jkapp
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Post by jkapp on Jul 23, 2014 12:26:55 GMT -5
I'm not sure about men, since I don't date them But what I've noticed as I've gotten older is that it is nearly impossible to find a woman worth dating anymore. I'm 36, and the last time I dated a woman, I was about 24/25. The women field just seemed to dry up, with nothing but weeds left over (a little harsh metaphor, but it's the best I've got) I have met a lot of women that are dating material since then, but they are always already married or in a serious relationship. The ones that are single, tend to be single for a reason: they're f'in crazy! And I'm not talking like "ohhhh, she's just crazy..." No, it's more like "someone call the police because this crazy bitch is about to kill somebody!!!" My brother married a woman 10 years younger than him...so now he's trying to tell me to look at much younger woman - which is a possibility. But then those women tend to be somewhat...daft, I guess is the word I would use. Now, again, I can only talk about the women 10+ years younger than me that I've actually met, and since I'm not actively looking, it's a small number. But it is just difficult to have an adult conversation with many of them (if you can even get their attention at all as their faces are usually glued to their iphones/ipads/ectc) So i've settled on being a lifelong bachelor, much to the disappointement of my six-year-old niece who expects me to get married and have ten babies JK - I'm going to kindly suggest you go back and re-read your post. Consider how such a view may come accross to someone whom you may consider a "catch" then ask yourself, would you want to date someone who thinks this way? Everything in that post is pretty tame compared to the women I've met over the years I've had this same conversation with female co-workers and friends, and they always know exactly what I'm talking about. I'll admit to becoming more jaded over the years - I'm definitely not the dough-eyed introvert I was in high school anymore I've kind of become a no-nonsense tell-it-like-it-is guy who truly is himself around women, now. People always say to be yourself in relationships, but when you actually see someone you know who is just starting out in a relationship, I've found that you barely recognize them So I've made it a point to be honest (something women always say they want, yet only some actually mean it). for instance, a girl I used to work with was constantly complaining about the men she dated. It wasn't long before she was saying how all men treat her like shit and that ll men are jerks, etc, etc. She said all she wanted was a nice guy who treated her like a lady. Finally, I just told her the problem is not guys, the problem is her. I could have taken her to lunch at the Taco Bell next door and probably found half a dozen nice guys that fit her description. The problem, I told her, was that she wasn't looking for a nice guy...she was looking for a hot guy and hoping he was nice - that is a very distinct difference. Of course, she said that wasn't true, ignored what i said, and went about dating the jerks she seemed to adore. But the other ladies in the office told me I was dead-on accurate. And this girl was about 8 years younger than me. those darn younger women, i tell ya! They need to listen to their wiser elders
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jkapp
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Post by jkapp on Jul 23, 2014 12:34:30 GMT -5
I'm not sure about men, since I don't date them But what I've noticed as I've gotten older is that it is nearly impossible to find a woman worth dating anymore. I'm 36, and the last time I dated a woman, I was about 24/25. The women field just seemed to dry up, with nothing but weeds left over (a little harsh metaphor, but it's the best I've got) I have met a lot of women that are dating material since then, but they are always already married or in a serious relationship. The ones that are single, tend to be single for a reason: they're f'in crazy! And I'm not talking like "ohhhh, she's just crazy..." No, it's more like "someone call the police because this crazy bitch is about to kill somebody!!!" My brother married a woman 10 years younger than him...so now he's trying to tell me to look at much younger woman - which is a possibility. But then those women tend to be somewhat...daft, I guess is the word I would use. Now, again, I can only talk about the women 10+ years younger than me that I've actually met, and since I'm not actively looking, it's a small number. But it is just difficult to have an adult conversation with many of them (if you can even get their attention at all as their faces are usually glued to their iphones/ipads/ectc) So i've settled on being a lifelong bachelor, much to the disappointement of my six-year-old niece who expects me to get married and have ten babies JK - I'm going to kindly suggest you go back and re-read your post. Consider how such a view may come accross to someone whom you may consider a "catch" then ask yourself, would you want to date someone who thinks this way? Oops, I went on a tangent and forgot to answer the question Would I want to date a woman who thought this way? Hell yes! I wuld imagine a woman like that would be fun to spend time with. Do I give a shit if some woman snubs me because she doesn't like the way I think (therefore would want me to be someone I'm not)? Hell no! Who would? If some woman wanted to mold me into a guy she thinks is her version of a "proper" guy, she missed her chance by a good 15 years or so!
