hurley1980
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I am all that is wrong with the world....don't get too close, I'm contagious.
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Post by hurley1980 on Sept 15, 2014 13:24:18 GMT -5
I need to bitch about this, and I don't want to tell too many people in my real life, so here goes....
DH is moving out, we are getting divorced. As if all of the problems we were having weren't enough, I found out he's been having an affair with one of my closest friends for the last 5 months. She is married to my best friend (a guy), and they live a few hours away, but we get together at least once a month as couples. Turns out her and my DH were fooling around right behind our backs as often as they could. Other mutual friends have come forward and said they have seen them do inappropriate stuff with each other, and a few weeks ago at her bday party, her 15 year old stepson walked in on them making out in the kitchen.
She confessed everything to her DH, who then told me. What a clusterfuck!
Looks like I need to lawyer up!
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Sept 15, 2014 13:28:30 GMT -5
I am so sorry. How awful for everyone.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 15, 2014 13:29:49 GMT -5
-hug-So sorry Hurley.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Sept 15, 2014 13:29:51 GMT -5
Yikes. Sorry hurley. I've been there and it sucks, but things will get better again after this mess.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 15, 2014 13:30:24 GMT -5
Im so sorry, too. Your posts haven't been that happy so it's no surprise. At least you didn't commit years and years of your life and have kids as well. But it still hurts.
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hurley1980
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I am all that is wrong with the world....don't get too close, I'm contagious.
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Post by hurley1980 on Sept 15, 2014 13:31:11 GMT -5
Ya, worse for my best friend, him and his soon to be ex have a 2 year old daughter together!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 15, 2014 13:31:19 GMT -5
I'm sorry Hurley (I almost typed Hunley, a sign of too much Curious George in my house...)
If you need/want to vent, we're here for you.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Sept 15, 2014 13:31:31 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Hurley
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Sept 15, 2014 13:32:39 GMT -5
Oh, so sorry to hear this! You know you can come here to bitch vent and blow off steam!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 15, 2014 13:32:49 GMT -5
You'll be surprised. They may get together but they won't last. Forbidden fruit and getting even rarely works out. Ask DFs ex.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Sept 15, 2014 13:33:38 GMT -5
Sorry to hear it. My boss was married with 2 kids out of college and found out her husband was having an affair. She wasted no time moving forward and getting the divorce proceedings underway which I have the utmost respect for after knowing someone who puts up with a chronic cheater. Sad that two relationships were impacted and there's kids involved in one of them.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 15, 2014 13:33:47 GMT -5
You'll be surprised. They may get together but they won't last. Forbidden fruit and getting even rarely works out. Ask DFs ex. That but my impression is that your STBXH isn't in good place to parent.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Sept 15, 2014 13:34:51 GMT -5
I'm sorry Hurley.
Have you confronted your DH? What did he say?
Does he want to get divorced too?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 15, 2014 13:35:27 GMT -5
He doesn't want to parent, he wants to get laid by strange. You may not realize it now but you've dodged a bullet here. Time after you heal, to find someone on the same page as yourself who treats you with respect and as an equal.
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 15, 2014 13:35:33 GMT -5
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Sept 15, 2014 13:37:58 GMT -5
Wow, I'm sorry Hurley... That sucks. Stay strong and know we are here for you. You deserve better than that and karma will be a b%^&* so he better watch out...
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hurley1980
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I am all that is wrong with the world....don't get too close, I'm contagious.
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Post by hurley1980 on Sept 15, 2014 13:39:32 GMT -5
I don't think they will get together, they may hook up every once in a while, but we are in Sacramento, and they are in Nevada. My best friend already told her there is no way she is taking the baby out of Nevada. Plus her job is there, and she is apparently getting an apartment near him. She doesn't want to lose her kid.
My DH has been staying at a hotel since Friday. I'm just glad he's gone honestly. This isn't the first time he's done something shady, but its the first time I know of that he's physically cheated. He flirts with women all the time online, and I've caught him having some pretty inappropriate text conversations with other women, one of which was my Maid of Honor.
He's just a really bad person, he has no shame at all. And he does what he wants, regardless of who it hurts. He only cares about himself.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2014 13:40:14 GMT -5
So sorry to hear this.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2014 13:40:33 GMT -5
Sorry it's happening. ( but I'm secretly glad, even though I know it will be some time before you get yo glad...)
Anyway, if you need anything, here is great for venting and advice.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 15, 2014 13:41:08 GMT -5
Get your half of any cash out of the banks and whatever. Just take half.
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hurley1980
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I am all that is wrong with the world....don't get too close, I'm contagious.
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Post by hurley1980 on Sept 15, 2014 13:41:25 GMT -5
I think my DH think we will work it out somehow, since I have forgiven him in the past for crossing the line, but this is way beyond that. This is a straight up affair. They were constantly calling, texting, sexting when they weren't together, and they told each other they loved each other.
He doesn't realize how bad he's messed up this time. He doesn't want a divorce, but tough shit!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2014 13:42:19 GMT -5
I am sorry it involves friends. What I was trying to say is I think you'll be better off without him in the long run!
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Sept 15, 2014 13:42:20 GMT -5
Kick the shit to the curb.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Sept 15, 2014 13:43:06 GMT -5
So he had an affair with one of your closest friends and an inappropriate text conversation with your maid of honor? I don't really know what to say to that as it's probably all stuff you've thought of but I'd be cutting 3 people out of my life and not just 1 if I were you. My former best friend turned into a total douchebag who sounds very similar to your DH and I really have nothing to do with him because I have nothing in common with him these days.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 15, 2014 13:43:18 GMT -5
Get your half of any cash out of the banks and whatever. Just take half. They do separate accounts and he's perennially behind on getting money to Hurley (now we know why.)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 15, 2014 13:43:37 GMT -5
Yup, let him F with someone else's mind and heart now. You've had enough and he's crossed your line in the sand. Don't keep moving hat line, either, because you know what happens then.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 15, 2014 13:44:40 GMT -5
Get your half of any cash out of the banks and whatever. Just take half. They do separate accounts and he's perennially behind on getting money to Hurley (now we know why.) Yes indeed. Spending it on a whore. Very sad.
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hurley1980
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I am all that is wrong with the world....don't get too close, I'm contagious.
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Post by hurley1980 on Sept 15, 2014 13:44:42 GMT -5
Zib, we have separate accounts. We have only been married for 14 months, and we took on a lot of debt with house repairs and a new car and a few other things, so the asset to debt ratio is pretty even as far as what has been accumulated during the marriage. He might get a couple grand if he fights for it. I doubt he will though. He has no money for a lawyer and he's too stupid to know what he is entitled to as far as community property goes (which is seriously only about $2k).
I am going to talk to a lawyer next week. I'm stuck at work all week with a deadline this week. I told him I need his address when he gets an apartment so I can have my friend serve him divorce papers. He knows its coming.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Sept 15, 2014 13:45:23 GMT -5
Ooooh, no! I'm so sorry. But, yes, glad that you're smart enough to see the truth, not be in denial, and are ready to take action ASAP! Good for you. It is tough; but from your posts I can tell that you are very strong and will come out of this in a much better place. Hang in there and vent here all you want.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 15, 2014 13:45:26 GMT -5
I think my DH think we will work it out somehow, since I have forgiven him in the past for crossing the line, but this is way beyond that. This is a straight up affair. They were constantly calling, texting, sexting when they weren't together, and they told each other they loved each other.
He doesn't realize how bad he's messed up this time. He doesn't want a divorce, but tough shit! And take care of yourself - if that means you need to see a therapist, you should do it. And don't use the lawyer as a therapist.
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