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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2014 10:15:45 GMT -5
I used to be strong and want to prove I could do hard things, now not so much. I will lift up to 50lbs if it is easy like a bag of something to no more than waist high but otherwise I want help. This week I bought a 25lb of mortar and a 25lb bag of grout and tried to lift both at the same time from the check out counter to the top of the shopping cart. The cart rolled and an employee asked if I needed help while another employee stopped the cart from rolling and helped me load them. I lift 50lb bags of food like rice or beans at my volunteer job but after about 4-5 I stop doing it and leave it for younger stronger people. I don't want to lift odd shaped heavy things that are awkward like furniture and will ask for help if anyone is around. My problem today is nails and screws that won't go in for me. I am building a fish cleaning station and have the wood all cut and am staining it but the screws just won't go in, I drilled little holes for them and use a drill but I don't seem to be able to do it. I nailed it in place so it will hold still for me but bent way too many nails to get a couple to work. I need to get this done so I can put tiles on it. When ISO comes to get it I might have to have another man help him load it, it is heavy. I am a woman I have a right to whimp out but a man would need to claim bad back or something to not be expected to lift more than me. I hire a guy to do stuff I don't want to do around the house. I might have him put screws in for me, but I really wanted the project to be all mine so will keep trying today, maybe drill the holes bigger. Raised by a mother who died after having a stroke, trying to prove she could work like a man, I spend most of my younger adult life walking in her foot steps. There wasn't much a man could do that I couldn't. If it was too heavy, I still found a way to lift it. I could set stone, lay tile and work lumber with the best of them. It wasn't until I tore up my back and developed high blood pressure did it cause me to ask, "What am I trying to prove and to whom?" It wasn't until I replaced my tool belt with all the girly things, did I feel a huge load lift from my shoulders. I finally found who I really was and I like it.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2014 10:19:43 GMT -5
Maybe DH and I are old school, but there would be no way in hell he'd permit me to stand beside him, in any such related situation, even though I am a better shot that he is. so he would rather sacrifice the two of you then admit that you are better than him. what a man. No. That's not what I said. He'd keep me behind him and take all the bullets. Jeesh! Why wouldn't I want that in a man?
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 20, 2014 10:24:13 GMT -5
so he would rather sacrifice the two of you then admit that you are better than him. what a man. No. That's not what I said. He'd keep me behind him and take all the bullets. Jeesh! Why wouldn't I want that in a man? because if you have a better chance of killing the perp you should be doing the shooting. being a man or woman has nothing to do with it. husband is more likely to miss and get you both killed.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 20, 2014 10:27:02 GMT -5
I'm hiding behind the bed. I hope the bed takes the bullets!!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2014 10:34:30 GMT -5
No. That's not what I said. He'd keep me behind him and take all the bullets. Jeesh! Why wouldn't I want that in a man? because if you have a better chance of killing the perp you should be doing the shooting. being a man or woman has nothing to do with it. husband is more likely to miss and get you both killed. Maybe you missed the wink. Husband is an excellent shot, even teaches shooting. What I am trying to get at is, popular consensus or not, we adhere to a time when the man was responsible for being the protector and provider. It has and is working for us.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2014 10:35:24 GMT -5
I'm hiding behind the bed. I hope the bed takes the bullets!!
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 20, 2014 10:35:41 GMT -5
because if you have a better chance of killing the perp you should be doing the shooting. being a man or woman has nothing to do with it. husband is more likely to miss and get you both killed. Maybe you missed the wink. Husband is an excellent shot, even teaches shooting. What I am trying to get at is, popular consensus or not, we adhere to a time when the man was responsible for being the protector and provider. It has and is working for us. Ok. If he is a better shot than you then I agree. I thought you were better, that's all/
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2014 10:58:22 GMT -5
Again, we were asked an opinion and we all gave one. My opinion doesn't mean that I am dismissive of anyone else that is different. It means that I would be attracted to guys that some of you wouldn't be. It means that a guy that would expect me to do what I consider "mans work" wouldn't be attracted to me. Stating that you would be "devastated" if your daughter acted manly took me aback some. Same as Zib saying "ewww" to people's choices. That's a bit beyond giving an opinion, without being dismissive of different choices. Particularly since non traditional gender choices have been helpful at points or currently to both. Just my sense of things.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 20, 2014 11:13:31 GMT -5
singlemom "why would I be a hater knowing I'm perfectly capable of doing a whole bunch of things that are 'man's work' and 'women's work' and can survive perfectly fine on my own without a man."