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 23, 2014 12:48:08 GMT -5
jkapp - Help me out here, I want to make sure I'm clear . You think any women over the age of 25 is the dregs of the dating pool (or the weeds as you say). In addition, this must be so because they are bat shit crazy because they don't (fill in the blank). So in your view - Any woman over the age of 25 who is not attached, is the washed out crazy dregs of the female gender, and any women who doesn't like that view can go pound sand because that's who you are and you're not going to change for them. And you can't figure out why you can't find a "quality" date? I'm stunned myself. (again in good humor, not sure if you realize how you come across at least to me - and if you truly don't care how you come across ask yourself if maybe that could be part of the problem)
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Jul 23, 2014 12:50:38 GMT -5
I actually get what jkapp is saying and I don't find it offensive. I was in a big, big city in my early 20s and it felt like every guy I met was a loser. It doesn't mean that all guys who are in their early 20s are losers, but that sure is what it felt like to me at the time.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 23, 2014 12:56:06 GMT -5
I'm not offended, just trying to point out that if he thinks that all unattached over-25 women are batshit crazy losers, then that is all he is likely to find or see in them.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 23, 2014 12:56:39 GMT -5
I actually get what jkapp is saying and I don't find it offensive. I was in a big, big city in my early 20s and it felt like every guy I met was a loser. It doesn't mean that all guys who are in their early 20s are losers, but that sure is what it felt like to me at the time.So what changed?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 23, 2014 13:02:55 GMT -5
that all unattached over-25 women are batshit crazy losersHe needs to stop taking dating recommendations from SF! Sorry couldn't resist.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Jul 23, 2014 13:06:38 GMT -5
I actually get what jkapp is saying and I don't find it offensive. I was in a big, big city in my early 20s and it felt like every guy I met was a loser. It doesn't mean that all guys who are in their early 20s are losers, but that sure is what it felt like to me at the time.So what changed? DH and I started dating, he isn't a loser . We already knew each other from college but things didn't line up right until a few years later. I really think there's a good chance I'd still be single if it wasn't for him. If I'm honest I can only think of 2-3 people I've met since then where I can see there could have been a possibility of something but of course I don't really know, nor do I want to find out . I get easily annoyed with people but he never really annoyed me at all, that's how I knew!
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 23, 2014 13:09:29 GMT -5
DH and I started dating, he isn't a loser . We already knew each other from college but things didn't line up right until a few years later. I really think there's a good chance I'd still be single if it wasn't for him. If I'm honest I can only think of 2-3 people I've met since then where I can see there could have been a possibility of something but of course I don't really know, nor do I want to find out . I get easily annoyed with people but he never really annoyed me at all, that's how I knew! Sis, is that you?
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Jul 23, 2014 13:12:27 GMT -5
Sis, is that you? Great personality trait, am I right?
