Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Sept 13, 2014 12:03:04 GMT -5
I know that's shocking news.
Any way, 16yo dd wants to date a boy who was cited for MIP last month. The boy wants to meet with DH to explain his side of the story. DH isn't interested. The boy's mom tried to talk to us at the high school football game last night. We declined to do so in such a public setting. She didn't appreciate that.
I dont know if I'm just venting or asking for advice or looking for sympathy. Whatever you've got, I'll appreciate.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Sept 13, 2014 12:05:04 GMT -5
Sorry, what is MIP?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Sept 13, 2014 12:07:54 GMT -5
Minor in possession I think.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 13, 2014 12:07:55 GMT -5
Don't feel bad, I just googled MIP - Minor in Possession ETA: it has been a 100 yrs since I had a teenager!!
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Sept 13, 2014 12:08:28 GMT -5
I had the same question but Mr. G(oogle) says it means minor in posession No advice on what to do with the 16 yo.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Sept 13, 2014 12:09:15 GMT -5
of weed? alcohol?
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Sept 13, 2014 12:25:04 GMT -5
Weed. He was in a car with another teenager. The friend was driving while high. So,the friend also got a DUI.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Sept 13, 2014 12:28:25 GMT -5
Ugh, I feel for you. Our youngest of 3 is now 20, but it is definitely hard raising teenagers. They just don't always make the best decisions. One thing I will say, sometimes when an event like that happens to a cocky kid, it is a wake-up call and they can start really following the rules.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2014 12:31:05 GMT -5
I don't have any teenagers, but I was one, and all I have to say is be careful about making him the forbidden fruit. It might just backfire on you.
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flamingo
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Post by flamingo on Sept 13, 2014 12:38:03 GMT -5
I don't have teenagers, so I don't know what I'd really do in this situation. If I thought he was an otherwise good kid, I'd probably listen to his side of the story. I'd want to know exactly what happened in his words and what he planned to do going forward so that this didn't happen to him again. Meaning, how's he going to keep himself out of bad situations like this in the future. See if he learned anything from it. Even if his explanation was spot-on what I wanted to hear, i don't know that I'd let my daughter date him. But at least I'd get a chance to gauge for myself how sincere he seemed. I work in higher ed administration. when i started, I was SHOCKED at how many kids had an MIP or DUI in there past. I swear it seems like more than 50% have something like this. I'm impressed that the kid suggested meet you/your DH to explain. Most want to lie about it and pretend it never happened. Again, I don't have teenagers, so feel free to ignore me
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Sept 13, 2014 12:41:31 GMT -5
I would encourage you to look at the whole of the person and not one incident. Afterwards, I would have a very open conversation of your reasoning of why it is a yes or no with the 16 year old. Remember you don't have 24/7 contact with her. She will "date" him if she chooses. You need to help her decide not to if that is your desire.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 13, 2014 12:49:49 GMT -5
I know that's shocking news. Any way, 16yo dd wants to date a boy who was cited for MIP last month. The boy wants to meet with DH to explain his side of the story. DH isn't interested. The boy's mom tried to talk to us at the high school football game last night. We declined to do so in such a public setting. She didn't appreciate that. I dont know if I'm just venting or asking for advice or looking for sympathy. Whatever you've got, I'll appreciate. Had it been me, when my dd was a teen, I'd have probably arranged to meet with mother and son to discuss the issue and hear the boy out. That would show dd I was willing to listen and my behavior would show I'm willing to keep an open mind and open communication. If it's more comfortable, you could always arrange to meet in your own home, or in some other place where a modicum of privacy could be maintained. Once we'd talked it out, I'd have a better chance of making a reasonable decision and discussing it with dd in a reasonable manner. MOO
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 13, 2014 13:07:30 GMT -5
I also would meet them both and IF HS grades and other behavior was good except for this one time, I'd think more on it. Doesn't mean I'd let DD date him but I'd keep an open mind.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Sept 13, 2014 13:15:59 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. Another note, since ZIB brought up the rest of his behavior and grades, they just moved here from another state. So, this is also a first impression. That's not helping the situation. Of course, the mom is ticked that DH wouldn't talk to her at the FB game last night.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 13, 2014 13:21:09 GMT -5
Well, it's your daughter and I think you should do what you feel your gut tells you to do.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 13, 2014 13:21:34 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. Another note, since ZIB brought up the rest of his behavior and grades, they just moved here from another state. So, this is also a first impression. That's not helping the situation. Of course, the mom is ticked that DH wouldn't talk to her at the FB game last night. I think the mom's choice of location wasn't exactly the most appropriate one. Granted, it's good to meet in a public place and talk with someone you don't know for the first time. But there's different public venues. Presumably, you were at the game for your own personal reasons. The mom's wanting to talk about the subject was an intrusion on what I would consider your family time. A more appropriate place would have been a local coffee shop, or maybe a restaurant after the game. Still public, but less intrusive.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Sept 13, 2014 13:21:54 GMT -5
If he is smoking pot, you should be able to smell it on him. If you can't detect anything, maybe give the kid a chance.
