Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 7, 2014 7:21:05 GMT -5
She could have said she loves the sounds of childrens soundtrack or whatever, but right out of the gate she said how lonely and depressing a quiet house is, implying that childfree people are miserable and lonely. It's quite the opposite. I'm pretty certain a quiet house is the best thing in the world! If you are saying a quiet house is " the best thing" didnt YOU just make a value judgment? Because if there is " the best" thing then you are saying there are lesser things aka a noisy home. Lmao! I'm judging your judgement. To each their own as you love to say!
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 7, 2014 7:21:36 GMT -5
Here's how it works. If I say , " I love a clear blue sky" then of course that means I HATE clouds and all other weather patterns. Got it? Lol You're an odd duck, shoobs.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 7:22:05 GMT -5
Why? Because YOU have deemed this decision" selfish" so therefore it is because you declared it so? Wow. Well, no. Many people share the same opinion. You've never heard anyone say that parenthood is the most selfless and selfish thing you can do? The decision to have kids can be selfish, being a good parent can be selfless. As I said, some selfish decisions are the best ones you can make. You said it was a SELFISH decision. Maybe for you but not for everybody.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 7:23:08 GMT -5
If you are saying a quiet house is " the best thing" didnt YOU just make a value judgment? Because if there is " the best" thing then you are saying there are lesser things aka a noisy home. Lmao! I'm judging your judgement. To each their own as you love to say! Stop being JUDGMENTAL and show some tolerance!
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 7, 2014 7:23:48 GMT -5
Well, no. Many people share the same opinion. You've never heard anyone say that parenthood is the most selfless and selfish thing you can do? The decision to have kids can be selfish, being a good parent can be selfless. As I said, some selfish decisions are the best ones you can make. You said it was a SELFISH decision. Maybe for you but not for everybody. I stick by that. I also said there's nothing wrong with it.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 7:24:36 GMT -5
Who are the " many people" btw? Do u have stats or a source to back that up?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 7, 2014 7:26:20 GMT -5
What is an unselfish reason to have children? What is an unselfish reason not to have them?
The most common ones seem to be "because I couldn't imagine life without kids," or "because I never wanted kids." Both are selfish. But selfish is not bad in that context.
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violagirl
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Post by violagirl on Jul 7, 2014 7:30:21 GMT -5
My husband and I decided we didn't want children. Then as I got older and my brother had his kids, I would have been open to the idea. But I know there are tradeoffs in either direction.
I would totally have had 6 kids or none. I think that kind of ambivalence about parenthood means maybe I should just stick to my dogs. Plus I have wondered about clicker training young kids. My husband says scientific experimentation is no good motive to have children. So I stick with the dogs.
I think our genes would have made great people. But then I'm going on vacation to Europe again this year soo...
It is maybe too easy now to NOT have children. Would our parents have had the same number of children if they had had access to birth control like we do now?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 7, 2014 7:31:23 GMT -5
I have kids and I love a quiet house.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 7:37:18 GMT -5
Why does the decision to have children or not have children have to be qualified as either way as "selfish or unselfish' in the first place?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 7:45:35 GMT -5
Here is the definition of selfish: self·ish adjective \ˈsel-fish\ : having or showing concern only for yourself and not for the needs or feelings of other people EasyBib Full Definition of SELFISH 1. concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others 2 arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfish So, there may be some people who have or don't have kids for SELFISH reasons but I don't think you can put this on everybody.
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goldensam
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Post by goldensam on Jul 7, 2014 7:45:45 GMT -5
I would totally have had 6 kids or none. I think that kind of ambivalence about parenthood means maybe I should just stick to my dogs. Plus I have wondered about clicker training young kids. My husband says scientific experimentation is no good motive to have children. So I stick with the dogs.
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cael
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Post by cael on Jul 7, 2014 7:47:44 GMT -5
Being selfish, in this context and to me at least, is basically just doing what you want - ie. having kids or not having kids. So you decide what you want to do, for your SELF. = SELFISH.
Selfish in an entirely different context obviously is having said kids, then making choices that negatively influence them in favor of doing things you want.
