Parenting teenagers isn't always fun.

[raeoflyte]

Sept 14, 2014 20:08:27 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Sept 14, 2014 8:58:53 GMT -5 @tbird said:

Based on the new info, I'm not sure if DD wants to date the boy, ditch the boy, or just be friends.

I would question whether she is telling you the real deal. And that honestly, is what the result of being so protective and monitoring everything results in.

I think your methods are ok for a 12-13 year old - but you now doing this with a 16 year old who will be a legal adult in 2 years or less.

One of the important parts of parenting that I did was to gradually cede these responsibilities to them over time. This was never done for me and when I suddenly was on my own - I had developed no internal controls or coping mechanisms.

With so much parental overinvolvement - the goal of teendom becomes how to get away with doing things, normal, average, teen things. Maybe that is telling your parents you aren't interested in a boy you really like because then they'd just say no.

on the other hand - if she really isn't interested in this boy, but was unable to stand up for herself against kissing - (on school property/public venue no less! With the "adults" about) that would be worst-case scenario for me. This would mean that she has been so schooled to be what others want/expect that she has not taken control and ownership of her own body in this very important way.

I'm fine with most of this, especially the first sentence. I didn't know what she wanted either until after today's conversation. I take issue that she has "been so schooled to be what others want/expect that she has not taken control and ownership of her own body". I'm not sure what I said that implied I have taught her to do whatever a boy asks her to do. She is a flirt. She likes attention from boys. This is not abnormal teenage girl behavior. I'm not sure what indicates I condone it, much less taught her to do that. 

I think you're taking rukh's post too personally and need to take a step back and re-read it.  We can't un-parent all of our children's natural tendencies.  This is an opportunity though to talk to your daughter and if she really wasn't able to stand up for herself in this kind of situation than you can help her learn how to do that next time. 

[Phoenix84]

I wouldn't blame you for forbidding your DD from seeing someone with a drug record.