movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Aug 14, 2014 16:03:36 GMT -5
My mother once threw a basket of biscuits out the sliding glass door in the dining room. My brother said they were dry so she simply got up and tossed them out the door I guess she was tired of hearing us complain about food. It was kind of shocking then but hilarious when I think back on it.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Aug 14, 2014 16:06:21 GMT -5
CL, now I KNOW we're related. When Dad was mad at us kids, he'd use his military voice, & we'd BETTER ask how high to jump. He never beat us, but had a wooden "fanny" paddle, or used his hand to spank. A smart kid would behave at just the threat of a spanking.
Carl, actually bringing your kids to visit Haiti is a GREAT idea. I had a college prof who was born in India, who brought his son back for a visit, to show him what REAL poverty is like. The prof wanted his son to appreciate what he had here in the US, compared to the life he COULD have had elsewhere.
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 14, 2014 16:06:41 GMT -5
By high school my mom resorted to a cold glass of water being splashed on my bro's face. After a couple times of that my bro woke up on time. Until I started riding with him freshman year and I'd bang on his door yelling until he got out of his room.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 14, 2014 16:07:51 GMT -5
CL, now I KNOW we're related. When Dad was mad at us kids, he'd use his military voice, & we'd BETTER ask how high to jump. He never beat us, but had a wooden "fanny" paddle, or used his hand to spank. A smart kid would behave at just the threat of a spanking.
Carl, actually bringing your kids to visit Haiti is a GREAT idea. I had a college prof who was born in India, who brought his son back for a visit, to show him what REAL poverty is like. The prof wanted his son to appreciate what he had here in the US, compared to the life he COULD have had elsewhere. Well then, you sure do have an awesome dad Busy! It was never said but I was always pretty sure they'd have buried me in the backyard if I brought up the idea of dropping out of HS because I hated it so much. Grandma and aunt were both teachers.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Aug 14, 2014 16:13:47 GMT -5
CL, you are SO right! We never did cross Dad. (If we did, I'm not sure I would've lived to tell the tale...)
It amazes me what bad choices some of the high school aged kids make around here. I was in the school office one day when a relative arrived to pick up a student, & she'd been gone from school all day. Apparently, she was dropped off at school in the morning, & they believed she had cut out with friends to go to the mall. Um, like Mom & Dad weren't going to find out about it later? There would've been h#ll to pay at my house if I had ever done that. My Dad made no bones about telling us kids that when we rebelled, we were getting thrown out of the house. And to this day, I think he would've followed through.
BTW, a number of kids at the high school get expelled every year for fighting in the building. One kid actually punched a staff member that was trying to break up the fight. The girls are as dangerous as the guys when they get riled up!
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Aug 14, 2014 16:14:13 GMT -5
I can understand that with a kid you can't talk to, that you have to do something dramatic and immediate to get their attention. I'm not saying hitting is the best answer, but something has to be done to get through to them. There are no easy answers.
It's also a good point that if a kid is that out of control, you aren't doing them any favors by taking it easy on them. After all, if you are an adult and you go around talking like that to adults and spitting on and hitting adults, sooner or later someone is going to beat the crap out you, or worse.