(Oh man, does this take me back to my high school & college years. Including a high school teacher who used to smoke it in his little "office" in the back of his classroom.)
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Sept 13, 2014 13:47:08 GMT -5
So it sounds like you know his side of the story. What other variables are there... did the potential suitor get into the car KNOWING the driver was high? What if he [says] he was totally blindsided? Would you believe him?
And I TOTALLY agree with the "forbidden fruit" thing. Bad boys are appealing enough. Bad boys your parents won't let you see...? 75% of the work is done for him!
Makes me wonder what the suitors parents are thinking? How do you know he has an MIP anyway? Is that stuff easy to find?
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Sept 13, 2014 13:54:51 GMT -5
Well, it's your daughter and I think you should do what you feel your gut tells you to do. Well at the moment, that would be locking her in her bedroom until she's 25.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 13, 2014 13:56:51 GMT -5
So it sounds like you know his side of the story. What other variables are there... did the potential suitor get into the car KNOWING the driver was high? What if he [says] he was totally blindsided? Would you believe him? And I TOTALLY agree with the "forbidden fruit" thing. Bad boys are appealing enough. Bad boys your parents won't let you see...? 75% of the work is done for him! Makes me wonder what the suitors parents are thinking? How do you know he has an MIP anyway? Is that stuff easy to find?Depending on the state, yes. Assuming he is under 18 and therefore a juvenile does not mean the record would not be available. Most states consider children under 16 to be juveniles, but those 16-21 are called minors for just this reason (offenses involving drug possession, tobacco, alcohol and some driving statutes). And yes, the names of minors who are arrested can be released publicly. It's a wonderful money-maker for many states, since these charges rarely involve jail time, just fines. And of course, kids being kids, they get into trouble, and once they know it's just a fine, they think it's no big deal. However, what they may not realize is that these convictions do follow them into adulthood. They are not removed from the public record, unless the convicted individual takes the steps to make that happen.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Sept 13, 2014 13:57:21 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. Another note, since ZIB brought up the rest of his behavior and grades, they just moved here from another state. So, this is also a first impression. That's not helping the situation. Of course, the mom is ticked that DH wouldn't talk to her at the FB game last night. I think the mom's choice of location wasn't exactly the most appropriate one. Granted, it's good to meet in a public place and talk with someone you don't know for the first time. But there's different public venues. Presumably, you were at the game for your own personal reasons. The mom's wanting to talk about the subject was an intrusion on what I would consider your family time. A more appropriate place would have been a local coffee shop, or maybe a restaurant after the game. Still public, but less intrusive. This exactly describes the problem as we see it. We didn't want a public scene.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Sept 13, 2014 13:58:31 GMT -5
You can't stop them. That is from a former teen mom.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Sept 13, 2014 13:59:39 GMT -5
For the first question, probably that their kid just made one mistake and it's not enough to make him a bad kid. Since they just moved here, we don't know if it's a one time thing or not. For the second question, Yes, that's easy info to know in a town of 4,000 people.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Sept 13, 2014 14:00:19 GMT -5
I believe in FL they can be expunged if they ask and do the paper AND PAY. I think it does come off a background check automatically at 25. Don't ask me how I know this
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 13, 2014 14:01:04 GMT -5