Not sure what that has to do with anything. If DH didn't immediately to jump up to protect his family, I would lose all respect for him. So would MOST women whether they want to admit it or not. I rarely carry in the heavy stuff. If I grocery shop, DH brings in the cases of pop, water, etc. And, if my sons stood there like doofuses while my daughter was carrying a bunch of heavy stuff, they would get an earful from their mother!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2014 11:17:48 GMT -5
singlemom "why would I be a hater knowing I'm perfectly capable of doing a whole bunch of things that are 'man's work' and 'women's work' and can survive perfectly fine on my own without a man." Not sure what that has to do with anything. If DH didn't immediately to jump up to protect his family, I would lose all respect for him. So would MOST women whether they want to admit it or not. I rarely carry in the heavy stuff. If I grocery shop, DH brings in the cases of pop, water, etc. And, if my sons stood there like doofuses while my daughter was carrying a bunch of heavy stuff, they would get an earful from their mother! my comment was in response to MT's comment that since I'm single and have to do it all myself, I shouldn't be a hater regarding those that have a husband to do it all for them.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 20, 2014 11:33:34 GMT -5
singlemom "why would I be a hater knowing I'm perfectly capable of doing a whole bunch of things that are 'man's work' and 'women's work' and can survive perfectly fine on my own without a man." Not sure what that has to do with anything. If DH didn't immediately to jump up to protect his family, I would lose all respect for him. So would MOST women whether they want to admit it or not. I rarely carry in the heavy stuff. If I grocery shop, DH brings in the cases of pop, water, etc. And, if my sons stood there like doofuses while my daughter was carrying a bunch of heavy stuff, they would get an earful from their mother! I wonder if most is really true. There are so many different types of men just like there are different types of women.
Look at all the men on Big Bang Theory for example, would you expect any of them to run to face danger and protect anyone? Maybe Leonard and not all that well. When I think of Seinfeld, I'm not really seeing it either. George would run away, Kramer would act weird, and perhaps Jerry would try to joke his way out of it.
Some men have the physicality and mindset to protect others. Some don't. It would be odd to be disappointed if one in the latter camp acted according to his type and women in his life would be surprised let alone lose respect for something you could have predicted. So many men, not all of them tough.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jul 20, 2014 11:47:03 GMT -5
You can look like a woman without long hair and a big chest. I saw a lot of women last night with short hair. They looked liked women. You could tell they were. Why would you want someone to wonder what you actually were? Is there some game or some prize involved? Is this a new fashion statement? I don't get it. I don't think you are understanding my point at all.
Some women are blessed with feminine bodies and/or faces. Some are not. It is easier to look feminine if you start with a physical canvas that is considered feminine. Many slight women with delicate faces and small chests are part of the feminine ideal. Bigger broad shouldered women with average to strong faces are not.
You don't get it because you think women should advertise as women. I know I am a woman, so I don't have a big need for you to know or not know. In my *specific* case, you'd be blind to miss that I am, just because of my genetics.
I am telling you some women have builds and faces that do not look feminine at all. Some choose to really try to feminize their appearance because of it and some do not. Its not a fashion statement in some people's case. Others perhaps it might be. IDK who you are complaining about, but I'm not big into gender typing so to me its something I don't care about that much. Yes occasionally I see guys with long hair and more feminine builds that I might still be puzzled if they are male when I see them close range in the front.
I don't get why its more important women and men look a certain way so you feel you can tell if they are male or female versus their right and desire to dress the way they are doing.
When I lost 60lbs about five years ago, it turned out any curves I had were due to fat. I'm a barely A, and I have no hips. Also, I don't carry subcutaneous fat on my upper body, so you can see all my arm/shoulder muscles. I look like a 12yo boy. Unfortunately, my veins in my arms also show really well (think Angelina Jolie's arms) so I look very masculine and like I lift weights even though I don't. And yes, I have bulging veins on my forehead like her. www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2477761/Angelina-Jolie-displays-shockingly-veiny-arms-taking-twins-Vivienne-Knox-shopping-Australia.htmlI'm 5'4 and weigh 125. Not too thin by any measurement known to mankind. It's just how my body is built. I could gain 30lbs to try and hide it, but that seems silly. I could hide my body with clothing, but I don't like the idea that I should hide my body because it doesn't fit some societal ideal of what a woman should look like. I'm happy I'm fit and healthy - that's all that matters to me.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 20, 2014 11:48:18 GMT -5
I am saying that if someone broke into our house and DH was cowering in the corner and let me go take care of the threat, then yes, I would find that "unmanly".