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Aug 14, 2014 16:15:00 GMT -5
My DSM used the wooden spoon or her hand. She had to do most of the discipline (SAHM with 6 kids in a blended family). Dad did some when he got home but he would bust out the belt (far worse than the spoon). They would warn us first, usually multiple times. I can say that we never got the spoon/belt/hand when we didn't deserve it. Once we got past the age of 9, they pretty much stopped doing it. They would still say they would and the thought of it would make us stop whatever bad behavior we were doing. They also used timeouts and sitting in a corner, so it was never straight to the spoon (although, just hearing DSM going for it was enough to get us quiet... )
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 14, 2014 16:15:48 GMT -5
Our school robocalls when kids are out. They will also let you know which periods they missed in upper grades. Not very easy to get away with stuff now. Which is probably why my oldest just tells me when he's walked off campus. (missing nothing but band classes, he had 3 last year and his core classes were first thing)
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 14, 2014 16:17:34 GMT -5
My FIL used to make his kids stand in the corner nose to the wall on tiptoe. I find that one horrible. Then again, I find a lot of things about him horrible.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 16:21:31 GMT -5
Oh, I'm pretty sure I probably got the threat too. I'd say the oldest I was and got a spanking was kindergarten but years later I was still terrified of doing something REALLY bad and what would happen to me. Not entirely sure why though, probably because my dad is scary as hell when he's mad. I probably made a lot of it in my head. Just like I swore they would have disowned me if I got knocked up in hs, I mentioned it years later and my mom said they would have been disappointed but they wouldn't have kicked me out. I apparently was the kid who thought up greater punishments than what my parents would have actually done and kept myself in line (for the most part). Self-disciplining almost. Mom regularly made a point of saying she'd raised her kids she wasn't raising anyone else's Dad was the parent who wouldn't say stuff twice, you made him repeat himself and you were going to pay. We didn't test dad too often and honest, if he used the right tone, I'd probably still ask how high if he told me to jump. My Mom was a single parent and as far as I was concerned, she was not to be played with. I don't remember what would provoke it, but I remember her threats that if I kept it up, when she got through with me, there'd be nothing left but a greasy spot. I was never quite sure how she meant to accomplish that and I made sure I never found out. When I was about 8 or 9, my Mom got into an argument with my godmother's neighbor. He called my Mom a bitch and slapped her. She roared "YOU DON'T SLAP ME" and punched him so hard he went stumbling backwards. He was not a little guy. Even as a teenager, I didn't want to tangle with a woman that could hit a grown man hard enough to have him stumbling. Beside the fact that I respected her too much to treat her badly, I would have never cursed at my Mom or assaulted her because I'd seen what could happen when you call her a bitch and/or hit her.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 14, 2014 16:23:13 GMT -5
Mom regularly made a point of saying she'd raised her kids she wasn't raising anyone else's Dad was the parent who wouldn't say stuff twice, you made him repeat himself and you were going to pay. We didn't test dad too often and honest, if he used the right tone, I'd probably still ask how high if he told me to jump. My Mom was a single parent and as far as I was concerned, she was not to be played with. I don't remember what would provoke it, but I remember her threats that if I kept it up, when she got through with me, there'd be nothing left but a greasy spot. I was never quite sure how she meant to accomplish that and I made sure I never found out. When I was about 8 or 9, my Mom got into an argument with my godmother's neighbor. He called my Mom a bitch and slapped her. She roared "YOU DON'T SLAP ME" and punched him so hard he went stumbling backwards. He was not a little guy. Even as a teenager, I didn't want to tangle with a woman that could hit a grown man hard enough to have him stumbling. Beside the fact that I respected her too much to treat her badly, I would have never cursed at my Mom or assaulted her because I'd seen what could happen when you call her a bitch and/or hit her. I don't think I'd want to cross your mama either! I just remembered another of Mom's favorite threats "I'm gonna knock you into next week!"
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 14, 2014 16:25:18 GMT -5
Dh and SIL got the wooden spoon and hair pulling. No marks, nothing that would qualify as child abuse but they have issues from it. Their parents laugh about it and talk about what a great job they did and don't seem to understand why we raise our kids so differently. It could have been much worse obviously, but physical discipline is just not something that will ever be considered okay at our house.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 14, 2014 16:30:17 GMT -5
I can understand that with a kid you can't talk to, that you have to do something dramatic and immediate to get their attention. I'm not saying hitting is the best answer, but something has to be done to get through to them. There are no easy answers.