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jkapp
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Post by jkapp on Jul 23, 2014 13:16:17 GMT -5
jkapp - Help me out here, I want to make sure I'm clear . You think any women over the age of 25 is the dregs of the dating pool (or the weeds as you say). In addition, this must be so because they are bat shit crazy because they don't (fill in the blank). So in your view - Any woman over the age of 25 who is not attached, is the washed out crazy dregs of the female gender, and any women who doesn't like that view can go pound sand because that's who you are and you're not going to change for them. And you can't figure out why you can't find a "quality" date? I'm stunned myself. (again in good humor, not sure if you realize how you come across at least to me - and if you truly don't care how you come across ask yourself if maybe that could be part of the problem) No, not any woman...just the single ones I've met. I don't think I've met every single woman in that category (at least I hope not) At the very least. you have to figure there's entire countries full of women in that category I haven't met - yet will i ever meet them? Probably not (I hate to travel)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 23, 2014 13:23:03 GMT -5
DFs cousin was 53 when he met a 39 year old woman. Neither had been married before. They got married and had ONE child. They're very happy.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 23, 2014 13:23:14 GMT -5
Here's how life works. Everyone is single at first. The really really good catches have people flocking them in high school and college. They're rarely single for any length of time from about 16 on, except by choice. They move into serious relationships in college. They're usually taken before they even graduate, not necessarily married, but in a very serious relationship with a partner who wants to marry them someday. Every year after that the best people that are still single are aggressively pursued and in serious relationships. By the time people hit about 30-35 the pickings when it comes to really really good people are pretty damn slim. I have a bunch of single friends in their early 20s. Some of them would make somebody a fantastic wife/husband. I have several single friends over 30. Almost all of them have some pretty serious emotional baggage, would be nearly impossible to live with, or are not the kind of people you want to procreate with. They aren't bad people, they just aren't what you'd want in a partner for life. They're flaky, they drink too much, they only date complete fucking losers, they're wishy washy about fucking everything and still trying to find themselves, it's always something. Not something little, but something that will be a ginormous elephant in the room and could potentially wreck every relationship they're in.
I'm sure there are great people that are still single after 30 for one reason or another, but I'd bet they make up a much smaller percentage of the available dating pool than great people who are still single at 23. The people on the opposite end of the spectrum who are a total pill to live with, have serious emotional problems, can't commit or stay faithful to anyone, etc are very likely to be single after 30, so they make up a much larger percentage of the available dating pool than people like that would at 23.
People also get set in their ways, so anyone who's been single a long time is probably picking up bad habits that are going to make them harder to live with in a relationship.
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jkapp
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Post by jkapp on Jul 23, 2014 14:17:21 GMT -5
Here's how life works. Everyone is single at first. The really really good catches have people flocking them in high school and college. They're rarely single for any length of time from about 16 on, except by choice. They move into serious relationships in college. They're usually taken before they even graduate, not necessarily married, but in a very serious relationship with a partner who wants to marry them someday. Every year after that the best people that are still single are aggressively pursued and in serious relationships. By the time people hit about 30-35 the pickings when it comes to really really good people are pretty damn slim. I have a bunch of single friends in their early 20s. Some of them would make somebody a fantastic wife/husband. I have several single friends over 30. Almost all of them have some pretty serious emotional baggage, would be nearly impossible to live with, or are not the kind of people you want to procreate with. They aren't bad people, they just aren't what you'd want in a partner for life. They're flaky, they drink too much, they only date complete fucking losers, they're wishy washy about fucking everything and still trying to find themselves, it's always something. Not something little, but something that will be a ginormous elephant in the room and could potentially wreck every relationship they're in. I'm sure there are great people that are still single after 30 for one reason or another, but I'd bet they make up a much smaller percentage of the available dating pool than great people who are still single at 23. The people on the opposite end of the spectrum who are a total pill to live with, have serious emotional problems, can't commit or stay faithful to anyone, etc are very likely to be single after 30, so they make up a much larger percentage of the available dating pool than people like that would at 23. People also get set in their ways, so anyone who's been single a long time is probably picking up bad habits that are going to make them harder to live with in a relationship.Expanding on that in my own situation...I just wonder if I could ever even live with someone else. I've been single so long, and so used to having my house the way I like it, I don't know if I would even be comfortable sharing the space with another person. Plus, just having the quiet! Ohhhhh, its so nice to just be able to sit in silence! Especially after having my brother and his family stay with me for several days - the silence after they left was a welcome return
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Jul 23, 2014 14:17:38 GMT -5
I know a lot of wonderful people who've ended up single later in life. I think the problem is they are content to be single (like yourself) and don’t typically put themselves out there as much as the crazies and users. It’s best to just build up a lot of quality friendships and stay active (i.e. get out, try new things) if you hope to meet someone who isn't desperate.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 23, 2014 14:58:23 GMT -5
I know a lot of wonderful people who've ended up single later in life. I think the problem is they are content to be single (like yourself) and don’t typically put themselves out there as much as the crazies and users. It’s best to just build up a lot of quality friendships and stay active (i.e. get out, try new things) if you hope to meet someone who isn't desperate. Agree, except that I don't believe being content being single is a "problem". The "crazies and the users" are always looking for someone because they think they HAVE to be with someone because they can't stand being with themselves. (and neither can anyone else once they get to know them)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 23, 2014 15:02:28 GMT -5
The older women I know that have been left financially secure never look. They're happy at last. The ones desperately looking want a paycheck. Who needs that? The 40s group is the worse off, I think. No guy in his forties really looks for someone his age. Wants younger and probably child free. He may be still thinking of having his own family and sure as hell doesn't want to raise someone else's. 40s and being single was no fun at all. I dated, sure, but no one I'd ever consider marrying.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Jul 23, 2014 15:29:01 GMT -5
I know a lot of wonderful people who've ended up single later in life. I think the problem is they are content to be single (like yourself) and don’t typically put themselves out there as much as the crazies and users. It’s best to just build up a lot of quality friendships and stay active (i.e. get out, try new things) if you hope to meet someone who isn't desperate. Agree, except that I don't believe being content being single is a "problem". Oh I don't either. Perhaps I worded it incorrectly. The problem I was referring to is jkapp's having difficulty finding the adjusted people.
