirty talk. Pfffft. You wish. Accountants don't talk that dirty.
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hurley1980
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I am all that is wrong with the world....don't get too close, I'm contagious.
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Post by hurley1980 on Sept 15, 2014 13:52:26 GMT -5
FWIW, You won't have to pick up after him and his messes anymore.. Yes! The silver lining!
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Sept 15, 2014 13:53:06 GMT -5
He (archie)could compliment her on her bottom line.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Sept 15, 2014 13:53:19 GMT -5
If you want to get back at him I will text you some dirty talk. Pfffft. You wish. Accountants don't talk that dirty. Took the words from my mouth. "I'm wearing nothing but a pocket protector" isn't dirty.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 15, 2014 13:53:20 GMT -5
Therapist is definitely in order, and its covered by my insurance!
Thanks everyone!!!! I really needed this today. I know I've got this under control and I have the means to get out of the relationship with most of my life still intact, whereas he is pretty much screwed. That makes it a little better....schadenfreude and whatnot.
It still sucks, and it hurts. But it will get better. For the record, all of the people I've mentioned have been removed from my life as much as possible (still have to somewhat communicate with STBX) except my poor best friend, and at least we have each other to lean on! I'm wondering if the STBXs assumed you guys had or do have something going on. It doesn't excuse a damn thing but people think in funny ways sometimes. *-*-*-*- Please make sure you're careful with your friend too. As you say, he's hurting too and probably differently than you since he does have a child in the mix. I'm not sure I said that well, sorry.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Sept 15, 2014 13:53:34 GMT -5
You know, if guys like this spent as much time fixing themselves so that they can keep the women they attract as they do chasing women they can't keep once they figure the guy out they'd be a LOT better off! (that sentence doesn't sound quite right, but it's Monday and my brain isn't cooperating, so I hope you know what I mean)
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 15, 2014 13:53:48 GMT -5
He could compliment her on her bottom line. Or on her figure(s). And assets.
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hurley1980
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I am all that is wrong with the world....don't get too close, I'm contagious.
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Post by hurley1980 on Sept 15, 2014 13:59:18 GMT -5
haha, you guys are cracking me up in here!
They both tried to use that line about how close my BFF and I are, and they were suspicious, and all that junk, but we both told them that if we wanted to date each other, it would have happened 10 years ago, when we met, and it hasn't happened, because we just aren't attracted to each other like that. Total bullshit excuse.
They have both been grasping at straws all weekend trying to salvage their marriages, but him and I are done. We don't deserve this as we know it.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Sept 15, 2014 14:00:16 GMT -5
I think my DH think we will work it out somehow, since I have forgiven him in the past for crossing the line, but this is way beyond that. This is a straight up affair. They were constantly calling, texting, sexting when they weren't together, and they told each other they loved each other.
He doesn't realize how bad he's messed up this time. He doesn't want a divorce, but tough shit! Sounds like quite the little sociopath. I had an ex-boss whose wife just gave birth and then found out he'd been having an affair for the last six months with a co-worker. He was honestly astonished that she packed up all her shit plus the baby and moved back home, two states away. Came to work moaning about how she'd even taken their dog with her and he was now all alone in his empty house. It was all I could do to avoid laughing in his stupid face. Six months later he dumped the co-worker and took up with a 19 year old college girl. Yep, almost forty and hooked up with a teenager. Seriously you did dodge a bullet. These kind of people (and there are women like this, too) do not change. You deserve much better. Thank God there were no kids.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Sept 15, 2014 14:01:50 GMT -5
haha, you guys are cracking me up in here!
They both tried to use that line about how close my BFF and I are, and they were suspicious, and all that junk, but we both told them that if we wanted to date each other, it would have happened 10 years ago, when we met, and it hasn't happened, because we just aren't attracted to each other like that. Total bullshit excuse.
They have both been grasping at straws all weekend trying to salvage their marriages, but him and I are done. We don't deserve this as we know it.
Your worth so much more than that and you know it. Never settle for less.
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Sept 15, 2014 14:04:00 GMT -5
What a dick. I'd like to apologize on behalf of my species. Unfortunately some of us are total wastes of air, water, and food. Some of you testosterone-based lifeforms are ok.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 15, 2014 14:04:43 GMT -5
haha, you guys are cracking me up in here!
They both tried to use that line about how close my BFF and I are, and they were suspicious, and all that junk, but we both told them that if we wanted to date each other, it would have happened 10 years ago, when we met, and it hasn't happened, because we just aren't attracted to each other like that. Total bullshit excuse.
They have both been grasping at straws all weekend trying to salvage their marriages, but him and I are done. We don't deserve this as we know it. We try. Nope, you don't.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 15, 2014 14:07:41 GMT -5
Aww, Hurley, I'm really sorry, hon. I'm sorry for you, and for your best friend and his child. You have a lot of common sense so I know you'll do fine. Still, something like this is a blow and very difficult to cope with. Betrayals always are. Hang in there and know we're all here for you!
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 15, 2014 14:11:05 GMT -5
What a dick. I'd like to apologize on behalf of my species. Unfortunately some of us are total wastes of air, water, and food. Some of you testosterone-based lifeforms are ok. Dang straight! Shaun is one of the good guys!
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Sept 15, 2014 14:12:57 GMT -5
So so sorry to hear that, Hurley. Even if he was an ass, it's never easy to have something come to an end. I hope you make it through to the other side in good shape!!
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Sept 15, 2014 14:13:08 GMT -5
Sorry to hear you have to go through this, but I'm sure you know you're better off in the long run.
I really hope everything works out well for you--divorce doesn't have to be expensive either, mine cost me $600 in 2001 (even with a kid), but there was no fighting.
From experience, you may miss him now and then anyway, but you always seem to remember exactly why you're done with him. Best of luck!
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 15, 2014 14:15:01 GMT -5
Sorry he's such a selfish jerk.
Good job on making a decision that's good for you and moving forward.
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