Hey, I am open to suggestions. I do sometimes feel like I must be doing this parenting thing just wrong somehow. If I didn't have DS1 & he wasn't just the best kid I would think I must just be the worst mother. Part of the problem is all kids are different. I took a suggestion from another poster to blow in DD's face to distract her when she was having a tantrum because it worked on her daughter. Holy Hell! I thought she was mad before I blew in her face, but boy did that take the tantrum to a whole new level. It was almost funny except I was so unbelievable frustrated at that point I think I just walked away.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 16:47:29 GMT -5
Dh and SIL got the wooden spoon and hair pulling. No marks, nothing that would qualify as child abuse but they have issues from it. Their parents laugh about it and talk about what a great job they did and don't seem to understand why we raise our kids so differently. It could have been much worse obviously, but physical discipline is just not something that will ever be considered okay at our house. I think DD was in 3rd grade when she had a substitute teacher pull her hair because she was talking in class. I was at the school the next day to talk to this teacher and let her know that she'd better pull her own hair before she pulled my daughter's again. I'm ok with reasonable spanking, I'm ok with teachers taking reasonable measures to get kids to behave, but the hair pulling really pissed me off for some reason.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 14, 2014 16:47:45 GMT -5
Take away all electronics, cancel cable or get rid of tv's all together, computer time only for homework in public room.of house, no allowance, dropped off at school and picked up.immediately afterwards, no rides anywhere else, strip her bedroom of everything but a bed.... All while trying to talk to the kid and help them learn to control their actions. Teaching kids who can't control their emotions that hitting is an acceptable solution to problems seems wrought with potential to backfire. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards What if those things don't work? If the kid doesn't care about electronics, cable tv, any material items. If you drop them off at school and they walk away from school to go hang out with their friends and smoke dope? They don't need rides anywhere because they are going out their bedroom window and meeting up with someone with a car around the corner? They are physically abusive to their parents and their siblings? It's easy to say "you shouldn't hit your kids". But what about when the kid hits you? A 13 year old shouldn't be assaulting someone else (heck a 2 year old shouldn't be assaulting someone else). So by not hitting them back (when nothing else has worked), you are teaching them that there are no consequences for assaulting someone. This is a dangerous message to be sending your children. They are sooo special that they can hit others but others are supposed to restrain themselves and not hit back? That may work with their mom and dad but what about when they decide they don't like what their spouse says as an adult or the kid next to them in school? They will choose to spit on them and it is going to end with them being arrested or jumped. Those are not good options... Audrey, what I can't understand is how hitting will help the situation. First off, if a kid really "doesn't care about anything" then to me it's time for a nuclear option - we would have to get creative. Personally, I wouldn't be opposed to institutionalizing a teen who was hitting, if I couldn't get him or her to stop. But I can't see how that behavior justifies beating them into compliance. And let's face it - at 13, they're not going to care about a light smack on the butt any more than they care about anything else. To get across the point that "this behavior is not acceptable" you're probably going to have to go with a full-on beating with a belt. So let's say that you successfully beat the teenager into submission. What have you accomplished? Maybe he'll be compliant in the future because he's scared out of his mind that you're going to do that to him again but to me that doesn't sound like a victory - it sounds like your home has become little better than a Turkish prison where fear and beatings keep the prisoners in line. Surely the goal isn't ONLY to get the bad behavior to stop but to also raise a reasonable and respectful and responsible human being? To me, beating accomplishes none of those goals. At BEST, it produces children who obey out of fear and that's not the kind of home I want to have. (By the way, if you've beaten your kid and he's STILL out of control... then what?? Beat him harder? Where does it end?)
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Aug 14, 2014 16:55:18 GMT -5
Firebird,
What the slap will accomplish is to show the kid that if you spit on someone, you could get hit in the face. It will also teach them that people WILL react to them getting physical with them and, usually that reaction WILL NOT be something they want to deal with. It also gets their attention quickly.