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jkapp
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Post by jkapp on Jul 23, 2014 15:29:53 GMT -5
The older women I know that have been left financially secure never look. They're happy at last. The ones desperately looking want a paycheck. Who needs that? The 40s group is the worse off, I think. No guy in his forties really looks for someone his age. Wants younger and probably child free. He may be still thinking of having his own family and sure as hell doesn't want to raise someone else's. 40s and being single was no fun at all. I dated, sure, but no one I'd ever consider marrying. I could see myself dating a woman that had kids, but probably younger ones. I doubt I could start at the teenage years Or maybe a woman whose kids were already grown
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 23, 2014 15:31:03 GMT -5
The older women I know that have been left financially secure never look. They're happy at last. The ones desperately looking want a paycheck. Who needs that? The 40s group is the worse off, I think. No guy in his forties really looks for someone his age. Wants younger and probably child free. He may be still thinking of having his own family and sure as hell doesn't want to raise someone else's. 40s and being single was no fun at all. I dated, sure, but no one I'd ever consider marrying. I could see myself dating a woman that had kids, but probably younger ones. I doubt I could start at the teenage years Or maybe a woman whose kids were already grown You are too grumpy to only be 36.
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jkapp
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Post by jkapp on Jul 23, 2014 15:36:01 GMT -5
I could see myself dating a woman that had kids, but probably younger ones. I doubt I could start at the teenage years Or maybe a woman whose kids were already grown You are too grumpy to only be 36. I've actually been told that before by people I've worked with I always tell them I'm going to be that old man on his porch yelling at kids to "Get off my lawn!!!"
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 23, 2014 16:49:13 GMT -5
I actually think I am a good catch, not looking though. Maybe in a few years.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 23, 2014 17:19:16 GMT -5
I'm four years younger than him and I wouldn't date a woman with kids or teenagers if Loop and I split. Raising your own kids is a pain in the ass, raising other people's sounds like a nightmare.
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morrisr2d2
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Post by morrisr2d2 on Jul 23, 2014 18:11:28 GMT -5
After reading the last two pages all I can say is thank GOD I am gay. If husband and I ever split I don't think if ever marry again, just be that silver daddy dating a guy 15 years younger than me ;-).
Of course I'm just kidding.. Kinda..
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Jul 23, 2014 18:27:13 GMT -5
Holy crud! Ten pages of how men are lacking in just five days.
Makes me wonder why you bother with us at all.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2014 18:45:24 GMT -5
Good question tskeeter
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Jul 24, 2014 5:07:29 GMT -5
Holy crud! Ten pages of how men are lacking in just five days. Makes me wonder why you bother with us at all. I don't. Y'all better hope we don't perfect parthenogenesis!
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 24, 2014 7:43:29 GMT -5
Holy crud! Ten pages of how men are lacking in just five days. Makes me wonder why you bother with us at all. It's the penis.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 24, 2014 8:01:39 GMT -5
Nah, it's your spider killing capabilities.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 24, 2014 8:05:07 GMT -5
I think the sex is more important than spider-killing, JMO.
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