For my two cents, I always wanted kids when I was younger (we're only 31) but now we're kinda not so sure anymore. My best friend had a baby in March and she's always like "DOESN'T IT MAKE YOU WANT ONE!!!" and I usually say well, no... I can go home and sleep, or go out tonight, or pick up at random and drive 2 hours to hike for a day, go to Africa, or plan a trip to Iceland. We'll see what happens! My DH has started saying "just more cats!" when people ask if we're going to have kids.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2014 7:49:14 GMT -5
If people want to have kids, but physically can't, that is sad. If people don't want to have kids and didn't, then rejoice with them!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 7:51:07 GMT -5
Selfish = EXCESSIVELY concerned for oneself and DISREGARDING others. That's pretty much the definition of selfish. However doing things that are in your self interest or that please you does not = SELFISH. But any and all self interest nowadays seems to be painted as SELFISH.
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goldensam
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Post by goldensam on Jul 7, 2014 7:51:57 GMT -5
I am child-free by choice, for many reasons. For one, I had a pretty fucked up childhood and wasn't sure I could break the cycle and give my children a good, normal life. If I couldn't guarantee that I would be a great parent, I didn't want to risk that I wouldn't. I don't enjoy being around children for large amounts of time. I like my friends' kids, but I can leave them with their mom and dad when we are done playing. And I like my quiet, depressing house. My life is very full. I am active in dog rescue and my DP and I often have an extra furry foster baby here, in addition to our two. I often have meet and greets or transports on the weekends. I have a good career and great friends. DP has two teen and tween children from a previous marriage that come over a couple days a week. They have known me for the majority of their life and we get along fine, but they will never call me mom. They have a great mom already. I'm the bonus non-legal stepmom. Everyone should feel free to choose for themselves. My friends that have children are very happy and are great mothers and live very full, if different, lives. And none of us would trade places with the other. That's fine by us.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 7, 2014 7:53:33 GMT -5
Selfish = EXCESSIVELY concerned for oneself and DISREGARDING others. That's pretty much the definition of selfish. However doing things that are in your self interest or that please you does not = SELFISH. But any and all self interest nowadays seems to be painted as SELFISH. Right. Now, think about it.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 8:01:07 GMT -5
I am not the one railing against it either way. I said why does it need to be qualified one way or the other? Soooo, try reading, lol. But your statement is NOT then self serving as well? Maybe you need to Think About it Too!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 7, 2014 8:17:15 GMT -5
I am child-free by choice, for many reasons. For one, I had a pretty fucked up childhood and wasn't sure I could break the cycle and give my children a good, normal life. If I couldn't guarantee that I would be a great parent, I didn't want to risk that I wouldn't. I don't enjoy being around children for large amounts of time. I like my friends' kids, but I can leave them with their mom and dad when we are done playing. And I like my quiet, depressing house. My life is very full. I am active in dog rescue and my DP and I often have an extra furry foster baby here, in addition to our two. I often have meet and greets or transports on the weekends. I have a good career and great friends. DP has two teen and tween children from a previous marriage that come over a couple days a week. They have known me for the majority of their life and we get along fine, but they will never call me mom. They have a great mom already. I'm the bonus non-legal stepmom. Everyone should feel free to choose for themselves. My friends that have children are very happy and are great mothers and live very full, if different, lives. And none of us would trade places with the other. That's fine by us. I respect your decision very much. Not being a good parent and not liking kids doesn't seem to enter most people's decision making process. Although, I will say that I have limited tolerance for kids. I can't volunteer in the classroom because being around that many kids gives me anxiety. I love being in crowds of people - but crowds of kids is very upsetting. I have found I am not the only mother that feels that way.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2014 8:19:24 GMT -5
Having or not having kids, either decision is selfish. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Any decision in life to choose one path over another results in missing something.. -idunno-We all should make the choices that align most with our priorities. Nothing wrong with that...
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 7, 2014 8:20:18 GMT -5
I am not the one railing against it either way. I said why does it need to be qualified one way or the other? Soooo, try reading, lol. But your statement is NOT then self serving as well? Maybe you need to Think About it Too! I think that you've got your Angry Hat on and are typing on your Keyboard of Righteousness this morning. Maybe a nice up of tea and a walk will help ?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 8:24:16 GMT -5
And, there you go with your JUDGMENTS. How about a steaming cup of Hypocrisy for yourself? lol
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 8:25:08 GMT -5
"Oped - Having or not having kids, either decision is selfish. Otherwise it's just cruel."