If they spit on you and you ground them for 3 weeks, what does that teach them? You can physically assault someone and the worst that happens is you miss some activities? That isn't what will happen to them when they are adults, so why have that be the punishment when they are teens? If an adult spit on you, would you have no response? I can tell you that most adults I know/have known, if you spit on them, you better prepared for it to get ugly quickly.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Aug 14, 2014 16:56:51 GMT -5
Dh and SIL got the wooden spoon and hair pulling. No marks, nothing that would qualify as child abuse but they have issues from it. Their parents laugh about it and talk about what a great job they did and don't seem to understand why we raise our kids so differently. It could have been much worse obviously, but physical discipline is just not something that will ever be considered okay at our house. I think DD was in 3rd grade when she had a substitute teacher pull her hair because she was talking in class. I was at the school the next day to talk to this teacher and let her know that she'd better pull her own hair before she pulled my daughter's again. I'm ok with reasonable spanking, I'm ok with teachers taking reasonable measures to get kids to behave, but the hair pulling really pissed me off for some reason. The elementary school our kids will go to still allows for corporal punishment. Honestly, I don't know how I feel about it. Reading the handbook, it is only suppose to be done by the principal in the presence of an adult witness and away from other students. We don't have to worry about it for another year. But it is something I never really thought about. While we spank on occasion with DS, we have started to move away from it as other threats are becoming more effective and I can see us being done with spanking for DS by next year. If we aren't spanking, I don't want the school spanking. I can't imagine pulling hair on a kid. (Well, my youngest still doesn't have enough hair to pull).
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 14, 2014 17:01:26 GMT -5
What if slapping them still doesn't work? What if they spit at you again? Then what?
I read a spanking debate once and a person on it said something to the effect of, "All you pro-spanking parents, let me ask you - what if spanking your kid flat out isn't working? What do you do then? What's the 'next level' of discipline in your mind? Whatever it is, why not do that instead?"
I liked that and have kept it in my mind ever since. It's a really good question (except for parents whose answer is "hit them harder," in which case I have nothing good to say).
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Aug 14, 2014 17:12:02 GMT -5
I don't have kids but I can't imagine spanking even works past a certain age. I don't think I ever received a spanking past the age of 6. Like Firebird said unless you are willing to actually "beat" your kids (which I hope no one here does) then there comes a time when corporal punishment becomes utterly useless. In this particular circumstance I don't actually fault the parent for slapping the kid because it was an isolated incident. For every action there is a reaction, and sometimes you react without thinking (which is what I believe happened in this case). This kid sounds like she has a lot of serious issues that need to be dealt with. There is only so much a parent can take IMO and they are probably at their wits end. CPS definitely has more pressing cases they need to be dealing with rather than wasting their time on this particular incident. It does sound like the child needs some serious help though because this is only going to get worse as she gets older.
I have a friend with a 6 yr old daughter. I call this kid triple diva deluxe because she like a miniature version of Jennifer Lopez. I honestly can't imagine what she is going to be like when she gets to be a teenager.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 14, 2014 17:15:03 GMT -5
Firebird, What the slap will accomplish is to show the kid that if you spit on someone, you could get hit in the face. It will also teach them that people WILL react to them getting physical with them and, usually that reaction WILL NOT be something they want to deal with. It also gets their attention quickly. If they spit on you and you ground them for 3 weeks, what does that teach them? You can physically assault someone and the worst that happens is you miss some activities? That isn't what will happen to them when they are adults, so why have that be the punishment when they are teens? If an adult spit on you, would you have no response? I can tell you that most adults I know/have known, if you spit on them, you better prepared for it to get ugly quickly. Isn't that just teaching them to only pick on people smaller than themselves? Instead of teaching them how to deal with their emotions and prevent it from happening again?