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 20, 2014 11:50:14 GMT -5
Some of you seem to think that by "manly" we mean that men and women must divide off completely into traditional roles. I don't think anyone is saying that at all.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 20, 2014 11:55:10 GMT -5
I am saying that if someone broke into our house and DH was cowering in the corner and let me go take care of the threat, then yes, I would find that "unmanly". And if the woman was cowering in the corner would it be unwomanly or unmanly of her? or is that the womanly thing to do?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 20, 2014 12:02:23 GMT -5
Archie are you honestly going to say you would treat your daughter exactly as you treat a son?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2014 12:05:40 GMT -5
Archie are you honestly going to say you would treat your daughter exactly as you treat a son? I treat mine the same as far as age-appropriate things go....I don't understand why it's such a foreign idea to you.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 20, 2014 12:06:31 GMT -5
So what if it is? Am I required to think and act exactly as you do?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2014 12:12:39 GMT -5
So what if it is? Am I required to think and act exactly as you do? you seem to think that treating sons and daughters the same is some weird idea and nobody does it (based on your comment to Archie). I was pointing out that no, it isn't some weird idea and plenty of people do it.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jul 20, 2014 12:21:32 GMT -5
If a male does not place body and life on the line, they are not respected. What is the equivalent demand placed on females? Or is there one?
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 20, 2014 12:28:20 GMT -5
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jul 20, 2014 12:28:22 GMT -5
I don't think you are understanding my point at all.
Some women are blessed with feminine bodies and/or faces. Some are not. It is easier to look feminine if you start with a physical canvas that is considered feminine. Many slight women with delicate faces and small chests are part of the feminine ideal. Bigger broad shouldered women with average to strong faces are not.
You don't get it because you think women should advertise as women. I know I am a woman, so I don't have a big need for you to know or not know. In my *specific* case, you'd be blind to miss that I am, just because of my genetics.
I am telling you some women have builds and faces that do not look feminine at all. Some choose to really try to feminize their appearance because of it and some do not. Its not a fashion statement in some people's case. Others perhaps it might be. IDK who you are complaining about, but I'm not big into gender typing so to me its something I don't care about that much. Yes occasionally I see guys with long hair and more feminine builds that I might still be puzzled if they are male when I see them close range in the front.
I don't get why its more important women and men look a certain way so you feel you can tell if they are male or female versus their right and desire to dress the way they are doing.
I can't answer for zib but I know I don't care how women dress. It just confuses the heck out of me that a woman would want to look like a man. One of the women that works for me is a butchy lesbian. She wears men's clothing and has a very short haircut. I don't understand why she wants to look like a man but she has every right to dress however she wants. She is a very nice person and a great employee but I will never understand a female wearing men's dress shoes... You don't understand a female wearing ugly women's shoes!
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quince
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Post by quince on Jul 20, 2014 12:44:44 GMT -5
A bat got into my apartment some years ago. My boyfriend at the time and a friend of ours were there. They went and hid in a bedroom, while I caught the bat and tossed it out a window. This was not manly of me. I just didn't want my cat getting bitten and getting rabies- if I was bitten, I would be more likely to be aware of it and be able to take some kind of prophylactic action. I didn't think they were emasculated by the experience, I just thought it was extremely funny to watch them run away from something so small that wasn't an instant danger to them. And everyone I know thinks it's funny when I shriek and back away from earthworms. My dad is afraid of spiders and my mom is afraid of roaches. Guess which one kills spiders and which one kills roaches? I would also not treat a daughter exactly as I would treat my son. I would be more careful to wipe front to back when changing diapers with a daughter, and only one of them would get a talk about menstruation.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 20, 2014 12:48:51 GMT -5
DF has no issues with me being a better shot. He brags about it. Of course as I'm shooting, I will probably be peeing on the floor at the same time. Always hated that bedroom carpet anyway. Ha!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 20, 2014 12:51:19 GMT -5
"If a male does not place body and life on the line, they are not respected. What is the equivalent demand placed on females? Or is there one?"
I have given birth 3x. And during my last pregnancy I went into DIC and almost died. So, yeah, I think I'm covered!
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jul 20, 2014 13:35:15 GMT -5
... ... and only one of them would get a talk about menstruation. I think I would have benefited from my mother having a talk with me concerning menstruation. It woulda/shoulda been a little different talk then she had with my sister, but I could have gained from a better understanding of that event.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 20, 2014 13:38:27 GMT -5
I'm hiding behind the bed. I hope the bed takes the bullets!! Me too but with Vodka and orange. That sucker better not shot my bottle of Vodka. That will make me fighting mad
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Jul 20, 2014 13:46:23 GMT -5
I agree, both sexes should be taught about menstruation.
Then, maybe, guys won't be so embarrassed if ever they need to purchase feminine products for their wives, daughters or girlfriends.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 20, 2014 13:50:25 GMT -5
Archie are you honestly going to say you would treat your daughter exactly as you treat a son? I had 3 older brothers - my father did not treat me differently than any of them - nor did my mother. We each had the same equal playing field - with the same boundaries. We weren't limited in what we could/should do based on our gender.
Just because I was the girl, didn't mean I got more protection/"sheltering from the world", or less freedom to do things than my brothers did.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 20, 2014 13:51:59 GMT -5
Archie are you honestly going to say you would treat your daughter exactly as you treat a son? Yes. Makes for interesting times at the urinal. Honestly, though, if I treat figure out how to treat my kids the same and fairly, I will win friggen dad of the year.
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