Huh?
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 7, 2014 8:27:01 GMT -5
And, there you go with your JUDGMENTS. How about a steaming cup of Hypocrisy for yourself? lol I am not being hypocritical. I just think that since you've changed your avatar to the blue prickly creature, you have seemed to come across as much more angry. That's not a judgement, that's an opinion. Same as yours. Also, remember, it's okay for people to have differing viewpoints.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Jul 7, 2014 8:29:30 GMT -5
Having or not having kids, either decision is selfish. Otherwise it's just cruel. Any decision in life to choose one path over another results in missing something.. -idunno-We all should make the choices that align most with our priorities. Nothing wrong with that... Yes!!! that. Both decisions are selfish in that we are thinking of ourselves when we make that decision. And that's way it should be. We are responsible for our lives. But it is selfish to have children. They don't ask to be born, and they certainly wouldn't want to be born in some of the families that they are born into. If I met my family today, I wouldn't be friends with them. How many people can honestly say that if their family wasn't their family and they met them today as they are now that they would like them much less love them. Being born was a choice that was taken away from me. And I know that is how it works, but I would've liked a choice in the matter (which would require having a consciousness and therefore already existing in order to make that choice, which would lead me back to the original problem). I need coffee.. At any rate, if I was born into Shooby's family, I think that I would run away the first chance I got. Too much noise!!!! Not all children are noisy. I was a quiet child who loved reading.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2014 8:29:45 GMT -5
"Oped - Having or not having kids, either decision is selfish. Otherwise it's just cruel." Huh? If you are not having kids because you yourself desire and prioritize kids above most other things, it's cruel... What other reasons would you have them that wouldn't lead to resentment, bitterness and anger?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2014 8:34:09 GMT -5
I am child-free by choice, for many reasons. For one, I had a pretty fucked up childhood and wasn't sure I could break the cycle and give my children a good, normal life. If I couldn't guarantee that I would be a great parent, I didn't want to risk that I wouldn't. I don't enjoy being around children for large amounts of time. I like my friends' kids, but I can leave them with their mom and dad when we are done playing. And I like my quiet, depressing house. My life is very full. I am active in dog rescue and my DP and I often have an extra furry foster baby here, in addition to our two. I often have meet and greets or transports on the weekends. I have a good career and great friends. DP has two teen and tween children from a previous marriage that come over a couple days a week. They have known me for the majority of their life and we get along fine, but they will never call me mom. They have a great mom already. I'm the bonus non-legal stepmom. Everyone should feel free to choose for themselves. My friends that have children are very happy and are great mothers and live very full, if different, lives. And none of us would trade places with the other. That's fine by us. I respect your decision very much. Not being a good parent and not liking kids doesn't seem to enter most people's decision making process. Although, I will say that I have limited tolerance for kids. I can't volunteer in the classroom because being around that many kids gives me anxiety. I love being in crowds of people - but crowds of kids is very upsetting. I have found I am not the only mother that feels that way. That's definitely me...except crowds of people aren't really my thing either. But kids? The chaos surrounding groups of them stresses me out tremendously and I have to get away. There are a lot of things I love about being a parent and my children, but this is just one thing I have to endure and a lot of the reason I have only 2. Even then, I still find myself leaving the house quite a bit just to decompress. Probably why I like mowing so much. Just me and my thoughts and no kids fighting (well, they might be, but I'm unaware. ) My BIL has 5 kids ages 1 to 10 and two obnoxious large dogs to boot. Just a short period of time at his house and I can feel my blood pressure going through the roof.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 8:34:22 GMT -5
"I am not being hypocritical. I just think that since you've changed your avatar to the blue prickly creature, you have seemed to come across as much more angry. That's not a judgement, that's an opinion. "
Well maybe it is like a Facebook experiment. The Avatar controls the moods. But, I have never run into so many people attacking avatar before. LOL!!!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 8:35:15 GMT -5
Maybe by YOU seeing my prickly blue avatar, it has changed YOUR mood so therefore YOU are interpreting my words in an even MORE negative spin. LOL!!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 7, 2014 8:35:41 GMT -5
Apparently I am having an hypnotic effect!
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