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Aug 14, 2014 17:36:47 GMT -5
Firebird, What the slap will accomplish is to show the kid that if you spit on someone, you could get hit in the face. It will also teach them that people WILL react to them getting physical with them and, usually that reaction WILL NOT be something they want to deal with. It also gets their attention quickly. If they spit on you and you ground them for 3 weeks, what does that teach them? You can physically assault someone and the worst that happens is you miss some activities? That isn't what will happen to them when they are adults, so why have that be the punishment when they are teens? If an adult spit on you, would you have no response? I can tell you that most adults I know/have known, if you spit on them, you better prepared for it to get ugly quickly. Isn't that just teaching them to only pick on people smaller than themselves? Instead of teaching them how to deal with their emotions and prevent it from happening again? I don't think so. Even if someone is smaller, they can slap someone who is bigger than them and has spit on them. How do you propose to teach them to deal with their emotions when they are spitting on someone? That is disgusting and totally disrespectful. Firebird, As far s what I would do if they continued to spit on me after I slapped them in the face? I would call the police and have them removed from my home. You don't want to be respectful, you can get out. Teenager or not. Maybe I am jaded but I watched a close relative go through this with her teenage stepdaughters. They were horrible and had to be removed from the home as teenagers because of their destructive, disrespectful behavior. She had loved them and tried to be the best mother to them (their bio mom was a junkie) but it didn't matter (these girls were determined to be nasty). Luckily, their dad supported his wife and put them out. They deserved it and she didn't deserve the years of abuse (Yes, that's what is, even when coming from a teenager to an adult) that she got put through.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 17:38:13 GMT -5
Surely the goal isn't ONLY to get the bad behavior to stop but to also raise a reasonable and respectful and responsible human being? To me, beating accomplishes none of those goals. At BEST, it produces children who obey out of fear and that's not the kind of home I want to have.
I've heard people talk about wanting children to behave because they respect their parents, not because they feared them. Honestly, when I was tempted to do things my Mom REALLY would not have liked, a lot of times it was fear of what she might do if I got caught that made me not do them. I was pretty sure my Mom wouldn't kick me out no matter what, but I wasn't so sure she wouldn't kick my ass or worse if I went too far. That fear kept me out of a lot of trouble at home and away from home. OTOH, as long as I kept my grades up, did my chores at home and acted like I had some sense, she was really easy-going about me having fun.
I obeyed out of a combination of fear and not wanting to mess up a good thing. I don't think I turned out to be a horrible person. And I still love my Mom dearly.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 14, 2014 17:43:53 GMT -5
As far as what I would do if they continued to spit on me after I slapped them in the face? I would call the police and have them removed from my home. You don't want to be respectful, you can get out. Teenager or not.
What's wrong with doing that instead of hitting them? I certainly don't recommend that as a "first response" but if you've literally tried everything else and now the kid is physically assaulting you, calling the police doesn't sound unreasonable to me.
I favor "real life" consequences for kids as often as possible. As an adult, if you hit another person there's a chance you'll go to jail. (Yeah, you "could" also get hit in return but that's not a legal option available to the person you're assaulting - calling the cops certainly is.)
Anyway, like I said, I can't see a teenager who "doesn't care about anything" suddenly coming to Jesus because of a face smack. That might hit the "reset" button with a toddler, but it seems unlikely to work with an iron-willed teenager, in which case you'd either have to kick it up a notch or move on to Plan B.
I'd rather go straight to Plan B, personally.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 14, 2014 17:45:16 GMT -5
By the way, I'm not saying the parents in the OP were "bad parents." As I've said before, I try to stay away from binary good parent/bad parent judgements based on whether I agree or disagree with a single action.
I can certainly understand how these things spin out of control. As others have said, I can only hope that things never escalate to that point in our house.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 14, 2014 17:49:38 GMT -5
I've heard people talk about wanting children to behave because they respect their parents, not because they feared them.
Yep, that's me. I freely admit it, I don't want Babybird to behave decently because she's scared of me but because I've taught her why it's better to be a decent person than a total jackass. And because she respects me and her dad. When you respect people you don't WANT to act like a total jackass around them.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 14, 2014 18:04:39 GMT -5
As far as what I would do if they continued to spit on me after I slapped them in the face? I would call the police and have them removed from my home. You don't want to be respectful, you can get out. Teenager or not.
