My Reasons for Staying vs. Getting Upset and Leaving

[mmhmm]

Jul 22, 2014 22:17:06 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Jul 22, 2014 22:13:07 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I wasn't referring to just the posts in this thread, later. I was referring to any number of posts you've made in several threads. It's just seemed to me you're very dissatisfied with this board. I said nothing about the view you posted, so I don't know how I got included in those who don't like it. Are you making that assumption based on my feeling you're not really very happy here?

mmhmm you will have to show me the posts you are referring to.

I'll try to gather some of them up, later. It'll probably be tomorrow before I have them, but I'll put them here when I have them collected.

[steff]

Jul 22, 2014 22:16:39 GMT -5 @richardintn said:

Jul 22, 2014 22:12:01 GMT -5 steff said:

I stay because real people think I'm weird and because the voices in my head tell me that it is safe here.  The voices like most of yall. 

The voices in my head never agree on anything.

My voices argue a lot.  I just eat popcorn & treat it like the Real Housewives of Steff's head episodes.  It's when they start bitchslapping that I have to put a stop to it by shaking my head back and forth really really really fast. 

[chiver78]

Jul 22, 2014 22:19:22 GMT -5 steff said:

Jul 22, 2014 22:16:39 GMT -5 @richardintn said:

The voices in my head never agree on anything.

My voices argue a lot.  I just eat popcorn & treat it like the Real Housewives of Steff's head episodes.  It's when they start bitchslapping that I have to put a stop to it by shaking my head back and forth really really really fast. 

if I'm ever within driving distance (and I have a car) of you the next time in GA, drinks are absolutely on me. you are in the jumble at the top of the list of posters I'm unlikely to ever meet in person, but want to. logistics suck sometimes!

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2014 22:19:22 GMT -5 steff said:

Jul 22, 2014 22:16:39 GMT -5 @richardintn said:

The voices in my head never agree on anything.

My voices argue a lot.  I just eat popcorn & treat it like the Real Housewives of Steff's head episodes.  It's when they start bitchslapping that I have to put a stop to it by shaking my head back and forth really really really fast. 

I completely understand... I'm fairly certain though that at least one of the voices in my head has multiple personality disorder.

I mean I think there's only about half a dozen "people" in there... but I swear the arguments between them include up to a dozen... sometimes even more.

[chiver78]

Jul 22, 2014 22:09:11 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

mmhmm this is a great example of what happens when I post a view you guys don`t like. We are spending the page talking about me. Shaun is the one that talked about the board being slow and he is planning to quit because of it. I made one reference to the response others have gotten when they expressed the same concern and not one of you has addressed shaun`s comments.

My first post in this thread was a factual explanation of why I quit and came back, and why I stay. That is the topic of the thread after all.

his post was a statement of fact. yours included completely unnecessary snark, which is what I pointed out. his concerns have been addressed a few times, the biggest factor is one mmhmm mentioned - summer traffic is lighter.

I know I said I've missed a bit, but why is your post snarky while his is a factual observation? you point out that we're spending a page talking about you....I'll counter that it's the unnecessary snark. many people have posted pros and cons about staying vs leaving, and we're still focused on you.

[Ryan]

Jul 22, 2014 22:01:35 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I've got a question, and it's a question stemming from my own actual feelings, laterbloomer. I've seen what chiver has seen. You seem to be very dissatisfied with this board. If that's so, why are you here? If I felt that way, I'd be gone. I've posted on boards that didn't suit me. I left without fanfare. Just wasn't there anymore. Because of that, I'm actually curious as to why you stay. I'm asking as a poster, not as staff.

She's got 1500+ posts and I would assume that 95% of them have nothing to do with board management, so I would assume she stays for everything other than the moderation 

I think other forums are a little quicker to just ban people they don't want to deal with anymore.  It seems the tactic here is to just try and make people quit by questioning why they are even bothering to stick around.  Personally, I think it's better to just ban people and call it a day or just don't entertain the back and forth questioning. It kind of eliminates the strange conversations back and forth between mods and dissatisfied posters.  

It's kind of like having to watch a townhall between employees at the DMV and the people that frequent the DMV in an attempt to better understand each other.  In other words, it seems impossible for each other to hold back the disdain they feel for each other and it's on display for everyone to see.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

I completely understand... I'm fairly certain though that at least one of the voices in my head has multiple personality disorder.

I mean I think there's only about half a dozen "people" in there... but I swear the arguments between them include up to a dozen... sometimes even more.

The only person who lurks in my head is POM - and she's usually soused - she's also a happy drunk - so not too much noise up there - unless she falls down, that is - or spills her wine & starts cursing.