I think the mom's choice of location wasn't exactly the most appropriate one. Granted, it's good to meet in a public place and talk with someone you don't know for the first time. But there's different public venues. Presumably, you were at the game for your own personal reasons. The mom's wanting to talk about the subject was an intrusion on what I would consider your family time. A more appropriate place would have been a local coffee shop, or maybe a restaurant after the game. Still public, but less intrusive. This exactly describes the problem as we see it. We didn't want a public scene. And you did a good job, too. It sounds like she wanted to back you into a corner and give you no choice, other than to force you to listen. Not smart on her part. But her behavior may give you a clue about her son's actions, too. If you do decide to get to know her, I'd look for some things about her behavior that raise a red flag. Because if you see them in her, then her son just might have the same traits.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Sept 13, 2014 14:01:04 GMT -5
You can't stop them. That is from a former teen mom. Mmmm, speaking as a 34 year old with a 16 year old child, I can come pretty damn close. I know how that portion of the game is played. And that's not really where I was going with this thread. It's more of a WHY WHY WHY is my daughter being a teenager. WAAAAHHH. ETA: and I'm not throwing to be hypocrite or say that my kids aren't allowed to make mistakes or that they don't have free will. I'm also not trying to insult anyone whose kids didn't mKe it down a straight and. Narrow path.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 13, 2014 14:04:45 GMT -5
I believe in FL they can be expunged if they ask and do the paper AND PAY. I think it does come off a background check automatically at 25. Don't ask me how I know this It does not come off a background check automatically in Florida. Florida records are pretty much forever in all counties. In some other states, the records do cycle out after a certain number of years. A potential employer is limited by law as to how far back they can check (generally, it's 7-10 years now), but that does not mean the record goes away. And this is especially true with DUIs and other traffic-related charges. Those are not only criminal records, but they also go to the DMV records. And you cannot expunge DMV records.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Sept 13, 2014 14:10:20 GMT -5
Since you don't know if this is a one-time offense or not, I wouldn't be so quick to forbid your daughter seeing the boy (yet).
Since he was caught and received the MIP, it might have been an eye-opening experience for him and a lesson learned. I'd probably at least want to hear the parents out to find out a bit more about the boy first, and if it was a one-time bad mistake, and not to be repeated, before you make up your mind about the kid.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Sept 13, 2014 14:34:44 GMT -5
He got caught...most kids don't.
I certainly could have been in trouble for a variety of things I did as a teen/young adult.
I always had the expectation that my kid would not drink before 21 or drive after drinking, but if he did that he could call me and I'd come get him and bring him home. I've picked him up both before and after he turned 21. As long as he called for a ride, I let it go with little more than a mild admonishment. Had he driven home after drinking, the wrath of hell would have descended upon him.
I look at it as the same argument re birth control. I left condoms in my kids bathroom starting at around 16 or 17. I didnt want them doing it for a variety of reasons but Im also not stupid.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Sept 13, 2014 14:48:58 GMT -5
The kid could have pursued your daughter without your permission but both he and his mom are trying to be honest and up front about what he did and his intentions. If I got caught for a hundredth of the stuff I did in my late teens I'd probably have a hard time getting a decent job. I'm not saying that because I think it's funny or cool but because a lot of kids do dumb stuff you never hear about since they don't get caught. 99% move past it and hopefully that's what the kid is trying to do. Your daughter didn't go behind your back so you've definitely done something right as a parent which is the most you can hope for because teenagers will make poor choices...kind of like the boy did.
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