What's wrong with doing that instead of hitting them? I certainly don't recommend that as a "first response" but if you've literally tried everything else and now the kid is physically assaulting you, calling the police doesn't sound unreasonable to me. I favor "real life" consequences for kids as often as possible. As an adult, if you hit another person there's a chance you'll go to jail. (Yeah, you "could" also get hit in return but that's not a legal option available to the person you're assaulting - calling the cops certainly is.) Anyway, like I said, I can't see a teenager who "doesn't care about anything" suddenly coming to Jesus because of a face smack. That might hit the "reset" button with a toddler, but it seems unlikely to work with an iron-willed teenager, in which case you'd either have to kick it up a notch or move on to Plan B. I'd rather go straight to Plan B, personally. I could be wrong, but the way I see it is if more people used a smack, or reset, with toddlers/small children then maybe they would learn how to reset themselves and it wouldn't be needed by the time they become teenagers? DD's gotten a few swats in her time. I called them "attention getters" and it usually happened when she was acting up in public or putting herself in physical risk. I'd tell her we are going for a walk and she'd get a swat and told why her behavior was not appropriate. I don't think I've had to do it since she was 6 or 7. She's now almost 12 and it's almost a joke. If she starts getting mouthy with us in public we just ask her if we need to go for a "walk". There is a stare-down, and a few raised eyebrows, then she'll usually smile and say no. She uses the same line on me. I've been known to rock a foul mood every now and then and I can't maintain it when she looks at me with an evil grin and asks if I need to be taken for a walk. It all depends on the kid. To make a blanket statement that hitting is ALWAYS bad is just as much bullshit as saying that not hitting will only generate misfits.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 18:09:56 GMT -5
As far as what I would do if they continued to spit on me after I slapped them in the face? I would call the police and have them removed from my home. You don't want to be respectful, you can get out. Teenager or not.
What's wrong with doing that instead of hitting them? I certainly don't recommend that as a "first response" but if you've literally tried everything else and now the kid is physically assaulting you, calling the police doesn't sound unreasonable to me. I favor "real life" consequences for kids as often as possible. As an adult, if you hit another person there's a chance you'll go to jail. (Yeah, you "could" also get hit in return but that's not a legal option available to the person you're assaulting - calling the cops certainly is.) Anyway, like I said, I can't see a teenager who "doesn't care about anything" suddenly coming to Jesus because of a face smack. That might hit the "reset" button with a toddler, but it seems unlikely to work with an iron-willed teenager, in which case you'd either have to kick it up a notch or move on to Plan B. I'd rather go straight to Plan B, personally. I had a tough teenager that didn't care about consequences because they were after the fact; after she'd already done what she wanted to do. She calmly told me that and her actions during that time were proving it was true. She wasn't cursing me or assaulting me, but she was the devil for a short period of time. After I'd tried all the normal suggestions and run out of ideas, I finally did something that gave her a sudden come to Jesus moment. It wasn't me hitting her, I made her run in place while I tried to calm down after her last incident. I was at my wit's end, upset and extremely frustrated. Her howling and crying and me yelling " I SAID RUN", would've made you think I was beating her if you'd heard it. I knew she was lazy, but I didn't expect all that commotion. After that day, she went back to acting like a normal teenager, whatever that is. She's never put it in those exact words, but to this day she'll say that making her run hit her "reset" button and she stopped acting so crazy because she hated that one thing just that much. Finding something that means something to a particular kid can be so hard. Maybe impossible in some cases. I got lucky with a random thought that was just meant to keep her busy and out of my way until I calmed down. Thank God, because I didn't even have a plan A anymore, let alone a plan B.
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The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
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Post by The Captain on Aug 14, 2014 18:21:33 GMT -5
As far as what I would do if they continued to spit on me after I slapped them in the face? I would call the police and have them removed from my home. You don't want to be respectful, you can get out. Teenager or not.