[chiver78]

Jul 22, 2014 22:35:05 GMT -5 Ryan said:

Jul 22, 2014 22:01:35 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I've got a question, and it's a question stemming from my own actual feelings, laterbloomer. I've seen what chiver has seen. You seem to be very dissatisfied with this board. If that's so, why are you here? If I felt that way, I'd be gone. I've posted on boards that didn't suit me. I left without fanfare. Just wasn't there anymore. Because of that, I'm actually curious as to why you stay. I'm asking as a poster, not as staff.

She's got 1500+ posts and I would assume that 95% of them have nothing to do with board management, so I would assume she stays for everything other than the moderation 

I think other forums are a little quicker to just ban people they don't want to deal with anymore.  It seems the tactic here is to just try and make people quit by questioning why they are even bothering to stick around.  Personally, I think it's better to just ban people and call it a day or just don't entertain the back and forth questioning. It kind of eliminates the strange conversations back and forth between mods and dissatisfied posters.  

It's kind of like having to watch a townhall between employees at the DMV and the people that frequent the DMV in an attempt to better understand each other.  In other words, it seems impossible for each other to hold back the disdain they feel for each other and it's on display for everyone to see.

not for nothing, but you appear to be brand new and not shy about posting. that's usually a good thing, but you seem to have a chip on your shoulder about *something* which makes me wonder if the mod staff missed something in approving your registration. you quoted my posts in this thread earlier today, I apologize that I wasn't around to answer at that time.

I suggest that you stick around for awhile. we may have a more lenient ban stick here, but we also have a wealth of information as many posters have alluded to in this thread. it's not nearly as awful as some might think

[mmhmm]

If I've got a question, Ryan, I ask that question, just as laterbloomer does. I'll probably continue to do that since it's always been my way.

[Peace Of Mind]

Jul 22, 2014 21:39:46 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

I had a 50% Warning Bar placed on me last September, I simply got avatars to match the Warning Bar as it was coming down.

Wait, wait, wait!  Can we back up a minute here?  I've got to hear this story. 

On the bright side though, I think you have just made the proposed new Personals board much easier to navigate. Any idiot can pick and choose from the list, rather than trying to create a profile page for themselves. (And the more discriminating can automatically weed out anyone who just chose from the list. Win-win!   

Trying to figure out if tallguy just called me an idiot or bright. 

she's also a happy drunk - so not too much noise up there - unless she falls down, that is - or spills her wine & starts cursing.

<<holds wine glass steady so it doesn't spill>> Now that's more like it!   

[Jaguar]

POM, I have tons & tons of chutzpah so lets leave it at that shall we.

[Peace Of Mind]

Sure, no problem.  <<waits for PM with more details>> 

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

There was one member here a while back who wore his Warning Meter as a Badge of Honor, and patiently awaited its removal - based changing his attitude and discontinuing what got him the colored bar to begin with - rather than stomping off and quitting, thinking of it as a Badge of Shame.

The only ones who knew he had it on his profile, were he, and we mods. He took a very mature approach as to why it had been placed there in the first place, and dealt with it - graciously. And it was eventually removed from his profile, based on his ceasing to do what caused it to be there in the first place.

Just an example of how someone who's mature deals with a wrist-slap as opposed to one who would pick up their toys and leave in a huff.

[imanangel]

I have deleted my account.  It wasn't for attention.  I didn't tell anyone I was going to do it, I just did it.  The reason? I had a lot of stress going on in my daily life.  I was working a lot of hours, there were several situations going on with my kids that needed full attention, and life just seemed to be spiraling.  I normally came here to de-stress and enjoy the company, but it seemed that everything here had turned so toxic too.  I no longer enjoyed reading posts.  I no longer enjoyed posting.  I could have just left without deleting my account, but I knew that if I did that, I would lurk.  I didn't want to lurk.  

I came back because life stabilized, some posters had emailed me, there were some questions I had about things that I knew I could find the answers here, and I realized that I really did miss reading posts.  

[truthbound]

Jul 19, 2014 12:21:34 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

And above all, a huge dose of gratitude to Moonbeam for keeping this little corner of the world alive for us after MSN so rudely booted us out.




And a THANK YOU to everyone who is taking (or has taken) the time and effort to be a Mod...

Agreed. Now if MB could just get everything running flawlessly we shouldn't have anymore leaving. And MSN wasn't rude. They just weren't making money off their forums. Making money is the sole reason they exist.

[NancysSummerSip]

Jul 22, 2014 23:49:36 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

POM, I have tons & tons of chutzpah so lets leave it at that shall we.

I've met Sugi in RL, and I will vouch for the above statement. You could pave the streets of her town with all her
chutzpah.

Speaking of having you all in my head, it gets crowded up there sometimes. That's why I have to meet some of you more often, to alleviate the crowding issues. I think POM is the next one I will meet, when I head up her way later this year.

[Deleted]

Jul 23, 2014 2:48:50 GMT -5 imanangel said:

I have deleted my account.  It wasn't for attention.  I didn't tell anyone I was going to do it, I just did it.  The reason? I had a lot of stress going on in my daily life.  I was working a lot of hours, there were several situations going on with my kids that needed full attention, and life just seemed to be spiraling.  I normally came here to de-stress and enjoy the company, but it seemed that everything here had turned so toxic too.  I no longer enjoyed reading posts.  I no longer enjoyed posting.  I could have just left without deleting my account, but I knew that if I did that, I would lurk.  I didn't want to lurk.  

I came back because life stabilized, some posters had emailed me, there were some questions I had about things that I knew I could find the answers here, and I realized that I really did miss reading posts.  

You mean you can't even read the board if you don't have an account?

[movingforward]

The reason I stay is because there are quite a few people on this board that (I think) I would be friends with if I knew them IRL.  The main reason I stay is because when I am bored at work interacting with you all is much more fun than twittering my thumbs or FB (I don't really care for FB) - the topics on this board are much more interesting than most anything on FB in my opinion. Also, I can come here to talk about people I know IRL without feeling like I am talking about someone behind their back.  I suppose I am, but I don't talk about people at work with other people at work.  I don't want to really talk about friends IRL to other friends IRL.  The board allows me to do that if I need to vent or share something that others on the board might identify with. 

That being said, the board can get distracting so I understand people leaving for that reason.  At times it might just be better to stop cold turkey if it is interfering with other things in a person's life.  I don't really understand people getting all mad and leaving in a huff though.  In my mind it is just a message board (I say that as lovingly as possible), but in all seriousness it is... people are going to have all kinds of different opinions, etc.  Isn't that the idea behind a message board?  There have been topics that honestly made my blood pressure rise (the Zimmerman case definitely did).  A few individuals made me want to stab myself with a fork when that discussion was happening but in the end I decided I couldn't let a couple of people who live in a computer get under my skin that much.  It's not like I have to see these people IRL everyday or something. 

ETA: And most importantly I can come here to talk and learn about money and there aren't very many people IRL I can talk to about money.    

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I stay because of the pregnancy/parent thread on WIR. There is no way I'd be able to make that many "friends" in real life who are in a similar boat as I am.

Sometimes I get irritated but the nice thing is I can just click the X at the top of my screen and the people pissing me off disappear. It's not like my MIL who will always be there until the day she dies.

[moon/Laura]

Jul 23, 2014 4:37:42 GMT -5 truthbound said:

Agreed. Now if MB could just get everything running flawlessly we shouldn't have anymore leaving. And MSN wasn't rude. They just weren't making money off their forums. Making money is the sole reason they exist.

Nope. you're not going to put it all on me. a message board isn't like a machine that you can tweak so that it runs consistently with no problems. there are humans here. there are hundreds of different personalities interacting with one another, and it's ridiculous to think that one person can prevent the inevitable arguments that result from that. and even if it were possible, it's not going to stop people from leaving. they have lives, and stress, and other things to deal with. sometimes you have to make choices.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I hang out because I really do like to hear diverse opinions. It's really easy to live in my sector of the world and be in complete denial that anything outside of public education exists. I don't want to  e that person, and this group helps me not be. 
I read a lot more than I post because I just don't have time to do both. 


Plus, I learn all sorts of new things like there's a warning bar! Who knew! It's good that I didn't know, right? Right? 

[drivingaround]

I don’t post often because it is a pain from my phone (or I’m lazy, take your pick) but I read the board every morning as part of my getting into the day routine. I’ve been on the boards since 2001 so seen many, many people come and go. While I do wish we had more money topics without fresh blood it is hard not to repeat the same stories over and over. However, I enjoy the lively discussions and learning of unique life experiences. No way would these conversations ever occur or be as honest and open IRL. I’ve never discussed my depression/suicidal thoughts except on here or about my financial target or money views or lack of understanding for people who can’t budget. Seriously, you start with a number and subtract other numbers with the goal of not being negative yet millions of people struggle with the concept. The wide variety of life stories is what makes YM an awesome group. It is really cool to see how all of our lives are unfolding including happy, sad and run of the mill moments.

[Sum Dum Gai]

not for nothing, but you appear to be brand new and not shy about posting. that's usually a good thing, but you seem to have a chip on your shoulder about *something* which makes me wonder if the mod staff missed something in approving your registration.

I think we all need to take a big deep breath and really look at what's going on here.

A couple posts above this we were talking about how the board could use an infusion of new posters, and then bam we have a mod questioning a fairly new poster and insinuating (or at least it seemed like it to me) that maybe something was missed while approving them and they shouldn't be here at all.