What's wrong with doing that instead of hitting them? I certainly don't recommend that as a "first response" but if you've literally tried everything else and now the kid is physically assaulting you, calling the police doesn't sound unreasonable to me. I favor "real life" consequences for kids as often as possible. As an adult, if you hit another person there's a chance you'll go to jail. (Yeah, you "could" also get hit in return but that's not a legal option available to the person you're assaulting - calling the cops certainly is.) Anyway, like I said, I can't see a teenager who "doesn't care about anything" suddenly coming to Jesus because of a face smack. That might hit the "reset" button with a toddler, but it seems unlikely to work with an iron-willed teenager, in which case you'd either have to kick it up a notch or move on to Plan B. I'd rather go straight to Plan B, personally. I had a tough teenager that didn't care about consequences because they were after the fact; after she'd already done what she wanted to do. She calmly told me that and her actions during that time were proving it was true. She wasn't cursing me or assaulting me, but she was the devil for a short period of time. After I'd tried all the normal suggestions and run out of ideas, I finally did something that gave her a sudden come to Jesus moment. It wasn't me hitting her, I made her run in place while I tried to calm down after her last incident. I was at my wit's end, upset and extremely frustrated. Her howling and crying and me yelling " I SAID RUN", would've made you think I was beating her if you'd heard it. I knew she was lazy, but I didn't expect all that commotion. After that day, she went back to acting like a normal teenager, whatever that is. She's never put it in those exact words, but to this day she'll say that making her run hit her "reset" button and she stopped acting so crazy because she hated that one thing just that much. Finding something that means something to a particular kid can be so hard. Maybe impossible in some cases. I got lucky with a random thought that was just meant to keep her busy and out of my way until I calmed down. Thank God, because I didn't even have a plan A anymore, let alone a plan B. Well, at least you admit there wasn't a plan b or c. Glad you found something that worked. I wonder what parents are supposed to do when you say run, and the kid looks at you and say f#ck you! I'll do as I damn well please.
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whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 14, 2014 18:27:41 GMT -5
As far as what I would do if they continued to spit on me after I slapped them in the face? I would call the police and have them removed from my home. You don't want to be respectful, you can get out. Teenager or not.
What's wrong with doing that instead of hitting them? I certainly don't recommend that as a "first response" but if you've literally tried everything else and now the kid is physically assaulting you, calling the police doesn't sound unreasonable to me. I favor "real life" consequences for kids as often as possible. As an adult, if you hit another person there's a chance you'll go to jail. (Yeah, you "could" also get hit in return but that's not a legal option available to the person you're assaulting - calling the cops certainly is.) Anyway, like I said, I can't see a teenager who "doesn't care about anything" suddenly coming to Jesus because of a face smack. That might hit the "reset" button with a toddler, but it seems unlikely to work with an iron-willed teenager, in which case you'd either have to kick it up a notch or move on to Plan B. I'd rather go straight to Plan B, personally. I had a tough teenager that didn't care about consequences because they were after the fact; after she'd already done what she wanted to do. She calmly told me that and her actions during that time were proving it was true. She wasn't cursing me or assaulting me, but she was the devil for a short period of time. After I'd tried all the normal suggestions and run out of ideas, I finally did something that gave her a sudden come to Jesus moment. It wasn't me hitting her, I made her run in place while I tried to calm down after her last incident. I was at my wit's end, upset and extremely frustrated. Her howling and crying and me yelling " I SAID RUN", would've made you think I was beating her if you'd heard it. I knew she was lazy, but I didn't expect all that commotion. After that day, she went back to acting like a normal teenager, whatever that is. She's never put it in those exact words, but to this day she'll say that making her run hit her "reset" button and she stopped acting so crazy because she hated that one thing just that much. Finding something that means something to a particular kid can be so hard. Maybe impossible in some cases. I got lucky with a random thought that was just meant to keep her busy and out of my way until I calmed down. Thank God, because I didn't even have a plan A anymore, let alone a plan B. That is so so so true!! I try to be in tune with my kids as much as I can for that exact reason (well, besides the fact that I want to be a good and loving mother and blah blah blah). I pray for patience every.single.day
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Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
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Post by Firebird on Aug 14, 2014 18:30:54 GMT -5
It all depends on the kid. To make a blanket statement that hitting is ALWAYS bad is just as much bullshit as saying that not hitting will only generate misfits.
Fair enough, blanket statements are usually wrong. And as I said, I don't think parents who spank their kids are bad parents. But not hitting kids is something I feel very strongly about and have for a long time now. I suppose there might be that one in a million situation where hitting a kid was the right thing to do for that kid at that time. I can only hope I never hit on (see what I did there? ) that situation with my own kid.
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