That's like pretty much the exact opposite of what we need around here.  I know things get heated, but I see no reason to question the motives of a new poster who as far as I know hasn't broken the CoC.

[Sum Dum Gai]

i might add, no one else could see that bar, and wouldn't have even known about it. but you had to open your mouth and whine..

If I've ever had a warning bar I didn't even notice, but the whole thing does sound pretty childish and silly, and it would probably piss me off too.  If the moderating team, who by and large does a great job, has a problem with a poster they should tell that person what the problem is, what behaviors won't be tolerated, and/or ban them outright.  Under the table shaming seems counterproductive and designed to harass the person into leaving.  We're all big boys and girls.  You can just tell us when we're toeing or crossing the line and call it a day.

[Ryan]

Jul 23, 2014 13:07:13 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

i might add, no one else could see that bar, and wouldn't have even known about it. but you had to open your mouth and whine..

If I've ever had a warning bar I didn't even notice, but the whole thing does sound pretty childish and silly, and it would probably piss me off too.  If the moderating team, who by and large does a great job, has a problem with a poster they should tell that person what the problem is, what behaviors won't be tolerated, and/or ban them outright.  Under the table shaming seems counterproductive and designed to harass the person into leaving.  We're all big boys and girls.  You can just tell us when we're toeing or crossing the line and call it a day.

Back at the old YM board, I didn’t notice any of the moderators. I have to assume that the lady Liz Pullam Weston was the figure head moderator of some sort, but maybe other people did the heavy lifting? Either way, I’m assuming they primarily dealt with posts that were reported for abuse or with spam. I’ve been on some very high-traffic forum where it’s almost entirely self-moderated using the report post future. You get enough people complaining about the same person, they end up getting banned.

I haven’t really noticed any over-moderating of these boards, but the public-relations efforts probably are doing more harm than good.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I haven’t really noticed any over-moderating of these boards, but the public-relations efforts probably are doing more harm than good.

Maybe.  I think it's mostly a result of our size.  The smaller the pool of regular posters get the more often you interact with that one person who gets under your skin.  Pretty much everyone has that one person.  The more often you interact with them the more it colors your view of the whole board, and the less fun the whole place becomes.  If the board was three times as busy it's much easier to avoid your own personal asshole, or they bother you less in the first place because you aren't reading their posts nearly as often.

[NancysSummerSip]

avoid your own personal asshole

Five words to live by. I know, I know...I took them out of context. But the mental picture that presents is priceless.

[The Captain]

Jul 23, 2014 13:07:13 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

i might add, no one else could see that bar, and wouldn't have even known about it. but you had to open your mouth and whine..

If I've ever had a warning bar I didn't even notice, but the whole thing does sound pretty childish and silly, and it would probably piss me off too.  If the moderating team, who by and large does a great job, has a problem with a poster they should tell that person what the problem is, what behaviors won't be tolerated, and/or ban them outright.  Under the table shaming seems counterproductive and designed to harass the person into leaving.  We're all big boys and girls.  You can just tell us when we're toeing or crossing the line and call it a day.

Dark - this deserves a response.

I'm a fairly new mod, but can tell you that there are several steps (including a usually private warning and request to edit or modify a questionable post) which are followed before a warning bar is imposed in almost every case.   It's never truly a surprise to someone when they get a warning bar, it's a visible reminder that they need to follow the CoC and that the mods are serious about the infractions.

Because a lot of judgement is subjective I personally prefer a warning system, to one where posters get banned outright, because they may not honestly believe what they are posting is truly objectionable at first. 

No system will ever be perfect, or make everyone happy, but of the boards I've been on this is the best system I've seen so far.  I've been on other boards where the warning level is visible to the general populace which I don't agree with. 

No matter what some peeps may think, from what I've observed, there is a honest effort to be fair and reasonable.

[Deleted]

The Captain I don't know what the process is with others that get that bar, but that isn't how it happened with me. Strangely I have never been asked to modify a post and I have only had two deleted that I know of.

I don't know what the procedure has been with others, just me.

[moon/Laura]

The warning bar is a pre-cursor to being banned. People are generally warned - often numerous times - that they are posting in a way that's unacceptable. Could be racist statements, personal attacks, etc. If the PMs are essentially ignored, and behavior doesn't change, then we will start adding warning points for further infractions.

Later, it's true that not everything you post is snarky. Probably not even the majority of it. but enough of it is that it gets really old. you're either trying to undermine the mod team, bad mouthing us, or going after one specific person, and i would imagine that i did go to you about it in the past. you got your warning after a whole slew of intentionally nasty digs that just skirted the line of the CoC. Granted, snark isn't against the CoC, but when you're a habitual offender, and consistently aim it at others, then it deserves some sort of response.

And i think even you would have to admit that the overall percentage of snarky posts you make versus those i call you on is probably pretty low.